i Ain't One to Gossip But ...

Wow, this bitch … this past week embattled “Housewife” Erika Jayne seemed to compare herself to Jesus Christ over the public scrutiny she’s faced for her ongoing legal troubles in which she looks like a con artist stealing money from widows and orphans.

A “fan” of the grifter posted a message to social media implying that being slammed in the court of public opinion is the same as Jesus being crucified on the cross:

And Erika Jayne liked being compared to Jesus until people started coming for her:

“Erika Jayne comparing herself to Christ is … absolutely insane.  This woman has lost her damn mind.”

“Erika Jayne is pulling a Vicki Gunvalson comparing her own (self imposed) drama to the crucifixion of Christ….. Girl PUHLEASEEEEEEE”

And because Erika is a vindictive child she battled back with this:

Oh Erika, you aren’t anything near Christ-like. You stayed married for over twenty years to a man who paid for your every whim, like being an aging pop star, and when he slipped some $25 million in your LLC bank account, that you knew wasn’t yours, you spent it willingly.

And you only left your husband minutes before the scandal broke that he was stealing from victims of an airplane crash.

Again, not Christ-like.

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There’s a simple rule about comedy: don’t try it unless you know you’re funny. Amirite, Barbara Corcoran?

Corcoran is feeling the heat after a body shaming “joke” about Whoopi Goldberg on the View. It happened last week when Corcoran, a Shark Tank judge visited the show with Good American CEO and founder Emma Grede, who is set to become the first Black, female guest shark on Shark Tank. During their conversation, The View co-host Sunny Hostin raved about Good American‘s size-inclusive jeans, and Whoopi Goldberg, a comedian, made a joke, saying:

“Will they fit this COVID [butt]?”

Barbara responded with:

“When you get finished with those jeans, and decide you don’t like them, give them to me. I’m gonna make two pairs.” 

The camera then panned to Whoopi, who looked both shocked and unamused, while co-host, and No Fucks Left To Give, Ana Navarro jumped in to defend her and threw a jab at the floral-print dress Barbara was wearing.

“Whoopi, let me just tell you something. Both Sara Haines and Jill Biden wore [Corcoran’s] dress already, on TV.” 

Lessons learned:

Barbara Corcoran should leave the so-called comedy to the comedians.

Fat-shaming anyone, even a comedian, is not a joke.

Ana Navarro will always have your back.

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After the film adaptation of his original production of Cats flopped in theaters in 2019, receiving a litter of scathing reviews, Andrew Lloyd Webber got a therapy dog:

“I saw [Cats], and I just thought, ‘Oh, God, no!’ It was the first time in my 70-odd years on this planet that I went out and bought a dog. So the one good thing to come out of it is my little Havanese puppy.”

I didn’t see Cats because I’m trying to cut out cheese, but I heard a lot of people needed therapy after watching the film.

Sidenote—and this slays me: after spending the entire lockdown together, Lloyd Webber petitioned to have the dog allowed on a plane, and when the airline asked if he could “prove” that he needed the dog, Lloyd said:

“Yes, just see what Hollywood did to my musical Cats."

To which they responded with:

“No doctor’s report required.”

Snap.

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Katie Couric really has nothing new going on, so she wrote a book, Going There, in which she trashes just about everyone.

She says Prince Harry reeked of alcohol and cigarettes when she met him at a polo match decades ago during his hard partying days.

She sang a stupid song to the Martha Stewart and when she didn’t laugh, Katie dubber her a humorless C U Next Tuesday.

She writes about a 2010 dinner at Jeffrey Epstein’s house with Prince Andrew, Chelsea Handler, Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn, George Stephanopoulos and Charlie Rose, and says her seventeen years younger boyfriend, remarked how young the women were who took their coats, and says:

“I couldn’t imagine what Epstein and Andrew were up to, apart from trying to cultivate friends in the media. Which, in retrospect, they must have figured they’d need when the pedophilia charges started rolling in.”]

