Why Is It ...

… that most people don’t realize that the reason I don’t eat grapes is because I am not used to consuming wine in pill form

… that after my doctor told me to watch my drinking, I left his office to find a bar with a mirror

… that you know you've finally grown up when you actually pick up the ice ‎cube instead of kicking it under the fridge; of note, I am not that grown up

… that no one told me to enjoy my youth because after fifty my body’s dashboard was going to light up like a Christmas tree

… that the biggest lie I tell myself is that ‘I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.

… that I have finally admitted that my level of weirdness is above the national average and I’m comfortable with that

… that I think some people need to come with a 30-second trailer so I can see what I’m getting into

… that whoever decided that a one-inch candy bar should be called ‘fun-sized’ should really reevaluate their standards for entertainment

… that when you were a child you often made funny faces in the mirror, but after middle age the mirror gets even

… that people need to realize that the reason I don’t iron my clothes is because if I’m not wrinkle-free why should my shirts and pants be wrinkle-free?

Why Is It ...

… that I am as swift as a gazelle … an old one … with arthritis … run over by a Land Rover … seven days ago.

… that I am not weird, but I am simply a Limited Edition. Kidding, I’m weird AF.

… that I don’t have a train of thought … I have seven trains on four tracks that narrowly avoid each other when their paths cross and all the conductors are screaming.

… that people need to remember that I have a soft heart and a savage mouth; I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

… that when people disagree with me I generally say, ‘Nice argument, unfortunately, your mama,’ and then I saunter away.

… there is nothing better than hearing friends say, ‘We never see you around.’ I mean, I know, I make sure of it.

… that when people ask me if I run, I say out of patience , money and good decisions.

… that no one realizes I have three basic moods: IDK, IDC, IDGAF and it’s a daily spin-the wheel situation.

… that when I’m drunk I forget I’m shy and I suddenly become the CEO of Chaos, giving life advice to strangers like I’ve got a PhD in bad choices.

… that the idea that someone looked at a purple onion and named it a red red onion really irks me

…. that I seek restraining orders on anyone not wearing deodorant.

Meme Dump: Cast A Goddamned Vote!

Meme Dump

Bobservations

Y’all know I’m childish, right? I mean, you may say child-like, but it’s really childish.

Case in point: after taking a long hike along the river last weekend, as we were driving home I was tormenting Carlos as a childish person does, and he … well, I posted this on my phone to remind me:

“On Saturday August 31, 2024, and I am going to spot him a half hour starting at 11AM, Carlos Divid Harris said he was not going to speak to me for twenty-four hours. I laughed and said he wouldn’t last twenty-four seconds. He said he would not speak again until 11AM on September 1, 2024. We’ll see how that goes; I am writing this down so that when he fails, and he will, I will have proof.”

Carlos began speaking at 11:35 AM which means, with the half-hour I spotted him, he stopped speaking for about 9 minutes. And to be fair, that was longer than the twenty-four seconds I thought he’d last.

This Tuxedo Memory is from May 2019 and is entitled: Another Scorcher In Smallville ... Tuxedo Has The Right Idea

That cat always picked the most interesting positions in which to nap … he was just a chalk outline away from playing the role of roadkill on some animal show!

Well, roadkill or some totally adorable boy!

Here’s proof that just because you’re a relatively slender model, it doesn’t mean you can have the most delightful cakes.

Melanie has unveiled the cover for her upcoming memoir and despite its minimalist design, some critics claim it's a blatant act of plagiarism.

What? Melanie? Plagiarize? Like Michelle Obama’s DNC speech years back?

Melanie's book cover is an all-black with simple white text reading 'MELANIA' in all caps … and looks suspiciously like the iconic Chanel Catwalk book.

I haven’t read it, and won’t read it, but I’m told it’s the story of Melanie’s life on Chicago’s South Side and working hard to attend both Harvard and Princeton before marrying the love of her life and giving birth to Sasha and Malia.

Just sayin’.

In Camden, as it is in many small towns across the state, we have an opera house. Of course, it fell into disuse many years ago and when we moved here only the ground floor was being used as a secondhand store. Sad, really, for such a beautiful building. And for years there was talk about recreating the opera house interior but then a couple of years ago the talk turned toward making  the opera house a boutique hotel, and that’s apparently going to happen.

That photo up there is the opera house and its clock tower that chimes on the hour and the quarter- and half-hours. And down there are the renderings of what the hotel will be: four floors and 50 rooms, with a restaurant in the lobby and called The Haigler Hotel, so named for a noble Catawba Chief who befriended Camden’s pioneers. The clock tower, though not seen in the renderings will remain and still chime the hours each day.

Our little town is growing but it’s keeping its sense of history, and I am here for that!

You’ve heard of Weekend at Bernie’s but this true story is more Weekend at Wells Fargo.

There’s an investigation underway in Tempe, Arizona after a Wells Fargo employee—and I won’t post her name so as not to embarrass her family—died while on the job and no one noticed.

A timeline released by police suggests her body was there for four days before being discovered.

How does that happen?

The Venice Film Festival has been going on for a couple of weeks and here are some style icons, clockwise in no particular order … Angelina Jolie, Cate Blanchett, Eva Green and Nicole Kidman. Stunning, but there’s always room for a thirst-seeker and this year’s was Eva Herzigova wearing … God Only Knows™.

Last week I mentioned that one school district in Oklahoma was refusing to follow the order of State Superintendent Ryan Walters and his demand for Bible Study in all public schools.

Now, out of about 540 public districts and charter schools in the state, 54 superintendents responded to the survey and, when asked if their district was requiring educators to teach on or from the Bible, 46 said ‘No’ and just two said ‘Yes;’ others were unclear on the guidelines.

Taking a stand … even in Oklahoma.

This is Stefano Tomadini—sounds like a Delicious pasta dish—an Italian model. But this isn’t about food or models, it’s about a simple question: Would You Hit It?