PR All-St★rs 5, Ep 7: Ah, The Old Switcheroo!

Oh the twists and turns of PR All-Stars!

Alyssa Milano inside Mood! Yes, because, as she tells the designtestants, they have been making some pretty awful fabric choices, so this week she’s handing out envelopes telling them what fabrics to use.

The designers will use these random fabric choices to create a high-end evening resort look, but the trouble is, most of the designers — save Alexander who got upholstery fabric — like what they’ve been given so how is that a twist? Just you wait …

Alyssa Milano inside The workroom? Yes, because now she’s pulling what she calls a bait and Stitch, forcing the designers to give up the fabrics they’ve chosen and use another designers’ textiles.

Cue terror; let’s rip …

THE SAFES

left to right

ASHA went from Neoprene to Dom’s Jersey Knits

It’s cute, though it gathers weirdly at the floor … and there’s a turban. Is Joan Collins a guest judge?

KINI went from Brocade to Sam’s Lace

Evening wear is a sheer lace cover-up over what looks like a swimsuit? Is there a buffet in the pool?

ALEXANDER went from Upholstery Fabric to Denim

Yee Haw!

THE BOTTOMS

EMILY

She was given Denim and then took Alexander’s Upholstery fabrics and then cried and whined about them. Of course, she was stuck with a little bit of red fabric and a whole lotta sheer fabric covered in large polka dots.

She is stuck, and angry and bitter and weepy, and when Zanna sees the look that mood doesn’t change. Zanna wants it amped up, sexy, resort evening.

WHAT SHE SAID

I think she looks adorable.

WHAT I SAID

Uh oh. There are some good ideas, but the execution is awful.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ wasn’t feeling the crop-top, the cut-out, or the midriff, and wished Emily had done more with the sheer; she did, however, give Emily props for standing by her design and said that it had a “good attitude.” Isaac loved the top, while guest judge, Alyssa wishes the shorts were more high-waisted because there was a lot of skin. Isaac suggests during deliberation that Emily be removed from the Bottom and made a Safe.

LAYANA

She was given Lightweight Cotton but then snagged Ken’s Silk Charmeuse.

And so here we are: another week, another challenge, and one more time for Layana says this is her win because no one can do what she does … like make a jumpsuit.

An old-fashioned gown of a jumpsuit, according to Zanna who wants Layana to infuse it with a more youthful vibe.

WHAT SHE SAID

I love the way it flows … beautiful … feminine.

WHAT I SAID

It’s a gown, still … a nightgown.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac hates the shoes, and said the look needed flats because, as the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ pointed out, the hem is off and should have been to the floor, or at a higher more modern level; she also said the dress was made for a flat-chested girl, and Broadway star Megan Hilty — love her — agreed; she loved the back but was afraid of major side boobage since the front was cut so narrow.

VALERIE

She was handed a bolt of Linen fabric and then forced to choose Layana’s Lightweight Cotton because some of Layana’s colors were similar to the ones she’d chosen.

And she, too, will be making a jumpsuit and adding a turban because the look is for resort-wear for an episode of Dynasty circa 1983, I guess. Zanna is less than impressed and says the look needs a wow, and a lotta cleavage doesn’t necessarily fill the bill.

WHAT SHE SAID

It’s comfortable … easy … simple.

WHAT I SAID

Valerie describes it like it’s a tampon, which may be accurate because this look shouldn’t be seen in public.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it sweet and loved the back though the fabric appeared cardboard-like. Alyssa wasn’t feeling it at all, calling it too simple and saying only the giant cleavage path was at all evening, Isaac suggested the look lose the pockets and the necklace and the turban and then go back to the workroom and star over … say on a Sumnmer’s Eve? He said it was retro and not vintage and he loathes retro. Megan Hilty loved the back … that’s all.

