I Didn't Say It ...

John Cena, actor, wrestler, hot man, on supporting his gay brother Steve Cena:

“My brother was like a true nerd, and this is at the height of the 1980s, like Revenge of the Nerds. [But] our town wasn’t yet at the Revenge of the Nerds sort of state. Life was tough for my brother in high school. Not only was he an introvert and interested in computers. He’s also gay. And being gay in the 1980s in a small town in Massachusetts … man, that’s an uphill climb. He just had a lot of character traits that weren’t in the ‘cool kid’ group, and he’s also holding this secret that he can’t tell or talk to anybody about. I really feel for what it must have been like for him growing up. But I also inherited that chapter of his social constructs. And, man, it got me to learn how to lose a few fights [laughs]. That sort of behavior [of feeling protective of my older brother] started like at 10 years old for me. I don’t think I understood what was going on. Kids are harsh. They form cliques real fast. And we always just hung out with each other. There was enough of us to have a basketball team, which means we could do whatever we want. We want to play football or baseball, there’s enough of us. So we didn’t feel [that] we needed anybody else … If we could make it through school and get back to the house, all is fine. [I] took on the role of, ‘Hey, if you say something to [my] brothers, I will do my best to throw myself in harm’s way. It’s going to stop here.’”

Without missing a beat, Cena shut down all of those problematic questions about his older brother being gay. This would’ve already been a great display of allyship in 2024 but twenty-plus years ago it was an even bigger deal.

Hot. Smart. LGBTQ+ Ally; what’s not to love?

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Ken Buck, recently retired GOP Congressman from Colorado, taking Large Marge to CNN:

“My experience with Marjorie [Taylor Greene] is, people have talked to her about not filing articles of impeachment on President Biden before he was sworn into office, on not filing articles of impeachment that were groundless made on other individuals in the Biden administration. And she was never moved by that. She was always focused on her social media account. And Moscow Marjorie is focused now on this Ukraine issue and getting her talking points from the Kremlin and making sure that she is popular and she is getting a lot of coverage.”

Marjorie wants attention so give her attention by voting her overwhelmingly out of office.

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Jesse Watters, Fox “News” host, saying there is no difference between being gay and being transgender:

“We adopted a young child, and at age five, he was playing with dolls, and everybody knew he was gay, or was going to be gay. And it’s not like all of a sudden we took him to the doctor and chopped him off. No one would ever do that … A lot of these people are just gay—or lesbian,” and what they’re doing is they’re intervening in a regular gay or lesbian life, and that’s a new experience, and it never used to be like that.”

Yes, parents of boys who play with dolls take their boys to doctors and have them castrated.

This has got to be the biggest idiot on Fox News, and consider their stable of morons that’s saying something.

Oh, and Jesse doesn’t have an adopted son; he has four biological children, two each from his two wives, and I hope none of them appear gender fluid lest Jesse start castrating them if they’re boys, or forcing his daughters to have phalloplasty if they’re Tomboys.

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Oliver Stark, actor on 9-1-1, clapping back at online trolls upset over his character Buck’s queer storyline:

“Humbled and overwhelmed by the positive reaction to Buck’s storyline. I’ve read so many of your messages, and I couldn’t be prouder. [But] if you are one of the smaller group of people commenting on my posts about how this has ruined the show. I would like you to know that I truly don’t care. This is a show about love and inclusion. It’s featured queer relationships from the very beginning, including a beautiful Black lesbian marriage played out by two of the best actresses I’ve ever watched. If one other character finds a new facet to his sexuality and realizing his bisexuality is your deal breaker—I fear you’ve missed the entire point of the show. [This] new arc is a really nice gift: the opportunity to delve into this storyline, to be involved in telling it. I feel very proud of the work and just to be a part of it.”

Love is love is love. And if you don’t get that, turn off the TV, get back into your cave, and STFU.

