The Funny Papers

Bill Bramhall, Tim Campbell, Ann Telnaes, Darrin Bell, Chuck Legge, Mike Luckovich, Pat Bagley, Steve Cousineau, Pedro X Molina, Max Espinosa, Gary Huck, Marc Murphy, Nick Anderson, Kevin Siers, Clay Bennett

Meme Dump

The Bad and The Good ... Monday April 25, 2022

These really are the easiest posts to compile, because, literally, there are dumb people everywhere ... but that's what makes it so frightening. So this week, I decided to include some Good News as sort of a palette cleanser for the crazies …

BAD

FLORIDA

We know that GOPQAnon Governor Ron DeSantis signed the bill to dissolve Disney’s Reedy Creek Improvement District last week, but now comes the question of who pays all the news taxes, and Orange County Tax Collector Scott Randolph says:

“The moment that Reedy Creek doesn’t exist is the moment that that those taxes don’t exist. You’re literally taking $163 million a year of taxes that Disney pays for Reedy Creek and wiping it down to zero. I don’t see that Orange County doesn’t raise property taxes by 20% to 25%. That’s what Orange County would probably have to do to cover this financial situation.”

But, hey, DeSantis smacked a cartoon mouse!

FLORIDA [Again]

Dozens of books were recently taken off Walton County schools library shelves  and School Superintendent A. Russell Hughes said:

“I did it for just a welfare of all involved, including our constituents, our teachers, and our students. I’ll continue to do those things and perhaps add some.”

One of those books was “Everywhere Babies,” published twenty years ago as an ode to infancy. It has long been a staple of family bookshelves, libraries, bookstores, a recommendation in new parent groups, and a Best Seller. So, why was it removed? Don’t Say Gay.

Though there are not any explicitly LGBTQ persons depicted in the book, author Susan Meyers says she believes her book was banned due to a single drawing of a man with his arm on another man’s shoulder.

Sinful!

MICHIGAN

A fundraising message sent by GOP state Senator Tom Barrett, who is seeking the Republican nomination for the newly drawn 7th Congressional District, claims:

“President Biden is forcing 5-year-olds to learn about gender reassignment surgeries, gender identities, and other radical ideas. Every American needs to step up TODAY and stop this sick and twisted ideology from poisoning our children.”

Barrett’s original fundraising appeal came via text and appeared to be an appointment confirmation for “Your Child” to receive “Gender Reassignment Surgery Tomorrow at 9 AM”  and asks:

“If you would like to CANCEL this appointment because you do not believe in teaching young children about dangerous transgender ideologies, please sign your name NOW.”

He has zero qualifications or ideas so he runs on fear and lies.IDAHO

IDAHO 

Lt. Governor Janice McGeachin, who is running for governor, will appear with Stew Peters for a political rally next month.

Stew, who? Peters is a white nationalist who supports Vladimir Putin, who, he claims, is “more honest than anyone in our government.” Peters is a racist who claims Russia is “the only country that’s not under the thumb of the criminal banking cabal.” He’s a white supremacist who popularized the conspiracy theory that COVID-19 is actually a synthetic form of snake venom and has repeatedly called for Dr. Anthony Fauci to be executed.

And Janet McGeachin wants to appear at a rally with him.

Seriously, Idaho? This is the best you can do.

TEXAS

Proving himself to be a huge asshat, Texas GOPQAnon Governor Greg Abbott’s rule that doubled the inspections for commercial trucks coming in from Mexico, because he says the trucks were carrying undocumented immigrants and drugs,  caused delays that cost the U.S. nearly $9 billion in gross domestic product.

The rule was in effect until, Abbott realized his dumbfuckery.

Another “government is too big Republican” costing millions, er, billions, to the American people because they haven’t a clue what’ s going on.

TENNESSEE

GOP lawmakers passed legislation making camping on public property a misdemeanor crime, a law which effectively criminalizes homelessness. 

Poverty is now a crime in Tennessee, y’all, and you can face a misdemeanor offense and a $50 fine or community service requirement if you don’t have a home.

ARIZONA

The Senate passed two controversial education bills last week, one that will empower parents to sue if they feel like educators are interfering with their right to direct their child’s upbringing, and another that would assist parents in monitoring their child’s library habits.

Let me say this, you wingnut GOP parents: rather than sue a teacher for doing his or her job, why not quit your job, stop going to Starbucks, buy a smaller house, and homeschool your precious babies so you can raise them to be ignorant fucks like yourselves?

GOOD

TENNESSEE

A Memphis prosecutor has dropped all criminal charges against Pamela Moses, the Memphis woman who was sentenced to six years in prison for trying to register to vote after her probation officer filled out and signed a form indicating she was done with probation for a 2015 felony conviction.

