Bobservations

The other night Carlos and I sat down to watch Jeopardy, as is our wont, just as they were announcing the contestants. They introduced one Madeline Kaplan and Carlos said:

“Madeleine Albright?”

And because I’m who I am and cannot help myself, I said:

“Yes, the Secretary of State under Bill Clinton in on Jeopardy tonight, but even more interesting is that she’s been dead since 2022.”

I cannot help myself and thank the goddess every single day that Carlos gets me.

This Tale of Tuxedo comes to us from August 2009 when he decided to “help with the household chores.

He was always such a good boy.

I was thinking … if it’s okay for America to kidnap Maduro and his wife and put them on trial then wouldn’t it also be okay for Europe to kidnap Cankles and Melania and put them on trial?

Asking for a country.

Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, the greediest man in the world, is selling his $500 million yacht because he says it’s too big to manage and costs about $30 million a year to operate or because it attracts too much attention, so let’s dissect:

He didn’t think it was too big to manage when, during construction in Rotterdam, the historic Koningshaven Bridge AKA De Hef had to be partially dismantled just to get the yacht out of dry dock … the ship was eventually towed without its masts to avoid the bridge.

And he didn’t realize that a 417-foot-long yacht, the largest yacht in the world, would attract a lot of attention.

Clearly one of the world’s richest men, who can afford a half-billion-dollar toy doesn’t have the good sense god gave a goat … or maybe the missus’ plastic surgery bills are too high.

Everybody is always talking about Saturn and the beautiful rings around the planet but here’s one celestial body with rings that I find far more interesting.

Ready for liftoff!

Speaking of Melanie …attendees at a White House event burst into laughter on Wednesday after the Slovenian Hooker praised her husband’s “empathy”:

“Most know my husband as the strong commander-in-chief, but his empathy transcends the role.”

I get it that English isn’t her strong suit, but c’mon Melanie. How empathetic was he when you were giving birth to his child and he was out fucking a porn star?

Here’s Katy Perry at the Met Gala Monday night and I can safely say this is the best she’s ever looked.

Martin Boyle is a Scottish fashion model known for his work with Armani, Calvin Klein and Diesel. Imagine that accent and then, Would You Hit It?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Money can’t buy happiness, or so some folks say, but apparently it can by your daughter an NAACP Image award … if you’re Blue Ivy and your parents are famewhores Jay-Z and Beyoncé.

Yes, Blue Ivy won an award for … wait for it, it’s epic and shady and quite the joke … for Songwriting and Singing!

At last week’s 51st annual NAACP Image awards Beyoncé received a music win for “Outstanding Duo, Group or Collaboration” for the song “Brown Skin Girl”, which features vocals from Blue Ivy so she, too, won an award.

It looks like another awards show that will do anything to get Beyoncé to show up.

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Lindsay Lohan is busy. I mean, she’s managing her sister’s career, she host events at nightclubs—or she’s a hostess at Applebee’s, I forget—and she’s a panelist on Masked Singer Australia, and now Lindsay has wormed her way to her best and favorite career … no, not call girl or drug mule … as an actor!

According to the Hollywood Reporter, my BFF Lohan is in the final rounds of negotiations to star in her next big feature entitled Cursed …which is not the story of her career thus far. The film is set to star Mickey Rourke and will be a supernatural thriller directed by Steven Monroe who directed the 2010 remake of the cult horror classic and twelve-time Oscar winning film … I kid … I Spit on Your Grave. 

Starring Lohan, it might be retitled I Spit on Your Career.

Mickey will play a famous psychiatrist who has to team up with Lindsay’s character … a police detective … wait, is it a comedy? … to try and stop crazed psychiatric patient … a role written for Lindsey though she passed on it … from killing five people held hostage in a remote house.

Sounds horrifying.

You know, cuz it may star Lohan and Rourke.

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You know a show about wannabees trying to become famous singers has jumped the shark when they stage an emergency and hire quite possibly the most horrible actress—only her singing is worse—to act the part of victim.