THE TOPS

SAM

He was given Lace and then, as the last to choose, had to switch with his arch-enemy Kini for Brocade. And he bitches about the colors and the prints and the fabrics and the lighting and his hair and anything else he can bitch about … except for making another jumpsuit because, as Kini points out, that’s what he does. And Zanna points it out, too, but calls this look Disney Cruise.

And she’s right; the jumpsuit is hideous and so Sam bitches about it and flops on his work table then scraps the look and drapes another brocade on the mannequin, puts a couple of seams in it and calls it “Gorgeous.”

WHAT HE SAID

I am at a loss for words at how good my dress looks.

WHAT I SAID

I wish he’d be at a loss for words more often, but let’s talk the dress: it moves well, but it’s a simple summer dress and nothing more. It’s less Lido Deck and more Garbage Barge.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac liked that the brocade wasn’t a heavy scary brocade and called the look fresh. Alyssa, who Sam used to love, called it homemade, and not in a good way; she was bored, and said it was the same silhouette and that only the fabric — which Sam didn’t pick, made it interesting at all. Megan Hilty again loved the back but hated the high front slit. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved it from the side profile and called it buoyant.

KEN

As the winner last week, Ken was given his fabric choice first: silk charmeuse, but at The Switch, for some odd reason, he took Asha’s Neoprene, a fabric he doesn’t like in a color he hated. Um, okay?

But he’s going big silhouette, big gown, big color, all things Zanna finds to be wrong. But, as usual, Ken does Ken and keeps the look relatively the same — he does go one shoulder — and it’s … big.

There was a moment of terror when it became Ken’s turn to bust a zipper before the runway but Ken, yes, Ken, stayed calm and fixed it in a jiffy.

WHAT HE SAID

I’m a little bit nervous because it’s simple.

WHAT I SAID

It’s sort of ball gown to me and I am with Ken about the color. But he worked it to his benefit I guess.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it was totally Ken, and loved that he had a clear aesthetics, while she did think the draping at the top was too heavy; she wants more. Isaac, on the other hand, was crazy about the whole design, including the color and urged Ken to keep doing it. Alyssa loved that he took a sporty fabric and turned it into a gown, while Megan Hilty loved the color and the shape and the texture.

DOM

She was thrilled when she was given Jersey Knits but a little less so when she took Valerie’s linen. But she works it, taking two of the fabrics, cutting them into strips, and making her own striped fabric. There were some scary moments, I’ll call them Beetlejuice moments, when the striped fabric looked like a coat, but Dom used a simple white for the top, and then threw on a black-and-white belt.

Zanna’s one critique: Don’t be safe. Dom wasn’t safe, she was on top.

WHAT SHE SAID

I love my look! I love the striping and the drape.

WHAT I SAID

I didn’t quite get “evening” but I got beach-y edgy resort. Loved it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ was shocked to learn that the striped fabric was created by Dom — “What? No! Stop!” — and called the look incredible; she loved that the top had all the drama in the back while the skirt had all the drama in the front and said this look makes her want to see a Dom collection. Isaac loved the textile and the striped belt, but said it was a lot of look, while Megan Hilty loved the drape of the back and said it took her breath away. When Alyssa mentioned that the striped fabric looked like a beach towel Dom said she it was intentional.

With Emily saved by Isaac it comes down to Dueling Jumpsuits: Layana’s jumpsuit that she was sure would win, or Valerie’s one-note jumpsuit that was neither here nor there.

Valerie gets the axe and Layana lives to brag about herself for another day.

As for the winner, it comes down to Ken and Dom — Sam’s nothing dress is not considered worthy. Ken scores for the drama abut Dom gets points for the wow and the creativity … and gets her first win of the season. And the added bonus of having Megan Hilty wear her look at a Broadway event … Broadway Goes To The Hamptons? Maybe.

I loved when Alexander revealed his Upholstery card and even Alyssa was like, WTF? And then Alexander also gets the Line Of The Night when he said this about Kini’s look using Sam’s fabrics:

“Kini may be in trouble [but] it’s not his fault he had three yards of sh*t crappy lace.”