Um, Katie, in 2010, before you accepted his invite, Epstein had already been convicted and served time for procuring a child for prostitution, so your now faux outrage doesn’t fit.

Couric, who covered for Today co-host Deborah Norville in 1991 when Norville took maternity leave, says she got Norville’s job because Norville was “too pretty” at a time in the morning when people were still getting ready for the day.

Norville was too pretty? How feminist of you, Katie.

Katie saw Today as her “turf” and kept an eye on any woman who was “younger and cuter” like Ashleigh Banfield whose “father was telling anyone who’d listen that she was going to replace me.”

Banfield has already hit back at the lie, saying that at the time she was reporting from a war zone in Afghanistan and her father made a comment that he’d like to have NBC give Ashleigh a desk job, and to Katie that was an assault.

Other targets in Katie’s book include Joan Rivers, possibly because Joan saw through her and hated her; she says she once went on a date with Michael Jackson and said he had a hand like a dead fish; she slams  Neil Simon, whom she also dated, because he was ALLEGEDLY too old, or too turned off, to fuck; she says Larry King once came at her tongue-first and tried to jump her bones.

And she especially loathed her rival Diane Sawyer as the two battled to be the top star in morning TV news and told her bosses:

"That woman must be stopped."

Couric says she and Sawyer battled over interviews and talks about the time Katie got an exclusive with two teens who had been abducted because her team pointed out that she was a widowed mother of two girls, while Sawyer was just a stepmother. 

And then she has the balls to say that Sawyer’s interview with the late Whitney Houston was exploitative, and that Sawyer used Houston's personal troubles to get good sound bites. 

But, and this is rich, she actually texted “I love you and care about you deeply” to serial predator Matt Lauer after he was fired for sexual harassment.

Tying it all up, Katie Couric hates women who are younger and prettier, funnier, more talented, but dines with child rapists and loves sexual predators.

Little Miss Perky is also quite a bitch, apparently.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

LeAnn Rimes is pissing off her fan … okay … fans, by canceling a series of concerts recently claiming to be too sick to perform.

But a series of social media slip-ups … by LeAnn, who is addicted to social media … show that she was actually partying with her husband because she’s afraid that if she goes away he’ll cheat on her … like he did with his first wife; oh, and like she did with her first husband.

LeAnn first sparked outrage by backing out of her show at the Cold Country Casino at the last minute, and then canceled the following night’s show at the Primm Valley Resort in Las Vegas.

But her followers didn’t buy her excuse because on the day of her second cancellation, LeAnn Tweeted about enjoying Mexican food and margaritas.

Oops. She really shouldn’t cancel shows because once she finds Eddie cheating … and let’s be clear, he’ll cheat … and she dumps his ass, he’ll sue for spousal support and she’ll be needing the coins.

With the ongoing Brian Williams Is A Big Fat Liar mess going on at NBC, shark Katie Couric is circling the network looking for her old job back but … sources say, “Katie is not welcome back at the ‘Today’ show.”

Couric began looking for her comeback at NBC when her former boss Andrew Lack, who helped make her a star at “Today,” was returning as chairman of NBC News and MSNBC. It is ALLEGED that with Lack in charge, and Katie as his favorite lapdog, she’d replace Williams at the NBC Nightly News desk.

All well and good, but if the evening gig doesn’t pan out, don’t look for many people to be happy is she returns to Today — especially not Matt Lauer. It seems, according to ‘the source’ — who may be Lauer himself — that “there’s still a lot of people at the show who worked with her back in the day, and she wasn’t very nice to work with, especially toward the end.”

Katie, for her part, is saying nothing, except she’s also saying everything, via spokesman:

“Katie has a longstanding friendship with Andy and has great respect for him and her former NBC colleagues. She wishes them all great success going forward, but she remains excited and focused on working with her team at Yahoo on her many interviews and projects.”

Uh huh. Katie will be heading back to NBC and Williams will be working in the mailroom, and Lauer will have to return the NBC helicopter and drive in to work like a regular Joe.

