I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Last week Katharine McPhee gave birth to her five-times married, twice her age husband, David Foster’s, child, and now she’s out again to tell y’all that, while she loves her serial divorcing husband, she was initially worried about how the public would view their age gap:

“We all have the ability to label things and to look at something for the way that it looks or face value and make a judgment. So I totally get the judgment initially, but things are never as they appear, things are never exactly as they appear and I’m in love with our love story and that’s all that matters … The perception of what people try to create, especially with women, it’s always the woman’s fault. It’s the woman who wants to be with the older man because he has money and he’s had success and she wants this, that, I mean, our story’s been the complete opposite.”

Wait. Is she suggesting that she has the success and the money and that’s why Foster married her?

Stop it, Katherine, marry whomever you want, and have their child. But just know that it looks odd with your five-times married double your age hubby, and know that when you’re seventy-something and decide to marry a thirty-year-old man, it’ll look just as odd.

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Also last week, Alec Baldwin, actor, blowhard, husband to a woman who fakes her ethnicity, quit Twitter, for the third time, after being Twit-shamed  for tweeting about Gillian Anderson’s British and American accents.

He wrote, “Switching accents? That sounds…fascinating,” obviously thinking it makes what his wife has done her whole life sound reasonable. Alec announced his Twitter departure in a 10-minute-long Instagram video rant, being sure to mention he was a big Gillian fan, and his tweet was actually very high-brow “irony” that went over the heads of the entire world.

Well, now Gillian is speaking, and addressing the kerfuffle over accepting her Golden Globe for The Crown with an American accent:

“I don’t have social media on my phone so I wasn’t [aware]. A couple people texted to say that something was going on. I didn’t pay any attention to it because it’s just something that I live. I grew up between two countries and so depending on who is in my ear is which direction my accent goes, so I’m so used to it that it’s kind of old news for me.”

Gillian was asked if Baldwin reached out to her:

“I haven’t heard from him. It doesn’t matter. It’s so not a newsworthy item, but I’m sad that it’s caused him so much distress.”

The shade! Though the distress was that Gillian, who has lived in both England and America all her life shouldn’t be taken to task like Baldwin’s wife, who claimed she was Spanish, born and raised, changed her name, albeit not legally, and pretends not to know how to say cucumber in English. Baldwin’s distress is that his wife was outed as a liar.

I love Gillian’s dig that she isn’t bothered by Alec’s rant because she doesn’t live in the social media world.

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So, Piers Morgan, once thought to be England’s Larry King, walked off his chat show gig in the wake of the Harry and Meghan interview and his assertion that Meghan Markle is just a plain liar and, well, he knows that for a fact.

And he wants y’all to know he didn’t dash off your tellys the  Ofcom, the British equivalent to the FCC, has launched an investigation “after more than 41,000 people wrote in to complain” about Piers’ comments about Meghan’s mental health struggles.

No he did it because Meghan lies … like the time she met Piers for drinks and chats, and then, after their date, she took off in a cab for a party where she met a Hot Ginger Prince, fell in love and married him and never called Piers Morgan back, even though his was sitting bedside in his nighty waiting for that call.

Sad little man. Meghan didn’t like him so he’s taken every single chance he can to not only bash her but make light of her disclosure about depression and suicide.

Pig, that Piers.

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Prince William broke his silence this week regarding Harry and Meghan’s interview with Oprah, specifically the part about being asked what color their son might be. And while Bill admitted that he hadn’t spoken to Harry—though he says he will—he was firm when asked about the most damaging claims made in the interview that the family’s treatment of them was racially motivated:

“We’re very much not a racist family.”

First off, Bill, neither one of them said the “family” was racist, they said they were questions asked of them regarding the as yet-to-be born Archie’s skin color; there was also the notion that Archie, the son of a Prince would not be given a royal title, and as such, would have no royal protection.

Really? Even Fergie and Andrew’s offspring were given titles, but not the baby of a Prince and his biracial wife? Sounds like, while it may not be the whole family, someone in the family is an ignorant ass.

I think it’s Chuck, even though Betty Windsor, in her brief statement on the interview, said the “issues raised, particularly that of race, are concerning,” but politely said that “recollections may vary.”

Which is kinda what racists say when they get busted being racist.

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It's Snarkurday!

You can’t keep a cougar down … Rumer, er, rumor has it that 55-year-old Demi Moore, who never met a young man she didn’t have to have, is shacking up with 25-year-old Nick Jonas.

