Bobservations

The other day Jerry Seinfeld was on Kelly Clarkson’s show and they were talking Pop Tarts and said they both loved Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop Tarts and toasting them. Kelly said she goes straight for the toaster oven and Carlos said:

“Brown sugar in a toaster oven?”

“Not brown sugar, but a Brown Sugar Pop Tart.”

“I don’t know what that is …”

“You’ve never had a Pop Tart?”

“I’ve never even heard of them.”

Carlos has never had pop tarts … Twenty-four years in and I’m just finding this out now?

This Tuxedo & Friends Memory is from June 2016

“In Hot Cats On TV News …

It looks like Tuxedo is auditioning for Corpse # 4 on an upcoming episode of Major Crimes.

Meanwhile Ozzo will be playing Rip Van Winkle at Doggy Day Care, with MaxGoldberg in the audience. Consuelo Roca-Jones, Miss Jones to you, will be watching it all from her spot in the balcony.”

This mélange of pets always makes me smile.

Maybe I'm a tad confused but this doesn't look like the invitation to Barron’s graduation. Could it be Vonshitzinpants lied?

Yesterday Mocow Marge called up the resolution to oust Mike Johnson from the role of House Speaker and both sides of the aisle, in a rare display of bipartisanship booed Marge as she called up the resolution.

Even better—because it shows Marge to be woefully out of her depth—as she recited the measure, Republicans lined up on the House floor to shake Johnson’s hand and pat him on the back. Then they voted 359-43-7 to table Greene’s motion to vacate because, well, she’s Putin's Puppet.

Sunday morning we woke up to no power in the house. It had been raining all night, but I didn’t hear any wind or thunder so we couldn’t figure out how we were in the dark.

Carlos called the City of Camden to report the outage while I opened the blinds in the living room. I saw a utility truck on the road in front of the house next door and just then the power came back on. Then one of the utility workers came down our driveway so I met him at our front door:

“Y’all got power back on.”

“Yes, it just now came on. What happened?”

“One of the pines came down on the wire.”

“Oh, from the neighbor’s house.”

“Nope, it was y’all’s tree.”

I asked him to keep that info under his hat!

Sidenote: we had big winds roll through here last night and lost power again but I made sure we were not to blame this time!

Elizabeth Pipko, a MAGAt-loving bikini model is suiting up to support Hair Furor as a new RNC spokesperson:

“The things he’s been through have been unreal. A lot of people look at what he’s up against every day and see his real character.”

Oh Liz, stay in your lane because if you’re an RNC spokesperson, the RNC appears to be rebranding itself as an Only Fans account.

I am not a fan of the fanny pack, but I’m thinking that if this is the way you want to wear one, I might change my mind.

At the start of the same week a damning docuseries about his alleged sexual abuse is set to premiere, actor Kevin Spacey has offered up his endorsement for “loyal friend” Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s long-shot 2024 presidential bid.

Seriously. I don’t know which is more cringey … Spacey’s support or RFK’s anti-vax looney-toon candidacy.

Asking for a friend … if you’re someone who bleaches their asshole, why don’t you call it ‘changing your ringtone’?

This is Danny Kluczny, a German model … not a social media influencer, or actor or singer or dancer, but just a model, so, Would You Hit It?

Snarky Thoughts

Reboots annoy me because I say why mess with the original unless it was a real piece of crap. And Naked Gun, and all its sequels, were far from crap. They were stupid humor and sight gag riots and very funny, yet Hollywood clearly thinks it’s time to revive them. So, who will they get to star, and take over the role made famous by Leslie Nielsen? It’s none other than comedy legend Liam Neeson, who is  in talks to take over the role as Nielsen’s character’s son, Frank Drebin Jr.

My Thought: I’ve seen Liam nekkid and perhaps they should call the film Naked Bazooka. But please don’t make Naked Gun: 5: Taken: 6.

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Kevin Spacey took the stand in his own defense to dispute allegations he sexually assaulted actor Anthony Rapp four decades ago, and promptly told the jury that his father was a neo-Nazi.