The Old Kate is back!  Kate Moss, that is; the 41-year-old supermodel was out partying — nothing new, considering her nickname, CoKate — with BFF Lady Gaga last week when Kate lost it and lunged at a photographer who dared take her picture.

A disheveled Moss and Gaga were headed into the posh Club Haussmann when paparazzi began snapping away, and that’s when Moss lost it. She spun on her heels, furrowed her brow and attacked a photographer, grabbing his coat sleeve as she tried to swing on him.

That’s when Gaga’s entourage intervened, and pried Moss’ hands off the photographer.

Here’s the deal: if you act in public in a way that embarrasses Lady Gaga and make her lose her poker face, then you know you’re out of control.

Chris Brown knocked up some random girl and now is a father ... I believe that’s a sign of the apocalypse.

Apparently Chris found out about his 9-month-old daughter Royalty by Nia Guzman last month and quickly offered the Baby Mama more money than she would have received in child support for the promise of never ever speaking about this again because Brownie didn’t want anyone to find out he was a father.

Lovely man, though I’d be more about his daughter finding out that he’s her father.

Unfortunately … or fortunately, if you love gossip … someone in the know began talking and now the story is everywhere, even causing Chris’s former flame, Karrueche Tran, to bolt. And Chris is sure the big mouth is Nia, angling for a lifetime of more coins and more coins, so now he’s talking with a lawyer about creating a child support order which means Mia won’t be rolling in Brown dough for the rest of her life.

And, to make matters uglier fort all involved, Nia’s ex-husband, Terry Avery — who was married to Nia from 2003 to 2014 and was separated from her when she got knocked-up by Brownie — has decided to get involved by threatening Brown if his World Famous Temper, and habit of hitting women and throwing furniture and rocks, continues with Nia and the baby.

Last we heard, though, Little Royalty was angling for Canadian citizenship since our neighbors to the North refuse to let Brown across the border.

Finally, a smart woman in Chris Brown’s life.

In Kray Kray Kanye news: last week Kanye West was actually invited to speak at Oxford University in England and said this:

“Clothing should be like food. There should never be a $5000 sweater. You know what should cost $5000? A car.”

This from the man who “designed” and sold a $120.00 plain white t-shirt.

This from the man who recently unveiled the pricing information from Kanye’s “fashion” collection for Adidas and, well, it’s a car … in costs.

“Entry level” pieces like hoodies and sweatshirts start at $420; sweaters range from $860 to $1600; outerwear starts at $1700 and goes up to $3800; shoes start at $200.

How does he manage to look like a hypocrite every time he speaks?

One minute it’s talk of clothing being accessible, and then he unveils a line of really hideous garments that most of his fans can’t afford. In fact, only his wife seems interested in wearing what he designs and probably only because she gets them for free.

Sometimes reporting the gossip with a healthy dose of snark gets tiring. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am overflowing with snark, so I’m thankful for the outlet, but every once in a while, I need a good story … and if it’s about a hot guy, or a couple of hot guys, well, even better.

A few months ago, Chris Pratt and Chris Evans made a Super Bowl bet. Pratt — a Seahawks fan — and Evans — a Patriot — agreed to visit the other’s children’s hospital of choice based on the outcome of the game.

And even though the Patriots took the title, both Evans and Pratt decided both hospitals should receive superhero visits. While Pratt — who swiped his Star Lord suit from Guardians of the Galaxy — showed up in a Patriots jersey when he went with Evans to a hospital in Boston, Evans donned his Captain America costume when he and Pratt visited Seattle Children’s Hospital, and seemed to have just as good a time as the kids they surprised.

Chris Pratt posted pictures of the visit on Facebook, while Chris Evans Tweeted his thoughts:

"AMAZING day at @seattlechildren w @prattprattpratt. Met some TRUE super heroes! Feeling inspired, blessed, touched. Thank you w all my heart"

Even if you aren’t a fan of Pratt or Evans, you gotta love these two guys … two hot guys … especially Captain  America with a beard.