It’s all on the DL, and the two meet at her friend’s downtown LA loft for their good times. Angeles loft because, for now, Demi doesn’t want y’all to know. But, ALLEGEDLY, it was Demi’s 29-year-old daughter, Rumer, who told Mama Cougar she had another younger man for her, according to a source, most likely Rumer herself:

“Rumer knows Demi is attracted to younger guys, and she figured that since Nick is single and has experience with older women, he’d be up for a love connection. They hit it off — and now Demi and Nick are hooking up.”

Demi was married to 16-years-younger Ashton Kutcher before he left her for the fat younger Mila Kunis; then she hooked up with 31-year-old rocker Sean Friday, 36-year-old Pink Taco owner Harry Morton—who also dated Demi’s daughter Rumer, and 31-year-old art dealer Vito Schnabel.

Nick is Demi’s youngest, so far, because her next boyfriend just graduated from seventh grade.

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Last year, two songwriters, Sean Hall and Nathan Butler, sued Taylor Swift for ALLEGEDLY ripping off the lyrics to “Shake It Off” from the 2001 3LW hit “Playas Gon’ Play.” Taylor, who loves to sue, but hates getting sued, tried to get a judge to throw the lawsuit out.

The two men say Taylor’s chorus of “Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate” was suspiciously similar to the chorus they wrote, “Playas they gonna play, and haters they gonna hate” and they wanted credit … coins … for their work.

And again, TayTay, who loves to earn her coins from suing over intellectual property is not in the mood to play play play … and her lawyers are arguing that the phrases “Players, they gonna play” and “Haters, they gonna hate” are too short to get legal protection on, and therefor they don’t belong to anybody.

Unless, you know, TayTay says she wrote them.

Swifty’s lawyers also argue that Sean and Nathan can’t monopolize the ideas of players playing and haters hating because there is only one person in the music industry capable of attempting to monopolize the act of hating, and that’s Taylor Swift.

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Paris Hilton recently got engaged to Leftovers actor Chris Zylka who ALLEGEDLY proposed with a $2 million ring.

Clearly, Paris is the one with the coins in this pairing so clearly she bought the ring, gave it to him for the proposal, and then flashed it all over social media.

But if you remember that Paris was once besties with Lindsay Lohan, who has a penchant for thievery, especially, of jewelry, it seems only fitting that Hilton has hired 24-7 security to guard her ring.

Hasn’t she heard of a safe? Doesn’t she know that Lohan is out of the country? Why didn’t she just let her fiancé buy the ring, and then, if it was stolen, you’d just have to shell out another $199 to Zale’s?

Just sayin’.

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Last week the women, and men, to be fair, wore black in solidarity of women and the sexual abuse they face, the discrimination they face, and the pay inequity they face, not just in Hollywood but everywhere.

Still this is Snark, so we’ll deal with Hollywood, and Ridley Scot’s film All the Money in the World. You’ll remember it co-starred Kevin Spacey until we learned what a creeper he was to young boys. Then Ridley cut Spacey from the film and replaced him with Christopher Plummer trouble was, the film was finished, so Scott asked some of the films co-stars, Nark Wahlberg and Michelle Williams, to come back and reshoot some of their scenes with Plummer.

And of course they’d get paid for their work … and therein lies the rub.

Rumor has it that while both are equally billed in film—even though Williams is getting raves and Wahlberg is not—and both returned to film for the same number of days—Mark Wahlberg was paid $1.5 million while Michelle Williams was given a check for … wait for it, it should really piss you off … about $80 per day, for a total of about $1,000.

Even worse, none of the other actors brought back in were paid, and even Ridley Scott, the director, wasn’t paid. But Wahlberg’s team of lawyers and agents and accounts negotiated that hefty fee.

Women in Hollywood might be wearing black every day especially given that Williams and Wahlberg are represented by the same agency and that agency worked a huge payout for their male client and basically no deal for their female client.

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The New York Times recently published an op-ed entitled “Publicly, We Say #MeToo. Privately, We Have Misgivings” written by Daphne Merkin, who feels that #MeToo will lead to the end of flirting.

Right?

In France, the movement is cause for great concern because many … many women … think flirting is life …and maybe flirting is coming out of your hotel bathroom naked and asking your employee for a handy … I guess.

