I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

Wow.

I never saw this coming, though, well, I’m not really surprised; he’s a three-time loser in the marriage game now. Three strikes and you’re out, or maybe three strikes and you can come out?

I thought the Republican National Convention—with the Ron Paulettes and the Not-Romney’s going up against the GOP machine—was going to be the biggest, hottest mess of the year. Not so. That title goes to the Cruise-Cruise divorce.

Yup. Apparently Katie has snapped out of her Scientology-stupor and has filed for divorce from Tommy Grrrrl. And it is not going to be a pleasant split.

See, according to a statement from Tommy’s handlers, he was “blindsided” by the announcement….in much the same way that Nicole Kidman was blindsided when Tommy filed for divorce from her.

Payback is a bitch, and it’s ALLEGEDLY Katie Holmes. Who ALLEGEDLY didn't sign the standard Promise To Stay Married To Tommy Grrrl For Ten Years like Wife ! and Wife 2.

Katie, I guess she won’t be answering to Kate anymore, filed for divorce yesterday, citing that old Hollywood standby, “irreconcilable differences.” But the ugly comes in because she has also asked for sole legal custody and “primary residential custody” of little Suri.

In other words: Tommy will be a weekend Dad, at best. See, Katie saw what happened when Tommy dropped Nicole, with their children, and she is not about to let him do the same to their daughter.

This.Could.Get.Ugly.

And fun, you know, for me!

Matt Lauer is a douche.

Yeah...he's really gonna miss her

Ever since the Today Show ratings took a hit earlier this year—after being on top for about a hundred years—reports have surfaced that Lauer wanted new co-host Ann Curry gone.
You know, because it’s all her fault.
And now comes the sweepstakes over who takes Curry’s spot. One story I heard is that Hoda Kotb, who co-hosts The Today Show’s 5^th or 6^th hour—alongside Kathie Lee Drunkard—would be stepping in; and that would make room for a new co-host for Kathie Lee, in one Regis Philbin.
Well, that’s interesting. Of course, other names crept in, too, like Savannah Guthrie, or maybe me! But one name that isn’t being tossed into the hat is that of Matt Lauer’s ALLEGED former mistress, Natalie Morales.
Yup. The same Natalie who may have schtupped her some Lauer. And the same Natalie who ALLEGEDLY has a young child who looks a little Lauer-esque.
Yeah, that Natalie Morales. But it seems that, as much as Lauer likes Natalie, he wasn’t keen on having her sit by his side…at least on TV.
And maybe that bit of news will see Natalie Morales leave The Today Show and NBC as well.
A source—and I’m betting on Ann Curry—says: “If Natalie’s passed over for the job, she’s going to leave next.”
See, Natty has been with Today since 2006 and was thought to be Meredith Vieira’s replacement when she left last year, but Curry snagged the job. And Natty has never been happy about that, you know.
The source—bye Ann—says: “This will be the second time [Natalie] has been passed over for the top job. And she’s not happy.”
Hmmm, since Matty just scored a new contract worth some $25 million a year, maybe Natty could go the paternity suit route and sue him for some coins?
Just a thought.

Matty & Natty

Now, while we’re still on The Today Show kerfuffle, let’s talk about who might be truly responsible for keeping Natalie Morales away from Matt Lauer and his lap.
Rumor has it that it’s none other than Matty’s second wife, Annette Roque, who has already tried to leave Lauer once before, going so far as to file for divorce before ultimately deciding that Matty was her Goose that Laid the Golden Contract.

And, maybe, well, Annette got wind that NBC was dumping Curry and that Natalie Morales might be getting that job and she hightailed her Louboutins over to Lauer’s office and laid down the law: No.Mistress.Cohost.EVER!

Matty & The Missus

It seems that if Natalie is even being considered for the job, Annette is threatening to divorce Matty.
It’s gonna get ugly.
If Natty doesn’t get the gig, she’s out.
If Natalie gets the gig, Mrs. Lauer is out.
And if Annette leaves, well a huge chunk of Matty’s millions goes with her, and you know he won’t let that happen; hair plugs are expensive.
So, my guess is that Natalie and Ann might be cleaning pout their desks at the same time, and Annette Roque will be getting a lot of new shoes.

