I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Am I going to have to edit the My-Husband-In-My-Head list and remove longtime favorite Armie Hammer?

Y’all know that Armie Hammer split from his wife, Elizabeth Chambers, last July, after ALLEGATIONS surfaced that he was cheating with his Rebecca co-star Lily James … who was later accused of cheating with yet another co-star Dominic West, from a different film. Now that doesn’t mean Armie’s off the list, but it ALLEGEDLY gets way uglier about Mr. Hammer.

Women have come forward with DMs ALLEGEDLY sent by Armie, and they tell stories of how he likes drinking the blood of his sex partners, of killing an animal to eat its heart and taking what were initially consensual sex acts with women he called “Kittens” to peak levels of abuse. And rumors abound that Armie was fired from the upcoming JLo bomb, Shotgun Wedding, over these troubling ALLEGATIONS.

Hammer says he chose to leave the movie so he could stay with his kids in the Cayman Islands during this difficult time, but … according to those close to Hammer he hasn’t been with his family at all, and only communicates with his estranged wife through their attorneys.

Not so bad. People cheat all the time. Not enough to scrub him from the list, though those blood drinking ALLEGATIONS are creepy. But while in the Caymans Armie has bragged to his buddies about having a lingerie-clad woman, on all fours,  waiting for him in his hotel:

“Well… my ex [for a very good reason] wife is refusing to come back to america [sic] with my children. So I have to go back to Cayman… which sucks. Except there are a few silver linings. Like f**king Ms. Cayman again while I’m down there.”

Note: the Miss Cayman Islands Universe Committee has denied that it is the reigning Miss Cayman Mariah Tibbetts, or anybody affiliated with the contest.

And he’s boasted about taking DMT, a hallucinogenic drug that goes undetected in drug tests, in leaked videos from his private Instagram account when he also shared a screenshot of what looked like a court order that he takes drug tests, and passes them, before he can see his children:

“All negative, b***hes. My body is a finely tuned toxicant processing unit. To be fair I had THC and benzos in my piss. But who doesn’t. Divorce is so fun. Not as fun as drugs. But what is.”

I dunno … I see an eraser headed to my Husband list, especially given this part: Armie Hammer might be into cannibalism.

There, I said it.

Last July, ALLEGED DMs sent to various women from Armie made the rounds in which he was DTF while still married. Some of the women, whom he called ‘Kitten’ and himself ‘Daddy’ shared the ALLEGED Hammer DMs.

And in the DMs were disturbing stories that ‘Daddy’ gets hard thinking about holding a woman’s heart in his hands … that ‘Daddy’ demands to drink their blood … that ‘Daddy’ is a cannibal … that ‘Daddy’—and, again, it’s ALLEGED to be Armie—has cut an animal’s heart out and eaten it.

To make matters worse, Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who dated Armie last year after he separated from his wife, showed support for those speaking out:

“If you are still questioning whether or not those Armie Hammer DMs are real (and they are) maybe you should start questioning why we live in a culture willing to give abusers the benefit of the doubt instead of victims.”

And, also ALLEGEDLY, the soon-to-be ex-wife, Elizabeth Chambers, seems to believe the victims, and feels her husband “no longer values” their family.

Last week, another of Armie’s exes, Courtney Vucekovich, shared her Hammer  experiences with Page Six, saying Armie was emotionally abusive, obsessive, into drinking and drugs, and manipulated her into sex acts she wouldn’t mention.

Oh, and this, too:

“He said to me he wants to break my rib and barbecue and eat it … He says, I want to take a bite out of you. If I had a little cut on my hand he’d like suck it or lick it. He likes the idea of skin in his teeth.”

Vucekovich says she wasn’t surprised when the DM screenshots were released:

“He enters your life in such a big way. He’s such a captivating person. He has such a presence and he’s aware of that and he uses it in such a way that most women would think, ‘Oh my gosh this is amazing,’ but especially young women, that’s kind of the scary part—how good he is at active manipulation and making you feel like he’s never felt this way about anybody. He quickly grooms you in the relationship. He kind of captivates you and while being charming he’s grooming you for these things that are darker and heavier and consuming. When I say consuming, I mean mentally, physically, emotionally, financially, just everything.”

Vucekovish says Armie became obsessive, spending three weeks by her side 24/7, and when they weren’t together, he texted her 100 times a day. She calls him “the most broken” person she’s ever met, constantly drinking and doing drugs and putting her in very dangerous situations:

“You end up doing things that are very out-of-character for you, including sex acts.”