For trying to register to vote. In case it isn’t obvious, because this is still America, land of the White Free, Pamela Moses is a Black woman.

Although Moses was convicted last year and sentenced in January, she was granted a new trial in February after it was learned that her defense council has not been privy to certain documents in the hands of prosecutors.

Now, finally, the charges are dropped.

KENTUCKY

U.S. District Judge Rebecca Grady Jennings has temporarily blocked a state law that effectively eliminated abortions in Kentucky after the state’s two remaining clinics said they couldn’t meet its requirements.

The decision was a victory for abortion rights advocates and a setback for the GOP-led, anti-women legislature, which passed the law in March and then overrode Democratic Governor Andy Beshear’s veto of the measure last week.

Both of the clinics have resumed healthcare services for the women who chose to make their own choices.

FLORIDA

I love a good Letter to the Editor and this one, clearly from someone living in Ron DeSantis’ Flori-duh is just spot on. Sadly, when I saw the phot, the name was redacted because I’d love to give proper credit to the author. Anyway, here goes …

“Gov. Ron DeSantis claims Florida is a ‘Free state.’ Baloney!

It’s a free state if you’re rich, if you give millions to his re-election campaign, if you’re a wealthy developer or if you’re a CEO of a big corporation.

Bit by bit. DeSantis is taking away everyone else’s freedoms.

Freedom to put solar on your roof? No! Freedom to vote? No! Freedom for women to make their own health care decisions? No! Freedom to be who you are? No! Freedom for local government to decide local issues? No!

Freedom for children to read ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’? No! Freedom for businesses to offer diversity training for employees? No! Freedom to afford a place to rent? No!

Freedom to access affordable healthcare? No! Freedom for teachers to provide an honest teaching of history? No! Freedom to discuss sexual orientation in schools? No!

DeSantis’ ambition: Position himself in 2024 as the heir apparent to [Thing 45]. He wants to corrupt not just Florida but the entire country.

You can stop him, but you have to register and you have to vote! Let’s get rid of Gov. Ron and let Florida be a truly free state—again.”

In other words: CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE.

When Democrats vote, Democrats win.

Bobservations

Carlos is part of a group that works with the South Carolina Department of Health and Environmental Control [DHEC] and they are trying to promote healthcare and HIV testing for the Hispanic community throughout the state. Every year DHEC hosts a meeting of diverse groups to discuss HIV/AIDS, and this year, Carlos’ group, Orgullo y Salud [Pride and Health] will be featured. Carlos has been asked to speak at the convention and as he was telling me, he said:

“All these years on the sidelines and now I’m the star.”

“Sweetie, you aren’t the star, you’re a participant in a panel discussion.”

“Where I’m the star.”

“Where everyone gets a chance—”

“I’M.THE.STAR!!!!”

I’m gonna have to hire a team to maneuver his big fat head through the room that day.

Kay Ivey is your typical ReTHUGlican, suddenly finding her ”voice” after more than a year of not uttering a word.

The Brooklyn Public Library [BPL] is fighting back against book banning and censorship in the US by launching a program called Books UnBanned, that allows 13- to 21-year-olds to apply for a free library eCard, regardless of where they live.

The eCard, good for one year, provides access to 350,000 e-books, 200,000 audiobooks and 100 databases, according to BPL.

Cancel that, GOP.

Voter Fraud Mark Meadows has been removed from North Carolina’s voter rolls while the State Bureau of Investigation continues a probe into allegations that Meadows and his wife committed election fraud.

I personally think they need to be fined and stricken from voting in this country.

Marjorie Taylor Greene makes all kinds of excuses for the January 6 Insurrection … It was antifa … It was Black Lives Matter … It was the FBI … and she even voted  against the formation of the January 6 Commission, but her latest attempt to change the narrative is the most idiotic:

“The American people are fed up with this over-dramatization of a riot that happened here at the Capitol one time. They are sick and tired of January 6—it’s over, OK?”

She said this to a reporter and was so mad at the way he “twisted” her words that she posted video of what she actually said, which is exactly what the reporter said she told him.

There was only one insurrection, y’all, so let’s stop talking about it, investigating it, jailing the perpetrators and move on.

I've got another way to liven up a party; walk up to  someone you don’t know and say:

“I want you to know that I have no problem with you being here.”

And then walk away.

Now for some good news … Dancing With The Stars is leaving network TV and going over to Disney+ so it will now cost you $7.99 a month to host Tyra Banks make a fool of herself.

Seriously, will people pay to watch Banks look like a Dilophosaurus from Jurassic Park?