The tabloids are throwing a lot of different stuff at Johnny Depp about why he left his not-wife after fourteen years and a couple of kids.
But it doesn’t seem to be affair-fueled gossip; no, it just seems that Johnny was, well, bored.
A source—and it may be one of the two women rumored to be dating Johnny now….bisexual Amber Heard o dumped her girlfriend for Depp, or his publicist Robin Baum—who claim, “Johnny was bored senseless and he wanted out of the relationship for a really long time.” 
But rumors are that Johnny, who was seen last year exciting the home of one of those Olsen troll dolls wearing the same clothes he was wearing the night before—Walk of Shame—is seeing multiple women now.

Amber. 
Robin. 
A Troll. 
The girl behind the counter at Starbucks. 
My next door neighbor...I mean a creepy looking guy has been sniffing around over there for a few weeks now.
Well, I guess if you’ve got two or three or seven girlfriends that whole notion of being bored is just flies out the window.
Just saying.

Oh Madonna. A nipple to stay in the news, followed by a moon shot for publicity. Then the leaking of your tour rider to show how crazy you really are, and to keep your face, or ass, on the front page. Whatever will you do next? I mean, other than losing the British accent and recording some decent music?
Well, it seems that Madge has revealed that she has a team of cleaners come in after she leaves her hotel room, her backstage areas, her bathroom, her limo, her toilet, her bidet, so that her DNA can be completely scrubbed from every surface.
Yup. MDNA don’t leave no DNA. In true diva style AKA a desperate need for publicity, Madge has set up a “sterilization team” to wipe away any DNA—hair, skin, saliva--that may have been dropped in her rooms after she leaves.
In fact, obsessive compulsive Madge orders that only she and her entourage are allowed ­backstage passes. In fact, concert promoter Álvaro Ramos, overseeing the ­Portuguese leg of the spectacle, says: “We have to take extreme care, like I have never seen for any other artist. We cannot even look at the dressing room, after it is ready, or even open the door. We can only enter after her sterilization team has left the room. There will not be any of Madonna’s DNA, any hair, or anything. They will clean up ­everything. In the end it is all to protect her and make her feel comfortable. I do understand it, but it is taken to extremes.”
Protect her? I wonder if it isn’t being done to protect those who use the spaces after Madge.
God only knows where she’s been.

So, Johnny “Bathing Suit Area” Travolta has been keeping a low profile since the dozens and dozens of men have come forward to say that he sexually harassed, groped, or propositioned them at spas all over the world.
But even Travolta has to come out of hiding at some point, eh? And what will he do when he does that? How will he act? What might he say and do?
Well, Johnny and his Scientology-bot wife, Kelly Preston, who knows which side of the bank account to be on, were at the Savages premiere in LA last week and they were giving all sorts of PDA.
You know, cuz people think Travolta’s a big old nympho-mo so he and the missus have to “act” like a loving couple.
Let’s just dissect the shots:

Her lips say "Happy" while her eyes say "Ick."

Smile baby.
And act like you lime it and aren't thinking
about that bottle of Purell in your purse.

Careful Kelly! Your hand is dangerously close
to Johnny's Bathing Suit Area,
AKA The Forbidden Zone

Notice how Kelly is looking at the camera
to make sure they get this "candid" shot?

Of course, the story is that they arrived separately, worked the carpet and their tongues, together, and then left separately.
Yeah, I ain’t fooled.

What does a freak do when he gets fired from one TV show for being an alcoholic, drug-taking, prostitution-buying, knife-wielding, spousal batterer and then gets a new show and needs some press?
Well, if you’re Charlie Sheen, you head back to New York—which was the beginning of his very public meltdown last year—to do a round of press for your new show, the high-lariously entitled Anger Management and you trash your hotel room.
And, as a result, Sheen has ALLEGEDLY been banned from all Ritz Hotel properties, and I’m thinking he’s also been banned from ever eating a Ritz Cracker or even singing Putting On The Ritz.
Maybe they can start calling his TV show The Ritz and he can get banned from there as well?

No Lohan news this week.
I guess she was able to score the good stuff and holed up in a hotel somewhere.
Maybe next week……?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

This is just so juicy. Probably not true at all, but, man, it's juicy, so I'm gonna share it.

People are jealous of Matt Lauer. Well, except for that whole losing his hair thing. But, you must admit, he's got a hot body, seems like a nice guy, and just signed a new contract with The Today Show which nets him $25 million a year. So, yeah, there's a lot to love, and loathe, there.