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Dan Crenshaw, GOP Congressman from Texas, dismantling Tucker Carlson:

“This is who Tucker is: a click-chaser. Tucker’s MO is simple: defend America’s enemies and attack America’s allies. There isn’t an objective bone left in that washed up news host’s body. Mindless contrarianism is his guiding principle, buttressed by his childish tactic to ‘juSt aSK quEsTiOns!’ But any educated adult, especially one with such a long career in journalism, should occasionally try answering some of those questions objectively. But he never does. Instead, he uses his platform to sow doubt and paranoia and false narratives. He does this for one simple reason: clicks and engagement, which of course translate to monetary benefit. He wants you to believe he is the last place you can go to for truth, that he’s the ONLY one brave enough to reveal the elitist lies being told. This nonsense about Christian mistreatment in Israel is just the latest example. Tucker will eventually fade into nothingness, because his veneer of faux intellectualism is quickly falling apart and revealing who he truly is: a cowardly, know-nothing elitist who is full of shit.”

Wow, when the GOP starts coming for one of their staunchest allies, the party seems likely to crumble. Still, I’ll sit with my popcorn and watch this car wreck.

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Jamie Raskin, Democrat Congressman from Maryland, shutting down a GOP colleague who claimed the Founding Fathers never anticipated this level of undocumented immigrants at the border:

“There was no immigration  law when the Constitution was adopted. In fact, the only illegals in the country, at least according to the Native [American] population, were the people writing the Constitution.”

The GOP likes to pretend that white people were here first but we were, and are, immigrants and the descendants of immigrants in this country.

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Bobservations

Carlos uses something called Voice Over on his phone to read his texts and to also read emails and websites on the phone to him. The other day he got a text and his phone told him; Carlos asked to have the text read and it was, and then Voice Over told him he had one unread text from Bob and asked if Carlos wanted it read.

“No.”

I was sitting in the room and told him it was a text I’d sent a few days earlier when I was on my way to pick him up from somewhere and he called to tell me he’d arranged a ride home. As I was on my way, I texted back:

“I’m almost there.”

And so I picked him up and drove him home. The following week we were having some plumbing work done in the house and I texted:

“How are the repairs going?”

He replied:

“This early?”

“What does that mean? Is Craig still working on the plumbing?”

“Yes, but he went to Lowes to get a part.”

“Okay.”

Cut to a few hours later and Carlos texts me:

“I thought you were coming home?”

“No. I’m here until four, and then I’m coming home.”

“You told me you were coming home.”

It took me a minute to realize that since Carlos hadn’t asked Voice Over to read him my texts from a few days earlier, the one I sent on Saturday wasn’t read until Monday and he thought it was a new text saying:

“I’m almost there.”

We went round and round on when that text was sent and when it was read.  Technology is a good thing … if you use it.

This Tuxedo Memory is from March 2015and is entitled “It's A Thin Line Between Utter Boredom and Sheer Joy” because … look at that face!

Oy, I miss that face.

When they presented the acting awards at last weekend’s Oscar’s they brought out five past winners in each category to introduce this year’s nominees. When it was time to present Best Actor, one of the former winners was Matthew McConaughey who looked a little too much like a beloved comic character, Fire Marshall Bill.

Someone needs to lay off the spray tan, stay out of the tanning bed, and ease up on the teeth whitening.

Alright? Alright? Alright!

Someone needs to hold her down because when Maddie sees this all Hell will break loose:

Crocs. Not just for your feet anymore.

A new word has joined our lexicon in light of the so-called Christians trying to use their faith to lead this country, and that word is:

Evangenitals; noun

evan-gen-i-tals: fundamentalist Christians who are constantly interested in what’s in someone else’s pants.

Use it proudly.

John Cena was a nice semi-nude welcome to the Oscars this past Sunday, and that meme put it perfectly; but then I found this photo of what Cena was hiding behind the Oscar envelope:

No wonder he needed a big envelope!