I am glad Dom one because this look was a standout in a sea of kinda one color nothingness. And I agree with the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ that a Dom Collection would be cool.

I am also glad Valerie took her defeatist ass home; her constant whining was gnawing at my last nerve. And when she seemed annoyed that Dom won using her textiles I screamed at my TV:

“Maybe it was your fabrics, but there wasn’t a chance in hell you would’a used them better.”

And the turbans? Ken? Honey? No. Not even you could pull it off.

Next week Fairy Tales … and I don’t mean the stories Sam and Kini tell about one another as their Bitchfest rages on.

What did YOU think?

PR All-St★rs 5, Ep 6: It May Be Baroque But I Didn't Ba-raque It*

Well, after last week’s nekkid challenge, this week we’re going into the past as the designtestants head to Medieval Times. But there aren’t any giant turkey legs to gnaw on and toss to the ground, and, No, Sam and Kini won’t be jousting. This trip is about Baroque fashion, as we learn when Alyssa Milano arrives on horseback with the details.

The designtestants must create a couture-inspired gown based on ideas from the Baroque period. And because couture takes weeks and weeks and hundreds of hours, the designtestants have two days … and $300 to spend at Mood to create that mood.

Let’s rip …

THE SAFES

clockwise from top left

ASHA

It’s a pretty dress, a nothing dress, but it has nothing to do with Baroque.

DOM

I liked this, even if it does seem like Asian Princess Gone Baroque.

EMILY

Zanna was right; I liked this look better every year when Halle Berry wears it to the Oscars.

KINI

It’s kinda Baroque, with the appliqués, but the red reads Asian to me, and haven’t we seen Kini’s upside umbrella skirt more than we really need to?

THE BOTTOMS

ALEXANDER

He reminds us he’s a costume designer so he can do this, and then he proceeds to sketch a large hip flange over a simple skirt that looks nothing at all like what he created.

He is, however, paying attention to details, with velvets and lace and pearls and sequins, though Zanna warned him that it didn’t look modern at all … or Baroque.

WHAT HE SAID

Elegance pops into my head!

WHAT I SAID

He was so worried about creating a Baroque costume, that he created a costume worn by an extra in Titanic.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it Breakfast at Tiffany’s and not at all Baroque couture — I loved the way she said, “Bah-roque cu-tour.”­—and she wished he’d edited out some of the details. Isaac said the pearls were more Elizabethan than Baroque, while Marchesa co-founder Karen Craig believed the pearls and the styling made the whole shebang a costume. Super-supermodel Coco Rocha called the look “grandmamma,” and Alyssa said it was a well-made gown, er, costume, from the wrong era. I loved when Isaac called it a pretty dress, and the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ snapped, “It’s not a pretty dress, it looks cheap.” Ow.

LAYANA

She doesn’t do couture, but she did couture at Oscar de la Renta so she knows she has this. She finds a beautiful brocade fabric in yellow and black and so she knows she has this. She’ll make a beautiful ball gown so she knows she has this.

But she pairs the brocade with a dirty brown skirt and then cannot make a ball gown because she’s out of fabric. But she still knows she has this one … “I’m gonna win!” Zanna liked the detail but didn’t feel it was modern or sexy and she’s worried because the challenge was to design a gown.

WHAT SHE SAID

I love it so much!

WHAT I SAID

It’s like an Old West Madam meets Matador. It’s not gonna win.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac said it wasn’t a bad look, but it was less couture and more factory-made couture. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought there were just too many great ideas and Karen loved the brocade but not with the brown skirt. Coco Rocha nailed it by saying it was a cheap costume.

MITCHELL

Mitchell thinks he has this because he’s all about the details … except he can never finish the details. And, he’s making a mullet-gown because nothing says Baroque like a mullet-gown in a fabric that looks oddly cheap and badly sewn before he even touches it. He seems so overcome with the undone details that when his model comes in he doesn’t even have the skirt, just the odd bodice.

