Monday, April 30, 2018

It's Funny Cuz It's True ... And Cuz it's Funny


Clearly, Republicans have no sense of humor; clearly, they can dish it out, but they cannot take it. Clearly, they have no sense of humor when it comes from a woman because, well, woman belong under the thumb of the GOP, not speaking, and joking, in public.

Women like Michelle Wolf:
“Good evening. Here we are, the White House correspondents' dinner: Like a porn star says when she's about to have sex with a _____, let's get this over with … I'm going to skip a lot of the normal pleasantries. We're at a Hilton; it's not nice. This is on C-SPAN; no one watches that. _____ is president; it's not ideal.”
“And just a reminder to everyone, I'm here to make jokes. I have no agenda. I'm not trying to get anything accomplished. So, everyone that's here from Congress, you should feel right at home.”
“A lot of you might not know who I am. I'm 32 years old, which is an odd age: 10 years too young to host this event and 20 years too old for Roy Moore.
"It's 2018, and I'm a woman so you cannot shut me up. Unless you have Michael Cohen wire me $130,000. Michael, you can find me on Venmo under my porn star name, Reince Priebus."
“Now, people are saying America is more divided than ever, but I think no matter what you support politically, we can all agree that this is a great time for craft stores. Because of all the protests, poster board has been flying off the shelves faster than Robert Mueller can say, “You've been subpoenaed. Thanks to _____, pink yarn sales are through the roof. After _____ got elected, women started knitting those p---y hats. When I first saw them, I was like, “That's a p---y?” I guess mine just has a lot more yarn on it.”
“Of course, _____ isn't here, if you haven't noticed … I would drag him here myself. But it turns out the president of the United States is the one p---y you're not allowed to grab.
“Mr. President, I don’t think you’re very rich. I think you might be rich in Idaho, but in New York you’re doing fine. _____ is the only person that still watches “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” and thinks, “Me.” Although, I'm not sure you'd get very far. He'd get to, like, the third question and be, like, “I have to phone a 'Fox & Friend.'”
Wolf also played a game … “_____ is so broke” … and the audience responded accordingly … “How broke is he?” …
“He’s so broke, he has to fly failed business class.”
“He’s so broke, he looked for foreign oil in Don Jr.’s hair.”
“He’s so broke, Southwest used him as one of their engines. I know, it’s so soon. It’s so soon for that joke.”
“_____ is racist, though. He loves white nationalists, which is a weird term for a Nazi. Calling a Nazi a ‘white nationalist’ is like calling a pedophile a ‘kid friend,’ or Harvey Weinstein a ‘ladies man,’ which isn’t really fair – he also likes plants.”
“A lot of people want _____p to be impeached. I do not. Because just when you think _____ is awful, you remember Mike Pence. Mike Pence is what happens when Anderson Cooper isn’t gay. Mike Pence is the kind of guy that brushes his teeth and then drinks orange juice and thinks, “Mmm.” Mike Pence is also very anti-choice. He thinks abortion is murder, which, first of all, don't knock it till you try it. And when you do try it, really knock it. You know, you got to get that baby out of there. And, yes, sure, you can groan all you want. I know a lot of you are very antiabortion. You know, unless it's the one you got for your secret mistress. It's fun how values can waiver. But good for you.”
“I had a lot of jokes about Cabinet members, but I had to scrap all of those because everyone has been fired. You guys are going through Cabinet members quicker than Starbucks throws out black people.”
 “Mitch McConnell isn’t here tonight, he had a prior engagement. He’s finally getting his neck circumcised. Mazel. Paul Ryan couldn't make it. Of course, he's already been circumcised. Unfortunately, while they were down there, they also took his balls.”
"We should definitely talk about the women in the _____ administration. There's Kellyanne Conway. Man, she has the perfect last name for what she does: Conway. It's like if my name was Michelle Jokes Frizzy Hair Small Tits. [But] you guys gotta stop putting Kellyanne on your shows. All she does is lie. If you don't give her a platform, she has nowhere to lie. It's like that old saying: If a tree falls in the woods, how do we get Kellyanne under that tree? I'm not suggesting she gets hurt; just stuck. Stuck under a tree.”