A collective of about 100 French women signed an open letter published in Le Monde rejecting what it sees as a new puritanism in the wake of the sexual harassment and assault scandals:

“Rape is a crime. Insistently or awkwardly hitting on someone is not.”

And there were many women of note who signed on to this nonsense, like doctors and lawyers, female politicians, even Catherine Deneuve.

Um, ladies, no one is saying that flirting is out, but they’re saying that asking for a rubdown, exposing yourself, groping a woman, touching a woman, without her consent is no longer happening.

There’s a difference between a simple bit of flirtation and whipping your dick out and asking an employee to suck it.

Last time I checked that wasn’t flirting.

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Hugh Grant is going to be a dad for the fifth time at 57-years-old. This will be his third child with 35-year-old girlfriend Anna Eberstein; they already have a two-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, but this is where it gets itchy …

Hugh had a “fleeting affair” with Tinglan Hong which resulted in a child being born in 2011; Hugh and Tinglan didn’t pan out and so then he met Anna and they had their first child in 2012.

Then Hugh and Tinglan got back together for the second half of their fleeting affair in 2013 and they had another child.

But, alas, that was over, and Hugh went back to Anna and they had a child together in 2015.

Now in 2018, he and Anna again are going to be parents.

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Disney always knows how to make coins. They make a feature length cartoon and make billions from that and then turn it into a Broadway show and then a live action film; they bag tons of money for the same project.

But Disney needs to learn a very simple lesson: blackface is over.

So far, Disney and Guy Ritchie are making a live-action version of Aladdin and took some heat for casting a non-Arab Princess Jasmine and then adding a new random white character to, you know, get white people in the seats. But this is too much …

There are accusations that Disney is making up extras to look more brown. The accusations come from a background actor named Kaushal Odedra who says when he arrived on-set he noticed an awful lot of white background actors. And then, a few hours later, those same white actors were suddenly brown:

“Aladdin was the perfect time to show diversity but also be accurate. They’re being out of touch with what’s going on around them.”

But Disney has an excuse … and it’s just about the lamest nonsensical POS I have ever heard:

“Great care was taken to put together one of the largest, most diverse casts ever seen on screen. Diversity of our cast and background performers was a requirement and only in a handful of instances when it was a matter of specialty skills, safety and control (special effects rigs, stunt performers and handling of animals) were crew made up to blend in.”

Oh, so they admit to using brown people as extras but when it comes to crew and animal handlers and the like, only white folks were available?

Try again Disney. When you making a film set in the Middle East about Middle Eastern people, why not, oh I don’t know, cast Middle Eastern actors in the parts. Except then the fear is that white people wouldn’t see the film and so there’s be fewer coins to be had.

Shame on you, Mouse House.

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Tonya Harding Is back y’all, and why we’re suddenly celebrating this criminal is beyond me.

But she’s the topic of a new film and so she’s being interviewed by everyone everywhere, though maybe some aren’t thrilled by the idea.

Like Piers Morgan of Good Morning Britain who wasn’t afraid to remind everyone that it’s really Nancy “WHYYYYYYYYY” Kerrigan who is the victim.

Piers kept trying to get Tonya to admit she was involved in the 1994 pipe attack on Nancy. Tonya’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly said she knew all along of the conspiracy to take down Nancy and even Tonya said in her 2008 autobiography that she wanted to tell authorities about the pending assault but didn’t because Jeff threatened her life.

Still, Piers was having none of it:

“Maybe it suits you to play the victim. But I think the victim in all this wasn’t you. It was Nancy Kerrigan who had her Olympic dream shattered.”

But Tonya is delusional and has been playing the victim card for decades, so she will never admit that she planned it, knew about it, and wanted it done.

Girl, bye.

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We haven’t heard from Kanye in a while, not that I’m complaining, but here he is again, going after people for their fashion sense, even if he’s married to the perpetrator.

Apparently, Kim Kardastrophe revealed that she received an email from her husband … they don’t actually speak? … in which he put her on blast for her sunglasses:

“[Kanye] sent me a whole email like, ‘You cannot wear big glasses anymore. It’s all about tiny little glasses.’”

And instantly she was in tiny glasses because, you know, what Kanye says ….

Clearly, because now all the Kardastrophes are wearing tiny glasses like the Tiny Man ordered.

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It's Snarkurday!

Ah, Sex and the City ... a cable show that went on about a year too long that turned into a movie that lasted one film too many. Well, last week we learned that plans for that third SATC film were kaput because Kim ‘Samantha’ Cattrall was the only star of the series and film who realized that it was over ... and should have been before that 3-plus hour Dubai fiasco of a film.