Apparently …ALLEGEDLY … there was a gas leak on the set of American Idol a while back and Katy Perry chose to use that moment to create an audition tape.

In that episode, Katy complains about smelling gas; the script went like this:

Katy: “Do you guys smell gas? It’s pretty intense!”

Luke Bryan: “We’re getting heavy propane.”

Katy: “I have a slight headache from it … Oh, it’s bad, it’s really bad.”

Sirens go off! Contestants are rushed from the room! Ryan Seacrest hides behind women and children!

Katy, to a group of firefighters standing around her: “I’m not feeling good.”

And she falls, daintily to the ground, throwing a leg up as she does so.

And the Oscar goes to ….the firefighters who struggled not to laugh as Katy feigned her ‘illness’.

Seriously.

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When last we left-unhappily-married-for-twelve-days Jon Peters and Pamela Anderson, we learned that he wasn’t keen on the idea of having a media whore for a wife so he texted d-i-v-o-r-c-e- to her and that was that. Seventy-four-year-old Jon said he wanted to live a quiet live and …

He dumped 52-year-old  Anderson and ran back to his 34-year-old ex-girlfriend, ‘actress’ Julia Faye West, the woman he was engaged to until Pammy came along.

Jon and Pamela got married on January 20 and were done by Groundhog’s Day when Punxsutawney Phil came out, saw his shadow and told Jon the marriage was over.

Sources—Pamela Anderson—say the “marriage” ended because Jon was very controlling and didn’t like Pamela hustling for Jasmin.com. Other sources—Jon—say Pamela dumped him after he paid her debts, totaling $200,000.

And that makes Pammy mad:

“I don’t need anyone to pay my bills. I own a $10-million-dollar house in Malibu Colony!”

Foot stomp; she told him.

Anyway, now Jon is once again back in the arms of Julia Faye West, the co-star of   Reality Queen!, alongside acting titans Denise Richards and Mike Tyson.

Julia, like Pamela, has a “passion for animal welfare,” and has “rescued countless animals.” She’s also an author of books that “emphasize positivity and self-esteem.” She is “enjoying a spirited journey into all aspects of wellness” and described her ideal man as “a perfectly imperfect human being who loves me like I’m a rose in full bloom with him.”

It looks like Peters broke up with a 34-year-old version of Pamela Anderson for Original Recipe Anderson, and then got back together with the reboot.

Okurrrrr ….

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Last week Beyoncé performed at the Kobe and Gianna Bryant Celebration of Life at the Staples Centre in LA and, well, this happened …

While photographers were allowed at the event, Beyoncé’s “team”—minions—banned all of them from taking pictures of her while she was performing because, as we remember from her 2013 Superbowl Halftime show, she gets the ugly on when she sings. And when photos from that event turned up on the internet, Beyoncé’s team minions tried to have them banned from the internet!

Get over yourself. You’re a lip-syncing weave in a wind tunnel.

PS Here are those photos Bey tried to ban …

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What do you do if you’re a Lohan and you’ve been arrested for DUI?

And what do you do if you’re another Lohan and you get arrested for DUI?

Well, if you’re Lindsay’s Mama, Dina Lohan, and if you’re Lindsay’s Step-Mama, Kate Major Lohan, you move in together.

Serious. Dina and Kate are now full-on living together and commiserating over their terrible 2020s.

Dina was arrested for driving under the influence after she hit and run a parked car at an Outback Steakhouse. Naturally, she denies being drunk and claims police brutality—the police stopped her from drinking, I’m guessing, and it was brutal—Kate was also arrested for drunk driving—with a BAC of 0.24—after an anonymous tipster Michael Lohan notified police. And the next day Michael was arrested for ALLEGEDLY choking Kate and he says she was just getting back at him for the snitch.

So now, Dina and Kate have admitted to being white trash low-life’s and have decided to share expenses … cuz liquor and Uber don’t come cheap, y’all.

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Look, I get that the coronavirus is nothing to sneeze at …bad pun …. Nothing to laugh at, but even a global pandemic has its upside:

There is an outbreak of the virus in Venice, Italy production has been shut down on the seventh Mission: Impossible movie.