Madonna once again put her foot in her mouth, this time during a concert in California when, from the stage, she called out a concertgoer for sitting down:

“What are you doing sitting down over there? What are you getting [by] sitting down?”

It took a moment before Madge’s ego stepped aside and she could see that the seated concertgoer was, ahem, in a wheelchair. And once she realized her error she attempted to apologize:

“Oh, OK. Politically incorrect. Sorry about that. I'm glad you are here.”

Not politically incorrect, but kinda rude, because there is no law that says concertgoers must stand during a Madge performance.

This past Monday afternoon one of the most influential LGBTQ+, HIV/AIDS activists and political strategists in our community passed away.

David Mixner, 77, was a longtime formidable presence in both Democratic progressive political circles and within his beloved LGBTQ+ community.

RIP David and thanks for fighting with us and for us.

This is British actor and model Danny Griffin, but it’s not about any of that; it’s just Would You Hit It?

It's Snarkurday!

Halle Berry was a presenter at the GLAAD Media Awards last week and thought that the best time to declare that her role as Catwoman in 2004’s Catwoman deserves another “goddamn chance.”

And she thinks it does because … Black Panther:

“Each story builds on the next. It’s like that old saying goes: behind every Black Panther is a great black Catwoman! You know, I’ve gotten a really bad rap for this role, and I think Catwoman deserves another goddamn chance, don’t you?”

To recap, Oscar-winner … Oscar winner …Halle starred in a version of Catwoman that had almost nothing to do with DC Comics character and everything to do with glamour. It was a fashion show with Halle as the hero and Sharon Stone keeping her legs closed as the villain … and it bombed.

Oscar winner Halle Berry the Razzie for her role and showed up to accept it with her Oscar. In her acceptance speech, she referred to the film as:

“A godawful piece of shit.”

And now she wants you to demand a remake. Gurl bye.

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As if anyone asked him … Karl Lagerfeld decided to flap his wrinkled puss about the #MeToo movement and proved why he is called Kunty Karl:

“I’m fed up with it. I don’t even eat pig [in France the movement is known as #BalanceTonPorc] What shocks me most in all of this are the starlets who have taken 20 years to remember what happened. Not to mention the fact there are no prosecution witnesses.”

But Kunty Karl didn’t stop there about #MeToo and said that some of the models who complained about abuse should join a nunnery. 

I think Karl should join a monastery and take a vow of silence… and a vow to never be photographed again.

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It might just be a coinky-dink, but right after marrying her boyfriend of one month, Chris Fischer, Amy Schumer fired her longtime PR rep and manager, Carrie Byalick.

Is it because Byalick pressured Amy into doing Snatched, which added another nail to the coffin of Goldie Hawn’s career...

Or is it because Byalick once dated Chris Fischer and it was just too uncomfortable?

Or is it because Carrie still had feelings for him?

Or is it because Amy was insecure or jealous?

Or is it because Carrie warned Amy about Chris and she didn’t want to hear it?

Or is it because … oh, who cares.

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Flashback … in the spring of 2005, all of the Desperate Housewives did a Vanity Fair cover shoot and it turned into the cover shoot from hell.  The story goes that there was tension between them all, starting because Teri Hatcher was pissed about not getting first pick at the outfits and not being in the middle of the picture.

Seriously. Now, in 2018, Eva Longoria appears to still have beef about the cover shoot. She was on Jimmy Kimmel to talk about her upcoming role in the Overboard reboot, her pregnancy and her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, but all Jimmy cared about was “the grudge.”

He asked if there was a chance of a Desperate Housewives reboot since every other show from the 1990s has been rebooted and Eva said that she doesn’t really want to go back to TV—her film career is booming, I guess with the reboot of a Goldie Hawn film—and maybe she doesn’t like all the girls:

Jimmy: You guys all hate each other now, right?

Eva: No! Felicity Huffman and Marcia are going to be at my star ceremony. Felicity’s giving a speech. We’re very good friends.

Jimmy: All of you?