But that’s where the kerfuffle starts because now some of the other girls—and I’m looking at you Sarah Jessica Parker and Kristin Davis—had wanted to make another film simply to pad their bank accounts and now they may have to look for other work; in SJP’s case, it may be a return to Broadway, in Kristin Davis’ case it make be a Starbucks.

One of the ALLEGED reasons why SATC 3 isn’t happening was that Kim was acting like a diva—asking Warner Bros. to finance other film projects for her—and “playing the victim.” Kim says she never shut down production with diva demands and clearly states she told them she never wanted to do another SATC. In fact, Kim says she repeatedly turned down producers almost a year ago, and never once implied she was interested and so she’s rightfully peeved that “sources” are trying to smear her:

“And now, now at this very moment it’s quite extraordinary to get any kind of negative press about something that I’ve been saying for almost a year of ‘no’ that I’m demanding or a diva. And this is really where I take to task the people from Sex and the City, and specifically Sarah Jessica Parker, in that I think she could have been nicer. I really think she could have been nicer.”

When pressed as to why SJP is being nice Kim says:

“I don’t know what her issue is, I never have.”

Kim says because she’s a 61-year-old woman she is no longer interested in playing the horny Samantha and she wishes an SATC3 would happen, just without her:

“It’s a great part. I played it past the finish line and then some and I loved it and another actress should play it, maybe they could make it an African American Samantha Jones or a Hispanic Samantha Jones? Or bring in another character. It can be another character. This is what I really believe that this franchise needs another point of view and this could be it.”

That certainly doesn’t sound like a pissed off diva, but more like someone who knows the films, the series, and the character have all outlived their sell-by date.

I mean, what would an SATC3 even look like ... a bunch of fifty-something women sipping ‘tinis in fabulous gowns discussing menopause and AARP?

That doesn’t sound fun at all.

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I guess all that metal in his head ...?

Fans of rapper Lil Wayne will be getting refunds after the recording “artist” refused to pass through a security check to enter the Colonial Life Arena in Columbia, South Carolina, and skipped the concert.

When security workers sought to apply “the venue’s standard safety procedures” that apply to everyone, Lil Wayne refused to comply; and because the arena’s management says it wasn’t willing to make an exception for the, ahem, “star”, there was no show.

Looks like a lot of folks dodged a bullet over the weekend ... because they didn’t have to see Lil Wayne “perform.”

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Proving that no story, no matter how old, is never too tired to be a part of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes, the show recently featured the real tea on Kendall Jenner’s infamous I-Solved-Racism-In-America Pepsi ad.

You remember that Kendall was in an embarrassing Pepsi ad back last April that claimed the solution to Ferguson, Baltimore, and every other example of modern racial tension was sippin’ an ice cold Pepsi given to you by a :::ahem::: model.

Kendall kept her lips zipped about the ad—possibly because That Woman saw it as a Very Special Episode of KUWTK—and so it wasn’t until now we get the low down on Kendall’s real—Mama told me to say this—feelings as she sobbed into her confessional camera:

“I would never purposely hurt someone, ever. I would, obviously—if I knew this was gonna be the outcome, I would have never done something like this. But you don’t know when you’re in the moment, and like, it was the most … like, it was … like, it was so … like, I just felt so f**king stupid.”

Like, um, like, ah, shut up. I mean, it only takes a person with the capabilities of reading a script to know that if, in the middle of a race riot, a :::ahem:::: model offered a soda to the warring factions and they suddenly became besties it would be an offensive, er, stupid, ad.

But That Woman knew it would get one of her Demon Spawn more media attention, so go for it!

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In the wake of last week’s shooting in Las Vegas male-media-whore Piers Morgan, on the UK show Good Morning Britain, brought in an expert on shooting deaths to speak about it, and her name was, wait for it, it’s completely understandable, Mariah Carey.

Yes, that picture up there, with Mimi lounging in front of a Christmas tree in October looking like one of the Real Housewives of DoubleChinTown was a real thing. I mean, rather than have Scotland Yard, or MI5 ... or even Daniel James Bond Craig come on to talk about the horrors, they gave us Mimi who said:

“I pray for the victims and hope all these can stop as soon as possible. You know, I have spent a lot of time in Vegas and this type of thing anywhere happening anywhere is a huge tragedy.”