Like I said, silver linings…always look for the silver lining.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

This past season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills saw the exit of fan favorite—and my personal BFF-In-My-Head—Lisa Vanderpump. But fear not, RHoBH fans, someone has stepped forward to say she would like to fill LVP’s stilettoes.

Tori Spelling. I know! Spelling recently sat down with Jenny McCarthy on her SiriusXM show to promote yet another reboot of BH90210 to say she’d be perfect for the RHoBH franchise. Yeah, maybe if they renamed it Brokeass Housewives Who Used To Live In Beverly Hills But Now Live In The Valley.

Take a seat, Tori. I’ll be the newest housewife on that show before they ever call you.

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Ever since Faye Dunaway played Joan Crawford I feel as if she’s been possessed by the former movie star. I mean, she’s turned into a raging diva and now she’s been fired from an upcoming Broadway show.

A one-woman show! They fired the only person in the cast! Dunaway was supposed to play Katharine Hepburn in the one-woman show Tea at Five and now she’s been let go, dumped, fired, canned because she couldn’t work well with others.

The producers announced that they have “terminated” their “relationship ” with Dunaway and there are loads of ALLEGED reasons … like the night Dunaway attacked crew members as they tried to put on her wig … like the night a performance was canceled because Dunaway slapped and threw things at crew members who were trying to put on her wig … like her constant tardiness … like her demand that no one wear white in rehearsals because it distracted her … like her rambling, angry voicemails to the creative team … like the photo shoot where she ALLEGEDLY fed her salad to the floor because she was trying to lose weight  and said the salad would be better on the floor than in her hand.

When Dunaway began to lose more and more weight, an assistant thought that it was due to her not taking her meds and producers called Actors’ Equity to see if it was “ethical” to put an actress in her state on stage every night; Actors’ Equity ruled that it was because she went on that night, but the crazy continued.

Dunaway refused to learn her lines and 98% of the script was fed to her through an earpiece … much like Crawford did in the last years of her career. And then came the full Mommie Dearest moment when she demanded that staffers at the Huntington Theater get down on their hands and knees and scrub the floor of her dressing room; she ALLEGEDLY threw mirrors, combs and boxes of hairpins at the staff of the theater and then pulled all the gray hairs out of that wig she couldn’t get into without help because she wanted to play a younger version of Hepburn than the playwright had written.

As I said, Possessed By Crawford. Maybe someone should write that play and then just let Faye run with it?

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We’ve all heard about what a diva Constance Wu has become, from throwing a TwitFit™ after learning that the show that made her a mediocre star, Fresh  Off The Boat, was renewed and now there’s talk that she was a menace on the set of  JLo’s newest movie bomb, Hustlers. Wu ALLEGEDLY demanded top billing over Lopez, who is not only the star of the dud, but a producer as well.

In fact, Wu was labeled a bigger diva than both JLo and her other co-star Cardi B.

Seriously, how much of a menace are you that people complain more about you than JLo or Cardi?

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For the past few years Mo’Nique has been waging a war against Oprah Winfrey, Lee Daniels and Tyler Perry for ALLEGEDLY being blackballed in Hollywood after winning an Oscar for Precious. She accused Daniels and Perry of treating her poorly and keeping her from getting work by calling her “difficult.” And while many thought her beef with Big O was Oprah not liking that Mo’Nique was speaking her mind, now comes the real tea: her anger comes from an interview Oprah did with her conniving family back in 2010.

Apparently Mo’Nique and her family do not get along, and she told this to Oprah after being approached by Winfrey’s show about having her brother Gerald Imes on for an interview. Mo’ has been vocal about the sexual abuse she suffered from Gerald as a child and declined to be a part of the interview. But then she learned that not only was Oprah having Imes on, but had also invited her parents and another brother to join the interview:

“Now the reason why that means so much is because in the conversation we had about my brother, we then went deeper and we began to talk about our relationships with our mothers and our fathers, and I shared my relationship with her about my mother. I shared with her that me and my mother were not talking. I shared with her that we were in a really bad place. I shared with her that I was hurt and trying to figure this thing out. She never said my mother was coming on the show, because had she, Oprah Winfrey, said ‘I’m going to have your mother,’ I would have said, ‘Shut it down.’ … I don’t need the world seeing how greedy my mother is.”