“Incidentally, a tree falls in the woods is Scott Pruitt's definition of porn. Yeah, we all have our kinks.”
“There's also, of course, Ivanka. She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she's about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She's done nothing to satisfy women. So, I guess, like father, like daughter … She does clean up nice, though. Ivanka cleans up nice. She's the Diaper Genie of the administration. On the outside, she looks sleek but the inside — it's still full of shit.”
Then she honed in on Press Secretary Liar to the Media, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, sitting stone-faced, well, melting stone-faced, a few feet away:
"We are graced with Sarah's presence tonight. I have to say I'm a little star struck. I love you as aunt Lydia in 'The Handmaid's Tale.' Mike Pence, if you haven’t seen it, you would love it."
"I actually really like Sarah. I think she's very resourceful. But she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smokey eye. Like, maybe she's born with it; maybe it's lies."
"Every time Sarah steps up to the podium, I get excited because I'm not really sure what we're going to get: you know, a press briefing, a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams. “It's shirts and skins, and this time, don't be such a little b----, Jim Acosta.”
"I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Is it Sarah Sanders, Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Is it Cousin Huckabee? Is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? Like, what’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know, Aunt Coulter.”
Still, even Democrats weren’t off limits:
"Democrats are harder to make fun of because you guys don't do anything. People think you might flip the House and Senate this November, but you guys always find a way to mess it up. You're somehow going to lose by 12 points to a guy named Jeff Pedophile, Nazi Doctor."
“Al Franken was ousted. That one really hurt liberals. But I believe it was great Ted Kennedy who said ‘Wow! That’s crazy! I murdered a woman.’ Chappaquiddick, in theaters now.”
And the media, even the liberal media, wasn’t spared:
“Fox News is here, so you know what that means, ladies. Cover your drinks. People want me to make fun of Sean Hannity tonight, but I cannot do that; this dinner is for journalists.”
“Megyn Kelly got paid 23 million dollars by NBC, then NBC didn’t let Megyn go to the Winter Olympics. Why not? She’s so white, cold, and expensive, she might as well be the Winter Olympics … And by the way Megyn, Santa’s black. The weird old guy going through your chimney was Bill O’Reilly.”
“The most useful information at CNN is when Anthony Bourdain tells me where to eat noodles.”
Then she aimed at print media:
“There's a ton of you guys, but I'm not going to go after print media tonight because it's illegal to attack an endangered species.”
“There's a ton of news right now; a lot is going on, and we have all these 24-hour news networks, and we could be covering everything. But, instead, we're covering like three topics. Every hour, it's _____, Russia, Hillary and a panel of four people who remind you why you don't go home for Thanksgiving.”
“You guys are obsessed with ­­­­_____. Did you used to date him? Because you pretend like you hate him, but I think you love him. I think what no one in this room wants to admit is that _____ has helped all of you. He couldn't sell steaks or vodka or water or college or ties or Eric, but he has helped you. He's helped you sell your papers and your books and your TV. You helped create this monster, and now you're profiting off of him. And if you're gonna profit off of _____, you should at least give him some money because he doesn't have any.”
“_____ is so broke.”
Audience: “How broke is he?”
“He grabs p---ies 'cause he thinks there might be loose change in them.”
“All right, like an immigrant who was brought here by his parents and didn't do anything wrong, I gotta get the f--- out of here. Good night.”


