I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Oh, Tyra Banks, where have you been. A few years back you said you were creating your own Disneyland, called, Modelland, and then you vanished? Wha’happen?

Well, Tyra is back y’all, and she’s got the deets on her, ahem, attraction, Modelland. Appearing on The Talk, Tyra said that Modelland is “Harry Potter meets the modeling industry” with a little Wakanda thrown in there and is based on her self-published YA novel of the same name.

Modelland! The book and the experience! It’s set in an “alternate universe” and visitors are encouraged to join the #TheUpRiXing led by “Tookie De La Crème, and her squad of atypical beauty rebels.” At Modelland, one can rail against rigid beauty standards while taking selfies and enjoying some Smize Cream.

Seriously. And then Tyra scurried over to The View and told those ladies that her goal is to “bring modeling to the masses” where everybody can “come to Los Angeles, California”—well, to be fair, Santa Monica—where the #TheUpRiXing has opened up a portal “for everybody to come and show their beauty and their booty matters.”

Sounds like a crash and burn if you ask me, and it sounds like Tyra BanX will have no mo money in the bank when this hot mess of a bad idea slinks into the ocean off the Santa Monica Pier.

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Last weekend, Amie Harwick, a 38-year-old sex therapist who was engaged to Drew Carey in 2018 before they broke up,was apparently murdered when she fell from a third-story balcony at her home in the Hollywood Hills; police are investigating and have arrested her ex-boyfriend Gareth Pursehouse who has been described as a stalker and who Amie had a restraining order out against until it expired two weeks ago. Now, this isn’t gossip; it’s sad. But it leads us to the gossip, which concerns one flapping-lipped-ignorant-loudmouth who goes by the name of Wendy Williams.

Yes, Wendy Williams shoved her big old foot in her yap …again. The murder of this woman is clearly not a laughing matter, but that didn’t stop Williams from going into a deeply bad taste when she told the audience that Amie fell to her death:

“She was killed not by Drew–but by the ex, um…’Come on down!’…”

Yes. Come on down, about a woman who may have been pushed to her death.

That’s the vile Wendy Williams, who actually appeared stunned when her audience groaned at her attempt at death humor.

Pig. I wonder how far down Williams will go next week…

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It looks like maybe Al Pacino should have his girlfriend’s sign an NDA because his current ex, Israeli actress, Meital Dohan has confirmed that she and Al are over because … wait for it … he’s old and he’s cheap.

Meital, 43, and Al, 36 … years older than that, dated for about two years after meeting at a Hollywood party. Now, what gets me is that Meital had to know Al was old because the man made The Godfather nearly fifty years ago; do the math! But it was just Old Man Al, it was Cheap Old Man Al; or, as Meital says:

“It’s hard to be with a man so old, even Al Pacino. The age gap is difficult, yes. I tried to deny it, but now he is already an elderly man, to be honest. So even with all my love, it didn’t last.”

Meital was asked about Al’s gifts and said:

“He only bought me flowers… How can I say politely that he didn’t like to spend money?”

And yet she still wants to be friends with that cheap old dude:

“I had a fight with him and left him recently, but of course I really love and appreciate him, and I was glad to be there for him when he needed me, and to be a part of his legacy. It’s an honor for me. I’m glad this relationship happened between us, and hope we remain good friends.”

Perhaps she hopes to land a spot in the will where Al will leave her zippety-do-dah-day nada.

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Celebrities sometimes think they are just so fabulous, and then they go and do something so moronic.

Yes, Orlando Bloom, I’m talking to you. I will thank you for those nude paddle-boarding photos from a couple of summers ago; you have a delightful looking “second” paddle. But this is about tattoos and perhaps not thinking them through all the way.

Orlando Bloom decided to get a tattoo of his son Flynn’s name rendered in Morse code on his arm. Well. He tried to do it. The finished tattoo read “Frynn,” rather than “Flynn” and sharp-eyed trolls noticed it straight away.

Luckily the permanent faux pas was fixed rather easily with the addition of a dot …or was is a dash.

But, let this be a lesson to you out there in blogland who want to get a tattoo: Double-triple-quadruple-check the spelling!

I have some Chinese symbols tattooed on my ankle and I thought they read: Compassion, Friendship, Peace and Truth, but I recently found out it means: Bring me another margarita.

Luckily, either way works for me.

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It's Snarkurday!

Some celebrities tell everything about their lives, while others try to keep things secret, even when the secret is out of the bag ... Jamie Foxx. Katie Holmes.