But Vucekovich won’t go into specifics about the sex, because she doesn’t want the lurid details to overshadow how Hammer’s emotional abuse affected her. She says their relationship was like “drowning in this dark hole trying to stay afloat” and that after they split, she began having panic attacks, struggled to breathe, and eventually checked into a 30-day hospitalization program for PTSD and trauma.

Armie’s reps didn’t respond to requests for comment on Vucekovich’s story but he did apologize to the Miss Cayman pageant saying the ‘stolen’ photo of the woman in his bed on all fours waiting for ‘Daddy’ was not Miss Cayman.

I guess I need to get that eraser out …

Note to the world: there’s a new opening on the Husband-In-My-Head List. ALLEGED cannibals need not apply.

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Wendy Williams had been dealing with a lot for a while … her husband’s new baby with another woman … her divorce … her sobriety issues … and now the death of her mother, Shirley, and fight with her brother, Tommy.

It seems that Tommy has been dragging Wendy on social media, saying she din’t ven bother to go to her mother’s funeral. He says Wendy made an appearance at the with her son, and then spilled the tea that even Wendy’s ex-husband, Kevin Hunter Sr., attended the burial:

“What makes somebody not go to their mother’s funeral? I don’t understand not giving a salute to the one person who was always there and showed you support. I don’t get how you can just move on and act like nothing happened.”

Well, Wendy heard about this and, as Wendy does, went in for the jugular:

“I was just searching to see what people had to say about last week’s shows or the dresses or the guests we had … I’m minding my own  business and I’m seeing a lot of comments about “you’re brother doesn’t like you” or “you better watch your back because your brother is on one’ or “Wendy, I can’t believe you’re this kind of person.”

Okay, not so bad. Perhaps Wendy learned to take the high road, except:

“Tommy, let me tell you something right now—all you are is my brother. You better stop talking the way you’re talking because now it’s dripping into my comment page… He’s pegging me to be a person I am not. Honey, you don’t want me to start pegging you to be the person that you are—with full-blown receipts. I could fill the audience with receipts with the leftovers all the way around the block … You are my brother, let’s keep it that way. If you want to talk on the internet then you talk about the things that you think you know about yourself. You don’t want to talk about the things I know about you … for sure… By the way, do you like my dress, Tommy?”

Wendy then rubbed the fur sleeves on her dress and said:

“Tommy would love a dress like this.”

There you have it. Wendy didn’t like being called out and so she suggested her brother is maybe gay … and seemed to suggest that's a bad thing, or something to be ashamed of ... or likes to wear women’s clothes?

Oh, Wendy, why can’t you ever just keep your mouth shut and save us from your dirty laundry?

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We don’t hear much about Russell Crowe lately, but when we do, it’s kinda funny.

This story involves his 2003 film Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, and in full disclosure, I have never seen it. Apparently it’s about ships and the old days and Russell being a commander?

Yeah, I’ll pass, and according to one Ian McNabb, of the UK, it’s a great film … for napping. Ian took to Twitter with this:

“Lots of folk complaining about lack of sleep during the Pandemic. May I recommend Master And Commander starring the usually captivating, attention-grabbing Russell Crowe. I've never made it past the ten minute mark. You're welcome. And thanks Russell.”

Well, Russell turned all Wendy Williams on Ian and Tweeted:

“That’s the problem with kids these days. No focus. Peter Weirs film is brilliant. An exacting, detail oriented, epic tale of fidelity to Empire & service, regardless of the cost. Incredible cinematography by Russell Boyd & a majestic soundtrack. Definitely an adults movie.”

Ouch. Age-shamming, Russell? Trouble is, Ian is a grown-assed man and a UK film critic, who Tweeted back:

“Thanks Russell. I'm 60 but I get your point. Love Unhinged. Greetings from Liverpool, Ian.”

Of note is that the “kid” Russell was coming for is actually older than Russell.

Perhaps we can get Wendy and Russell in the same Take Your Spats Into Private accountability group?

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It's Snarkurday!

Look, I’ll just say it … Judge Judy is worth every single penny of the $47 million a year she makes. And now the Los Angeles Superior Court has agreed that Scheindlin’s salary is appropriate.

Judge Judy, the highest paid person in television, was named in a lawsuit brought against CBS by Rebel Entertainment who claimed that by CBS paying Judy that many coins was part of a plan to deny Rebel Entertainment their share of profit participation; Rebel was the talent agency that “originally packaged Judge Judy in the 1990s.”

