Monday, August 31, 2009

Six Queens, Meryl Streep, Daytime Emmys and Design Star


Sunday was chockfulla stuff.

Chockfulla. Not a word. Sue me.

We had made plans to meet our neighbors, David and Neal, and friends, Roger and Thomas, for a late breakfast followed by a movie. It was going to be a hot day in Smallville, so queens, breakfast and a movie seemed like fun. We were going to meet at 11 AM so Carlos and I got the chance to sleep late, and woke up a little after eight [that's late for us]. I puttered around for a few minutes and by the time I got to the kitchen Carlos had the griddle out and asked if I wanted pancakes.

Pancakes? WTF?

We're having breakfast in two hours!
So.......................No?

Seriously, he was thinking of pancakes as a little something to nibble on before breakfast!
We settled for coffee and juice. And chatting.

It seems a friend of ours bought a new phone and didn't want his old one. Carlos says to me, Byron wants to know if I want his blueberry.
You read right: Blueberry. ::::sigh:::::

I tell Carlos about a girl at work who is, shall we say, an idiot. She's been there for months and still acts like it's her first day. She doesn't know how to do anything or where we keep anything, and is always demanding, not asking, for help. Well, that dog just won't hunt. At one point she demanded help and then turned to look at me.

Don't look at me, I said.

She smiled like that would work.

I said it again, with different emphasis, Seriously, Don't. Look. At. Me.

I'm all for helping people who need it, but people who refuse to learn their job set me on edge and after a thirty-day probation period, the help ends if the stupidity continues.

Enough of this.

We get ready for the movies. As Carlos is the Queen of the Procrastinators--I'm just a member of the royal court--I told him we were leaving at ten-twenty and if he wasn't in the car at ten-twenty he could find his own way.

And I would have.......not really.......so he was ready on the dot.

Brunch was fun. Any time you get six queens together with food it's bound to be enjoyable. There was talk of all things gay: sex, pets.....not sex with pets, please...food, of course, Diana Ross--Thomas didn't know I'd danced with her and he wanted to touch me inappropriately--and IKEA.

Good food; good friends; good times.

And so, since we're speaking of good food and good times, let me rave about Julie & Julia starring the divine Meryl Streep. What a wonderful film. Meryl Streep was Julia Child from the opening scene to the closing. She was six feet tall and puffy and round and totally Julia. Amy Adams was also good as Julie, and it was nice to see her and La Streep in a frothy bit of fun after seeing them both in Doubt. There was such a sense of joy and love and laughter in Julie and Julia's lives that it spilled over into the theater. It was a good fun movie, and La Streep was brilliant, as usual. Loved it. Recommend it. Gonna buy it.

Plus it didn't hurt that Stanley Tucci was in it. He makes my knickers flutter........La Tooch!

After the movie, Roger and Thomas and David and Neal headed to Kroger for their grocery shopping while Carlos and I went to the Homo Depot for deck stain and a new mat for the bathtub.

It's a full life. Don't hate.

At the Depot I looked at paint colors for the living room. The previous owners had painted it Baby Blue.....light LIGHT LIGHT baby blue above the chair rail and then this striation of blues below the chair rail. Seriously, Chez Smallville was once home To People With No Discernible Sense Of Color And Taste.

And that is changing! Dammit!

I am painting all the trim a lovely satin ivory and ripping down chair rail. Then we'll do a Frappe or Oatbran on three walls and a dramatic La Fonda Midnight on one loooong ass wall--I love the names of paint colors! Now, to be fair, i allowed Carlos the options of picking color and he hates anything he considers dark, like La Fonda Midnight, let's say. But he does like blue. And lavender; I put the kibosh on lavender before that got too far.

So Carlos scans the paint samples, talking about what he likes while I keep saying Just pick a color. And he finally settles on a blue he likes. It's pretty, I say. It's also the exact same blue that is already on all the walls.

Carlos is done picking color.

At home I showed him my samples and explained the reasoning and how the look would play in the room and he, well, he sighed off on it. That isn't a misspelling or a Freudian slip. I know what I'm saying, Carlos sighed off on the paint color. But he'll like it; the forest green dining room scared the Baby Jeebus outta him but he's come around.

Back home we relaxed for bit as the rains came, with a bit of lightning and thunder. It turned nice after, with the heat moving away and the cool weather settling in. Speaking of settling in, I sat down to watch the Daytime Emmys for the sole purpose of seeing Bree Williamson of One Life To live win the Emmy for playing Jessica, whose husband Nash fell through a skylight and died right after he found out Jessica's sister was sleeping with a man they all believed to be her uncle. I know. Soaps. But I love me some OLTL. And the scenes Bree payed as her husband lay dying, I thought, were fantastic, and so I wanted her to win.

She didn't.

I wasn't happy. I sat through Rachel Ray and Dr. Phil and Erik Estrada and she didn't win. I sat through a Sesame Street sing-off and she didn't win. I sat through Tyra Banks, and she didn't win. Someone else who left her show won.

This should have won:

I would'a Elvis'd the TV but Design Star was next.


Oh, Dan. Cute adorable Dan in his Carnaby Street cap looking all cute adorable Dan.

The challenge this week was to redo a backyard that had been demolished into nothingness. It was a pool, some fences and dirt. Torie says she'll take the leadership role because she's done model homes. She's set up patios. I'm less than impressed.

