Snarky Thoughts

The smugness and hilarity of Gwyneth Paltrow and Terry Sanderson’s 8-day ski accident trial held many of us in a tight grip a while back. It ended when the jury sided with the Oscar-winning actress … hold for laughter … and awarded her the $1 dollar in damages she’d requested; she was also asking that Sanderson pay her lawyer fees because the crash caused her to miss a half-day of skiing, but we now know that lawyers for both parties have agreed to drop that part of the suit. 

My Thought: Maybe that haughty, I’m-too-good-for-this-nonsense bitch face caused Paltrow’s attorneys to rethink their money beg.

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Halle Berry is making Madonna look absolutely parched, she’s so thirsty. Like Madge, Halle has posted a nude photo of herself sipping wine on a balcony to social media, with the caption:

“i do what i wanna do. happy Saturday.”

In the photo, Berry is covering her breasts with her arm and leaning against a railing that covers her nether regions.

My Thought: This is pure thirst because Halle had her boyfriend take the camera downstairs and outside while she perched on the balcony so he could snap the photo. I guess doing what she wants to do for Halle means sending her boyfriend to the yard to take a nudie pic.

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Who needs Adele or Elton, or even Paddington Bear when you’ve booked Katy Perry, Lionel Ritchie, Winnie the Pooh and Tom Cruise for your coronation?

My Thought: King Charles and those wacky Windsor’s are scraping the bottom of the celebrity  barrel to make this coronation a thing.

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Another Kardastrophe, well, to be fair, a Kardastrophe-adjacent, family member is pitching  a hissy over the idea that people think she's had plastic surgery. Kylie Jenner admits to having lip fillers but wants y’all to know she isn’t all that plastic:

“I think a big misconception about me is that I’ve had so much surgery on my face and that I was some insecure person, and I really wasn’t!”

But she always “wanted full lips” but claims it’s not due to insecurities saying she was “always the most confident person in the room” as a child and “the girl performing for everyone,” but because of her “one lip insecurity thing” she chose to make a change.

My Thought: That little lip thing really made her face and body and breasts totally different, and that makes it one special filler.

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Alec Baldwin is back in the news, though not for killing someone … this time. See, after the manslaughter  charges against him were dropped he posted a slideshow of his seven kids calling them “seven reasons to carry on during tough times.” Trouble is, Baldwin has eight children and appears to have forgotten his daughter Ireland, whose mother is Kim Basinger, and whom he famously called a “pig” years back in a telephone rant.

My Thought: Not exactly father of the year material, eh? I mean if you have so many children you forget the first one.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

A few years ago, musician Phil Collins went through an ugly divorce with Orianne Cevey. He was granted a divorce but she refused to leave the marital home until he had her removed, and then they got back together, though they remained divorced.

But it was while they were living together as a couple, and while Phil was on tour, that Orianne met and secretly married Thomas Bates in Las Vegas. The happy couple then took over Phil’s Miami house “‘by a show of force’ with armed guards who surrounded the property” and tried to have Phil evicted. But, once again, after a year, Phil had the lovebirds removed from his home, and suddenly Orianne was no longer happy with Thomas—who says she threatened to chop off his dick—and she filed for divorce.

And it’s through those divorce papers that we learn Orianne “ordered” Thomas through an escort service where he was, ahem, advertised as a “sexy intellectual” according to the divorce paperwork:

“At the time the parties met, Husband was employed by an escort service …. The Wife selected Husband through the escort service and insisted on dating him. The parties’ relationship rapidly progressed into a meaningful romantic relationship. Wife persuaded Husband to leave the escort service to marry her.”

Sadly, after getting the boot from Phil, Orianne posted the news of her divorce from Thomas on Instagram:

“I am filing for divorce from my husband, Thomas Bates. I believe the emotional distress of the COVID quarantine caused me to act in ways and do things that were out of character. Fortunately, I have faced challenging situations before and like I always have, I will muster the strength I can, the best team I can find and the courage to do the right thing.”