My Thought: Spacey’s first excuse for being an ALLEGED pedophile was that he’s a gay man because we all know gay men fuck children, but now he’s switched up to ‘Daddy was a Nazi.”? You’re a perv, Kevin, you’re a perv.

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I used to think Khloé Kardastrophe  was the Queen of Standing By Her Man Who Sticks His Peen Wherever He can, but it looks country singer and actor Jana Kramer—never heard of her? Me either—is stealing the crown. But now Kramer has decided to divorce former football player Mike Caussin—who told her he would dump her ass if she ever cheated—and ALLEGES that he cheated on her with thirteen different women.

My Thought: Do Tristan or Caussin have magic penises? I mean, why else would women put up with this?

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If you have always believed the Kardastrophe’s are a Koven, I have some proof for you. After years of running around pimping sex tapes of her daughter, and the lives of her other spawn, That Woman had to have hip-replacement surgery. But instead of showering her mother with good wishes and kindness, Kimmy asked for Mama’s hip bones so she could turn them into jewelry.

My Thought: I know That Woman is, as kd lang once famously sang, A Big Boned Gal, but seriously how many pairs of earrings can you get from her hip bones? 200? 300?

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I don’t know much about actor Megan Fox but I do know I love this story. Fox—who rarely shares public photos of her children—did share pictures of herself posing seductively on a swing at the home she shares with fiancé Machine Gun Kelly. And one troll decided to come for her by asking, “Where your kids at?” and Fox replied: 

“Wait wait wait. I…have kids?!? Oh my god I knew I forgot something!! Quick, someone call the valet at the Beverly Hills hotel. That’s the last place I remember seeing them. Maybe someone turned them into lost and found.”

My Thought: and that’s how the clap back is done.

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I loathe Tom Brady, and today, if possible, I loathe him even more. Brady was a guest on the Let’s Go podcast and decided to talk—which is clearly not his strong suit, but neither is staying married—about how he has a tough time focusing on his family during football season. And he compared himself, a pampered self-entitled multi-millionaire athlete plays a game and then goes home to his mansion every night to … wait for it, it’s epic … to service members; Brady actually said leaving for “football season [is] like you’re going away on deployment for the military. And it’s like, ‘Man, here I go again.’”

My Thought: Brady should shut the fuck up, but since we know he won’t, why not donate, oh I dunno, all of his salary to members of the military who put their lives on the line and come home disfigured and battered and suffering PTSD just so he can throw a football and win a ring.

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Snarky Thoughts

Oh these days there are so many ALLEGATIONS of sexual misconduct by the men in Hollywood, and all of their trials are happening now. Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Scientologist Paul Haggis, and current Scientologist Danny Masterson will each have their days in court this fall. Bill Murray dodged a court date by ALLEGEDLY paying his accuser over $100,000.

My Thought: Court TV should really start streaming and they could make a bundle on these Perv Trials.

Spacey  Weinstein  Haggis  Masterson

The thirst continues … over the past couple of years, Madonna has let us know that she self-identifies as a 26-year-old, “sex obsessed“ woman who may or may not be a lesbian. Though she’s never shied away from letting it all hang out in a tub of soapy water recently Madge has become a wee bit shy about her sexuality, On TikTok—because that’s where are the young girls and old girls who act like young girls hang out—Madonna asked her followers to interpret the results of a complex series of events to determine if she was gay.

My Thought: Oh, she came out all right, as Thirsty and Irrelevant and Desperate and a little Sad.

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Kelly Ripa has written a memoir, Live Wire: Long-Winded Short Stories, to make some coins, and in the book she talks of her complicated relationship with her longtime co-worker Regis Philbin. Regis and Kelly hosted Live! with Regis and Kelly together for ten years And she says he teased her to no end, though in later years they had a great relationship. Cut to Kathie Lee Gifford has been crawling out of steerage on a Carnival cruise ship to stomp her foot and telling world that she will not read Kelly’s book.

My Thought: who asked her to read it? Who asks her anything these days?