Rebel Entertainment Partners asserted that it was entitled to a 5% share of net profits, but accounting statements seem to prove that the syndicated show runs at a deficit largely because Sheindlin’s salary was deducted as an expense. Rebel claimed that when CBS doubled Judge Judy’s salary a decade ago, it set fire to their profits.

I can hear her say it now …

“They don’t pay me $47 million, cuz I’m gorgeous, they pay me that because I’m smart.”

And deserves every penny.

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Russell Crowe’s divorce from Danielle Spencer, his wife of nine years, is close to being finalized., so he is celebrating by having a Divorce Sale through Sotheby’s Australia.

One item that was sold, for$7,000, was a leather jockstrap … from Russell’s nights at The Stud?

Sadly, no, it was part of a costume he wore in Cinderella Man, when he was younger and hotter.

Still seven grand for a used jock? In a tweet, Russell claimed that the collection, entitled “The Art of Divorce,” netted him $3.7 million in five hours.

It’s not Judge Judy money, but it’s nice, right?

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John Barrowman—Dr. Who, Torchwood, Arrow and The Flash—is a hot, gay, sexy, nerdy, and a giver. And he doesn’t like anyone chastising him for his charity; are you listening West Hollywood Target store?

Barrowman, as he announced on social media, bought a “$40 gift certificate, jacket and shirt for a homeless man at the Target store located at 7100 Santa Monica Blvd” and was then lectured by Target staff who told him he shouldn’t buy anything for the homeless man:

“I am disgusted by what I was told. Arrest me for trying to help someone. The stupidity behind that rule. I want an explanation. How dare you tell me, as a customer, who I am allowed to buy for and what I am allowed to buy?”

Barrowman also noted that the people in line behind him thought his being admonished for caring about his fellow man was “ridiculous, also”:

“That gentleman needed help, a little bit of help to get him up, to make his day a little better, and Target you were trying to deny that. So I’m a little pissed off with you right now.”

Target heard of the kerfuffle and released an apology:

 “We’re very sorry for the experience you had at the LA Target store. We absolutely do not have a policy against this type of purchase, and are addressing it immediately with the team members involved. Thank you for bringing this to our attention.”

Bringing it to their attention? Since when does a store get to dictate for whom you are buying things?

Oh Tar-jhay, I am embarrassed for you.

Oh John, you are now even hotter in my mind.

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A couple of weeks ago, we talk about Jay-Z and Beyoncé’s daughter, Blue Ivy, being allowed to bid for art aat an auction; the child actually purchased apiece of art for several thousand dollars.

Now we find out that Blue Ivy has her own stylist … at age six. While most girls her age are dressed by their mothers, Blue Ivy’s mom don’t play that, and hired Manuel Mendez, her former personal assistant, to dress and style her child.

And he’s been doing it since Blue Ivy was 20 months old.

Seriously; that whole family is out of touch and raising a child who will be utterly helpless, not know the value of a daughter and be incapable of dressing herself.

Damn my mother and father for making me tie my own shoes!

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This is a mess.

Khloe Kardastrophe is expected to pop any day now with the bay she made with basketball player, and playa, Tristan Thompson. And then Thompson was outed, with video proof no less, as a serial cheater. And Kardastrope is in Cleveland, his hometown, awaiting the birth and is too far along to travel.

As the ALLEGATIONS that Tristan Thompson cheated, with more than one woman, and more than one woman at a time, on Kardastrophe, a source for the family—and you just know it’s That Woman—said:

“[This] has been a long time coming.”

Thompson was spotted spending Saturday night cozying up to a  brunette at the PH-D Lounge New York, with video of the duo entering his hotel at 5AM.There is also footage of a night back in October 2017 that ALLEGEDLY shows Thompson kissing one woman while a different woman gropes him.

That Woman The source says:

“Tristan has been consistently cheating on Khloé. He’s a serial cheater. And there will be more women to come out of the woodwork. First Lamar cheated on her and now Tristan. She’s been through so much.”

Look, do I feel bad for her? Kind of; but she picked him …and he left his pregnant girlfriend for her, so … and you just know this will turn into a Very Special Episode of Taking Out The Trash Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes.

And that’ll be a mess, too.

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It's Snarkurday!