See, rumor has it that Jamie and Katie have been a couple almost from the moment she tied Suri’s Prada diapers into a rope ladder and escaped Casa Cruise years back, but the two will never acknowledge their love.

Earlier this month, both Katie and Jamie were in Paris at the same time as Katie’s ex Tom Cruise. Thankfully they didn’t meet up, but Katie and Jamie’s ALLEGED hookup did nothing to stop the talk. And so when a photographer asked about his relationship with Katie, Jamie tried to laugh it off by saying:

“Fake news, fake news.”

But the reporter wondered if that was true, to which Jamie said:

“C’mon ...”

Jamie tried to stop the chat, but then the reporter said that Jamie and Katie “are really cute together” causing Foxx to stammer:

“I’m… Thanks for saying I’m cute.”

Then Jamie entered an elevator and made his getaway.

Look, here’s the deal, Jamie and Kate ... Jatie? Kamie? ... have been seen at various places around the world together and rumor has it they keep it on the down-low because Jamie has respect for Tom  since they starred in a move together 13 years ago and ...

Thirteen years ago? Sheesh, Jamie, get over it; you and Cruise aren’t going to be buddies off-screen or on, so come out on a real date with Katie already.

Tommy can handle it ... he’s got a whole church looking for his next wife.

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Oh Mariah, you really are The Diva of The World.

It seems that Carey was set to film a cameo in an upcoming Will Ferrell/Amy Poehler film, and she was quite the demanding little lamb on-set. Rob Huebel, who is also in the movie, said Mimi was like this:

She was four hours late for her cameo.

She demanded that her trailer be decorated with all white flowers and stuffed lambs.

She refused to sing the song she was hired to sing.

And, when told that they wanted to do a scene that involved her being shot, she refused, saying:

“I don’t think my character would get killed by bullets. What if I deflected them like Wonder Woman?”

Let that sink in ... What.if.I.deflected.them.like.Wonder.Woman?

Seriously? She’s filming a cameo—a one day ­job—and she’s making demands like she’s the star, and we all know about that Glitter bomb she made last time she starred in a  film.

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So, a woman referred to as Jane Doe is suing the production team at America’s Got Talent because, she says, her daughter was traumatized when host Tyra Banks “physically manipulated and verbally abused” the girl. What, did Tyra try to force her "smize" fiercely or something?

Well, according to the 18-page suit it seems that Jane Doe and her husband, John, I’m guessing, were “publicly humiliated” by the AGT  judges and some audience members during a March 19 performance. The duo were performing a song they wrote about motherhood that celebrated their daughter’s birth and the “bond among the members of her family.” The song is apparently a favorite of Jane and John’s daughter, “Mary Doe” but, ALLEGEDLY Banks, the judges and some in the crowd were unmoved.

The suit claims that during the performance, Banks, “an individual acting as an agent of Defendants, physically manipulated and verbally abused Mary. Banks shook Mary’s shoulder, pulled Mary’s hair back and physically manipulated Mary. … Mary did not stop Banks’ conduct because Mary was fearful. Banks also insinuated that Mary was accidentally conceived, made fun of the performance and ridiculed [the song] in front of Mary, all in front of active cameras that were filming Mary. After the performance, Banks asked Mary to describe, in front of active and filming cameras, her opinion about Jane and her husband after they were publicly ridiculed by AGT ... As a result of her negative experience from AGT and Defendants’ abusive treatment, Mary was traumatized and became deeply depressed.”

Jane, John and Mary are seeking a jury trial, claiming intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress along with civil battery and civil assault.

Look, you wanna sue Tyra for being an obnoxious five-headed troll, then you have a case, but if you wanna sue Tyra because she tried to make your daughter look and act like she was a younger Tyra while Tyra played the part of Naomi Campbell, by making her pose and fixing her hair, you might wanna rethink.

Oh, and stay off reality TV.

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The Taylor Swift/Katy Perry Spat is back in the news because Katy has a new album and Taylor has a new boyfriend.

It all started when Taylor claimed that someone ... Katy ... was always being mean to her and that someone ... Katy ... “stole” her backup dancers and tried to ruin her tour.

As with all Swift stories and songs, she’s the victim, until she gets called out on her lies, like when those “stolen” backup dancers say they were never stolen, they just liked Katy ... and her paychecks ... more.

And so Taylor wrote “Bad Blood” about Katy because, well, petty, childish, attention-seeker.