Kelly  Kathie Lee

Caitlyn Jenner warned us, and now the Great State of California is losing one of its biggest assets with Mark Wahlberg joining the list of one-percenters leaving the state in their private jets for greener pastures; though in Mark’s case, he’s moving a few hundred miles into Nevada to, he says, make a better life for his children. No one knows if he loaded up the contents of his $90 million home into his $2 million fleet of automobiles and moved out of Beverly … Hills, that is, but we do know he moved to income-tax-free Nevada to build a “state-of-the-art studio,” shoe factory and a separate factory for his apparel company.

My Thought: Not for the children, but for the bank account, his true love.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

File this under: Not Buying It.

Apparently acting driftwood, Kristen Stewart is getting “Oscar buzz” for her performance as Princess Diana in Spencer, but she wants y’all to know she does not “give a shit” about winning an Oscar and added:

“I do not want to seem like an ass, but it’s so embarrassing and so tiring. It is highly political. You have to go talk to people. You feel like you’re a diplomat.”

Funny, though, that Stewart did a Q&A with Academy members after a screening of Spencer.

Yeah, she doesn’t want an Oscar, but, you know, just in case, sign her up to talk to Academy members.

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Well, this had me confused … Tori Spelling, who has a plastic surgeon on speed dial, recently revealed that she’s having breast implant removal surgery.

I mean, I thought Tori and boobs and removed and assumed that meant she was divorcing Dean McDermott. I mean, he’s such a boob, right?

Still, I wonder why it’s taken Tori so long to get her implants removed, and then I realized that with her history of not paying her bills, the surgeon probably demanded she have a credit card on file.

PS Seeing that picture, I wonder if she had the implants moved to her lips.

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I guess Chrissy Teigen’s trying to make she isn’t outdone by the likes of Tori Spelling because this week Teigen, the most bored housewife, revealed she had an eyebrow transplant.

See, Chrissy wanted fuller brows and so she had the transplant, revealing it on Instagram because that’s where she lives:

“I never wear makeup if I can avoid it … [hold for laughter] … so I was so excited for this eyebrow transplant surgery. A little dark from the pencil but its [sic] so cool to have brows again.”

They took hair from the back of Chrissy’s head and shoved them into her face.

Now all she has to worry about if that bald spot on the back of her melon.

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While we wait for the criminal justice system to do something about serial sexual predator and Kevin Spacey, at least the powers-that-be on his old show, House of Cards, have stepped up to punish the perv.

It was announced that Spacey and two of his companies, M. Profitt Productions and Trigger Street Productions, must pay $31 million to the production company behind House of Cards for violating their sexual harassment policy in a judgement that comes after two years of arbitration between Spacey and MRC, the production company.

This is all the result of a 2017 CNN report which detailed that Spacey—star and an executive producer of House of Cards—had created a “toxic” environment by making crude comments and engaging in non-consensual touching of young male staffers, citing eight production sources. Spacey was immediately suspended pending an internal investigation and then fired from the show. And now he has to scrape together 31 million coins.

Good.

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You don’t mess with Adele and her music.

Rumor Has It … see what I did there … that Adele’s newest song, “Go Easy On Me,” was Spotify’s most-listened-to track in a single day. And while that made the star happy, the idea that you can listen to her new album 30 on shuffle, didn’t sit well with her, and so Adele Tweeted:

“We don’t create albums with so much care and thought into our track listing for no reason. Our art tells a story and our stories should be listened to as we intended. Thank you Spotify for listening.”

And quicker than you can say Rollin’ in the Deep the “shuffle” icon no longer appears within the larger “play” icon as it usually does during Album View on Spotify, who Tweeted back to Adele:

“Anything for you.”

To be fair, premium users can still access the shuffling function through the individual track list view … until Adele reads this.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Kevin Spacey, former Oscar-winning thespian, current Hollywood perv, is, again, severely out of touch.

According to a new Hollywood Reporter piece detailing Spacey’s legal troubles, during a legal deposition, Spacey “sprung up from his seat” and performed a song-and-dance number.

Seriously. Sadly, no one had picked Kevin Spacey Channels Judy Garland During the Deposition on their Bingo card so there is no video.

But we do know from folks who witnessed the show, that Spacey’s performance happened during his legal battle with former employer, Media Rights Capital, who produced House of Cards, and are seeking tens of millions of dollars in damages they suffered after the allegations against Spacey came out. Spacey, of course, countersued, saying they owe him money.