Part of that strength is gathered from entering Phil’s home—dammit, man, change the locks already—to auction off things in her life that no longer “sparked joy” … like Phil’s gold records, Phil’s awards, and 5,000 pairs of Phil’s shoes.

But all is not lost for Thomas, as he still has his dick and his escort resume, and because he and Orianne married with no prenup, the money she earns from purging her less joyous possessions is half his.

Until he finds another wife.

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Yes, I know, The Slap was the big news at the 94th Academy Awards but the Second Biggest News was Liza In A Wheelchair pushed onstage by Lady Gaga. But was that all that we thought it was, or not? The appearance of Liza Minnelli in that state caused many to worry about her physical state, but maybe the wheelchair was a second choice.

According to Liza’s friend and frequent collaborator, Michael Feinstein, Liza wasn’t happy with her appearance. Appearing on SIriusXM’s Jess Cagle Show Feinstein says Liza’s back has been giving her problems and she asked to appear onstage in a director’s chair alongside Gaga when the curtain opened, but just five minutes before she was set to present the Pest Picture award, a stage manager told her she had to use a wheelchair.

Liza initially said, “Fuck That!” and was prepared to come out on her own but Feinstein says she was forced into the wheelchair:

“She was nervous. I mean, and it made her look like she was out of it. And she was just so shaken up that it was. Can you imagine being suddenly forced to be seen by millions of people the way you don’t wanna be seen? That’s what happened to her.”

Really, Michael? Liza Effing Minnelli asks for a director’s chair and they couldn’t find one in all of Hollywood, but they just happened to have a wheelchair at the ready?

Try again.

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In 2017, Blac Chyna, who had a baby and a TV show—Rob & Chyna—with Rob Kardastrophe filed a lawsuit against the entire Kardastrophe-Jenner family—The Woman, Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, Kendall, Kylie, and Rob—over claims of assault, battery, domestic violence, defamation and interference with prospective economic relations.

Chyna, whose real name is Angela White, ALLEGED that Rob is an abuser intent on destroying Angela White, the mother of his child, and she says that, in revenge, the Kardastrophe-Jenner family became media predators, slut-shaming her on social media and killing her hit television show [‘Rob & Chyna’] which had already begun filming a second season. And so now Chyna wants $40 million for loss of earning damages and $60 million in loss of future earning capacity damages.

But the best part is that, as the trial began, Kim, Khloé, Kylie and That Woman, appeared in the courtroom during jury selection; even better, they were left unprepared for what potential jurors think of them.

These Four Whores of the Apocalypse did not like it when their lawyer, Michael Rhodes, asked a group of potential jurors if they had strong positive or negative feelings toward reality television.

One man says he’d never watched Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes but:

“I have watched [Kim] Kardastrophe’s sex tape, and I don’t think I can be impartial on this case.”

The response elicited a roar of laughter from the other potential jurors, though the K’s were less than amused. Kim was ALLEGEDLY very upset, but then, you know, don’t lay flat on your back, heels to Jesus, letting your boyfriend ride you like a rodeo clown, and don’t drop to your knees to worship Dick, and film, and then let your mother sell that tape to a porn company to jumpstart your career, m’kay?

Several other people said they knew only about the K’s because their kids watch the show and follow them on social media, while one juror admitted it would be difficult to be impartial because he doesn’t like reality TV and wished the show “wasn’t on any longer.”

Here are more juror comments:

“Anything that has to do with their names is just a big no for me. I don’t think reality TV is good for society.”

“I sincerely hope none of these people get any wealthier because of this.”

“I don’t think they were the best role models. I wouldn’t let [my daughter] watch anything involving them.”

And it’s only going to worse for the K’s once the trial actually starts because Blac Chyna will say anything to get those 100 million coins.

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In Ain't One To Gossip But ...

It was never lost on anyone that it seemed weird that Sex and the City never had at least one Black friend—and Jennifer Hudson, as Carrie’s assistant, doesn’t count—but now, some twenty-three years after its premiere, the producers, including SJP, have finally noticed there are people of color in New York City.