Zanna worries that it looks more dungeons and Dragon and then Mitchell says he wants to make “grieves” — think ‘thigh-highs’ — which Zanna thinks might be the Wow. Except, again, Mitchell runs out of time and cannot get the grieves on. He also cannot fix a busted zipper and makes do with a weird back panel.

WHAT HE SAID

It’s obvious that I put a lot of effort into it.

WHAT I SAID

And a lot of a lot … it’s too much, but then it’s missing the grieves, and the skirt looks like a shredded wrap.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it wasn’t Baroque, and called out the zipper catastrophe, while Alyssa said she loved the bodice but found the skirt, and the proportions, upsetting. Isaac agreed that it looked awkward on the model, calling it banal and unflattering, and Coco Rocha said it was the shoes that killed the whole look. Karen agreed about the good bodice and the horrid skirt and awful shoes.

THE TOPS

VALERIE 

At the outset of the challenge Valerie says she has this, even though it’s not exactly in her wheelhouse and she’s still a bit crushed after last week’s near elimination. But, she perseveres and creates a faux corset look and a skirt with pleats — prompting Mitchell to beg her to do something else.

It’s light and airy and has Valerie’s Not-Really-Patented geometric design to it, but Zanna worries that it’s not enough and there’s no Wow Factor. But Valerie doesn’t seem to be able to do wow, so she just soldiers on …

WHAT SHE SAID

I’m excited! I think it’s just the right amount of classic and simplicity.

WHAT I SAID

It’s a Baroque peasant girl. And it’s neither here nor there. Not good, not bad, not great.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved that it “referenced” Baroque without going all the way there; and she loved the corset lines without an actual corset. Isaac called it fresh and plain, but new, while Alyssa also loved it. Karen thought it a medieval costume and said it wasn’t pushed enough, while Coco Rocha said it was well-made.

SAM

He got an idea in head about the Sistine Chapel and ran around Mood looking for it; um, it’s in Italy, Sam. So, he settled on one fabric, a flowered lace and a couple of trim pieces. But he soon realizes that, unless the dress is sewn over muslin you’ll be able to see lady-bits, so he asks Dom for advice, and she tells him to cut some of the flowered pieces and lay them over the dress to cover up things no one wants to see.

Uh oh; another designer helps Sam … what will he do? Well, when Zanna asks about it, he says it was his idea to layer the lace so it wouldn’t be sheer. Thanks Dom! Cue a Kini Side-eye.

WHAT HE SAID

I am so proud of myself. I worked that out … I worked so hard …

WHAT I SAID

It’s pretty, very pretty, but you’d have to really stretch to get Baroque from that dress in either the fabric or the design.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac called it pretty, and loved the covered up lady-bits and Coco Rocha agreed about the placement of the flowers. Karen Craig loved the fabric, but said it wasn’t Baroque while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ dubbed it a light Baroque, or Baroque-lite; she also called it fresh and feminine. Alyssa wasn’t feeling it and said it wasn’t couture, it was just a great fabric draped on the model.

KEN

We learn that Ken has never won a challenge, even in his original season, though I think he did win the Don’t Murder Another Designer Challenge … anonymously.

He’s all about a strong powerful woman and so he creates a long body conscious gown with a semi-cape. He loves the fabric — though he doesn’t love it when Mitchell compares it to tree bark — and keeps the front covered and the back sexy. Zanna thought it looked heavy and kind of medieval costume party but Ken sniffed and didn’t change a thing.

WHAT HE SAID

She looks like a tall glass of wine.

WHAT I SAID

She looks like a dragon come to back to life as a woman, and I mean that in a good way. Loved.It.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it was a bold statement, and that it was couture and austere and elegant. Alyssa loved the strong powerful feminine vibe and loved the sequin-lined cape, while Isaac said Ken is great at what he does, but this look wasn’t his favorite. Karen loved the color and called it modern Baroque, while Cocoa Rocha said she hated it when she first saw it, but then the model really worked it, and she fell in love with it.