Mo’Nique’s husband/manager Sidney Hicks thought she should confront Oprah at the time, but she didn’t until.years later at an Oscar party hosted by Alfre Woodard:

“I looked to Oprah Winfrey and I said, ‘You know you and I need to have this conversation. Why would you have my mother on your show? … How could you have my mother on your show? That’s not what we discussed.’”

And Oprah, being so full of herself, and processed cheese, said:

“If you think I did something wrong, then I apologize.”

Not an apology, but a faux-pology; an O-pology, because Oprah can do no wrong in her own bloated head.

And so Mo’Nique will be carrying that grudge until she gets a public apology from Oprah. And it’ll be a cold day in Hell before Winfrey does that … unless her handlers refuse to give her any more second helpings.

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Not a good summer for Katy Perry and it makes me so sad … bwahahahahaha!

Perry found out she was on the hook for hundreds of thousands of dollars after it was revealed that she ripped off a Christian rock song for her song Dark Horse.

And then, Josh Kloss, one of the male models from one of Katy’s earliest hits, Teenage Dream, revealed that working with Perry, even all those years ago, was horrible and awkward and that Katy humiliated him by exposing his junk to people at a party. Josh took his Perry beef to Instagram:

“You know. After I met Katy, we sang a worship song, “open the eyes of my heart” She was cool and kind. When other people were around she was cold as ice even called the act of kissing me “gross” to the entire set while filming.

…

So I saw Katy a couple times after her break up with Russel [sic] This one time I brought a friend who was dying to meet her. It was Johny Wujek’s birthday party at moonlight roller way. And when I saw her, we hugged and she was still my crush. But as I turned to introduce my friend, she pulled my Adidas sweats and underwear out as far as she could to show a couple of her guy friends and the crowd around us, my penis.

I just say this now because our culture is set on proving men of power are perverse. But females with power are just as disgusting.”

I was feeling bad for Josh, being treated like that by a hack like Katy Perry, but he lost me when he also claimed that … ick … Kim Kardastrophe and That Woman are much kinder people and deserve the Katy-stans support more than Katy does.

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Meanwhile, back to Joan Crawford 2.0, AKA Faye Dunaway.

After being fired from her one-woman show, Dunaway is also being sued by her former personal assistant, Michael Rocha, for the way she treated him.

Rocha, who is gay, says Dunaway berated him constantly, calling him “a little homosexual boy” and that when he complained, he was fired.

Rocha began working for Dunaway when she began working on Tea at Five and was tasked with shopping, helping Dunaway take her meds, arranging her schedule and getting her to and from rehearsals.

Rocha now ALLEGES that Dunaway “regularly and relentlessly subjected plaintiff to abusive demeaning tirades” and used his sexual orientation as a gay man to “demean and humiliate him at work.” He says Dunaway called him and other workers “little gay people” and later that month called him “a little homosexual boy.”

And he has her on tape saying it. Rocha reported it to the general manager and general counsel for the one-woman play, and gave them the tape of the offensive comment. Two weeks later he was told that Dunaway “is not comfortable with you anymore” and he was fired.

Luckily, perhaps, he got some sort of revenge, because a few weeks after his termination, the producers sent Faye Dunaway packing. And now she’ll have even fewer coins to offer up in Rocha’s lawsuit.

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It's Snarkurday!

Too bad his mother isn’t still around to smack some sense into him, because his father is not doing a thing.

Last week, Redmond O’Neal, son of Ryan O’Neal and Farrah Fawcett, was arrested in Santa Monica for robbing a convenience store with a knife and is being held on $50,000 bail and is due in court on Thursday.

