The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Adam Zyglis, Jack Ohman, Ed Wexler, Drew Sheneman, Bill Bramhall, Darrin Bell, Pedro X Molina, Matt Wuerker, Michael de Adder, Lalo Alcaraz, Mike Luckovich, Max Espinosa

Meme Dump

Bobservations

The other day I was getting ready to take a shower and Carlos came into the bathroom asking if there was someone at the front door. Now, before you think our front door opens into the bathroom, it does not, and I explained that to Carlos. But he said the cats had scattered as they sometimes do when someone rings the bell.

“Did someone ring the bell?”

“No.”

“But you think that I know, here in the bathroom, at the back of the house,  if there’s someone at the door?”

I followed him to the front door and he’s looking through the glass to see if he spots anyone. I’m behind him, and it’s me who spots … something.

We have a wreath on the door and as I glanced beyond it, I saw a snake slithering up the glass and inside the wreath. I said to Carlos:

“Maybe that snake rang to bell.”

Howler monkey scream!!!!!

Once I peeled him off the ceiling, I told him I’d take the wreath off the door and put it away so that these snakes don’t think it’s food and climb the door. And he put the kibosh on that because the snake will kill me because snakes slither so fast and you can’t get away and it’ll come in the house and … and … and ….

I had to sedate him; with a frying pan to the melon.

What? Y’all know Tuxedo has the Common Sense. It’s a shame the two-legged inhabitants of the planet don’t always follow his lead.

Seen along the roads in Florida:

“Matt Gaetz Wants to ‘Date’ Your Child.”

Claude Taylor, Mad Dog PAC founder, funded the billboard and it couldn’t happen to a more deserving asshat.

For the past couple of weeks Aaron Rodgers has been the guest host of Jeopardy. At times he seems a bit tentative, but he sure is easy on the eyes.

Texas GQP Party chairman Allen West says Texas could secede from the United States and become an independent country:

“This is something that was written into the Texas Constitution.”

West is mistaking the state constitution for a congressional document which allows Texas to divide itself into five different states. But let’s say Texas does secede, as asshat politicians like to threaten. No more Ted Cruz. No more Louie Gohmert … Greg Abbott. The next time a bad hurricane comes through, or the power goes out, they’re on their own.

Secede away!

In an Economist/YouGov Poll released this week, respondents were asked if they believed Derek Chauvin should be found guilty of murder.

Among all respondents, 57% said “Yes,” with 25% saying they were “Not sure,: and 18% saying “No.” But among Republicans, only 31% said Chauvin should be found guilty, and 36% said he should not.

Now, again, I am not saying that all Republicans are racist, but this makes it look like all racists are Republicans.

PS Look closely at the above picture in case you didn't see it the first time.

Kentucky Governor, and Democrat, because, of course, Andy Beshear signed into law an election reform bill making it easier for Kentuckians to vote early, bucking the GQP trend of more restrictive election laws spurred on by The Big Lie:

New in Kentucky will be voting supercenters—where a voter from any precinct in the county can vote—and the online absentee ballot request portal will become permanent, as will absentee ballot drop boxes and three days of early in-person voting for all registered voters.

It’s nice to see some states in the country making voting easier.

SIDENOTE: Andy’s kinda cute, no?

I don’t particularly care for Will Smith, but I like this.

Smith and director Antoine Fuqua are pulling their upcoming film production “Emancipation” out of Georgia because of the state’s new voting law, AKA Jim Crow 2.0.

Now, Marvel and Netflix? Are you gonna pump money into a state that tried to suppress the vote or are you gonna step up?

In November 2020, two years after Taylor Swift’s contract with Big Machine Records expired, so did her re-record clause.

And so Swift is now going to re-record every song from the six albums she released while at Big Machine meaning that those of you who bought them the first time can now buy the re-recorded versions and Swift can fill her change purse with more coins.

Ted Nugent, MAGAt rocker with no active brain cells, asked a question about the COVID-19 pandemic that possibly nobody else had considered … except Cryptkeeper Kellyanne Conway:

“Why weren’t we shut down for COVID one through 18?”

Um, Ted, perhaps the years of drug use and lack of education have left you unable comprehend that the ‘19’ in COVID-19 designates the year in which the first infection was reported.

2019, dumbass.

This week’s Hottie is not an actor or a model, but a writer, activist, and perhaps a candidate for governor of Maryland, Westley "Wes" Watende Omari Moore.