You.Don’t.Say. Yes, I do, because now Nicole Ari Parker has been added to the reboot and it’s being reported that her character will fill the vacancy left by Kim Cattrall who has had enough of SJP and left the building.

The reboot, entitled And Just Like That… so no one shrieks, “Oh my god, not another sequel to this crap,” is currently shooting in NYC with SJP, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis, and Nicole Ari Parker, playing Carrie Bradshaw’s new best friend, documentary-maker Lisa Todd Wexley.

Somewhere Kim Cattrall is reading this news and saying, “Meh.”

Just like the rest of us.

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Prince Harry fancies himself an environmental activist, even appearing … again … with Oprah Winfrey on her Apple TV+ series The Me You Can’t See to talk about an issue he is passionate about: climate change.

Nice, Harry, but then please explain why you took a rich friend’s private jet from Aspen to Santa Barbara playing in a charity polo match.

Charity good, private jet bad, Harry.

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In the latter part of the last century, actress Brett Butler was making millions from her hit sitcom Grace Under Fire based on her own life and stand-up comedy act. Trouble was, Butler had addiction issues, boundary issues—she allegedly bared her breasts to a twelve-year-old boy—and was difficult on set. Things got worse when Butler became addicted to Vicodin—which a doctor prescribed for sciatica—and began butting heads with the show’s creator Chuck Lorre—who would later have the same types of issues with Charlie Sheen on the set of Two and a Half Men. As Brett battled addiction, the show’s ratings fell and cast members began quitting. The show was canceled, and Brett left Hollywood to live on a farm in Rome, Georgia, until losing that to foreclosure.

She returned to Hollywood, ready to start her career over again, and is using GoFundMe to ask her fans to help her out even though she earned some $25 million from Grace. In the last decade she was cast on Sheen’s Anger Management for 38 episodes, did a few episodes of The Young and the Restless, appeared on The Leftovers, How To Get Away With Murder, The Walking Dead, and The Morning Show. She generally gets paid over the guild minimum and sometimes makes $5,000 for a one-day shoot, but doesn’t work that often, and, you know, it’s hard out there for a former millionaire and Butler struggles to pay her $2500-a-month rent and so is down to the social media money beg.

Sorry, hon, but you seem to think you’re owed something. And you aren’t. I remember when former Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens, who was struggling to make ends meet after the show ended, didn’t head to GoFundMe to have the public pay his bills but took a job at a Southern California Trader Joe’s. Maybe they’re hiring Brett …

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Kanye has recently filed papers with a California court to have his name legally changed from Kanye Omari West to … Ye.

I think he should change his name to ‘Who’.

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And speaking of Kardastrophe-adjacent folks, leave it to Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott to prove themselves tone-deaf … again.

Stormi Webster, the three-year-old love child of Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner, expressed an interest in how poor people get to school, her dad surprised her with a school bus of her own so she could experience what normal people do. And because Kardastrophe-adjacent people live on social media, Kylie shared Stormi’s shock-and-awe at the bus in her Instagram Stories.

I guess it’s lucky Stormi didn’t express an interest in rocket ships because then she’d be circling the globe about now.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Apparently it’s not just Samantha who took a hard pass on the reboot rehash mishmash of Sex and the City after all.

After HBO Max announced its limited 10-episode SATC revival entitled And Just Like That…, word came that Kim Cattrall, who’d already passed on what would have been the 51^st sequel—I know that’s wrong, it’s just the first two sequels were sooooo long it felt like fifty-one—was not having it.

And that started a feud of sorts between Kim and desperately seeking attention Sarah Jessica Parker that was just about over until the reboot rehash mishmash came along.

Only, Kim wasn’t asked to come back, and I’m sure she doesn’t care about that, but now we learn that Mr. Big, Carrie’s husband, played by Chris Noth, has also declined the invitation to return.

I wonder if they’ll play it like Mr. Big finally dumped the shallow, shoe-obsessed, always on the lookout for the next thing, Carrie, for the fabulous Samantha?

Now that would be a show!

