Why Is It ...

... that nobody remembers that before the internet we thought the cause of stupidity was the lack of access to information but now we know that wasn’t it.

… that I still don’t understand how people my age can have children. I am children.

… that my co-workers have yet to learn that I am two scoops of grumpy in a bowl of bitchy every single morning.

… that alcohol doesn’t solve your problems but then neither does milk so pour me a drink 

… that no one remembers that I talk a lot of smack for someone who tiptoes in the 5-foot end of the pool for fear I’ll drown.

… that everybody needs to know that I will separate glitter before I let your opinion of me stress me out.

… that I wake up everyday in a room-sized bed, and then I am gently lifted from the covers and dressed in a warm cozy sweater while my favorite foods are brought to me, and that I have no job and no bills and no responsibilities and suddenly I realize I am a chihuahua and I am filled with rage.

… that people often forget that while I am not a 10 at the beach I am a 10 at Walmart

… that people don’t know that I have reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

… that I get stuck thinking that soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish.

… that no one ever recognizes me in my Halloween costume? Is it because I go out as Emotionally Stable?

Why Is It ...

… that people don’t do what I do, and stop crying about your problems on the internet and instead bottle them up inside and disguise them with dark inappropriate humor like a grownup.

… that my memory is like an Etch-a-Sketch? Every time I shake my head I forget everything.

… that, while I know my body cannot digest corn, how is possible that after I’ve chewed up the corn it comes back out in the shape of corn.

… that I don’t always have time to fold the laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

… that people must learn that the reason I don’t care about folks talking about me is because I know that when they’re talking about themselves no one cares.

… that my patience with everyone is literally at 1%.

… that people who watch my life and gossip about it should not give up because the new season is about to start streaming.

… that no one looks both ways before getting on my nerves.

… that people need to remember I am not that great in the advice business, but I am a pro at the sarcastic comeback.

South Carolina Doesn't Want Miss Lindsey To Be President ... And That Crap About Emails

Last fall when South Carolina Senator, and the Not Gay … Seriously, he’s not gay … Lindsey Graham said he would be considering a run for the White House in 2016. And he made a point of saying whenever he was asked if he should run:

“At the end of the day, if I didn’t think I could win my home state, I wouldn’t be doing this.”

Well, that’s that then, because a new poll released last week shows that most South Carolinians … sixty percent, in fact … would not vote for Lindsey Graham in a presidential bid and, actually, think he should just stop talking about it ‘cuz it ain’t gonna happen.

Odd, since Graham has a 60 percent approval rating as a senator … though that’s mostly from Republican-aligned voters; and that means that forty percent of Republican-aligned voters in the state don’t think he’s all that and a bag of chips.

Graham has said he will decide by May whether to formally announce a bid and while I’m thinking it’s gonna be ‘No,’ if it’s a ‘Yes,’ let the games begin!

Miss Lindsey won’t be able to stand the heat and probably the people of South Carolina, hopefully, won’t be able to stand the lunacy of the man.

See, our own Senator, who actually sits on a technology subcommittee, has introduced and voted on bills related to the internet has announced that he has never ever sent an email.

And even though he says has not used e-mail at any time, ever, Lindsey Graham co-sponsored the Anti-Spamming Act in 2001, which would criminalize the “transmitting” of “ten or more unsolicited commercial electronic mail messages to one or more protected computers in the United States, with the knowledge that such messages are accompanied by or contain materially false or misleading information as to the identity of the initiator.” He is also a member of a Judiciary subcommittee regarding Privacy, Technology and the Law, though – again – he has never used one of the most basic bits of technology on the planet.

Typical politician; he’s on the committees, he's introducing legislation, and voting on things about which he has no personal knowledge or apparent use.

This all sprang from the Hillary Clinton non-scandal that the GOP is chewing on like a rabid dog related to an email account Clinton used while Secretary of State; Graham, in talking about that, said:

“I don’t email. You can have every email I’ve ever sent. I’ve never sent one.”

As I said elsewhere, I picture Graham sitting at an antique desk, putting quill into an inkwell, and then to lavender scented paper for his special brand of correspondence.

Of course, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have someone email for him … or tend to his Grindr account.

ALLEGEDLY...

via Post and Courier and Addicting Info

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