Saturday, April 28, 2018

It's Snarkurday!


Remember when songwriters Sean Hall and Nathan Butler sued Taylor Swift back in September claiming that her off-key ramblings of “players gonna play” and “haters gonna hate” on 2014s Shake It Off might have been a rip-off of their song from 2001 called Playas Gon’ Play?

They wanted 20% of Shake It Off’s profits, or roughly $30 million dollars, but the case was thrown out because, well, no one actually wrote “playas gon’ play” because people have been saying it long before anyone heard of Swifty or Hall or Butler.

So, that should have been the end of things, right? Nope, because Swifty countersued for the $75,000 she paid in legal fees to defend herself. And that’s when Judge Michael Fitzgerald gave Taytay a lesson in how the law works before kicking her case to the curb; Fitzgerald explained that although the suit may appear like a shakedown, it’s not entirely unbelievable to say that Taylor Swift stole a couple of lines from their song.

Fitzgerald dismissed Swifty’s claim and told her to go home and steal write another song about it.
When Tristan Thompson got caught cheating on his Baby Mama Khloé Kardastrophe, the other woman was ALLEGEDLY an Instagram model … which is ALLEGEDLY where Tristan met his many, many, hookups.

At first Tristan tried to appease Khloé by claiming the women were just “stupid groupies” … cuz that somehow makes it all right, but now maybe she’s not so forgiving since it’s been revealed that he went after all these women on social media, the very bread-and-butter of a Kardastrophe’s life.

Karma, baby. Live your life on Instagram, find your life ruined on Instagram.
In Ick news … Smallville” actress Allison Mack, who was arrested last week for her role in a sex cult, ALLEGEDLY tried to lure Kelly Clarkson and Emma Watson into her “movement.”

Mack sent tweets to Watson about an “amazing women’s movement” she thought they might be interested in:
“I’m a fellow actress like yourself & involved in an amazing women’s movement I think you’d dig. I’d love to chat if you’re open.”
She followed that with:
“I participate in a unique human development & women’s movement I’d love to tell you about.”
Mack also sent a vague tweet to Clarkson about having a “chat.”
“I heard through the grapevine that you’re a fan of ‘Smallville.’ I’m a fan of yours as well! I’d love to chat sometime.”
Mack has pleaded not guilty to charges of sex trafficking and forced labor after she ALLEGEDLY lured female members of the self-empowerment group Nxivm into a secret society that forced women into sex slavery.

Seriously.
In the ongoing feud between herself and Kim Cattrall, Sarah Jessica Parker—and let’s face it, SJP is the only one talking and still talking—claims she was nice to everyone on set. As for her alleged battles with Kim, she says she has never engaged in that sort of thing:
“I’d just like to remind everybody that there is no catfight. I have never uttered an unkind, unsupportive, unfriendly word, so I would love to redefine it … I’ve always held Kim’s work in high regard and always appreciative of her contributions. If she chooses not to do the third movie, there’s not a lot I can do to change her mind and we must respect it. That’s the only thing I’ve ever said about it, you know?
But, no, there is no catfight, there never has been a catfight. I’ve never fought with someone publicly in my life, nor would I. And I spent time with all of the women on the set … We are enormously proud of what we got to do and I don’t want someone sharing thoughts publicly, which is Kim’s right to do and that is what it is, but we spent 10, 12 years of our life doing something that I really loved and I feel privileged to be part of and I don’t want this to eclipse it or change its experience for that audience that was so good to us for so long.”
Gosh, she never did or said a mean word or thing to anyone anywhere ever … because she has minions like Andy Cohen do it for her. Give it another week and SJP will be back talking about the non-catfight-catfight again, while Kim Cattrall just moves on.
GodGwyneth Paltrow does not know when to shut her pie-hold, albeit a possibly gluten-free piehole.

After dating everyone, everyone, from Brad Pitt to Ben Affleck to Chris Martin—whom she married—Paltrow now claims that her new husband, Brad Falchuk, is her first “adult” relationship.

Gwyneth is 45 but clearly thinks she has neither dated, nor married, an adult male, ever. I don’t feel bad for Brad or ben, because they’re provably positively Glee-ful to have avoided a Paltrow marriage, but poor Chris Martin, the father of Goops children, Pear and Elijah, has now learned that he is not an adult … after learning, also, that Paltrow thinks of him as a brother.