It's five minutes into the show and already I know it's Goodbye Torie. Doesn't she know the leader almost always gets the boot; it's written in the rules somewhere I'm sure.

Still, we had drama.

Torie, as leader, doesn't utter a word as they tour the yard, so Antonio, who is looking more and more Fred Flintstone to me, takes charge. He orders Brontosaurs Burgers for everyone while they brainstorm.

Modern. Zen. Pergola. Playset.

Check. Check. Been there.

But, BUT, as they work to prepare the yard for new sod, it finally happens. the Design Star moment I've been tuning in religiously to see: off comes Dan's shirt. Antonio, whose torso seems to be covered in hair and tattoos from the Bedrock House Of Ink seems annoyed at Dan's shirtlessness. Annoyed, or slightly turned on, I wonder.

After that moment of beauty which is a joy forever, Torie tells Dan he has five thousand dollars to spend on a pergola, but she apparently, accidentally, stupidly, gives him ten thousand [of their twenty-five thousand dollar budget] and Dan buys a pergola for $10,648.00. I know the exact amount because Torie and Lonnie kept saying it like ti was mantra to get rid of Dan.

Bitches.

Since they are officially over budget, another Design Star first, but not a good one, Clive spots them 5 Big Ones to finish the job.

As they work, Fred, er, Antonio, gives the play by play:

Torie's in chawge a'da plants.
She's so pissed at Dan for the Ten K pergola that she's not merely digging holes to plant the ferns as much as she's bitchslapping the ground in anger.

Lonnie's in chawge a'da foiniture.
None of which matches and her placement makes no sense. Two chaises side-by-side and the third pushed away. Lonnie clearly has separation issues.

Dan's in chawge a'takin' off his shoit.
Antonio's in charge of sounding like a jealous queen.

But they finish the yard. The judges don't really like it. They don't see zen; hell, Candace doesn't even see design, she just sees shopping. And they critique the Designtestants hosting abilities.

Antonio comes off as gruff and I get the impression he'd like to be a landscaper so he'd have some place to bury the bodies. Just sayin'.
Torie seemed like a beauty queen until her voice went up a few octaves and she sounded like a beauty queen on helium.
Lonnie is dull as dishwater. I take that back because I've seen some pretty flamboyant dishwater. She's just dull.
Dan was less giggly and came off quite well.

Vern likes Dan. He tells Dan he's "telegenic" which is Vern-speak for Take your shirt off and come to my house.
Genevieve liked Antonio and Torie but Genevieve is an idiot. I still don't get why she's a judge.
Candace didn't like Lonnie. The dull card was played again.

Antonio's safe for taking over the lead. he's off to bowl on his tippy-toes with lodge brother Barney.

Lonnie's safe for planting bamboo along the fence. Yes. Planting bamboo and doing really nothing else is cause for celebration.

Dan and Torie. Bottom two.

Dan is chastised for spending nearly half the budget on the pergola, which none of the judges liked anyway. But he is slightly praised on his hosting abilities and shirtlessness. the last bit of praise came, not from the judges, but from happy queens the world over.

Torie is abused for being the leader who does not lead. Oddly enough, she's from Texas like that other leader who knows not how to lead. W, anyone?

After all is said and done, Torie gets the boot. She leaves without the Tiara! I predicted this in minute five, so why did I stay up for the whole thing again?

Oh yeah, Dan. Shirtless Dan.

Now I remember. I couldn't find a picture of him, you know, like that, so this will have to do.

11 comments:

Beth said...

"Blueberry." ::giggle:: Too cute!

Maybe that's the color you can put on your walls! I love paint names, too. Cousin Shane and I still laugh about his Dapper Tan wall adjacent to his kitchen.

frogponder said...

The most jarring moment of Torrie's presentation - The last moment of bending over for maximum cleavage exposure advantage! ak!

Howard said...

Dan looked great shirtless, and Antonio was a jealous bitch. The rough 'n tumble 'imma str8 man' act is way old for me, although it seems to work for the girls on the judging panel.

And even though I don't need one, I would most certainly order a 'blueberry' from Carlos just because.

truthspew said...

All color and design elements are left to Keyron. I'm perfectly happy with white walls.

We haven't taken paint to this place because the colors actually work for it. The living room, yes it's blue but a very tasteful blue for a house built in 1901.

The dining room is a very muted gold color while the office walls are tan.

Lou said...

Great post Bob, Carlos sounds adorable. We don't have designstar here but it sounds like a hoot.

Sam said...

You danced with Diana Ross???!!! That makes you the Ultra Gay.

Joy said...

We have to hear stories about your teaching Carlos how to use the Blueberry. I love Carlos! Wish we could see a picture of you two together.

I missed Design Star last night and am glad to read your recap. Good job!

I painted my den the colors you chose (close anyway) but with different names.

wv is nopot

Jim said...

I loves me some Stanley Tucci too! I love him and want to have his babies!

Will said...

Great picture of Stanley Tucci, one of my very favorite actor, ever. And, yes, hot as hell

mrpeenee said...

brunch, Miss Diana Ross, Stanley Tucci, and decorating with a shirtless Dan. So gay, so very gay. In a good way.

And Dan looked pretty fine (those eyes!) but they're all dreadful designers. Dreadful. They couldn't design their way out of Pottery Barn catalogue.

Joshua said...

OMG I would suck seed from Dans hard cock anytime, what a stud.