Look, I am about the furthest thing from straight that you can get, but if I were a straight man ::: giggle snort ::: and I was JLo’s man, you can bet I’d be keeping it in my pants and only banging my bank account, er, girlfriend, instead of stepping out on her. But, while Casper Smart is a straight man ::: giggle snort ::: he’s a not-so-bright straight man because he’s been dumped by Lopez again for being a cheater.

Seriously, Casper, the only thing you have to do in life is do whatever Jennifer Lopez tells you to do … her laundry, bathe the kids, walk the dog, satisfy her sexually, measure her ass to make sure it’s still huge, and yet you feel the need to once again dip your wick in some other, um, pool?

And, hon, if you’re gonna cheat, you cheat up, to someone more famous, with more money; you don’t cheat down because now you’re coin-less and out of a job.

Oh Lindsay Lohan … She desperately wants to be a businesswoman because, well, acting is just about over for her … unless you count acting the fool on social media a career. She tried to corner the market on leggings and spray tans and apps for your phone and they all bombed quicker than her last film so now she’s put her name where her mouth is, and where the vodka goes in …

Yes, Lindsay Lohan has announced on Instagram that she is opening a nightclub called LOHAN in Athens. I was thinking Freaky Friday might have been a better name for a Lohan bar; or The Boyfriend Trap; Lindsay Fully Loaded? Seriously, what does Lindsay Lohan know about being a bar owner, other than getting drunk in a bar; stealing another woman’s fur coat in a bar; starting a fight in a bar; passing out under a bar?

To be fair, Lohan is actually a part owner of the bar; her friend-slash-john, Greek restaurateur Dennis Papageorgiou is technically the owner but Lindsay will get a percentage which she will promptly drink up, causing the bar to go out of business about an hour after it opens.

Just saying.

Donald’s cohort in PussyGat, Bill Bush is now officially fired from NBC and is ALLEGEDLY getting a $10 million payout.

He’s been on the job a hot minute and gets ten mil for being publicly outed as a douchebag of Donald-Proportions? Casper Smart couldn’t even get a deal like that and he was Lopez’, um, well, he grabbed her, um, look Casper walked away with the clothes on his back and Bush gets millions.

Oy. Next up Billy Bush comes cleans on Dr. Phil and then appears on Dancing With The Stars. Mark.My.Words.

And now more Lohan … Since she’s owned a nightclub for roughly thirty seconds now, Lindsay has announced that she will also open a line of spas. But it isn’t all about booze and facials for Lindsay; no, she also wants to, and I’ll let her say it, offset all of this capitalism by “creating and distributing organic health drinks” for refugees.

Yes, she’s gonna make smoothies for refugees! Lohan … the gift that keeps on giving … though I imagine her “organic health drinks” are at least 100-proof.

I should’a married Phil Collins when I had the chance. I would’a Sussudio’d him to the poor house.

See, Phil divorced his third wife, Orianne Cevey, back in 2008 and paid her what was then a record for divorce settlements in the UK: he paid Orianne $30.5 million! And now, the two are back together eight years later and Phil says she is keeping the money.

Seriously; I could’a been Mr. Phil Collins for a couple of years, pocketed a cool thirty million and been set for life.

I don’t get Azealia Banks. I mean, rumor has it she’s a singer or something but all I ever hear about her is when she explodes on Twitter against The Gays or gets kicked off a plane or starts a feud with someone.

In a now-deleted Facebook post, Banks claims that Russell Crowe choked her, spit at her, called her the N-word and threw her out of his hotel suite. 

Russell Crowe and Azealia Banks? Mismatch. But, multiple witnesses says that Banks was tossed from Russell’s suite, but not because he was a jerk but because she was a hot mess who threatened to stab him and another guest.

On the night in question, Russell hosted a dinner party for 10 people in his hotel suite; Crowe invited rapper RZA, who directed him in The Man with the Iron Fists, and RZA brought Banks, who says this is what happened:

“To recap my night, I went to a part [sic] at Russell crowes [sic] suite, at which he called me a n***er, choked me, threw me out and spat at me. Last night was one of the hardest nights of sleep I’ve had in a long time. The men in the room allowed it to happen. I feel terrible today.”

Party guests, though, have a different take; they say Crowe never called Banks a slur and only put his hands on her because she was about to throw a glass. They say the whole mess started when Azealia made fun of the music Russell was playing and called him and another guest “boring white men.” Another guest asked Banks to “shut it” — perhaps she said “be quiet” I was just paraphrasing — and then the ugliness ensued because Banks then ALLEGEDLY shrieked:

“You would love it if I broke my glass, stabbed you guys in the throat, and blood would squirt everywhere like some real Tarantino shit.”