Anyway, after more than a year of private negotiations, the Spacey case was submitted to an arbitrator in February 2020, right before the lockdown began. And, like everything in Spacey’s world, the legal proceedings quickly turned bizarre when Spacey sprung up from his seat and performed a song-and-dance number in the conference room.

No word on what he sang, or if he brought tap shoes but I’m guessing he’s practicing his fancy footwork as a way of getting out of this mess. Not guilty by reason of being a showman?

And this lawsuit isn’t Spacey’s only legal battle. While three of his sexual misconduct accusers have died—illness, suicide, hit by a car—he’s still being sued for sexual assault by one of his ex-acting students from the ’80s—who was 14 at the time; Anthony Rapp is also a plaintiff in that suit, and he was also 14 when Kevin allegedly assaulted him. And then there are the six sexual assault accusations out of London, where Spacey lived while running the Old Vic theatre. The Brits are still deciding whether to press criminal charges against him, based on findings made by Scotland Yard’s Child Abuse and Sexual Offences Command.

I wonder what he’ll sing at that hearing.

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In most of America when someone puts a For Sale sign in the yard, it means you wanna sell your house. But in Hollywood, people start wondering and gossiping.

Case in point: the recent story that 54-year-old director Sam Taylor-Johnson and her husband, 30-year-old Aaron Taylor-Johnson, put their house on the market is leading people to speculate that the Taylor-Johnsons are over after nine years of marriage.

Perhaps the rabid speculation spurred on by a For Sale sign is the relationship between Sam and Aaron. They met while filming 2009’s Nowhere Boy—she directed it, he played John Lennon; he was 18 at the time—just 6 years older than one of Sam’s children—and she was 42 and married, with two daughters. But Sam divorced her husband and started dating Aaron, and a year later they had a child together; 18 months later had their second child. And then they got married. So, she’s an older woman and she was his boss, so clearly there’s something creepy about all this and that’s why the rumors spread?

Or maybe they love each other and simply want to move, because everyone knows that, in Hollywood, if you want people to talk about your relationship ending, you take off your wedding ring around photographers.

But … but … if the story is true, and the couple are splitting up, and Aaron needs a place to stay, we have a lovely guest room here at Casa Bob y Carlos and it would take just a couple of minutes to move Carlos;’ things in there.

Just sayin’. I’ve seen Aaron fully nekkid in A Million Little Pieces and it’s spectacular.

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Once again Tristan Thompson has been accused of cheating on Khloé Kardastrophe.

Who did not see that coming? I mean, Tristan began dating Khloé after dumping his pregnant girlfriend for her; and then he knocked up Khloé and cheated on her while she was pregnant; and now, big surprise, he’s accused of cheating again with one Sydney Chase, an Instagram model.

Sydney is either a fool, the dumbest woman on the planet, or just a ho because she claims she had no idea Tristan had a girlfriend.

Khloé, on the other hand is either a fool, the dumbest woman on the planet, or just a ho because she doesn’t believe he cheated on her,

Again.

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Sure, these days you may know Alyssa Milano more from her work with the #MeToo movement, or her political Tweets, or her just plain outspokenness, but Milano made a name for herself on Who’s The Boss?, Melrose Place and Charmed.

So, recently, someone on social media went after Milano, claiming her career is basically over, and saying, “Sad how a washed-up actress is still trying to be important,” Milano was not having it. And because she’s the person who will respond to Tweets, she did so:

“I get a lot of those. Usually, it comes from people who identify as a different political party than I do. You see, I identify with the party who believes in equality and equity and opportunity for everyone, and also the party who fights for the most vulnerable and the marginalized communities. But beyond just that, just because you say something to be hurtful, it doesn’t make it true. I have consistently worked since I was 7 years old, and you can just fuck off now and move along.”

Zero fucks. I love that.

Simply put don’t come for Milano unless she sends for you.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I don’t watch Wendy Williams, but I do know she starts every show with her Hot Topics, where she snarks and gossips about celebrities. But Wendy is no fan of people snarking or gossiping about her.