This woman is too much, and too full of herself.
So, a few years ago, Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert’s marriage imploded. Was it his boozing or her cheating, or maybe both? But they both moved on rather quickly, with Lambert hooking up with a backup singer and Shelton hooking up with a headline singer, Gwen Stefani.

Lambert’s post-marital relationship crashed and burned, but Blake and Gwen are ALLEGEDLY still going strong. But he clearly still holds a grudge because Miranda and her last ex-boyfriend Anderson East split a couple of months ago, but now we learned that Miranda was also sleeping with Evan Felker, the married frontman of Turnpike Troubadours at that same time.

So, maybe it was less Blake’s boozing and more Miranda’s sleeping around? At any rate, the news to Miranda’s married boyfriend did not go unnoticed by Shelton, who Tweeted:
Been taking the high road for a long time.. I almost gave up. But I can finally see something on the horizon up there!! Wait!! Could it be?! Yep!! It’s karma!!”
But is he really taking the high road, because if he’d moved on, and clearly, they both have, would he care?

Just sayin’.
Well, all those jobs that Lindsay Lohan never got have finally hurt the family. Lindsay mother, Dina “Can I Order Chardonnay By The Bucket” Lohan is losing her home to foreclosure because her daughter dividend paycheck daughter doesn’t really work and can’t foot the bills on Chez Lohan any more.

In 2013 it was reported that Dina was $1 million in debt and took out a $1.3 million loan on her home. But Dina has a hard time paying back loans and so the bank came a’knocking, as banks are apt to do when you don’t pay them back.

But Lindsay swooped in with 40K—she is a high-class call girl, you know—to help, but it wasn’t enough and so JP Morgan Chase filed a lawsuit to foreclose on her house and a judge has ordered the home to be sold off.

I guess Dina could always go live under the bars her daughter used to sleep under.
Apparently, what’s been going on behind the scenes of Fox’s Lethal Weapon TV show is much better than what makes it on camera, even if what’s going on could sink the show.

Lethal Weapon is in its second season and a third season seemed to be expected but one of the show’s leads, Clayne Crawford—I have no idea who he is—has been accused of terrorizing the cast and crew on set. Sources say Crawford is emotionally abusive and created a hostile working environment and it wasn’t until the higherups had a chat with Crawford and mentioned the possibility of a third season with a different actor, that he squeezed out an apology to the crew and an unnamed actor … possibly his costar Damon Wayans.

So, there you have a show with two stars who don’t get along, and one who feels himself the budget Christian Bale.

And Fox is thinking about keeping this shiz going?
Remember last week, at the GLAAD Awards, when Halle Berry announced this mess … “Behind every Black Panther there’s a Black Catwoman!” … and then suggested that a reboot get another chance?

Well, this past week, when she was honored at the 2018 Matrix Awards Halle talked about her career and her intuition, and as she rambled on and on and on, she realized the audience had slipped into a coma and so then she talked about … Catwoman:
“Everybody around me said, ‘Girl don’t do it, it’s gonna be the death of you, it’s gonna end your career.’ Well guess what I did? I followed my intuition and I did a movie called Catwoman…and it bombed! Miserably. But I assumed it. Because you know what? While it ‘failed’ to most people, it wasn’t a failure for me. Because guess what? I met so many interesting people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise, I got to learn two forms of martial arts and I got to learn what not to do, and learning what not to do is as important as learning what to do. And I got that gift, and I got a shitload of money that changed my life.”
And there you have it: a shitload of money. And that’s why she wants to do it again, even though she doesn’t seem to realize that since the first one tanked, epically, no one will give her even a turdload of coins.

Sit down, Halle, Catwoman is over ... for you.
Well, looks who’s come crawling out of the Sexual Predator Slime: Matt Lauer.