But, here's some of the juice: Lauer is ALLEGEDLY sick of Ann Curry--and really, who isn't--and he's trying to get her fired. Taking all that into account, the good looks, the lotsa dough, the trying to edge out his co-host, and the rumors start flying.....like this other juice: Matt Lauer might have fathered Natalie Morales’s youngest son. 

Right after signing that $25 million-a-year contract with NBC, insiders at competing networks are telling the tale that the 54-year-old married newsman is the father of one of Natalie Morales' children.

Indeed, they are telling that story.

A source--and by source, I mean Katie Couric, now that she's at ABC--says: “I heard that Matt had an affair with Natalie, and he’s the father of one of her kids. Everyone’s buzzing that the boy looks just like him.” Okay, Matt is losing his hair, and most babies are bald, so, well, I could see the resemblance, too.

But......another industry source--and I think it's Ann Curry trying to save her ass--says: “The Matt Lauer love child scandal is the worst-kept-secret among the network morning shows. Everyone’s talking about it--even at NBC. He’s trying to get Ann Curry dumped as co-anchor, and those loyal to her also talking it up. Matt has enemies inside and outside the shows Studio 1A, and if he’s got this giant skeleton in his closet, there are many who want to see it come out.”'

And Lauer does have the dawg reputation. Back in Ott-Six, his wife Annette--while pregnant with their third child--filed for divorce before ultimately withdrawing the papers a month later. And the filing of that divorce did come while the rumors were surfacing that Matt and Morales were doing some kinky stuff under that desk.

Then, two years later, the rumors began again when Morales announced she was 12 weeks pregnant by husband Joe Rhodes. And, get this, when the National Enquirer gave Rhodes the chance to dispute the rumors of a Lauer/Morales fling,he did not deny them.

Ruh-roh.

I do love me juice in the morning.

I'm kinda, sorta thinking maybe Demi Moore checked out of rehab a little too fast.

Rumor Has It--God I love Adele....but I digress--that the former Missus Kutcher, who has been known to Tweet bikini pictures of herself to her then-husband/adulterer-boytoy, is now taking far more risque photos of herself and sending them to Ashton in that desperate "see what you're missing" kinda thing that high-school girls might do, but not really meant for women in their mid-to-late centuries.

But, to make it even sadder, and pathetic-er, it seems that Ashton's latest hook-up, passed round girl Rihanna, found the nude photos of Demi on Ashton’s phone and chewed him out for it. In fact, her jealous rage came on the set of 2.5 Men: a source--and by source, I mean, Jon Cryer, because he's desperate to keep his job--says Rihanna freaked out and fled the stage in fury after she “stumbled across” sexy, near-naked Demi-pics.

On the other side of this sick and twisted triangle, making it a rectangle, er, wrecktangle, or a pentagon, maybe, comes the story that Rihanna beater, Chris Brown, has asked Diddy--because Diddy knows all about relationships, y'all--to tell Ashton to stay away from Rihanna.

Because, you know, it's like high school in Hollywood.

On the Lohan front, now that she's on informal probation for the next two years, after not breaking the law for 120 days, Lindsay is set to hook it back up with former flame Samantha Ronson--and don't get too excited....that picture, over there, is Samandsy, er, Lindstha, back in the day.

I still remember how freaked out everyone acted when rumors surfaced that Lindsay was going lesbian. Now, comparing that to all her recent antics, Lindsay and Samantha seem almost normal. 

A source--Hey Dina! How's the chardonnay?--says old girl-on-girl habits die hard for Lindsay and she is determined to win back Samantha: "Lindsay has been asking Sam for another chance for months. She’s dated a few guys, but nothing has worked out....Lindsay's convinced Sam is the perfect partner for her.”

And does Lindsay prove her love for Samantha by, sending her flowers? No. Wooing her? Not so much. Stalking her? Ding-ding-ding, we have a winner.

Lohan shows up at events where Sam will be. 

Lohan moved right next door to Sam in Venice Beach. 

Lohan would hang around the front of her house waiting for Ronson to come home.

Stalkers with money are the worst kind.

Jennifer Love Hewitt. Loathe her. Fame whore. 