That smile. Those eyes. That voice. That passion. That drive. Wes Moore? Yes, more.

Alabama Has Left The Union

I’ve always giggled at those rightwingnuts who cry “Activist judges” every time a court rules in a way with which they disagree.

And so that’s why I’m not the least bit shocked that none of those goose-stepping loons cried foul yesterday when the Alabama Supreme Court issued an order to the state’s probate judges telling them to ignore that federal court order — one that was upheld by the Supreme Court of the United States — requiring Alabama to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

Can I get a ‘treason’ up in here? See, by issuing this order, the Alabama court is ignoring the supremacy clause of the Constitution, which clearly establishes the federal courts’ authority. But wait, y’all, those non-activist Alabama judges have reason for being dumbasses:

The United States District Court for the Southern District of Alabama has declared that Alabama’s laws that define marriage as being only between two members of the opposite sex —  what has been denominated traditional marriage — violate the United States Constitution. After careful consideration of the reasoning employed by the federal district court in Searcy I, we find that the provisions of Alabama law contemplating the issuance of marriage licenses only to opposite-sex couples do not violate the United States Constitution and that the Constitution does not alter or override the ministerial duties of the respondents under Alabama law.

See, those Alabama judges — not an activist among them remember — have declared that they do not care, nor do they have to abide by, what the federal courts say is Constitutional. There are those that are saying that, while this isn’t a “formal” declaration of secession, it comes awfully close. 

To which I would say, “So long, Alabama. It’s not me, it’s you.”

You don’t believe in equality; you don’t believe in the laws of this country’ you don’t follow the rules. Take a hike, and good luck out there.

Oh, and make sure you take these 'judges' with you ...

via Blue Nation Review

Random Musings ... Delayed for the Holiday

Boy oh boy, say what you will about the Good Old US of A—even on this day after her birthday—but it sure beats living in Russia. If you’re one of The Gays, or The Gay Allies, that is.

This Russian President Vladimir Putin signed Russia's national bill against "gay propaganda" into law. The law will introduce fines of up to 5000 rubles—AKA $150.00—for individuals who promote information ‘directed at forming non-traditional sexual setup’ in minors; it is also now illegal in Russia to say gay relationships are equal to straight ones.

Luckily, if you’re gay and just visiting Russia, you won’t be fined for breaking the law, you’ll just be arrested and jailed for fifteen days and then deported.

Best to just stay home and feel the Pride here.

Torchwood, Arrow, and Doctor Who actor John Barrowman and his partner Scott Gill took advantage of California's new marriage laws and tied the knot this week.

"Thank you Supreme Court. About time you made it legal!"—John Barrowman.

The only thing I don’t like about this story is that Barrowman didn’t marry me!

If I had a nickel for every time I was on trial for shooting a young man to death and got a case of the giggles in court, well, I’d be just about the richest man ever. Or not. But George Zimmerman, on trial for murdering Trayvon Martin, found just such a moment during his trial this week.

On the stand, U.S. Army Capt. Alexis Francisco Carter Jr. told a Florida court that Zimmerman had been “one of the better students” in a Criminal Litigation course he taught that included the state’s “stand your ground” self defense law.

Defense attorney Don West asked Carter to explain how the self defense claim worked in Florida: “On the issue of injuries, though, when you talk about that with the class and your understanding of the law is that the focused is what’s going on in the person’s mind, not whether they have actually been injured. It’s the fear of the injury, is it not?”

“It’s imminent injury,” Carter explained. “Or imminent fear. So the fact alone that there isn’t an injury doesn’t necessarily mean that the person did not have a real apprehension of fear. The fact that there were injuries have a tendency to show or support that that person had a reasonable apprehension of fear.”

“You don’t have to wait until you’re almost dead until you can defend yourself?” West asked.

“No, I would advise you probably don’t do that,” Carter replied.

That response prompted several seconds of laughter from George Zimmerman.

On trial for murdering a young boy.

UPDATE

I first posted about this HERE.

The Colorado Civil Rights Division has ruled in favor of 6-year-old Coy Mathis, whose school barred her from using the girls' bathroom at her Fountain elementary school because she is transgender. Coy was born with male genitals, but as soon as she was able to express herself at around 18 months, it became clear to her parents that she thought of herself as a girl.