He’s reared his bald head and groping hands and leering eyes to tell us all about allegations that got him canned from the Today by way of a piece by The Washington Post:
“I have made no public comments on the many false stories from anonymous or biased sources that have been reported about me over these past several months … I remained silent in an attempt to protect my family from further embarrassment and to restore a small degree of the privacy they have lost. But defending my family now requires me to speak up. I fully acknowledge that I acted inappropriately as a husband, father and principal at NBC. However I want to make it perfectly clear that any allegations or reports of coercive, aggressive or abusive actions on my part, at any time, are absolutely false.”
There you have it; he admits to being a bad boy but says he did nothing wrong and don’t believe anyone who says otherwise.

Okurrrrrrrrr.
I’ll give it to Jennifer Lopez, she doesn’t do subtle … at this week’s Billboard Latin Music Awards, JLo performed her new song, El Anillo—which means The Ring—the third single from her new Spanish album Por la Primera Vez .

The lyrics translate to:
“I have never felt anything this grand
And your wild side drives me crazy
You’ve given me so much that I’ve been thinking
I already have it all, but
When will I get the ring?”
Wow, someone is desperate for Alex Rodriguez to become the fourth Mr. Jennifer Lopez … because you can’t get to 5, 6, 7 or 8 without getting through #4.

Friday, April 27, 2018

I Didn't Say It ....


Janelle Monáe, comes out as pansexual:

“Being a queer black woman in America, someone who has been in relationships with both men and women – I consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker … but then later I read about pansexuality and was like, ‘Oh, these are things that I identify with too.’ I’m open to learning more about who I am.”

Who you are is who you are.
Welcome out to that!
_____, going cray on FOX & Friends about Comey, his GOP=led DOJ, Ronnie Jackson and, well, read through the lunacy:

“[Comey] said I didn’t stay the night. Of course I stayed there. I stayed there a very short time, well of course I stayed. His memo said I left immediately. I never said that! I never said I left immediately, and you know the funny thing, he does these memos, and then fake news CNN, who’s a total FAKE, you know they give Hillary Clinton the questions to the debate. Can you imagine, by the way, if you gave me the questions to a debate. They would have YOU out of business and they would have ME you better get out of this campaign, they don’t even bring it up. I mean, CNN. FAKE NEWS CNN they actually gave the questions to the debate … think about it. How bad is that? So anyway, Comey leaked, and by the way also, what he did with CNN in order to placate them, you saw that whole scenario. This is a big mistake, this book. He is GUILTY of crimes. And if we had a Justice Department that was doing their job, instead of spending 10 millions dollars … Because of the fact that they have this WITCH HUNT going on with people in the Justice Department who shouldn’t be there. They have a WITCH HUNT against the president of the United States going on. I’ve taken the position – and I don’t have to take this position and maybe I’ll change – that I will not be involved with the Justice Department. I will wait till this is over. It’s a total – it’s all lies and it’s a horrible thing that’s going on. It’s a horrible thing, and yet I’ve accomplished with all of this going on – more than any president in the first year in our history … These are false accusations [against Jackson]. They’re trying to destroy a man. I did say, ‘Welcome to Washington. Welcome to the swamp.’”

Lord. Talk about unhinged. Sarah Palin couldn't have tossed a better word salad!
And this was on Fox!!!
Mick Mulvaney, interim director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, revealed that, as a congressman, he would meet only with lobbyists if they had contributed to his campaign:

“We had a hierarchy in my office in Congress. If you’re a lobbyist who never gave us money, I didn’t talk to you. If you’re a lobbyist who gave us money, I might talk to you.”

And that, ladies and gentleladies, is what’s wrong with Washington.
Pay the coins and you get heard.
Adam Rippon, Olympic skater, at the Time 100 Gala leaving the audience howling:

 “I’m really able to be who I am very effortlessly. I met Nicole Kidman earlier tonight and she even let me smell her husband. If it wasn’t for the words that my mom told me, ‘Never give up on your dreams,’ I would never have had that experience.”