She apparently has a sexy new Lifetime TV show where she plays a hooker, you know, because that's all edgy and stuff. And, as part of her shameless whore-sploitation, she's doing interviews where she’s talking about--wait for it--her lack of love life. 

And she's telling people that The Voice judge, and proponent of "pulling out" as a birth control method, Adam Levine, is single and she's like to be his real-life hooker.

On Ellen:

Ellen: Are you in a relationship, right now?

Jennifer: I am not. I am very single.

Ellen: You’re very single. Is that good, very single?

Jennifer: It’s good. Yes, it is. It’s good.

Ellen: Do you have you’re eye on anybody?

Jennifer: Well, yeah, I always have my eyes out… I just read two days ago that Adam Levine is single again…I’m just saying...Look, we would be cute…(photo of Adam). His haircut is hot.

How desperate is it to go on a TV show and beg a stranger for a date because you'd look 'cute'' togetehr? Oh yeah, I forgot. It's Jennifer Love Hewitt. 

Moron. Fame whore.

On the first season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Camille Grammer was portrayed as an evil bitch. And I bought it. The second season she was and sugar and spice, and we learned that her bitchiness was caused by the sudden breakup of her marriage to serial adulterer Kelsey Grammer. And all was forgiven, except...now it seems like Season One Camille is the real Camille.

She's been dating hottie lawyer, curly-haired, tanned hunk, Dimitri Charalambopoulos--I cannot pronounce his last name, but I can see him on a Greek island beach, in a speedo, feeding me grapes.....gimme a minute....okay, I'm back--for several months. 

She has him following her on a press tour where she's talking about how she hasn't signed on for RHoBH newest season because Bravo wants to film Camitry, or Dimille, and she's reluctant to open her private life up like that. 

We know this because she's on a press tour with Dimitry and telling us so. But, one thing we have learned about Camille is that she is so in love with Dimitry, and so ready to keep him at any cost, that she will do anything. 

See, an audiotape has surfaced, and heard in a custody case, in which Camille threatens Dimitri's baby mama, and during a videotaped deposition Dimitri was asked to listen to that phone call between Camille and his baby mama, Lisa, in which Camille threatens her: “If you go to the press, I have lawyers that are beyond what you can imagine and they will pull stuff on you and you will be so mortified about your life and your family and what you have done. You don’t want to do that to Marcus. I will desecrate you, believe me, and that I can do, so be careful what you say and what you do because my defamation attorneys are huge..they will hunt down and research every nook and cranny of your life.”

I just imagine Camille sitting in a big chair suspend by a chain from the ceiling and petting a large fluffy white cat while she says all that. 

And wouldn't that make good RHoBH TV?

We've talked about breakups and ALLEGED stalking makeups, and desperate wannabe hookups, now let's hit some divorce gossip.

Lesbian divorce gossip. Melissa Etheridge and Tammy Lynn Michaels.

While the two women were never legally married, even during those ten minutes when equality ruled in California, they did have a civil union ceremony. So, when they broke up, all sorts of stories came out, from both sides, about the other. Tammy was a gold digger. Melissa was a cheating bitch. Isn't it funny how heterosexual it all seems?

Anyway, they eventually worked out some sort of detente, and monthly support plan, and custody arrangement, and Melissa went on with her new life, new wife, new everything. But Tammy Lynn  is still not happy. She recently petitioned the court to increase her child and spousal support above and beyond the $23,000 a month she’s already getting. She is claiming that Melissa is alienating the children against her and that Melissa ALLEGEDLY didn’t give their son antibiotics he needed for his ear infection and will not get the children vaccinated. 

If you need proof that same-sex marriage is like opposite-sex marriage, look no further than a same-sex divorce.

Tammy, who starred in a couple of semi-popular TV shows back in the late 20th century, and early in the 21st, put her career on hold to be mommy to the couple's two children, and now she wants more of the, um, pie. She is claiming that it's hard to raise two kids on 23K a month, especially noting that Melissa earns roughly $177,882.00 a month. 

Tammy got used to an extravagant lifestyle while they were together  and this is just not fair. :::foot stomp...head snap::: Tammy also claims she has “virtually no savings” and would need “extensive retraining” if she were to rejoin the workforce. You know, because acting has changed so much in the five or six years since she gave it up.

Like I said, it all sounds so hetero to me.