Eva: No, but 99 percent of us are.

I guess Teri Hatcher is the One Percent.

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And it goes on ... last year, Michael Anello, one of Mariah Carey’s ex-bodyguards, threatened to sue Mimi for $750,000 for not paying invoices and sexually harassing him by bouncing around him in see-through lingerie. That lawsuit hasn’t been filed yet, but Mimi’s lawyers got a new legal threat from Stella Bulochnikov, her ex-manager.

Stella and Mimi broke up last year ALLEGEDLY because Stella she couldn’t Mimi’s special brand of crazy—possibly as a result of her bipolar disorder. But now it appears that Mimi is the one who quit Stella, and Stella is now suing for breach of contract and … wait for it … it’s totally Mimi … sexual harassment. Yup, just like Michael Anello, Stella says Mariah would often prance around her employees suggestiuvely while nearly nude.

But, to be nice, let Mimi’s lawyers know that a lawsuit is coming, giving them a chance to settle and save us all from stories of Mimi’s antics. But, not to be nice, Stella is also spilling the tea that Mimi never took her meds for her bipolar disorder and ALLEGEDLY had a substance abuse problem.

Mimi’s rep, of course, says Stella is lying:

“If this frivolous and baseless claim is filed, we will defend against it vigorously and successfully.”

Still, there are two ex-Mimi handlers who claim she’s a hooker with a multi-million-dollar record deal ... and if more, and more, and more, Mimi employees come out to sue because she showed them her ladybits, every court in the land will be tied up for decades.

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Who to believe … with her diminished role on Good Morning America, co-anchor Lara Spencer is desperate to make it appear that her absence from the show is by choice, but is it?

ABC has revamped the show, focusing on George Stephanopoulos, Michael Strahan and Robib Roberts by overhauling their other anchors’ schedules … like promoting Amy Robach to 20/20 and by cutting back Spencer’s airtime from five days a week to three.

Spencer’s team was you to believe that Spencer made the choice to “cut back” her GMA time so she could “to focus on her lifestyle brand” … buying garage sale stuff and rehabbing it. But GMA sources say Spencer is being sidelined because …

“Lara’s good at her job, but it’s not like the [ratings] are affected when she’s not on [the show].”

And rumor has it that the staff at GMA couldn’t be more pleased at Spencer’s disappearing act:

“Staff are relieved that Lara’s schedule is being cut back. She treats staff badly, she yells at people and she makes a lot of extra work for people.”

Extra work? Like helping her clean out her office?

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So, Khloe Kardastrophe gave birth to her cheating boyfriend’s baby, and ironically named the True. Seriously … as in, ...

“Yes, it’s true my boyfriend cheated on me with nearly every woman he met while I was pregnant with his baby.”

And, maybe there is something to the story that Khloe mother, That Woman, is working overtime to get Khloe away from Cheating Baby Daddy so the child can be called True Kardastrophe, and then be spun off into its own E! show and throw some more coins in the Devil’s handbag.

Just sayin’.

PS Looking at those photos of Khloe from 2007, left, and today, right, I wonder who True looks like and if we’ll ever really see a True Kardastrophe?

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Maybe there’s hope … though I am not one to feel joy at sad news, but still … John Cena and Nikki Bella have broken off their engagement, and they broke up completely.

Apparently, John felt that after his first marriage ended in divorce, he didn’t want to remarry and didn’t want children. But he and Nikki were together for almost six years and perhaps she wore him down. And he asked her, and she said, ‘Yes,’ and then he said, ‘Hold up’ just a few weeks before the wedding.

Um, John, you know, if you need someone to console, or help you get over Nikki, I am here for you. And, um, yeah, I don’t want marriage and I don’t want children, so, yeah, there’s that, too.

Just sayin’.

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It's Snarkurday!

Mel B and her soon-to-be ex-husband, Stephen Belafonte, were put on blast by an LA judge this week for “living beyond their means” ... like the fact that Mel B says she spends $9,000 a month on groceries and dining out, along with $1,300 on entertainment expenses, court documents show.