Urban admitted later that Rippon really did get a whiff and when he was asked what fragrance he was wearing, Urban said, “My wife!”
Love it!
Rex Tillerson, on who was responsible for his being fired:

“Mm-hmm when you say ‘the White House,’ who are you talking about? The White House is comprised of how many people? But people that matter, people that might have an interest in whether I stay or leave, there’s about one hundred and sixty of them. I know who it is. I knowwho it is. And they know I know.”

It’s Jared; quiet criminal Jared. According to multiple individuals, before Tillerson’s departure, tensions between the two men had been flaring regularly.
And _____ went with Ivanka’s hubby.
Sean Hannity, on the news that he  created multiple shell companies to invest millions in low income housing through an Obama-era loan program now overseen by HUD Secretary Ben Carson—and Hannity never disclosed those deals when Carson appeared on his show:

“It is ironic that I am being attacked for investing my personal money in communities that badly need such investment and in which, I am sure, those attacking me have not invested their money. The fact is, these are investments that I do not individually select, control, or know the details about; except that obviously I believe in putting my money to work in communities that otherwise struggle to receive such support. I have never discussed with anybody at HUD the original loans that were obtained in the Obama years, nor the subsequent refinance of such loans, as they are a private matter. I had no role in, or responsibility for, any HUD involvement in any of these investments. I can say that every rigorous process and strict standard of improvement requirements were followed; all were met, fulfilled and inspected. The LLC’s are REAL companies that spend real investment money on real properties.”

Wow, someone’s really angry. D’ya think he has something to hide?
Thomas Roberts, former NBC anchor, offering more proof that _____  lied to James Comey about not spending the night in Moscow on Pee Weekend:

“The first time I met Donald _____ it was in Moscow on November 8th, 2013. I taped a sit-down interview with _____ the next day on November 9th. That was also the date for the Miss Universe broadcast. During the after-party for the Miss Universe event, Mr. _____ offered to fly me and my husband back to New York. He said he would be leaving directly from the party. We were unable to accept the invitation. That was the early morning hours of November 10th.”

Seriously, every time ____ opens his mouth a lie falls out.
Barack Obama, in an open letter to Parkland survivors:

America’s response to mass shootings has long followed a predictable pattern. We mourn. Offer thoughts and prayers. Speculate about the motives. And then—even as no developed country endures a homicide rate like ours, a difference explained largely by pervasive accessibility to guns; even as the majority of gun owners support commonsense reforms—the political debate spirals into acrimony and paralysis. This time, something different is happening. This time, our children are calling us to account. The Parkland, Florida, students don’t have the kind of lobbyists or big budgets for attack ads that their opponents do. Most of them can’t even vote yet. But they have the power so often inherent in youth: to see the world anew; to reject the old constraints, outdated conventions and cowardice too often dressed up as wisdom.The power to insist that America can be better.
Seared by memories of seeing their friends murdered at a place they believed to be safe, these young leaders don’t intimidate easily. They see the NRA and its allies—whether mealymouthed politicians or mendacious commentators peddling conspiracy theories—as mere shills for those who make money selling weapons of war to whoever can pay. They’re as comfortable speaking truth to power as they are dismissive of platitudes and punditry. And they live to mobilize their peers. Already, they’ve had some success persuading statehouses and some of the biggest gun retailers to change. Now it gets harder. A Republican Congress remains unmoved. NRA scare tactics still sway much of the country. Progress will be slow and frustrating.
But by bearing witness to carnage, by asking tough questions and demanding real answers, the Parkland students are shaking us out of our complacency. The NRA’s favored candidates are starting to fear they might lose. Law-abiding gun owners are starting to speak out. As these young leaders make common cause with African Americans and Latinos—the disproportionate victims of gun violence—and reach voting age, the possibilities of meaningful change will steadily grow.
Our history is defined by the youthful push to make America more just, more compassionate, more equal under the law. This generation—of Parkland, of Dreamers, of Black Lives Matter—embraces that duty. If they make their elders uncomfortable, that’s how it should be. Our kids now show us what we’ve told them America is all about, even if we haven’t always believed it ourselves: that our future isn’t written for us, but by us.