"This is huge for Coy and every transgender child throughout the state. We told her and she was completely thrilled. Her eyes got all bright and she jumped up and down and said 'So, this means I can go to school and make friends again.'"— Kathryn Mathis, Coy's mother

Mathis' parents filed a complaint with the Colorado Civil Rights Division after Coy was denied access to the girls' bathroom at Eagleside Elementary School in Fountain-Fort Carson School District 8; after filing the complaint, the Mathis family removed Coy from classes.

The decision marks the first ruling in the nation holding that transgender students must be allowed to use bathrooms that match the gender with which they identify, and the most comprehensive ruling ever supporting the rights of transgender people to access bathrooms without harassment or discrimination.

The march goes on, people.

Up there in Delaware, state Senator Karen Peterson, a co-sponsor of that state's marriage equality bill, married her partner, Victoria Bandy, last Monday, becoming the first gay couple to wed in Delaware.

"Never, ever. I still can't believe it. Who would think at 63 I'd be getting married, you know?"—Karen Peterson

Congrats to all the gay couples in Delaware who are doing the same today, including ….

Ron Tipton and Bill Kelly, who married in Delaware in July 3^rd.

It was an important date for the couple as it also marked their 49^th anniversary together.

Forty.Nine.Years. And finally a bridegroom.

Congrats to Ron, of Retired In Delaware blog-fame, and his husband Bill!

I loves me some Hugh Jackman. And his Huge Ackman.

But, alas, I am getting tired of the nearly yearly event in which Jackman and his wife, Deborra-Lee Furness, come out and complain about people saying Huge, er, Hugh is gay.

Last week the couple appeared on Australia's 60 Minutes to once more complain about how tired they are of the gay rumors that follow Jackman.

"If I was [gay], I would be...It's to me not the most interesting thing about a person anyway, but I do get frustrated for Deb, because I see Deb go 'Ah, this is just crazy'."—Hugh Jackman

"It is just wrong, it's like, it's a lie...It's just offensive. If he was gay, fine, he would say he's gay. It has gotten so out of whack … it's stupid, and yeah, it's annoying, because it's not true."— Deborra-Lee Furness

I can see it might be annoying, but, if you aren’t gay, then who really cares? If Hugh and ‘Deb’ know that he’s straight, then what does it matter if a bunch of gay men, and gossip sites, around the world think otherwise. It might just be wishful thinking on my part. You know. 

And, is being called gay really such an awful thing? It isn’t. So, Hugh? While I love you, I’d like to ask that you just stop with the ‘don’t call me gay’ foot stomp.

And Deb? Lots of things in life are stupid and annoying but most folks just keep moving. If you know the truth then who cares that I loves me some Huge Ackman and dream a little dream … ?

We just started watching Under The Dome, based on a Stephen Kill story, or something he wrote on a napkin. So far it’s pretty good, and so far, it has some deliciously hot looking mens to whet my, er, whistle:

Alexander Koch [left] plays the creeper [dreamy?] Junior, while Mike Vogel [center] plays the killer-slash-good guy Barbi, and Nicholas Strong [right] plays the cool radio dude.

It’s worth watching, and not just for these three.

Robert Knight, of the laughably-named American Civil Rights Union, and a former member of the virulently anti-gay Coral Ridge Ministries, is calling for southern California to break away from the dirty gay-loving northern half of the state. 

Robert Knight: “By accusing backers of traditional marriage of being motivated only by animus against homosexuals, the U.S. Supreme Court has become the most prominent hate group in the country. Judge Walker’s ruling applies only to the Northern District of California, leaving the rest of the state’s law intact. This gives Southern Californians more incentive to push secession. For years, sensible Southland folks have wanted not to reside in a state represented in Washington by Rep. Nancy Pelosi or in Sacramento by Gov. Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown. There would have to be a gerrymander, with Hollywood joining the north, but politicians are good at this. I hope they can pull it off, but I wonder where the rest of us are going to live when mere belief in the biblical definition of marriage is grounds for civil action and eventually criminal prosecution? It’s not as if we can trust the courts to give us justice.”

Oh, LA and Hollywood would be in Northern Homo-fornia? I guess Knight thinks there ain’t no queers in San Diego.

Carlos and I recently caught World War Z and, while I am not a fan of zombies—I mean, seriously, they walk so slowly how are they a threat?—but I loved this movie. These zombies run, and hurl themselves at you, and, well, several times I jumped in the theater.

I also really liked Brad Pitt. Even scruffy, with a bad haircut, he’s a good looking man, but I began wondering that, had WWZ been a Tom Cruise movie it would have been entirely different.