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Kylie Jenner notoriously dropped her best friend, Jordyn Woods, after Jordyn hooked up with Kylie’s sister Khloé’s piece, Tristan Thompson, who had hooked up with Khloe while his then-other girlfriend was pregnant with their child. Tristan then cheated on Khloé while she was pregnant with his baby because dogs will be dogs.

And while Jordyn and Kylie never made up, Khloé took Tristan back so they could have another child so their two kids would be actually related to one another. And that lead to an online commenter asked:

“So… Is Kylie allowed to be friends with [Jordyn] again?” 

And Khloé snapped, and wants y’all to know that both her newest face, and all her old faces, does not like that; at all:

“I’m so sick and tired of this narrative that I control my sister or I dictate who she chooses to surround herself with. Never once have I ever and I mean EVER told my sister who she can be friends with. She is an adult, who can do whatever she wants to do. I will support her in anything and everything she wants to do! I love my sister unconditionally! That means regardless of who she chooses to be friends with, I will always love, respect and value my sister unconditionally!! She is my life partner and I will always respect what she chooses!!! By the way,  I have no ill feelings towards ANYONE!!! Truly. My heart carries no hatred at all. Unless you actually know what you’re talking about, respectfully SHUT THE FUCK UP!”

Sounds like someone doth protest too much.

Besides, we all know that no one tells Kylie what to do because she brings the most coins into the family. When Khloé starts dropping some coins maybe her opinion will matter.

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I never watched Buffy so I know none of these people but that’s never stopped me before, so here goes … it seems Buffy actress Charisma Carpenter has accused Buffy creator Joss Whedon of behaving inappropriately toward her on set. And once she spoke out, many of her Buffy and Angel co-stars told their own tales of Whedon’s bullying behavior.

Well, not all; Alyson Hannigan and Nicholas Brendon have said nary a word about the situation. And while there is no reason for Hannigan’s silence, the reason Brendon isn’t talking is because … wait for it … as excuses go it’s epic …  he slipped and fell, paralyzing his penis and anus.

Seriously. Brendon said he slipped the week before and felt a pressure in his coccyx bone. That pressure slowly traveled down his right side, and soon his anus and penis were paralyzed. In Nicholas’ own words:

“It’s weird not being able to feel your fucking anus when you’re shitting.” 

Yeah, might be best if he didn’t speak out?

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I blame Anna Wintour.

André Leon Talley, former Wintour BFF, is in danger of eviction from his White Plains, New York manse because maybe he doesn’t own it, and maybe he does?

While André claims ownership of the home, his friends—well, ex-friends—George Malkemus, former CEO of Manolo Blahnik, and his husband, Anthony Yurgaitis, claim it’s their house and that André was merely a renter who is behind in the rent to the tune of $500,000.

In November, George and Anthony filed documents seeking to evict André from their home claiming “$515,872,97 representing alleged arrears” while André filed his own lawsuit against George and Anthony claiming that, in 2004, the home he was living in developed mold and he needed to find a new place to live. He says that George, a friend for almost 40 years, helped him out because—and this makes literally no sense—his “work schedule was particularly demanding, and he could not obtain traditional financing” so he and George entered into a “gentleman’s agreement.” 

According to André, George and Anthony agreed to buy the White Plains mansion, with help from a $120K down payment provided by André, who would then make payments to George and Anthony until the balance of the purchase price was paid off and then the deed would be transferred to him. André claims he paid George and Anthony back and then some; the purchase price was $1.02M and André says he’s paid the couple $1.075M and then spent another $200,000 on home repairs.

Wait, so he overpaid? At any rate, André says he’s overpaid in full, and the couple did not sign over the house to him, and in March 2020, George and Anthony told André to pay it off or get out.

André believes that the couple was having money problems related to Manolo Blahnik’s bankruptcy and so they are trying to steal the house out from under him. That begs the question, though, how do these high-powered, somewhat affluent people, make a “gentleman’s agreement” and not put one word in writing? Makes no sense … unless ….

Like I said, I’d be looking at Wintour. This story has her claws all over it.