According to police, Redmond walked into the store armed with a knife and demanded the clerk to take out money from the register. After grabbing the cash, Redmond fled on foot and was arrested nearby.

Redmond has a long history of drug abuse; in 2011., Ryan said his son was a mess because he “never recovered from the loss of his mother”.But, yeah, Farrah Fawcett died in 2009; Redmond was arrested for possession of coke and meth in 2005, and in 2008 matching vials of meth were found in both Redmond and Ryan’s bedrooms.

In September 2011, Redmond’s probation was revoked after he admitted to using narcotics in court-ordered rehab that was imposed after he pleaded no contest to felony gun possession and heroin possession in August 2011.

In July 2015, Redmond was sentenced to three years in the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation but was credited for nearly a year served by his trial judge.

He’s just thirty-three, but Daddy’s still making excuses for him.

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Katy Perry must have realized her role as bothersome yappy kid sister on American Idol won’t last forever, and so she’s trying to find a new way back into the press … by offering a literal olive branch to frenemy—former frenemy—Taylor Swift. But Katy also knows that she gets a lot of press over the drama she creates and if she’s gonna play nice with TayTay, she’ll need a new feud to keep her name out there.

And along comes RiRi. Rumor has it their friendship fizzled when Katy started dating Orlando Bloom …again … and the pair hadn’t been seen together for well over a year. It was fueled when Rihanna was asked if she’d watch Katy on American Idol and RiRi said:

“It depends on how bored I am.”

Ouch. Now, cut to the Met Gala and the story that the two women were “forced” to take a picture together on the red carpet, and then, slam of all slams, Katy wasn’t invited to RiRi’s Met Gala after-party.

Ouch; and there’s more tea according to a “source”:

“Rihanna was chairing the Met Gala [and] had to pose with a lot of the celebrity guests but it was really uncomfortable when she was asked to have the photo with Katy. They used to be close but Rihanna’s expression in the photo says it all. Katy was upset about the whole situation because Rihanna was cold to her and she wasn’t invited to her after-party.”

Well, RiRi does look less-than-thrilled to be standing with Katy. Or maybe it’s because one of those bat wings clipped her pope’s hat.

Anyway, Katy, way to end one feud and score another. I’ll begin the countdown until Katy and TayTay start Mean Girling Rihanna. And laughing because Rihanna won’t care.

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Back in In March, the police were called twice in 24 hours to Tori Spelling’s house for “domestic” issues. Tori called police the first time, fearing there was a robbery in progress late at night, but it was just her husband Dean sneaking back into the house.

The next morning, Dean called emergency services on Tori, claiming she was flipping out and acting aggressive—a call that was characterized by dispatch as “female mental illness”—though it turns out to have been caused by Tori’s stress of being a mother to her five kids.

And so how does Tori Spelling fix this mess? She wants another baby.

Of course, she’s angling for another “reality” show, so a pregnancy could be seen as more coins in the contract because, you know, when you have no job, no discernible talent, and are married to a deadbeat dad, have a baby for TV.

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Oops, Baby Daddy Drama … in the Kardastrophe Klan.

Tim Chung is a member of the LAPD, but also moonlights as a bodyguard to celebrities and was on Kylie Jenner’s security detail for a while, right before she got pregnant. And then rumors started that maybe Tim Chung is the true father of Baby Stormi, and in the way he responded, well, he raised more questions than answers.

Chung took to his Instagram, which has a following of over 735,000, to say:

“I am a very private person and would normally never answer to gossip and stories that are so ridiculous that they are laughable. Out of deep respect for Kylie, Travis, their daughter together and their families, I would like to set the record straight that my interactions with Kylie and her family have been limited in strictly a professional capacity only. There is no story here and I ask that the media no longer include me in any narrative that is incredibly disrespectful to their family.”

I find it odd that this police officer used the very same media that all Kardastrophe’s use to try and quash a rumor. And he has three-quarters of a million followers?

Uh huh.

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On May 8th, someone named Pauley Perrette appeared in her final episode on something called NCIS and that’s when the real drama started. Pauley never offered an explanation for why she was leaving the show but now a story has emerged.