Valerie didn’t wow anyone but she’s safe, so it comes down to Sam … please not Sam, please not Sam … and Ken, who finally gets his first win, and the added bonus of designing something for Marchesa’s upcoming Nota collection.

Alexander is safe, for hitting an iceberg with his Dinner on the Titanic gown, and Layana is safe for her Toreador Saloon Girl chic, which leaves us with Mitchell, who is finally out for, yet again, not finishing a look, even an awful one.

I couldn’t help but giggle at Layana’s shock that she was in the bottom. The color alone should have been clue enough.

LINES OF THE NIGHT

Ken, suggesting an idea for Sam:

“I think Sam should make another jumpsuit … you’ve done eight jumpsuits so far.”

Sam’s retort:

“Eight jumpsuits in five challenges? I am impressive.”

Mitchell’s last word:

“Don’t forget Kini made one of them.”

That said, I am over Kini’s grudge against Sam. Either spill the tea or shut up … and enough with the side-eye already. Oy!

I kept thinking who it was that Mitchell reminded me of, and I realized it’s the flamingly gay Jack McFarland from Will & Grace. Only Jack was far funnier.

I’m needing Dom to step it up so she can get noticed. I love most of her work, but it always seems just shy of getting to the top.

Emily needs to go; I mean, she utterly ignored the challenge this week; her look was as Baroque as the plaid flannel pajama bottoms I’m wearing as I type this.

And finally, it looks like Ken drama as he goes off on Sam and then appears to storm off the show … with Sam whimpering in the background, “Bye gurl.”

What did YOU think?

*The post title is an old joke from The Dick Van Dyke Show. For you youngsters out there, think of it as a 1960s Seinfeld.

PR All-St★rs 5, Ep 5: Au Naturale ....

This week, Alyssa meets the designers on the runway with the Dreaded Button Bag in her hand and the designers start to tremble; then she introduces the challenge … to dress ten Young Naturists of America, who appear on the runway completely nude, and the tremble turns to panic.

These folks are naturalists, who believe in all things natural, and accepting all people as they look and are, but they need to stay warm in winter so the designtestants must create a comfortable but fashionable winter ensemble for their client . They’ll have $250 — perhaps more than these naturalists spend on clothing in a lifetime — and one day for the challenge.

Let’s rip …

THE SAFES

Sadly, the photos would not load from Lifetime for The Safes ... 

I'll post them later if they show up.

ASHA Her model was hot, both nekkid and clothed. I liked her look because I wanted to rip it off the model as soon as I could.

ALEXANDER It was nice, but when his model turned around, Alexander told us that he spotlighted the ass … and he did.

LAYANA I hated the fabrics and the color and thought it looked like she was wearing a Snuggie™ under her coat.

KEN His model was into androgyny, so Ken made a kilt … a white pleated kilt that looked like a skirt Diane Keaton would wear in one of those movies where she plays a rich women looking for love. And on the runway this look appeared less “Kanye on steroids,” as Ken called it, and more “Bruce, in the months prior,” to me.

THE TOPS

DOM 

She gets Lloyd, the silver fox ex-military man and opts to go for a military-inspired look, with a pea coat and a camouflage sweater. Camouflage? I can’t … I can’t. But Zanna loves the look, loves the idea, and, apparently, military is still a trend, and has been for several years now I guess. But she does know how to make a sick pair of pants that fit like a glove … or gloves that fit like a pant? Work with me here.

WHAT SHE SAID

I feel pretty good; he looks pretty confident.

WHAT I SAID

I’m not sure about the print on the jacket — though, slap me somebody, I liked the camouflage sweater — but he looks pretty hot in it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the camouflage and the mix of patterns, and called it expensive looking. Aimee Song was crazy for the pants, but thought it just great and not amazing. Naeem Khan called it a good look all-around — if a bit too literal — and said the coat had one button too many. Isaac simply said that it was “pretty damn good.”