WTF? Katie Couric

Katie Couric.

This takes me back ... to my grandmother's house in Apple Valley and the powder room off the hall and the 60s Mod Gold wallpaper that covered every wall and the ceiling too.

Where oh where did you find my Nana's wallpaper and who made it into a gown for you?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

When last we left Leah Remini, she had defected from the Church of Fake Religion Scientology and was planning to write a book about the cult faith. Now comes word that members of the CoS are being, um, ordered advised to keep their distance from Remini, and that includes one John The Groper Travolta.

See, the good folks at CoS think that maybe someone else might escape and are worried that it might be big … I giggle … star Travolta who’s next to tie his toupees together and create a makeshift rope to climb over the walls, and they have ALLEGEDLY put him on a “tight leash.”

Methinks he might like that, but I digress.

Church authorities are working together to ensure that John Travolta doesn’t jump ship and at the 87th birthday celebration for Tony Bennett in LA recently, folks say John and his daughter, Ella Bleu, were being tailed by Scientology ‘minder’ Angie: “She spent most of the night aggressively staring at anyone John talked to,” recalls an eyewitness. “It was very uncomfortable, but John acted like it was normal.”

But Travolta ain’t leaving the building any time soon. I mean, he’s stayed through years of scandal and speculation regarding his proclivities with male masseurs, so this Remini dust-up won’t send him scampering off.

Still, folks say Ella Blue was fond of Remini and has no idea why she’s being told to distance herself from the actress; CoS members are routinely asked to “disconnect” from people who leave the church. Ella remains confused at the cruelty in cutting off Leah, so her parents decided to find a church minder for her.

Wow. What a lovely cult faith.

Hopefully Ella Bleu has bigger balls than either of her robot parents and she’ll defect as soon as she’s old enough.

The Brits apparently don’t want Americans buying their ‘stuff’ even at auction.

It seems Kelly Clarkson recently paid some $228,000 for a ring that once belonged to Jane Austen and people are so incensed about it that Britain basically forbidden her from taking her purchase out of the country; they’re hoping someone else, a Brit, perhaps, will outbid Kelly’s previously accepted bid and the ring will stay in the UK.

Britain’s Culture Minister Ed Vaizey has placed a temporary hold on the item, which will keep it on British soil until September 30; this hold will be extended to December 30 if a new buyer comes forward and intends to match Clarkson’s winning bid.

Here’s a thought Britain: if you wanna keep Jane’s jewels in the UK don’t put them up for sale? Eh?

Jennifer Lopez is finally putting all those American Idol rumors to rest. Well, not JLo who likes to turn everything into a media event for the press; well, everything except for those birthday parties she sings at for European despots and barbarians. Those she keeps secret.

But it JLo telling the tale of the AI return, it’s her oldest son, Casper Lopez, er, Smart. It seems Baby Boy Casper was promoting his new show — yes, ‘tis true … anyone can have a show on TV these days if you’re banging a media whore — when he was asked if his Mama JLo was coming back to Idol.

Casper took a beat, saw his chance, and said, “Yes.”

He won’t like it when he gets home to Mama; she don’t like folks telling her stories before she can spin it to make the most money possible.

So, Chris Brown has had a bad summer, hell, a bad few years. I mean, he was arrested for beating his girlfriend, he threw a chair out a window on GMA, he had a smackdown with Frank Ocean in a parking lot in LA and got a beat-down from Drake’s posse in NYC.

Then he had a seizure which he blamed on people who don’t like him and cried that American’s don’t ‘get’ his music — Oh, we get it, we just don’t want it — and now he’s gone a couple of rounds with a judge in California.

Chrissy was back in court recently to reinstate his probation — following the dropped charges on that weird hit-and-run incident — and the judge asked him if he ever completed his community service.

Brown who never met a lie he didn’t want to tell said, “Yeah.”

But then the judge was all, “Oh, no you d’i’n’t so now I’m’a give you a 1000 more hours.”