Then Azealia reached for her glass, cocked it and Russell Crowe bounced her ass outside.

Look, here’s the queer deal: I ain’t no celebrity — except in my own head — but even I know you don’t allow Azealia Banks into your home and anywhere near the cutlery and the crystal unless you want a bloodbath.

Seriously, Russell, what were you thinking?

Wow, two Phil Collins stories in one week? The man must be really trying to rekindle his career and his third marriage.

This time, though, it’s about a feud to between Phil and Paul McCartney. Yes, like last week’s Grandpa Feud between F. Murray Abraham and Mandy Patinkin, we now have two more old men fighting … or maybe one old man trying to spark a fight with the other …

Phil Collins spoke to the UK’s Sunday Times about his upcoming autobiography, Not Dead Yet and spilled the beans about the time he met McCartney at Buckingham Palace back in Ott-Two.  It seems Phil had a first edition of The Beatles biography by Hunter Davies, so he brought it with him to see if Paul would sign it for him … big mistake, huge.

Phil says when Paul and his then-wife Heather Mills approached him he went in for the autograph, and Paul said:

“Oh Heather, our little Phil’s a bit of a Beatles fan.”

Little Phil? Well, he is barely five-foot-five but still, it was kind of a bitch move on McCartney, and Little, er, Phil, wasn’t having it:

 “I thought, ‘You fuck, you fuck.’ Never forgot it. He has this thing when he’s talking to you, where he makes you feel (like), ‘I know this must be hard for you because I’m a Beatle. I’m Paul McCartney and it must be very hard for you to actually be holding a conversation with me.”

Yeah, even though I missed my shot at marrying, divorcing for millions, and remarrying, Phil Collins, I am Team Phil this time out … though I place most of the blame for on McCartney’s rudeness on that one-legged bitch of an ex-wife of his, Heather.

Just sayin’ … she’s vile.

Whenever Tyra Banks feels like she isn’t seeing her name in the press often enough … and once a year is too much … she races to the nearest reporter to beat that dead horse she’s been beating for over a  decade now: her feud with Naomi Campbell.

It seems that recently Banks and her baby Daddy Erik Asla were guests on the Norwegian-Swedish talk show Skavlan — what, Steve Harvey turned her down? — and the conversation turned to how she was terrorized by Naomi back in the day.

Tyra talked about going to Paris as a new model and how she met HBIC Campbell:

“I got to Paris and it was very difficult I did very well, very fast. But then the industry was saying, ‘Look out Naomi Campbell, here comes Tyra Banks, Naomi Campbell sit your butt down, this younger one is coming to take your place. It wasn’t fair to Naomi, but her response was … to this day I’m very scared of her. I don’t want to go too deep into the past, but it was very difficult, like some of the lowest times of my life dealing with that. I don’t condone her actions and her response, but I understand where it comes from because the world is saying, ‘You’re not going to have your spot. We’re going to take your money, we’re going to take your fame. Go sit down, there’s somebody else.’”

I love how she says she doesn’t want to go too deep into the past and then she does, as she does every time it seems like people have forgotten her while no one in the world has ever forgotten, or will ever forget, Miss Naomi Campbell.

Sit down, Tyra; I see a phone coming toward your five-head.

It's Snarkurday!

Last week we talked 15-year-old Rocco Ritchie and his refusal to spend Christmas with his mom, Madonna, but wanting to stay with his dad, Guy Ritchie, for a while. And he did, sharing the holidays with his dad and his dad’s family, including his step-mother, Jacqui Ainsley.

But the question is maybe why all of the sudden was Rocco over Madge. Maybe he’s just over her because he’s fifteen, or maybe, as rumor suggests, he and Madge had some kind falling out around Thanksgiving and that’s why he said ‘See ya’ to Mama and, ALLEGEDLY, “ran away in Stockholm” from Madge and her Rebel Heart Tour,

And then when the tour hit London the first week in December, Rocco took off for his dad’s house and hasn’t seen his mother since, which caused Madonna to go into hysterical mode and fire her fifteen-year-old son’s ‘manny’ — let’s not even talk about needing a manny for a teenager — and unleashed her attorneys on Rocco and Guy.