Anyway, this is Year Three of The Feud—and please, Ryan Murphy, do not make this a show—and now that Katy has a new album to promote, she’s talking ... again ... about the beef to James Corden who asked:

“Now, I want to talk to you about some famous beef. Because there’s Taylor beef ... and when are we going to clear that beef up?”

Katy replied:

“Well, there is ... there’s a situation. Honestly, it’s like, she started it and it’s time for her to finish it. It’s about backing dancers. It’s so crazy! OK, so there are three backing dancers that went on tour with her tour, right? And they asked me before they went on tour if they could go, and I was like, ‘Yeah, of course. I’m not on a record cycle ... and she’s great and all that. But I will be on a record cycle in about a year, so be sure to put a 30-day contingency in your contract so you can get out if you want to join me when I say I’m going back on.’ So that year came up ... and I texted all of them ... and I said, ‘Look, just FYI: I’m about to start, I want to put the word out there.’ And they said, ‘All right, we’re going to talk to management about it.’ And they did. And they got fired. And I tried to talk to [Swift] about it, and she wouldn’t speak to me. It was a full shutdown and then she writes a song about me.”

Now Katy says if she were to get a text from Taylor saying “the beef is off the grill,” as Corden put it, she would take that beef off the grill.

And possibly beat Taylor senseless with it so as to start anew feud because without a feud these two would just be two mean girls having a spat.

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A Jessica Simpson interview is usually a mess because, well, she’s kind of an idiot and says really cringe-worthy things ... like on a recent interview with Ellen.

Jessica was there to promote her billion dollar fashion line—she’s the Hillbilly Ivanka where people slave to make clothes and accessories for her slap her name onto—and began by first saying that, for once, she’s not pregnant on an Ellen show because she has a IUD “up there.”

Ellen tried to shift topics to the birthday party Jessica recently threw for her 5-year-old daughter. And Jessica rambled on about renting mermaids for the party and how the mermaids needed to be carried to the bathroom by “manhandlers” since they couldn’t pee on her children in the pool.

WTF?

Ellen again tried to salvage the conversation by asking Jessica how long she’s been with her current husband. Jessica said:

“7 years. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a 7 year relationship, other than with a woman, no, not that, you know!” 

Seriously? I mean, okay, so she’s making millions on a fashion line, but why does she have to take her Paul Abdul Meets Anna Nicole Smith With a Soupçon of Mariah Carey messiness to TV?

Anyone? Anyone?

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You know, you always hear about celebrities who leave big tips for their servers at restaurants, but did you ever hear the story of the waitress who was fired for riding Orlando Bloom’s big, um, tip?

Well, 21-year-old server and aspiring actress ... because, of course ... named Viviana Ross was fired from her job at the Chiltern Firehouse in London after she hooked up with 40-year-old Orlando Bloom.

One night, after her shift, Viviana bumped into Orlando—whom she’s been serving all week—outside the bar and he ALLEGEDLY asked her to come up to his room for a drink.

She said ‘Yes,’ and then went upstairs and let him service her for a change.

The next morning, Orlando left for an interview and Viviana stayed in his room; when the hotel’s general manager entered Orlando’s room he found Viviana naked in his bed and when he asked if she worked there—which she admitted to—the manager left, and an hour later Viviana received a text informing her she had been fired after two months of employment for “fraternizing with clients.”

I think what she actually did was a different ‘f’ word.

Viviana is “hurt” especially since she fucked Orlando while she was off the clock and now has no way to tell him his big tip cost her a job.

But all is not lost, because Orlando heard via social media that his server, er, servicer, had been fired, so he called up the Chiltern Firehouse and asked for Viviana’s phone number so he could apologize.

For the f%k that cost her a job.

Still, now all those who work at the Chiltern Firehouse know the most fun way to get fired ... bang Orlando.

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Dave Annable played the dimwitted, always saying and doing the wrong thing brother on Brothers and Sisters years back and apparently that’s just Dave.

See, when Dave’s wife wouldn’t put out for him, he decided to complain about her ... on Instagram. And even odder is that Dave’s wife, actress Odette Annable, had no issue with letting the world know she wasn’t putting out that night, saying she was “too busy tonight.” 

And so, posting the video from their bed,  Dave says:

“So you can’t just say out of the blue, ‘Dave, I can’t wait to have sex with you, just not tonight.'”

Wow. I started off the snark saying that maybe Jamie and Katie should share their love with the world, but if that means they’d become the new Dave and Odette, I’m thinking the down low is a better place to stay.

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It's Snarkurday: Breakups and Makeups

Breakup ... Mariah Carey and her backup-dancer-boy-toy, Brian Tanaka.