KINI

He so wants to beat Sam that he cannot control himself, and so he sets out to make as many pieces as possible, I guess figuring the more he shows, the better his chances? He made a pleated skirt and a sweater and a chiffon top and a fitted trench coat, along with a house in the Hamptons and 2.5 children. Even Zanna thought it was too much, and in the end maybe she was right. The coat didn’t fit properly, and so, rather than scrap it, Kini had the model wear it over her shoulders.

WHAT HE SAID

She feels chic and she looks like a rich bitch.

WHAT I SAID

It’s totally Kini; totally well-made; totally too much. And I know he’s gonna get called out for not having the model wear the coat.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ likes the coat, but hates the coat worn over the shoulders … ♫ ♪ toldyouso, toldyouso, toldyou, toldyou, toldyouso ♪ ♫ … and wishes Kini has just concentrated on making a great coat and not a great twelve-piece ensemble. Isaac hates the coat because it doesn’t fit, and dubbed it “junior-y” while Alyssa said the model had a young spirit so she didn’t mind the “junior-y.” Aimee Song agreed with the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ and loves it, while Naeem Khan thought the proportions were great.

MITCHELL

As soon as he hears winterwear Mitchell starts to sweat; and as soon as he realizes he’s been given a man, he starts to really sweat. He doesn’t do winter, and he doesn’t men … well, men’s clothing. I loathe this excuse, because does that mean every male designer who creates women’s clothes wears women’s clothes? Do your job, Mitchell.

Luckily, his BFF Sam was there to point out that Mitchell wasn’t draping his pants, and couple that with Mitchell’s fright over winterwear for men, and, well, you can guess who’s going to be in the top and who isn’t; especially after Zanna’ visit, where she admits that she likes it, and is happy that Mitchell has pulled himself away from feathers and glitz.

WHAT HE SAID

I think it looks great.

WHAT I SAID

The pants seem ill-fitting and the coat is too long for my tastes, but I love the buckles and the fact that this isn’t a Flamingo-looking mess. Score, Mitchell.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa loves it, loved that it was a complete look, and loved that it kinda proved that saving Mitchell from elimination was a good move. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought it was a great trench coat and loved that Mitchell edited himself down a bit, while Aimee Song loved the drop-crotch — maybe the pants weren’t ill-fitting? — and loved the silhouette. Isaac also agreed that it was a great coat while Naeem Khan called it cool.

EMILY 

She got the naturalist she wanted—a model-looking naturalist—and she decides to make a cool California winter coat, with a cape feature on the back and a form-fitting dress beneath. But then she picks a blue fabric — to match her hair? —a nd a blue print that, to me, reads Grandma’s Boca Raton Sunroom Sofa. I might be wrong, because Zanna loves the whole idea.

WHAT SHE SAID

She looks perfect and it fits her really well.

WHAT I SAID

It’s nice. Nice. But I cannot stand that shade of blue. And the cape needed to be emphasized more, because it seems like a wee afterthought.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought the model looked comfortable, and that the look seemed expensive, while Isaac called it sensual with witty proportions, but he wanted more volume in the cape. Aimee Song loved it, said it was fun and playful and loved the cape detail. Naeem Khan loved the color — seriously? — and then muttered something about a butterfly; I replayed it several times and all I could get was more fabric and butterfly. Alyssa called it innovative and wearable … not the highest praise.

THE BOTTOMS

VALERIE 

As soon as her model said she loved being wrapped in a blanket, Valerie ran with that idea and there was no stopping her; a hooded voluminous jacket in gray, lined in chartreuse and a black-and-white print, over a camouflage jumper? It’s too much. Even Zanna noted that it was too much fabric and too much print and too much … ugly camouflage. Still, Valerie remains undeterred.