Oops, probably should have said that last part. If I suddenly stop blogging and you never hear from me again, someone tell the police it was Anna!

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Remember when the Gynecological world took Gwyneth Paltrow to task over her assertion that every vagina needed to be stuffed with a jade egg?

Good times. But now it’s England’s National Health Service [NHS] coming for GOOP demanding that she stop trying to prescribe any treatments for COVID-19 on her, ahem, “lifestyle” blog.

NHS medical director, Professor Stephen Powis, is asking Paltrow  to stop pushing misinformation lies, specifically the diet and health regimen she touted as a cure for COVID-19’s long-lasting effects. Gwyneth posted to GOOP that she had the virus early on and it left her with “long-tail fatigue and brain fog” and she offered up a lot of costly GOOP products—a “keto and plant-based” diet, fasting until 11AM every day, “coconut aminos,” sugar-free kombucha, kimchi, supplements, an “herbal nonalcoholic cocktail” called Seedlip and wrapping yourself up in a “sauna blanket”—that you can all buy to deal with its symptoms though you will never get over the pain of lining Gwyneth Paltrow’s pockets with coins over some 2021 snake-oil shiz.

Professor Powis—not be confused with Has been Actress Paltrow—says:

“I see Gwyneth Paltrow is unfortunately suffering from the effects of Covid. We wish her well, but some of the solutions she’s recommending are really not the solutions we’d recommend in the NHS. We need to take long Covid seriously and apply serious science. All influencers who use social media have a duty of responsibility and a duty of care around that. Like the virus, misinformation carries across borders and it mutates, and it evolves. So, I think YouTube and other social media platforms have a real responsibility and opportunity here.”

Oops! He called GOOP a “social media platform” when Gwyneth calls it The Answer To Every Single Problem That Anyone Anywhere Any Time Ever Can Access To Cure Themselves, Feel Better, Look Better And Empty Their Bank Accounts For.

Personally, I’ll listen to the professor working for a nationwide medical organization whose entire job is to facilitate the medical well-being of every citizen in a country over that of a woman who suggests you stuff a rock into your cooch.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Are some of the Kardastrophes going to jail? Well, I can dream … but apparently there’s news that the least talented Kardastrophe, Kylie Jenner may have ALLEGEDLY faked her way onto Forbes Billionaire list with the help of That Woman who is ALLEGEDLY being investigated for exaggerating the value of Kylie Cosmetics.

Kylie, who was twice named by Forbes as the world’s youngest self-made billionaire, was kicked off the list last week because, wait for it, like _____ she is not a billionaire. And now there may be an in-depth investigation into how her overall business is managed. Forbes says that financial filings with the Securities Exchange Commission show she may have been lying about her success.

Perhaps Kylie and That Woman could share a cell and do a podcast, Keeping Up with the Lying Media Whores?

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A while back we learned that true love had died when Pamela Anderson ended her twelve-day marriage to Jon Peters.

I still ache for their loss. But did their marriage die along with their love? Not according to Pammy who told The New York Times they were never married at all:

“I wasn’t married. No. I’m a romantic. I think I’m an easy target. And I think people just live in fear. I don’t know what all that was about, but I think fear really played a lot into it. It was just kind of a little moment. A moment that came and went, but there was no wedding, there was no marriage, there was no anything. I was in India and I went to this panchakarma cleanse, and I’d been gone for three weeks in this ayurvedic center, meditating, just so clear. I came back and VWOOM, within 24 hours, I saw Jon. It was like this little whirlwind thing, and it was over really quick, and it was nothing. Nothing physical. It’s just a friendship.  It’s like it never even happened. That sounds bizarre.”

Um, nope Pammy, it sounds like you’re desperately seeking attention since the last time you were relevant was when Tim Allen was relevant. She also used the interview to say she wanted to get married one more time—after her real three failures to Tommy Lee, Kid Rock and Rick Solomon:

“Just one more time, please, God. One more time only. Only! …Three marriages. I know that’s a lot, but it’s less than five.”