The rumor that husband Kevin Hunter is about to share a love child with ALLEGED longtime mistress Sharina Hudson have Williams all verklempt, and pissy.

It seems Wendy and Kevin had their lawyers send a cease and desist letter to Love B. Scott, who broke the Baby Mama story, and demanding a retraction for gossiping about Wendy’s ALLEGED self-medication and ALLEGED rumors her husband is having a baby with his sidepiece.

And that rumor has sparked new rumors that Wendy might be back on “the meds” after ALLEGEDLY slurring her words, looking dazed and confused during a recent taping, and ALLEGEDLY being seen backstage yelling at the ghost of Whoopi Goldberg.

And all this on- and off-screen drama just might get her show axed.

Sorry, not sorry.

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Cardi B‘s publicist, on the right, is one tough cookie and hasn’t met a publicity stunt she didn’t love.

Earlier this month, the publicist arranged for Cardi’s Baby Daddy Offset to crash Cardi’s concert with bouquets of flowers spelling out “Take Me Back Cardi”.

Now is where she gets tough … the publicist threatened to beat a woman for sassing Cardi when she and her entourage arrived in Sydney Airport.

According to Cardi, she had just landed when a paparazzo uttered a racist remark to her and then, moments later, Cardi turned down an elderly Australian woman’s request for a photo, prompting the woman to say, “No wonder your husband left you,” and that’s when the publicist jumped into the elderly woman’s face and gave her a verbal fisting:

“Smack the shit… out your mouth … about her motherfucking husband!”

It took an airport worker to haul the publicist away.

Oh, and the best part? The publicist’s name is … wait for it … it’s epic … Patience.

Right?

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Presley Gerber, the 19-year-old son of Cindy Crawford and Rande Gerber, bar owner and tequila maker, was arrested for a DUI early New Year’s Day after ALLEGEDLY speeding. When the underage drunk was pulled over in his Tesla, he was given a sobriety test, booked for DUI and released without bail. His lawyer released a statement, saying:

“Presley Gerber takes this very seriously and is taking the necessary steps to address the allegations.”

Allegations? No allegations. The spoiled little brat thought he could drive drunk and speed through Beverly Hills.

Though I bet his parents were angrier that he was drinking their tequila brand.

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Madonna. Okay, maybe she’s a pop icon, and maybe she’s an LGBTQ ally, but she’s also an old woman who does anything for attention in a desperate need to portray herself as young and current, but , or butt, this … ?

Madge performed a surprise set at the Stonewall Inn on New Year’s Eve and brought along a few guests, like her 13-year-old son David Banda who performed with her. And she also brought along an obviously fake, and ginormous ass—odd, because it’s usually Madonna herself who’s the obviously fake, and ginormous ass.

Seriously … look at it; look at her.

That’s desperately seeking attention.

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Kevin Spacey seems to be trying to prove he isn’t some piece of excrement by making some odd moves in the wake of all those sexual harassment allegations.

On Christmas Eve, Spacey addressed the ALLEGATIONS as his former character Frank Underwood from the show that fired him after ALLEGATIONS surfaced that he was a child sexual predator and serial groper. And now, while hiding out in Baltimore awaiting his arraignment on being a pervert, Spacey is being stalked by the paparazzi. So, trying to make light of being accused of being a pervert, Spacey hand-delivered a Domino’s pizza to one of the photographers with a positive message, telling him he appreciates what he does and telling him to stay warm and have a Happy New Year.

It’s nice when a pedophile does something sweet, no? No.

Sidenote: Spacey’s attorneys filed legal documents with the court, including a  declaration from Spacey saying he does not want to appear at his arraignment for ALLEGEDLY groping an 18-year-old male in a bar because his presence would “amplify the negative publicity already generated in connection with the case.”

The judge said, “Dee-nied, perv.” Or the legal equivalent of that.

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In what is surely the most idiotic piece of news this week—and look what we’ve said so far—Macaulay Culkin has decided to legally change his middle name for 2019, and he’s letting his fans …fans? … do the choosing.