Sidenote: in South Carolina, when the local high schools have their proms, you always see at least one girl wearing, yes, a camouflage prom dress. Bless their hearts,

WHAT SHE SAID

She looks transformed.

WHAT I SAID

She looks like she woke up in the middle of the night and the house was on fire and she dragged all of the bed linens outside with her. It’s really quite comical.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac said the model doesn’t look comfortable and that the camouflage jumper looks more like camouflage pajamas; he dubbed it “aggressively clueless.” Aimee Song appreciated Valerie’s craftsmanship, but said that didn’t mean that just because you’re good at everything you have to make a garment of everything. Naeem Khan agreed that it was too much volume; he called it an “over-painted picture.” The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ simply said that nothing could have saved this look, this “housecoat on steroids.” Alyssa said that it was all just too much and that it was upsetting.

SAM 

Sam tells us right off the bat that he’s from Boston and has been designer winterwear for himself since he was a wee queen, so he has this one y’all.

Cue ominous drumming. Sam’s model likes winter colors — I heard her say Burnt Orange, I never saw Burnt Orange — so Sam picks a yellow, brown and green plaid … ? Cue ominous drumming. Zanna loathes his fabric choices and color palette, and when his client, Zen, comes in, she hates the coat, too. Sam scraps it and tries to beg for fabric scraps from the other designers. Cue ominous drumming. In the end, there isn’t a coat at all but only a sweater and a sad little First year design School circle skirt.

WHAT HE SAID

She did a great job of selling that look.

WHAT I SAID

You did a great job of sneaking out of the PR apartments in the middle of the night and running down to Marshalls to buy that outfit. Boring.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac said it looked like Zen was wearing a sweater she pulled from her closet, and that the whole look was dreary, while the Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it too safe and boring and nothing and Salvation Army. Naeem Khan pointed out that the simple circle skirt was badly made as it hangs longer in the front than in the back.

Dom sneaks into the top, along with Kini and Mitchell and Emily, and while it looked for a moment like there'd be a surprise win by Feather Diva Mitchell, the prize this week went to Emily.

And I still don’t like that blue.

Sam and Valerie are on the bottom, so who goes home? The one who created a Salvation Army look or the one who threw everything, and the kitchen sink, on her model?

No one goes home because the judges like Valerie and Sam.

That’s all kinds of wrong because …

… in the waiting area, as Sam and Valerie announce they are both safe because the judges like them, Alexander reminds us all that the judges liked Stella but didn’t save her; Emily adds Fade to the list. Sam is clearly annoyed that they aren’t bowing down to him, and acts like he should have been saved, though the first week, when Daniel and Mitchell were both saved, he was the first to bitch that someone needed to go home for ugly clothes.

And this week someone should have gone home for the same reason.

When Mitchell said Sam seemed ungrateful at the save, Alexander said maybe all the designers should flirt with the judges and Sam took off for the Little Designer’s Room.  Valerie called it a low blow, and maybe it was, but here’s the deal on Sam:

He scored big kudos from the judges partially due to a top that Kini made, and he’s yet to, on camera at least, acknowledge that. Sam thinks if you’re awful one week, you should go home, and yet he seems like it was a no-brainer to save him. As for Valerie, yeah, she’s been good, too, but let’s all remember the words o f the immortal Heidi Klum:

One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.

Someone.Should.Have.Been.Out. And I don’t really have an opinion on which designer it should have been, but one of them should be out.

I kinda snickered when Sam realized that he didn’t “have this,” and walked around the workroom playing the pity card and saying he wouldn’t be able to live up to last week’s win, and Emily replied, “Probably not.”

LINE OF THE NIGHT: Sam, in talking about how fast Kini works …

“Kini is a very talented sewer … period.”

So talented, in fact, that Kini created the top that landed you some major designer cred on a challenge a few weeks back … but I guess Sam has conveniently forgotten that.

What did YOU think?