This is how a president talks …
Sadly, our current Liar-In-Thief is too busy sucking Wayne LaPierre’s dick.

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Bobservations


Carlos has a serious issue with time, being late almost, almost, always. On the other hand, I was raised to almost, almost, always be early.

The other day, though, I got stuck at work chatting with co-workers and was late picking him up; he was annoyed. And we had a small spat about it, where I apologized—I should have called—but also reminded him that he has no sense of time and he is almost, almost, always late and has no issue with making people wait.

Cut to this morning; we had to leave early because Ozzo had a surgery and a dental cleaning planned and we had to have him at the vet’s office between seven and seven-thirty. We usually have breakfast at 7:30 so I suggested Carlos, who gets up first, have his breakfast first, and I’d eat after we dropped the dog off because I don’t need to go in as early.

I awoke at 6:45. We had fifteen minutes to leave, so I jumped out of bed and brushed my teeth, got dressed, threw on a ball cap and went out to the kitchen where Carlos … was preparing to make a couple of Café con Leches! I said:
“We have to go! We have to get Ozzo to the vet before 7:30.”
Carlos was stunned:
“Well, when can I have breakfast!”
“You’re right, call the vet and tell them we’ll be there at eight or so … after you have breakfast because they’ll wait on surgery for your breakfast!”
This is the same man who, when we lived in Miami, had a forty-five-minute commute to work each morning, and one morning, as we ate breakfast, he noticed he had just twenty minutes to get to work.
“Oh my god! I’m gonna be so late …”
I started to get up from the table.
“…so, I’ll have one more piece of toast.”
Seriously.
In Perhaps He Shouldn’t Speak news … Kanye West is back and under fire for Tweeting his support for Candace Owens, a pro-Trump, anti-Black Lives Matter conservative:
“I love the way Candace Owens thinks … only free thinkers.”
Kanye failed to notice that Owens is the conservative communications director for Turning Point USA, a nonprofit that spreads right-leaning values on college campuses and is thisclose to the _____ White House. Owens oversees the group’s “urban engagement” which means she attempts to dismantle arguments about white privilege put forward by black activists and the Democratic Party and defends the NRA because “they helped to train black Americans to use guns to defend themselves against the Ku Klux Klan, a Democrat terrorist group.”

Again, Kanye, take a seat and let the grownups talk.
When Sean Hannity was named in court this week as a client of _____’s fixer Michael Cohen, he insisted their discussions were limited to the subject of buying property:
“I’ve said many times on my radio show: I hate the stock market, I prefer real estate. Michael knows real estate.”
Apparently so; Hannity’s chosen investment strategy is confirmed by thousands of pages of public records detailing a real estate portfolio of remarkable scale. The records link Hannity to a group of shell companies that spent at least $90 million on more than 870 homes in seven states over the past decade. Hannity is the hidden owner behind some of the shell companies and his attorney did not dispute that he owns all of them. But, for some of the mortgages, Hannity obtained funding from HUD, Secretary Ben Carson’s department.

Hannity did not disclose his cooperation with HUD when he had Carson on his show last June, but, during that segment, he railed against the state of public housing.

Naturally, Hannity, Carson and Fox aren’t talking because … criminals.
I’ve shared this story before but, years ago Carlos and I went to Disneyworld in Orlando. After a fabulous day we stayed for the fireworks and then began walking toward the exit; we held hands as we walked and noticed a lesbian couple walking ahead of us also holding hands.

A voice behind us shouted, “What is this? Gay Days?”

And one of the lesbian shouted back, “For us, every day is gay day.”

And now, all these years later, Disney is going even more gay by paying homage to the LGBTQ community with a red cap featuring rainbow-colored ears and a pair of Mickey Mouse hands forming a rainbow heart on the front.