Nice, I guess, though why pray for victims; I mean, they’re dead at the hands of a lunatic. But it’s the idea of the gown, and the flipped hair and the Christmas tree in the background that seems to say: Does Mimi know where she is? And so people went off on Piers, who, like the little bitch that he is, clapped back:

“Mariah was booked to do an interview about her UK Christmas tour. Obviously news events in Vegas have now taken precedence.”

Sure, she may have been booked earlier, but the whole set-up, the visual of Mimi and Christmas balls, was all kinds of wrong; still, as he does, Piers went on:

“We told Mariah's people before the interview. Her reaction seemed very relevant given she's a performer who often has residence in Vegas.”

Yes, but it’s Mariah Carey who lives in a dream world where people carry her around like a stuffed ... and sometimes overstuffed ... doll, and who calls people lamb and darrrrrrling and is clearly out of touch with reality.

Next up on Piers Morgan, Aubrey Anderson-Emmons, Lily from Modern Family will discuss the North Korean nuclear threat ...

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Kristin Davis, whose career has consisted of Melrose Place and Sex and the City and little else, has announced that it’s “deeply frustrating” that SATC 3 is not happening because Kim Cattrall realized that no one wants to see another incarnation of the TV show brought to the screen and put the kibosh on the sequel ... threequel ... by refusing to be in it.

And so Kristen, who clearly needs the coins, is furious and played into that whole “Kim had a lot of demands” business that sunk the idea of a sequel to a really awful sequel to a film version of a series that went on too long.

But what exactly were Kim’s demands? Oh yeah, she demanded that she not be asked to be in it!

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Well, it looks like Blac Chyna and Rob Kardastrophe have finally settled their dramatic Made-For-TV custody battle over their daughter Kream Dream. Chyna had asked for $50,000 a month, and Rob countered with Sofa Cushion Change, and they finally settled on $20,000 a month.

Sources—That Woman—say Rob agreed to the 20K because he wanted a 50/50 custody split and a guarantee that Chyna would drop her domestic violence allegations against him, and since she grabbed the coins, he hopes it makes her look like a gold digger, not realizing it makes him look like a man who paid off a domestic violence victim to keep quiet.

But that’s neither here nor there ... my burning question is a simple one: where the fuck is failed sock maker Rob Kardastrophe getting 20K a month? I mean, unless That Woman is planning a rerelease of Kim’s Porn Tape for extra coins.

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Poor Justin Bieber has been trying desperately to rent a huge fancy mansion in Beverly Hills, but the surrounding neighbors aren’t having it.

A source says Justin has ALLEGEDLY offered $100,000 a month—far more than it’s worth—for a house in Beverly Hills and the neighbors are rioting—in Beverly Hills that means calling your attorney and publicist—because they claim Justin has a reputation for not taking care of the homes he rents.

As of now, though, Justin is actually a semi-permanent resident of Beverly Hills because he’s been living in a, not the, Beverly Hills hotel for almost a year.

He must really be a bad neighbor if no one in Beverly Hills wants him in their hood; I mean, actual hillbillies moved into Beverly Hills in the 60s and no one even flinched ... except for Mr. Drysdale.

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More SATC3 drama? Okay ... this time it isn’t Cattrall or Davis, or even SJP dissing anyone, it’s one Willie “Stanford Blatch” Garson chiming in; Willie playing SJP’s gay bestie in the film, and is ALLEGEDLY her BFF in real life, too and so he Tweeted:

“Dear fans, because I'm "toxic", I'm going to negotiate a contract for 6 months, not come to terms, then say I never wanted to do it anyway.”

He used the word toxic because that’s what Kim Cattrall called all the negative press about her and he Tweeted because SJP wants to keep her hands, and Twitter feed, clean of the drama so she can look pretty and perfect in nice shoes.

But here’s my deal, Willie; in the entire series and the 2 film versions, your onscreen time adds up to about 2% so why are you bothered?

Oh, SJP’s lap dog. Get over it, and maybe try to get Matt Bomer to do a film version of White Collar so you can get a job.

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It's Snarkurday!

Sixty-one year old Mel Gibson, devout Catholic that he is, has become a father for the ninth time when his twenty-six year old girlfriend, Rosalind Ross, gave birth to their son, Lars Gerard Gibson.

Devout Catholic. Alcoholic. Anti-Semite. Ninth child by three different women, two of whom he never married.