Oh Pammy, you know you wanna out JLo JLo. There’s bound to be another douchebag headed your way.

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Speaking of dead marriages, after months of speculation and baited breath we can now confirm that sexually fluid Julianne Hough and sexually tempted Brooks Laich are officially over  after nearly three years of marriage.

And while they have been apart during the pandemic—she self-quarantined with another man and he trolled the internet—they announced their separation in a joint statement … meeting they smoked a doobie and called TMZ:

“We have lovingly and carefully taken the time we have needed to arrive at our decision to separate. We share an abundance of love and respect for one another and will continue to lead with our hearts from that place. We kindly request your compassion and respect for our privacy moving forward.”

So much love …in divorce. That’s all … except Brooks., if you wanna come to my house dressed like that and lumberjackmeoff I wouldn’t argue.

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The other day, for a split second, I was Team Meghan McCain when she called Derek Chauvin, the police officer who murdered George Floyd a ‘murderer’ while her other View co-host called  Chauvin the man ‘responsible ‘ for Floyd’s death.

I was Team Meghan! And then this snippet of white privilege … until this week, from her apartment in a chi-chi New York City neighborhood Meghan Tweeted:

“My neighborhood in Manhattan is eviscerated and looks like a war zone. DeBlasio and Cuomo are an utter disgrace. This is not America. Our leaders have abandoned us and continue to let great American cities burn to the ground and be destroyed. I never could have fathomed this.”

How scary to not be able to get to Dean & Deluca for a charcuterie plate, except …

Kristen Bartlett—co-head writer for TBS’ Full Frontal with Samantha Bee—checked Meghan’s story and found, well, it to be lacking in veracity and Tweeted out a correction:

“Meghan, we live in the same building, and I just walked outside. It’s fine.”

And then another neighbor, Alison Greene, schooled McCain over The Twitter:

“Meghan, I also live in the same building and went for a walk both yesterday and this morning and it's fine.”

Meghan hasn’t responded to Kristen or Alison’s ALLEGATIONS of being a self-entitled rich white woman in American because, well, she’s a self-entitled rich white woman in America. ... whom I will start calling Karen McCain.

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Celebrities continue to show their support for the ongoing police brutality protests on social media, including newly pregnant Lea Michele who Tweeted her solidarity with Black Lives Matter:

“George Floyd did not deserve this. This was not an isolated incident and it must end. #BlackLivesMatter”

But then one of Lea’s former co-stars, Samantha Marie Ware, upper right, who played Jane on the sixth season of Glee, saw that Tweet and said, Oh no she di’in’t and then Tweeted out to the world the living hell that Lea Michele created on the set of Glee …uh, in ALL CAPS:

“LMAO REMEMBER WHEN YOU MADE MY FIRST TELEVISON GIG A LIVING HELL?!?! CAUSE ILL NEVER FORGET. I BELIEVE YOU TOLD EVERYONE THAT IF TOU HAD THE OPPORTUNITY YOU WOULD “SHIT IN MY WIG!” AMONGST OTHER TRAUMATIC MICROAGRESSIONS THAT MADE ME QUESTION A CAREER IN HOLLYWOOD”

Oh dear … shiz in a wig?

Wig? Snatched… and then shit in. And it continued as more and more of Lea’s former co-stars took to The Twitter to, um, speak their truth. Amber Riley, who co-starred as Mercedes, posted this photo:

And here’s another from Dabier who guest-starred on an episode of Glee:

“GIRL YOU WOULDNT LET ME SIT AT THE TABLE WITH THE OTHER CAST MEMBERS CAUSE “I DIDNT BELONG THERE” FUCK YOU LEA”

But it wasn’t just Glee actors coming for Lea; her former co-star on the short-lived 2017 show, The Mayor, Yvette Nicole Brown, responded to Samey’s original Tweet with this dig:

“I felt every one of those capital letters.”

And then came Jeanté Godlock who was a ‘background’ actor, though Lea called them other names:

“did somebody say cockroaches? because that’s what she used to refer to the background as on the set of glee. but we grow up and we don’t stay background forever sooooo...”