Pauley got real on Twitter—cuz that’s where one gets real—and sent out a series of tweets implying she was the victim of multiple physical assaults and a powerful cover-up on the set of the show:

“I refused to go low, that's why I've never told publicly what happened. But there are tabloid articles out there that are telling total lies about me. If you believe them? Please leave me alone. You clearly don't know me.”

And that was followed with:

“Maybe I'm wrong for not ‘spilling the beans’ Telling the story, THE TRUTH. I feel I have to protect my crew, jobs and so many people. But at what cost? I.don't.know. Just know, I'm trying to do the right thing, but maybe silence isn't the right thing about crime. I'm... Just... ?”

And then more passive aggressive gibberish:

“There is a ‘machine' keeping me silent, and feeding FALSE stories about me. A very rich, very powerful publicity ‘machine’. No morals, no obligation to truth, and I'm just left here, reading the lies, trying to protect my crew. Trying to remain calm. He did it.”

And then another hint:

“I've been supporting ant-bullying programs forever. But now I KNOW because it was ME! If it's school or work, that you're required to go to? It's horrifying. I left. Multiple Physical Assaults. I REALLY get it now. Stay safe. Nothing is worth your safety. Tell someone.”

That ‘false story’ she mentions might be the Radar Online story of how she was fired from the show due to a fight with star, and hottie, Mark Harmon. The rumor was that Perrette and Harmon fought like cats and dogs … over his dog; see, ALLEGEDLY, Harmon’s pit-bull rescue bit a crewmember and was barred from the set, but a year later, Harmon was allowed to bring the dog back. Perrette was incensed and refused to work with Harmon—and apparently, they had very few scenes together this past year and almost none together in her last episode—and was ultimately allowed to quit.

CBS issued a vague explanation about something:

“Pauley Perrette had a terrific run on NCIS and we are all going to miss her. Over a year ago, Pauley came to us with a workplace concern. We took the matter seriously and worked with her to find a resolution. We are committed to a safe work environment on all our shows.”

So, who really knows what happened? No one, at least until Perrette starts Tweeting again and this time actually says something.

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I’ll give it to That Woman, you know, the head of the Kardastrophe Klan, she knows how to make the coins. I mean, when her daughter’s boyfriend shopped around a sex tape, That Woman used it to get the family a TV show, so she can clearly take any situation and make it a money-maker.

Now, she’s doing press for her partnership with Bumble Bizz, a “networking” offshoot of the dating app, about finding a new minion someone to bone assistant and she spoke to the Huffington Post about it.

But HuffPo was more interested in Kylie Jenner spent an episode of last season’s Keeping Up With The Kardashians thinking an employee was trying to take photos of her before she announced her pregnancy, and how That Woman wanted the person killed maimed fired:

“Unfortunately, there are some bad people out there who have not good intentions. And, you know, I obviously can’t control that. But to the best of my ability, we try to have people on our team who have our back, who we feel that we can really trust.”

See, if anyone was gonna spills the beans about the knocked-up daughter, it would be That Woman, and she would pocket the coins that came from it. She acts almost like a Mark Harmon pit-bull and says she will go after anyone who dares speak the Kardastrophe name to the press …well, anyone who isn’t a Kardastrophe and making a profit from it:

“We obviously will go to and spare] no expense to hold somebody accountable if that happens on our team. I don’t care how much money somebody might have ― if they have nothing. Some people think, ‘Oh, I don’t have any money, and they’re not going to sue me.’ Well, we’ll take payments.’ We’ll garner those wages for, you know, the next 10 years. But I just think that people don’t think. It’s a foolish thing to do.”

Who the f**k does she think she is, Don Corleone? I mean, if someone crosses her are they gonna wake up one morning with Kim's old ass in their bed?

Seriously; she’d sue a homeless person if he took a picture of Kylie’s baby bump … or Kim’s inflatable ass …or Khloe’s filled-to-the-brim lips …or That Woman’s cloven hooves and horned tail …or simply went against The Family.

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