First, I’d never see it because I don’t go to Tommy’s movies.

But, you just know that he’d look perfect, not a hair out of place, and barely a scratch on him. It would have been ridiculous. 

Sure, Pitt played the hero who worked hard and solved the problem of the zombies—or so we think because there is talk of a sequel—but he looked beaten up while doing so.

And hot while doing so, too.

I caught a snippet of Big Brother—for the record, I loathe the show—and saw some guy who had the IQ of a pencil—he was a California beach lifeguard, so that stereotype remains intact—and just about hurled. It’s not a reality show, it’s a show where people with nothing better to do, go on TV to act the fool and show their true colors.

But, Big Brother has a 24-hour live feed from CBS, and it’s there that the troubles started. Even though the show isn’t airing, it is being filmed and some of the houseguests have a tendency to let their racism, and bigotry and homophobia show, like:

• GinaMarie, who said that, because of her income level, she receives “n***** insurance” and then said that Helen, who’s Asian, “should be kissing our ass and serving us some f-cking rice.”
• Aaryn said of Andy, “No one’s gonna vote for whoever that queer puts up,” and then suggested he’d win MVP because “people love the queers.” Spencer called Andy “Kermit the f-g”; Amanda called him “F-ggoty Ann.” Katilin, on the other hand, said she likes gay people but they’re “untrustworthy in a game like this.”
• Aaryn, who apparently is all kinds of stupid bigot, said, of Candice, who’s black, “be careful what you say in the dark; you might not be able to see that bitch.” And then David, the aforementioned ousted dumbass lifeguard, talking about sheets that smelled bad, said they were that way because “black Candice” was on them, and then admitted, “that was totally racist.”
• Jeremy, who calls the house’s women “bitches,” said of Katilin, “I did touch her vagina today. She didn’t act like she was happy. I like to feel around to see what’s she’s working with. See if it’s a nice meat wallet … I know she’s on her period.” Spencer refers to women as “c****.”

Now, do not give me the ‘they forgot they were on TV’ bull. These people know they are on TV and yet they still utter this crap like it’s a joke. Sure, maybe some of them do it because it might get them more camera time, but it’s disgusting none-the-less and CBS should be ashamed of themselves for airing this in any way shape or form. But, they did release this statement:

“Big Brother is a reality show about watching a group of people who have no privacy 24/7 — and seeing every moment of their lives. At times, the Houseguests reveal prejudices and other beliefs that we do not condone. We certainly find the statements made by several of the Houseguests on the live Internet feed to be offensive. Any views or opinions expressed in personal commentary by a Houseguest appearing on Big Brother, either on any live feed from the House or during the broadcast, are those of the individual(s) speaking and do not represent the views or opinions of CBS or the producers of the program.”

In other words, meh. That said, some folks are not happy with the blatant racism, sexism, homophobia and bigotry of these reality dickwads.

Turns out that racism gets you fired these days, as both GinaMarie Zimmerman and Aaryn Gries were fired from their day jobs:

East Coast USA Pageant, Inc., who employs GinaMarie Zimmerman, has fired her, saying they were shocked that she could “display such acts of hate and racism. … We are actually thankful that this show let us see GinaMarie for who she truly is. We would never want her to be a role model to our future contestants.”

Then we have homophobe, Aaryn Gries, who will learn, upon exiting the BB house that Zephyr Talent in Austin, Texas says they’ve seen enough and have dropped Aaryn from the agency because of her filthy mouth: “Aaryn, season 15 cast member of Big Brother, revealed prejudices and other beliefs that we (Zephyr Talent) do not condone. … We certainly find the statements made by Aaryn on the live Internet feed to be offensive. Upon much consideration, we have decided to release Aaryn from her contract with Zephyr Talent.”

The best part of these two women losing their jobs is that they have no idea it happened until they get off the show. So, if you ever get on a reality show with a 24-hour live feed and think that being a bigot or a racist or a misogynist or a homophobe will get you more air time and more fans, remember that it might also cost you your job.

Kinda not worth it. Just ask Paula Deen.

The Fabulous Beekman Boys—Brent Ridge and Josh Kilmer-Purcell—were married on June 28. The couple has been together since 2000, and just last year won the Amazing Race.

Martha Stewart broadcast the ceremony on her Sirius XM radio show, Martha Live, and contributed some 100 hard-boiled eggs to the potluck feast.

Hmmm, wonder it Martha would make tacos when I marry Carlos? Just sayin’.