The winning name was announced on Christmas Eve and it’s …

“Macaulay Culkin.”

Which means his new legal given name is Macaulay Macaulay Culkin Culkin.

I guess Idiotic Dumbfuckery didn’t make the cut. Or Desperate For Attention? Or, I’m No One Now But I Need You To Talk About Me?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

We haven’t heard much about Kevin Spacey lately; at least not since he was outed as a sexual predator who preyed on men and young boys and then blamed it on being a homosexual.

So, here’s some new dish on Perv Spacey … he is set to be arraigned on a charge of indecent assault and battery at a Nantucket District Court just after the first of the year.

The ALLEGED victim in the case is the son of former Boston WCVB-TV news anchor Heather Unruh, who claims Spacey tried to rape her then-18-year-old son while he was working at The Club Car Restaurant on Nantucket in July 2016.

She says Spacey came in after the kid’s shift, hung out with the kid, bought the underage kid cocktails and asked the kid about his penis size and tried to get the kid into his room. Spacey also ALLEGEDLY reached into the kid’s pants and grabbed his genitals.

When Kevin went to the bathroom, a woman who saw it all, told the kid to run. The kid now says Spacey was trying to rape him and he has a video of Spacey grabbing his junk.

Oh Kevin, this has nothing to do with being gay but everything to do with being a sexual predator and a child molester. And I hope the book they throw at you hurts like hell … for 7-to-10 years .... or more.

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Lotsa Hot Topics about Wendy Williams having some sort of substance abuse issue, or self-medicating, or whatever, because lately, on her show, she has appeared out of it, slurring her words, and generally acting a little hooked on something other than herself.

Williams apologized  for slurring on TV, saying it was the fault of her painkillers which she’s taking for a fracture but maybe that wasn’t it; maybe it’s her husband’s mistress being pregnant with his child.

The source who spilled the tea believes Wendy might be self-medicating:

“[People] suspect she might be self-medicating [and the staff] is routinely having to adjust to her health issues—i.e. not walking out for the beginning of the show, zoning out during segments, etc. They’re really embarrassed about the whole situation.”

And so maybe all that drama lies at the feet of her husband, Kevin Hunter, who sidepiece is knocked up, and has knocked Wendy off balance.

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It’s like a Time Warp in gossip lately because there’s a lot of talk about Paris Hilton since she dumped her boyfriend and kept the $2 million dollar ring he gave her that she paid for.

Paris posted a photo to Instagram of her days running with the wild kids like Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan and cramming their drunk asses into a tiny sports car. And she captioned the photos like this:

“11 years anniversary today since the first coming of The Holy Trinity!”

Oh Paris, you added too many letters ... it’s the “Ho” Trinity. But, not stopping there, Paris is now claiming, more than a decade later, that Lohan spotted her and Britney out that night and inserted herself into their little duo:

“We were all at the Beverly Hills Hotel at the bungalows during an after-party and then Britney and I wanted to leave to go home. Then [Lindsay] started, like, chasing us and then squeezed in the car. And it was literally a two-seater SLR — you know, the sports car. She just, like, squeezed in and I didn’t want to humiliate her in front of all the paparazzi and be like ‘Get out of my car,’ so I was like, ‘Whatever.’”

Yeah, it really looks like that Paris. Why don’t you hit yourself on the head and wake up and realize it’s 2018 now and the idea of you and BritBrit and Lohan is actually nothing.

You’re over, Paris, no matter how hard you try.

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Oops. Is singer Dionne Warwick headed to jail?

It looks like it since Warwick ALLEGEDLY owes the IRS millions in coins after filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy in 2013. She claims she cannot pay her tax bill because she’s got just $25,500 in assets to her name, but she owes a hair under $11,000,000, including some six-million to Uncle Sam.

How does one have 25K to their name and yet let their debts get to Eleven-effing-million-dollars?

Anyway, the case has dragged on for years because Dionne is suing the government to have her tax bill from 1990 through 2008 discharged; yes, she wants all of her tax debt for nearly two decades erased!

Good luck with that Dionne. Oh, and visiting days at San Quentin are Wednesdays and Fridays, you know, in case you need the info.

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