That’s all.

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So, Charlie Sheen’s ex, and serial rehabber—she’s gone to rehab fourteen times now—Brooke Mueller is once again out of treatment and ready to take on the world.

After getting trashed in a bar with her children by her side—to be fair, a nanny was there , too, though was the nanny for Brooke or for the boys—Mueller was seen wandering barefoot around Salt Lake City and, according to one witness, beating her sons at a car wash.

Brooke had just completed a rehab stay in Utah and decided to live there with her and Sheen’s twin sons when she went off the rails again. Bob and Max, her two sons, were placed with Brooke’s family, who just confirmed that she’s out of rehab. Brooke’s mother, Moira, Fiore says:

“I’m really proud of how well Brooke is doing after her treatment plan and being a full-time mom again. She’s very committed to being the best mom and staying healthy.”

Again. This was at least her fourteenth stay in rehab after getting drunk in a bar where she’d gone with her children and then, ALLEGEDLY, assaulting them.

How is that she gets custody ... ?

Oh, yeah, Charlie Sheen.

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Ewan McGregor has a new movie, T2: Trainspotting, coming out soon, and so he’s been making the rounds of British chat-shows to promote it.

He was set to appear on Good Morning Britain, but decided that he didn’t want to do the show after learning that one of the hosts is gasbag Piers Morgan. Ewan took to Twitter—as celebs do—to break the news:

“Was going on Good Morning Britain, didn't realise @piersmorgan was host. Won't go on with him after his comments about #WomensMarch”

The comments Ewan are referring to come from a piece Piers wrote for The Daily Mail about the Women’s March, saying it was dumb because, well, Madonna was there. And so, of course, Piers Morgan who makes his reputation being a dick and arguing with anybody and everybody because how else would we even know his name, also took to The Twitter:

“Sorry to hear that @mcgregor_ewan - you should be big enough to allow people different political opinions. You're just an actor after all.”

Followed by:

“A real man would have come on and debated it with me, not run away like a coward.”

Ewan hasn’t responded, probably because he’s thinking, “Gosh, debating Piers Morgan would be like shooting dumbass fish in a barrel.”

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So, Drake and JLo have been teasing the media about how hot and heavy they are but then, wait, what, is that Drake having dinner in Amsterdam with porn star Rosee Divine.

Yup. JLo sure can pick ‘em, but maybe this is her type .... younger guys who take her out and pose pretty with her but then hook up with porn stars—a la Drake—or transexuals—a la Casper Smart—or just leave her for any number of other women—a la Marc Anthony and Ben Affleck.

JLo should seriously stop dating until her shrink can help her through this.

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Speaking of rocky couples ... Flip or Flop exes Christina and Tarek El Moussa.

On camera the recently separated "Flip or Flop" stars seem to be getting along, but off-screen it’s fugly with the two working on camera together but not even speaking once filming stops.

According to sources—and it might be Christina looking for coins—says Tarek purposefully does things, like "bragging loudly about sleeping with girls", to upset Christina and so she—who’s hooked up with a family friend, Gary Anderson—thinks he’s a “pig.”

Um, you picked him, married him, created a fake show with him, and then dumped him while still pretending to be a happily married couple so yeah, I don’t care.

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So, Charlie Sheen who used drugs and booze and porn stars and insanity to lose his lucrative gig on Two-and-a-Half Men recently apologized for the nasty things he said about Ashton Kutcher, after Kutcher was hired to replace him on the show. But he also did a radio interview where he continued to bash, and bad-mouth, others from the show, notably creator and producer, Chuck Lorre and the studio Warner Brothers:

“I made four billion for that studio, and I got fired.”

Again, fired for crazy drunken porn star drug wars. And then Sheen, who really doesn’t have much going on except alimony and child support, honed in on Lorre:

“The most ridiculous impostor, Chuck Lorre, I hope you’re listening. Hey Chuck: Suck my f–king butt.”

Then he let loose a slew of F-bombs because, well, when idiots speak it boils down to F-bombs.

Sheen also told the story of how, before his “Two-and-A-Half-Men” contract was terminated, the studio offered him use of a company jet to fly to rehab:

“I said, ‘The f–k you are. You’re not flying anyone anywhere.’ I said, ‘I have other plans. See that blonde behind the door? Yeah’.”

Yeah, and it’s everyone else’s fault he’s where he is and who he is.

Siddown Charlie, you’re over.

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