Actress Angela Sauceda has her own less-than-gleeful tale:

“Been telling people this for years. I worked with her once. She literally would only speak to me through her assistant. Just not addressing my presence. She was two feet away.”

Now, to be fair, stories about Lea’s giant ego and rude behavior have been floating around for years, but it took her own BLM comment for many people of color who worked alongside Lea to say ‘enough’ … except for HelloFresh, the meal-kit company, for whom Lea had been a representative; they dropped her ad campaign saying:

“HelloFresh does not condone racism nor discrimination of any kind. We are disheartened and disappointed to learn of the recent claims concerning Lea Michele. We take this very seriously, and have ended our partnership with Lea Michele, effective immediately.”

And with no job to go to, Lea Michele has issued a faux-pology:

“One of the most important lessons of the last few weeks is that we need to take the time to listen and learn about other people’s perspectives and any role we have played or anything we can do to help address the injustices that they face.

When I tweeted the other day, it was meant to be a show of support for our friends and neighbors and communities of color during this really difficult time, but the responses I received to what I posted have made me also focus specifically on how my own behavior towards fellow cast members was perceived by them.

While I don’t remember ever making this specific statement and I have never judged others by their background or color of their skin, that’s not really the point. What matters is that I clearly acted in ways which hurt other people.

Whether it was my privileged position and perspective that caused me to be perceived as insensitive or inappropriate at times or whether it was just my immaturity and me just being unnecessarily difficult, I apologize for my behavior and for any pain which I have caused. We all can grow and change and I have definitely used these past several months to reflect on my own shortcomings.

I am a couple of months from becoming a mother and I know I need to keep working to better myself and take responsibility for my actions, so that I can be a real role model for my child and so I can pass along my lessons and mistakes, so that they can learn from me. I listened to these criticisms and I am learning and while I am very sorry, I will be better in the future from this experience.”

Hey Lea, howsabout a little less “perceived as insensitive” and a little more “I was a bitch and I’m sorry.”

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

When last we left star of Hallmark’s College Admissions Scandal, Lori Loughlin, she was desperate to stay out of prison; she didn’t even wanna do Felicity Huffman Time™. And so now she and her husband, Mossimo Giannulli, have come up with the best defense ever: Lori and Mossi will now use the ‘We did nothing wrong because the faked rowing pictures were [ALLEGEDLY] never sent to USC.

One of the allegations against the One Percenters Giannulli is that they faked daughters Olivia Jade and Isabella’s rowing credentials so that they could get into USC as athletes. This was a red flag since the girls went to a high school that didn’t have a rowing team. Uh oh; rich and dumb?

Prosecutors argue that Rick Singer—whiz behind College Admissions Scandal—ALLEGEDLY told Lori and Mossi to take the photos and submit them with their daughters’ admissions package. Prosecutors say the only purpose of the pictures was to defraud the university. But USC sources say the pictures were never part of the Giannulli girls’ admissions package and so now Lori will simply say she must be acquitted because the fake photos weren’t in the envelope.

But if that doesn’t work, Lori and Mossi will play the ‘We didn’t know the 500K we gave Rick was a bribe.’ Yes, the man who asked them to fake some pictures also asked to be paid half-a-million bucks, and they saw nothing odd about that.

Meanwhile, it’s also being reported that Lori has hired a “prison expert” who might help her transition from Aunt Becky of Fuller House to Cell Block D Becky of the Big House.

Like I said, rich and dumb.

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I wonder if Rod Stewart and his son Sean thought they’d get a family discount for brawling?

It’s being reported that the Stewart clan was celebrating New Years at The Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach, Florida when a security guard told pissant Sean Stewart that his group couldn’t enter a private event.

According to the police report, that security guard, Jessie Dixon, was working a private event in the children’s area … yes, the children’s area … of the hotel when he saw the Stewart group trying to get in. Dixon told them they had to leave, and they ALLEGEDLY got loud, and that’s when pissant Sean, aged 39 … yes, 39 … got in Dixon’s face and demanded to be allowed into the kiddie party.