Every day is gay day at Disney!
In This Is High-Larious news, remember when _____ used to boast about his appointment of Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch as one of his big accomplishments?

Now, maybe not so much. It seems Gorsuch recently sided with left-leaning Justices Ginsburg, Kagan, Sotomayor, and Breyer in a case dealing with an immigrant who was facing deportation.

And now _____ is said to be fuming.

Liberal and pro-immigrant? I call it well-deserved bad karma for _____, Mitch McTurtle and the entire GOP for stealing that SCOTUS seat. They should've done the right thing and put Merrick Garland on the bench.
Oops. After 11 hours of political pushing and shoving at the Utah Republican Convention delegates forced Mittsy Romney into a primary election against state Representative Mike Kennedy for that U.S. Senate race.

Kennedy finished in first place, with 51% of the vote to Romney’s 49% percent, but neither reached the magic 60% number the get the nod.

Still, it’ll be nice to see Mittsy, who used to blast _____ but now kisses his fat ass, have to actually work for this.

Hopefully the people of Utah will just say ‘No.’
More Oops? As the Pee Tape saga continues to unfold, _____ claims he told James Comey that, well, he didn’t need to hire hookers—when he hires porn stars—and that he was only in Russia for one day when the ALLEGED golden showers took place.

But, it turns out that was another _____ lie as flight records prove he was in Moscow during the “Rainy” season for 45 hours … clearly overnight. Plus, _____’s own bodyguard had contradicted the story.

Now, I’m not saying he was peed on in Russia, but he’s clearly lying about a lot of that trip so… maybe?

As I said to _____ on Twitter:
“Urine trouble!”
I’m’a just say this … I don’t like Beyoncé. I don’t find her talented, unless talent these days is a wig machine, a weave, and an ass shaking.

There. Sue me.
Don Blankenship, a Republican running for the U.S. Senate in West Virginia suggested that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell faced conflicts of interests because his wife, Elaine Chao’s, father is a “wealthy Chinaperson.”

Blankenship is running for the Senate as a proud West Virginian with Appalachian roots, but his primary residence is a $2.4 million villa with palm trees and an infinity pool near Las Vegas.

Yup, he’s clearly a Republican who says one thing while living the other.

Oh, and even better, Blankenship is married to a Chinese immigrant, but maybe her father isn’t a rich “Chinaperson.”
Okay, so now Amazon has announced that they can deliver your packages to your car, rather than your home because they will be able to access the trunk of your car, open it, and put your packages inside; in addition, if the trunk is full, they will also be able to unlock your car and put your order inside the vehicle.

We just learned about our privacy being invaded, and personal information stolen, corrupted on Facebook and now people are going to let Amazon be able to open your car and leave something inside for you.

I cannot wait for the first Amazon customer to sue the company because their car was stolen by someone who hacked into Amazon’s system.
Dear Starbucks,

‘After you get done closing all your stores and hiving your employees a racial-bias education, could you close America and offer it to the entire country.

Asking for a country.
Did you see the photo of _____ and French President Emmanuel Macron at the White House when _____ wiped the “dandruff” off Macron’s shoulder and then said:
"They're all saying what a great relationship we have, and they're actually correct. We do have a very special relationship. In fact, I'll get that little piece of dandruff off–we have to make him perfect. He is perfect."
I kinda hoped Macron would have reached out to _____’s shoulder, tried to wipe it off, and the said:
‘Huh. Ignorant, unqualified, racist, rapist, blowhard doesn’t come off as easy.”
That would’a been fun.
In Hot Men News … a new show on BBC America, Killing Eve, features a couple of rugged looking older men who may, or may not, tickle my, um, ivories … Edward Akrout and Owen McDonnell.

On the other end of the age spectrum, we have Garrett Hodges, a high school football player and singer who, until this week, was a contestant on American idol. I love a jock with perfectly manicured brows.


Just sayin’.