It's true, sadly; Mimi and her ‘Casper Smart,’ if you will, are over; and even that tender, totally spontaneous hot tub moment from Mariah’s craptastic reality show, Mariah’s World, couldn’t save them.

But, my friends, is it a shock? I mean, she went from being engaged to a billionaire who gave her a $10 million engagement ring, to a dancer who eats Ramen five nights a week, and we all know Mimi’s about the coins, not the Cup’o’Noodles.

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Breakup ... Janet Jackson and her billionaire husband Wissam Al Mana.

After five ALLEGED years of marriage, and I say ‘ALLEGED’ because Janet never revealed when they wed, it's come to an end ALLEGEDLY because the marriage became too tough for Controlling Jackson.

Al Mana, a Muslim, ALLEGEDLY laid down the law to Miss Jackson and told her to tone down her costumes, and not show so much skin, when she toured in 2014; it was also suggested that he forbid any bumping, grinding, hip thrusts, or crotch grabs in her videos.

But apparently the end came when Al Mana was less than sympathetic to Janet’s mother, Katherine, and her claims of elder abuse against her nephew Trent. 

You diss mama, and Janet moves out ... apparently. And she moves out with what is ALLEGED to be a prenup settlement of somewhere between $200 and $00 million dollars.

For five years of marriage? Where do I sign up?

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Makeup ... Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson and Vin Diesel.

There was a lot of talk about diva behavior and catfights on the set of The Fate Of The Furious last summer after Johnson Instagrammed about “someone” being Public Asshole #1 on the set, and it was clear he was talking pint-sized, balding diva Vin.

Diesel then shot back by promising to spill the tea on Dwayne, but apparently he just meant that one time he actually spilled iced tea on Johnson ... or something.

But now the Big Man and Little Boy, with the movie opening, are playing nice with one another ... just in case there’s a Fate of the Furious Two.

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Breakup ... Gwyneth Paltrow and Reality.

It seems Paltrow, after declaring herself a lifestyle expert and pissing off Martha, is now coming for Not-A-Real-Doctor Phil.

Yup, Goop is now lecturing depressed people on how to deal with their illness and her solution is something she calls “earthing.”

It involves walking around on earth with your shoes off.

Like I said, Goop and Reality broke up and Reality got custody of the brain.

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Breakup ... Makeup ... Breakup ... Phil Collins’ third ex-wife, and current girlfriend, Orianne Collins.

Last week Orianne finally  settled her bitter divorce with businessman Charles Fouad Mejjati. She had claimed that Mejjati made her sign papers giving him their multimillion-dollar Miami home and primary custody of their son while she was under the influence of painkillers from a surgical procedure, but now all that’s been settled amicably ... with a large check to Orianne.

Don’t think that’s shade ... Orianne got some $50 million from Collins when she divorced him and now that she’s back with him again, she still gets to keep those coins.

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Breakup ... Orlando Bloom and The Truth.

It was just eight months ago, when photographers captured Bloom paddleboarding with his then-girlfriend Katy Perry while he was buck nekkid and now he’s trying to tell us that he had no idea people would be interested in his penis.

Bloom says he has a certain “radar” about paparazzi being nearby but when he was nude paddleboarding for some reason his radar was on the fritz and he had no idea anyone was taking dick shots of him.

Yup, a movie star dating  a pop star goes to a public beach—I almost wrote “pubic” beach—and drops trou to short the world his Little Bloom and doesn’t think anyone, anyone, will snap a photo or two.

Sit down, Orlando, and put your pants on.

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Makeup ... Caitlyn Jenner and her Olympic-sized Ego.

Jenner has a new memoir, The Secrets Of My Life, and talks about having gender reassignment surgery, but she knew she’d need something far juicier to sell some copies and what’s juicier: OJ Simpson.

Since the OJ trial got a lot of attention last year—American Crime Story and O.J.: Made In America—Caitlyn brings it up in her book and pulls out some new details about Robert Kardashian, the ex-husband of Bruce Jenner’s former wife, That Woman.

Caitlyn is now claiming that Kardashian—who has since passed away and cannot call her a lair—told her that he thought OJ was guilty; okay, not so juicy.

Caitlyn then says that she knows that Kardashian only took the case—becoming part of Simpson’s ‘Dream Team’—because That Woman hated OJ and he wanted to get back at her for leaving him and marrying an Olympic Gold medalist.

Wow, only Caitlyn Jenner could insert herself into the OJ case twenty-five years later.

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