Arizona GOPQanon Congressman Paul Gosar was listed as a “special guest” at a white nationalist American Populist Union at an event on April 20, a favored date among Nazis and racists because it’s Hitler’s birthday. But Gosar’s campaign says he isn’t attending the event and doesn’t know how he was listed as a guest of honor.

Huh; funny then that Paul, white nationalist, promoted his scheduled appearance on social media.

The GOP thinks the public is as dumb as the GOP.

As if you’d need another reason to vote Democrat, last week Republicans in Congress objected to Democrat Senator Maggie Hassan’s bill to temporarily suspend the gas tax to lower the price of gasoline.

The GOP objected because they favor corporations over people and because they can continue the lie the President Biden is responsible for higher gas prices.

What’s this? Another Republican committing voter fraud like Mark Meadows?

Matt Mowers, a former Thing 45 administration official and candidate for Congress in New Hampshire, actually voted twice in the 2016 primary election.

Mowers cast an absentee ballot in New Hampshire’s 2016 primary, while serving as campaign director for Chris Christie, and four months later, when Christie’s campaign failed, Mowers cast another ballot in New Jersey.

The GOP is the party of voter fraud.

Michael Salvatore Sinatra is a beefy, hairy, openly gay male model who only wears underwear and jocks, which doesn’t really matter because the question is Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

No Carlos this week, but I do have one about The Boys …

Last week I told you that Tuxedo is back sleeping with his two Daddies thanks to a step stool that gets him easily from the ground to the bed. And so he began snuggling with us each night, but that change kinda irritated one MaxGoldberg, who has had his two Daddies to himself all night for nearly a year.

One night this week, Max came onto the bed, saw Tuxedo snuggling with Carlos and turned and left; he didn’t come back into the bedroom until very late, or early, in the morning, and was not happy. So what does MaxGoldberg do? Well,  on chilly mornings, Tuxedo would always lay down under the desk in the living room, by a heating vent, to get warm; it was his spot.

Until that day this week when  MaxGoldberg got there first and refused to budge. Tuxedo ate his breakfast, walked into the living room, saw Max in his spot, and walked the other direction. And later that morning, as the sun warmed up the sunroom and all the cats headed out there to nap, Max and Tuxedo each chose a different chair to sleep in, even though they normally nap snuggled in the same chair.

The sibling rivalry is real. And kinda funny.

As a Cat of Color Tuxedo is disgusted by the line of questioning KBJ has had to endure from the Republicans. 

A co-worker complained about the high price of gas and I reminded her that she spends five bucks a day, every day, for a 20-oz fancy coffee, and, oh by the way, no one is bombing her family out of their home.

Here’s a tip for the next dinner party you attend … instead of making the usual small talk, and asking people what they do for a living, look them dead in the eye and ask:

“So, who do you hate here?”

It’s quite the icebreaker.

Note to the Don’t Say Gay crowd … if your kids are old enough to learn about the Virgin Mary finding herself miraculously pregnant with another man’s child while engaged to her decades older carpenter boyfriend, I think they can handle the story of Billy’s two dads.

Oh, and this week these billboards are sprouting up all over Florida.

Say ‘Gay.’

I just read that the Maury show is ending after thirty-one … WTF … years on TV and I have just one question: How will I ever know who’s the father now?

God, she’s just so precious I could strangle the life out of her.

Gwyneth Paltrow, who believes she invents everything because she slaps a GOOP label on it, has, ahem, designed a new shoe that almost everyone was wearing back in the 90s and called it ‘new’:  the Pilgrim show, which are for sale from GOOP for $1,195. Or you can try your local secondhand store and get a pair for three bucks.

I really could strangle her, and try to pop her ego like it was a giant zit.

So, we know  that Mark and Debra Meadows submitted voter registration forms that listed their residence as a mobile home with a rusted metal roof that sold for $105,000 in 2021, even though they had never lived there. And we know this caused North Carolina officials to investigate Meadows for voter fraud.

Now we also know that Debra Meadows cast a ballot in a 2020 primary runoff using an address that was no longer valid for voting.

Quelle surprise … Republicans breaking the law.

Last week a couple in North Carolina dropped their dog off at a rescues center, abandoning the pet because they said he was gay; they found him humping another male dog. Well, this week that dog has a new home, and a very LGBTQ+-friendly one at that.

Steve Nichols and his partner, John, adopted Fezco after hearing the story about him getting abandoned by his former human parents. Nichols says they felt an immediate connection to Fezco, as both he and John have faced discrimination in their own lives.

Now Fezco has two dads who love him.

This is model, athlete and doctor for the NHS, Rodolfo Valentino, who was born in Napoli and moved to the UK seven years ago to work for the NHS. But the question is: Would You Hit It?