Judge Lawrence Riff says Mel B and Belafonte enjoyed a “high upper-class life” during their nearly 10-year marriage but that their expenses were not “entirely credible or reasonable.”

Ya think?  Mel claims her monthly expenses include $20,000 in “child care,” $5,000 in “groceries and household supplies” for a family of four, $4,493 for “eating out,” and $1,313 for “movies, shows, theme parks, etc.”

As for Belafonte, he claims to spend $2,300 a month on “groceries and household supplies,” $750 in cell phone expenses, $2,000 in clothes and $3,000 on “entertainment, gifts and vacation.” Riff says the pair should’ve kept their personal living expenses capped at $51,000 a month.

Fifty-one-thousand a month? How does a judge expect a family of six to live on $1700 a day? But wait, it gets better; on Friday, the judge ordered Mel B to pay Belafonte $40,000 per month in emergency spousal support and another $140,000 in legal fees. So he’ll have to get by on $1300 a day now that the Mel B Gravy Train has left the station.

Poor man.

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It was a little more than a week ago that Shia LaBeouf was arrested for being drunk and disorderly, and has-been boy bander Aaron Carter took to Twitter to mock Shia by saying he’s been a celebrity a lot longer and never been arrested.

Oops. Carter got into some serious trouble—in Georgia, too, just like Shia—after he was arrested for DUI and possession of weed and drug accessories.

And the drama is only beginning to grow ... like the fact that his mugshot makes him look less celebrated and more like the meth dealer who sells from a dumpster behind the Piggly Wiggly on Us 1 in Smallville.

Secondly, we have Aaron’s brother Nick, an expert in the art of mugshots after his own series of arrests, taking to Twitter to talk to his brother:

“To my brother: I love u no matter what & if u feel the need to reach for help, I am here and willing to help you get better.”

“Family isn't always easy, be we're all here for you.”

Aaron called out Nick for using his arrest “for his PR” instead of contacting him directly. But, according to Nick’s wife, Lauren, Nick would have called personally ... if he’d had his brother’s phone number.

Anyway, back to Aaron and the Excuses ... he claims that his arrest happened after he and his girlfriend stopped at an AutoZone to get a new tire for his car ... You know how that always leads to an arrest ... and he says he has a medical marijuana license for the weed ... because who doesn’t ... and finally Aaron believes he was “targeted” by the police because he is a ... wait for it ... celebrity.

And so now Aaron has threatened to sue the Habersham County cops who arrested him because he says they never saw him driving a car that night ... though he ALLEGEDLY refused a breathalyzer and urine test and says there was nothing in his system.

Still, I keep going back to that mugshot ... Just sayin’.

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I guess since he and his mistress have now come out in the open, Ben Affleck no longer needs Batman? Or Batman doesn’t need him?

Affleck‘s ties to the upcoming film The Batman are almost all gone ... starting with the fact that, after his first time in the cape fell flatter than his marriage, now it appears that the director of the upcoming second installment read the script that Ben wrote and scrawled “Pass” on it in red ink.

Yup, The Batman’s new director Matt Reeves revealed that he won’t be using the script Ben wrote and will, instead, be using a “new story” for his Batman movie. New as in without Affleck?

The only sad part of this story is that, in Ben’s script, now smoldering in a  trash can at Warner Brothers, Joe Manganiello was set to play Deathstroke, and so maybe we won’t see Joe’s Magnificent ass in tights any time soon.

Damn you, Ben Affleck, damn you.

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China gets a bad rap over a lot of things ... polluting the plant ... human rights violations ... the one-child policy ... but there are times when you gotta give ‘em a high five. See, this week China banned Justin Bieber for bad behavior.