So … is this typical teenager and mom stuff? I mean, how many teenagers want to spend all their time with their moms? Rocco has been on tour with Madonna for at least the last six months, traveling the globe, and maybe he just wanted to go home. Or … as some say, maybe the rift started over Madonna’s habit of posting embarrassing photos of Rocco on social media like … that time she posted a slow-motion video of Rocco doing a back flip in his underwear and hashtagged it “#nosausage“.  Or the time cool mom Madonna posted a picture of Rocco boxing and again went hashtag crazy about her own son’s crotch.

For his part, Rocco used his now private Instagram to tell the world he wasn’t spending Christmas with Madonna, and then she retaliated by posting a Christmas Day picture of the two of them from August with the caption “Merry X-mas to the Sun-shine of my Life!”

At least she laid off his sausage. But, because it’s the holidays and because I’m feeling generous, here’s some advice for the sparring parent and child:

Lay off social media and have an actual conversation. Oh, and Madonna, howsabout laying off the creepy talk about your child’s crotch?? M’kay?

Wow. This is one Terrible Idea …

Rumor has it that ex-Kardastrophe Baby Daddy, and Celebrity Drunk, Scott Disick, in need of a sober companion, has taken to spending time with … wait for it … it's amazing … Girlfriend Beater, Chair Flipper, Vandal Chris Brown.

Sources — and you know it’s That Woman — claim the duo is joined at the hip in an effort to stay non-liquored up.

Yeah, I see this working out real well, or at least becoming a Very Special Episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes.

Blame a slow holiday gossip cycle for this one because, how is this news ....

Back to the Future is real, y’all. I mean, it must be because the big news today is that 80s heartthrob Richard Marx and 90s video vixen Daisy Fuentes have gotten married.

Looks like next we’ll be buying Mom jeans and getting our hair piled higher on our heads?

It’s the second marriage for both, since Fuentes ended her first marriage to soap man Timothy Adams from Sunset Beach, and Marx divorced Cynthia Rhodes — Penny in Dirty Dancing — after twenty-five years of marriage.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hear acid wash jeans are on sale and I need someone to trim my mullet.

Poor Russell Crowe. He thinks everyone should cater only to him.

See, it’s like this: Crowe was taking his sons on a trip aboard Virgin Australia flight just after Christmas. And Virgin Australia — like nearly every other airline and airport on the planet — has banned hoverboards because they have tendency to catch on fire.

Not good for air travel, you know. But Russell, because he’s a big star — in girth, actually, now, rather than career — expected someone from Virgin to personally call him and tell him not to bring the hoverboards. And so, naturally he Tweeted his dismay:

“Ridiculous @VirginAustralia. No Segway boards as luggage? Too late to tell us at airport. Kids and I offloaded. Goodbye Virgin. Never again.”

To which Virgin replied like this:

“@russellcrowe ...hope to see you on board again soon.”

And that sent Russell fuming in outrage:

“@VirginAustralia why did you not inform me when I booked my ticket? Where is your duty of responsibility in this?”

And then this:

“@VirginAustralia I'm awaiting your reply, where is your duty of responsibility in this? Why not tell me when I am booking my ticket?”

So then Virgin said this:

“Hi Russell, this information is outlined in the Dangerous Goods section in the booking confirmation and check in reminder emails you will have received. We have also communicated this on Facebook and Twitter, as well as through the media. We understand your frustration, however please appreciate that safety is our number one priority.”

C’mon, Virgin! You expect Russell to read, and follow, the rules like a normal person? He needs a major corporation to personally contact him with whatever information he might possibly need about whatever situation he might possibly encounter while using whatever service any major corporation anywhere on the planet provides!

Sheesh, Virgin, don’t you get that?

No doubt you read about the mix-up at the Miss Universe Pageant last week, when host Steve Harvey read the wrong name and Miss Columbia was declared Miss Universe for about ninety seconds, until the matter was cleared up and Miss Philippines was awarded the title.

At first it all seemed to go over quite smoothly, with Miss Colombia, Arianda Gutierrez, smiling sweetly and congratulating Miss Philippines on Instagram, but now she’s singing a different tune: conspiracy.

Miss Colombia recently spoke with Colombia’s W radio, and isn’t playing nice now:

“It was very humiliating for me, but also for the whole country and for all the people not only from Colombia but the other Latinos that were in the auditorium.”

She says that when Harvey first uttered the Oops Heard ‘Round The World, she thought it was a joke, because in the rehearsals Harvey played around a lot and she thought he was being funny. And now she thinks the whole event was staged as a publicity stunt.