Dixon then put his hand on Sean’s chest and told him to back up off of him and then septuagenarian daddy Rod Stewart tried to come to his son’s rescue and threw a punch, striking Dixon in chest.

The police were called, and Rod explained that Dixon got argumentative with his family which justifies trying to break someone’s ribs ; Rod then tried apologizing, but then the security tape was viewed and it showed the Stewarts were “the primary aggressors.” 

Jessie Dixon pressed charges against Rod and the Family Stewart, and they’re due back in Miami next month for their arraignment.

Perhaps this time they’ll have a pass for the kiddie area?

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JLo wants an Oscar but instead she’s getting sued.

Samantha Barbash—the former stripper who inspired Jennifer Lopez’s 2019 film Hustlers—is suing the diva for $40 million.

Did the movie even make that much? In court documents Barbash claims Lopez, and her company Nuyorican Productions “exploited” her likeness in the film without her permission. She ALLEGES that producers approached her to “obtain a consent and waiver” and she refused. Barbash says they then just went ahead with the film anyway. Barbash also claims J Lo’s portrayal of her in the film was “false” and “offensive” due to her character “using and manufacturing illegal substances in her home where she lived with her child,” which Barbash denies ever doing and because JLo couldn’t act her way out of a pair of tearaway undies.

Barbash is suing for $20 million in compensatory damages and $20 million in punitive damages and wants the court to force producers to turn over copies of the film.

So, she can sell them out of the trunk of her Buick, I’m guessing.

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Kardastrophes are dumb. Real dumb; even if their true last name is Jenner, they’re dumb.

Take one Kylie Jenner, for example. She recently made a $1 million donation towards helping Australia deal with the immense fires consuming their country. Not so dumb, but let’s backtrack …first she posted how sad she was about the fires killing millions of animals and then right on the heels of that she posted her $1480 real mink fur Louis Vuitton slippers.

Yes, she cares for the animals dying in the fires in Australia while wearing mink slippers.

Dumb as effing dirt. But it goes on … to Kim Kardastrophe and sister Khloé. It appears that Kim got pissy with the internet for getting mad at her and her family for talking about climate change; one commenter wrote:

“Nothing gets me more heated than to see the Kardashians/Jenners talk about climate change/wildfires & not donate even a penny.”

To which Kim replied:

“Nothing gets me more heated than to see people think they know what we donated to and to think we have to publicize everything.”

And then Khloé—whom I used to think of as the smart one, or at least the normal one until all the injectables in her lips went to her brain—took the internet to task as well:

“Good deeds should be done with intention and not for attention. We are all blessed to be able to bless others even if it is in the slightest way. But we do not need to be boastful about that. Be boastful in regards to teaching others how they may be able to help as well.”

Seriously. Forget about kylie, she’s a moron, but let’s focus on Kim and Khloé, two of the biggest fame whores and social media abusers who post every iota of nothingness about their lives online expect anyone to believe that if they donated money to climate change or the fires in Australia, they wouldn’t take to Insta or Twitter or Facebook or Sites For Asshatted Wannabe Celebrities To Brag On Themselves and tell the world?

Bitches please.

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Lastly, from the moment Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie broke up people have been wondering how long until Pitt and first ex-wife Jennifer Aniston would get back together.

Well, wonder no more, because the two are coupling again.

Now, there’s been no announcement, but there have been subtle clues … first, Jen invited Brad to her fiftieth birthday party. Then they both showed up to the Golden Globes, not together, but they were both there. And then when Brad won a Golden Globe and was giving his acceptance speech, the cameras cut to Aniston and she was smiling. The last clue? Brad mentioned her in his speech … oh, it was hidden, but when he said he would have brought his mother, but didn’t because any woman photographed with him is suddenly his new fiancée, everyone knew that meant he and Jen were back together and not being seen to together just to throw us all off the scent.

But, Jen’s pregnant, and Brad is moving in with her and changing his name to Brad Aniston.

Wait and see; I’m right.

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