Beijing's Culture Bureau responded to a fan's request asking why the Biebs' Purpose tour has scheduled dates in Japan, Indonesia, the Philippines, Singapore and Hong Kong but NOT China:

"Justin Bieber is a gifted singer, but he is also a controversial young foreign idol. As far as we are concerned, he has engaged in a series of bad behaviors, both in his social life and during a previous performance in China."

The bureau didn't give specifics but you may recall that back in 2013 Bieber was carried onto the Great Wall of China like royalty.

So, maybe it’s that or maybe it’s just that Bieber’s a spoiled little dick and China doesn’t want their kids getting any ideas.

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Back when Gwyneth Paltrow first started GOOP it was her attempt to train the peasants in better ways to live ... if they had $1500 for a t-shirt, or a doctor who would Stanley Steamer their vaginas.  But, over the years, GOOP has shifted from Advice For The Poverty Stricken From The Entitled Actress to straight up commerce.

And her advice ... like “earthing” AKA taking off your shoes and walking in the grass ... or the Paltrow Eight Day Goat Milk Only Cleanse Using GOOP Goat Milk ... and her push for women to slip a Jade Egg up their hoo-haws ... is causing at least one doctor to come for Gwynnie.

Many of GOOP’s latest medical recommendations have been refuted by actual doctors, and one of those, Dr. Jen Gunter, OBGYN, seems on a mission to discredit all things Paltrow.

Gunter has become a folk hero for the Anti-GOOP’s which really gets under Gwyneth’s thin skin ... as she showed recently when she devoted one of her GOOP letters to a Gunter Smackdown.

Paltrow, in that annoying condescending tone she uses, tried to explain that GOOP merely presents women with more information ... that costs ,,, and that GOOP’s critics aren’t merely trying to disseminate the correct medical information, they’re actually being “dismissive” of all of Gwyneth’s precious gurus and shamans.

Along with the editorial, Paltrow also published an editorial from Dr. Steven Gundry, who specifically addresses Gunter’s various takedowns, but seems more interested in the fact that Gunter uses the occasional f-bomb when talking GOOP. He also attacks her medical knowledge and is dismissive of the idea that Dr. Gunter might also be concerned about women’s health because, again, OBGYN.

Gunter responded:

“I must be affecting @goop's bottom line”

“Hey @GwynethPaltrow I give away my health info for free, you sure sell lots of stuff. Do you and your pals at @goop know about bias?”

Naturally, folks took Gunter's side and someone posted to the GOOP site:

“She made me laugh, a lot. But mostly I cheered for her, because she’s David and Goop is Goliath and Dr. Gunter is going to take that a–hole down.”

And I’d like a seat in the front row.

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This.Is.Rich.

Kim Kardastrophe is said to be “furious” over recent videos showing her partying hard; the video, taken when Kim was 23, comes on the heels of that "cocaine" picture she Instagrammed while on vacation ... "cocaine: that she later said was just candy.

A source—and clearly it’s Khloe who’s always been jealous—says:

“Kim feels incredibly humiliated by everything that has come out about her in these past couple of weeks. She’s in crisis mode.”

And so now That Woman is trying to do damage control in order to save Kim’s “career”.

I don’t know what’s funnier ... the idea that someone put the words “Kim Kardastrophe” and “career” in the same sentence, or that the woman who sold Kim’s sex-tape in order to make her daughter a “star”—and don’t get me started on that—is not trying to salvage her daughter’s reputation over another video.

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WWE wrestler John Cena shaves his balls. He also shaves his knuckles. And the crack of his ass.

Every. Day. He spends up to 30 minutes to an hour a day shaving.  And he’s perfectly comfortable sharing these details:

“I’m completely man-scaped from head to toe—from the ears down—so that takes a bit of time. I’m constantly trying to stay up on fine lines in my skin and that stuff, so I’m a lot more grooming-centric than you would realize. My routine is a lot more than you would think—I’d say it’s a strong 7 ½ out of 10.”

And, for what it’s worth, John, if you ever get too busy and need someone to take over the job ... call me.

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