Now, I love a good conspiracy theory, so I’m 100% on board with Miss Colombia side-eyeing the big-wigs at Miss Universe pageant except … why just a ninety-second stunt? Why not give her the crown, let her take the runway walk, let her tour the world for about six months and then let Harvey say, ‘Uh oh!’? That would be more of an escándalo.

Oh, and Miss Colombia shot down another conspiracy; the one that said she would be riding this mess all the way to Vivid Entertainment where she would pocket a cool million for a Miss Universe porn film.

And somewhere, That Woman is eyeing her daughter Kim, and thinking, ‘Where I Miss Columbia’s mother? I could have made a fortune off a beauty pageant porno. Miss Columbia will never be a star now.’

I Didn't Say It ...

Mike Huckabee, on why he’s leaving Fox News:

"I've never had so much fun in my life. I've met people I never dreamed I'd meet and I've played music with legends in the music business. But I also realize that God hasn't put me on Earth just to have a good time or to make a good living, but rather God has put me on Earth to try to make a good life. There's been a great deal of speculation as to whether I would run for president. And if I were willing to absolutely rule that out, I could keep doing this show. But I can't make such a declaration."

Wait. So, um, God wants you to leave Fox News? Good on God. But if you want people to believe — at least those folks who believe in God — that with all that’s going on in the world, with terrorism, and famine, and death and disease that She’s taking one second to send you a message about running for the White House again, again, you’re more delusional than even I ever thought possible.

Frank Bruni, in a New York Times column, pondering about our political dynasties:

"Jeb and Hillary. Hillary and Jeb. It’s getting to the point where a mention of one yields a reference to the other, where they’re semantically inseparable, presidentially conjoined. Should we just go the extra step, save ourselves some syllables and keystrokes? The 2016 matchup as envisioned by many: Jebary. Or, more economically still, Heb. The fascination with this pair as possible rivals for the White House makes perfect sense, because it defies belief. We’re talking about tomorrow while trafficking in yesterday. We’re saying we need to turn the page by going back to a previous chapter. We’re a country of self-invention (that’s the myth, at least) in thrall to legacies and in the grip of dynasties, riveted by the mightiest surname in modern Democratic politics and its Republican analogue, imagining not just a clash of the titans but a scrum of the successors."

Well, I can see Hillary in the White House, but Jeb? We’ve gone down that road with two other Bush’s and I know we can do better than that.

Benedict Cumberbatch, on Alan Turing, whom he is playing in The Imitation Game:

"He's a man who died tragically early due to a government he helped free from fascism by his work in World War II cracking the Enigma Code, rewarding him for his nature for quietly confessing to who he was - as a gay man in a time of intolerance in the 50s.”

Even why helping with the war effort in a way no one had ever done before, Turing was literally, physically tortured for being gay.

Jamie Dornan, on wearing a special ‘sock’ for the sex scenes for 50 Shades of Grey: 

“Your dignity is intact as much as it’s all tucked away in a little flesh-coloured bag… As a guy you put all your essentials in a little bag and you tie it up like a little bag of grapes and it’s tucked away. It’s quite a peculiar thing to do every day.”

Is it just me, or would anyone else want to be the one to tie up Jamie’s essentials at the start of filming and then let them out at the end of the day.

Russell Crowe, on women in film not aging gracefully:

“The best thing about the industry I’m in — movies — is that there are roles for people in all different stages of life. To be honest, I think you’ll find that the woman who is saying that [the roles have dried up] is the woman who at 40, 45, 48, still wants to play the ingénue, and can’t understand why she’s not being cast as the 21 year old. Meryl Streep will give you 10,000 examples and arguments as to why that’s bullshit, so will Helen Mirren, or whoever it happens to be. If you are willing to live in your own skin, you can work as an actor. If you are trying to pretend that you’re still the young buck when you’re my age, it just doesn’t work.”

I think Crowe has a point. Jennifer Aniston, for example, is a forty-five year old woman but she’s still playing at least 15 to 20 years younger.

That said, the double standard of men in Hollywood acting onscreen with actresses young enough to be their granddaughters, should also be addressed. I saw a graphic yesterday that showed when Denzel Washington was in his 30s and playing married onscreen, the actress who played his wife was twenty-eight. Now that he’s sixty, the actresses who play his wife in films have aged to their mid-30s.Double standard Hollywood.