Brown was nabbed by submitting bogus community service reports — in one case even swearing he was picking up trash in Virginia when he was actually on a private jet to Cancun — so the judge revoked his probation and insisted he do more community service, like highway cleanup, beach cleanup, or graffiti cleanup.

So, if you’re out on the road and find Chris Brown in an orange vest bagging trash or scrubbing bridges, give the boy a Holla.

He’ll love it!

Katie Couric has pissed off Kash Kow Kardashian and the Kow’s response is kinda priceless.

Here’s what went down: Couric gave an interview to In Touch Weekly in which she was asked about the Kardastrophes and she said, “I don’t understand—why are they so famous? I think it’s mostly teenage girls that are interested.” 

That’s not so bad, really, I mean I said worse things about those Media Whores just today, but I don’t have a TV show that I’m trying to save by booking big-assed named guests like Katie.

So, Couric ate some crow and sent Kim and Kanye West a baby gift for baby Eastern Pacific — a pair of baby pajamas with a note that read “Dear Kim and Kanye, Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl! And may I humbly suggest you continue the K tradition. Fondly, Katie Couric.” 

Get it? Kim.Kanye.Katie. Kut!

But Kash Kow, who is alerted every time someone prints her name, saw the interview and then Instagrammed a picture of the gift with this hashtag:

 “#IHateFakeMediaFriends #MayIHumblySuggestYouNotSendGiftsThenTalkS—”

Snap.

In more Kardastrophe news, it’s official: Kanye is a Kardashian.

Mister I Hate The Media, Mister The Paparazzi Made Me Walk Into A Pole, Mister I Vant To Be Alone, just made an appearance on his Baby Mama’s Mama’s talk show.

It seems Kris Jenner, Mama Pimp to her whole clan, has a talk show that is ending its trial run and she was desperate to have one big name guest on to make herself seem important so she whored out Kanye.

Now, I didn’t see the show, though I saw clips and was struck by Kanye’s Gay Voice — perhaps a gift from his ALLEGED boyfriend Ricardo Tisci? I haven’t heard that many sibilant esses since my bike tire sprung a leak.

West taped his special interview and was said to have really brought it, hoping to keep Kris on TV and out of his life. He even let the show put up a photo of Baby Southwest Airlines. And he talked about being a daddy and being so in love with Kimmy that he thought about “playing sports”—two of Kash Kow’s exes are professional athletes, though I think when Kanye says “playing sports” he means playing with sports, in locker-rooms and showers.

Oh, Kanye, I never liked you before, but now you’re sinking fast into the Kardashian Kool-Aid.

Have you heard of Nick Gruber?

He’s a former gay porn star, and the former lover of one way gay Calvin Klein. And he’s quite the trainwreck, having spent more than one stay in rehab for drug abuse. But now, apparently, Nick has gotten himself a new agent, and he’s ready to move on from gay porn and gay boyfriends and, well, gay. Nick says he’s straight now.

I know!

And how does he prove he’s hetero-sekshul? He attends a Fire Island party given by gay porn star and filmmaker Michael Lucas at which he made a scene because someone grabbed his ass.

Lucas gave his account on, where else, Facebook:

"This weekend was "Ascension" - the biggest party of the summer on Fire Island. Every year I buy a large VIP tent that's up above the dance floor, where I invite my friends.

I saw this arrogant guy who was being rude to people, shoving two guys away after they bumped into him. I heard him say, "keep your hands away from me! I’m straight!" So I went over to him, and asked him why he was being so rude.

He said, 'I am straight, and I don't want any gay people to touch me.' At which point, I told him 'you're leaving.' He said, 'do you know who I am?' I said, 'I don't know, and I don't even want to know who you think you are.'

Then he said, 'try me.' I said 'watch me'. I called over to security and had him hauled away without his feet even touching the floor. Then someone explained to me that this is the ex boyfriend of Calvin Klein, Nick Gruber, who just 'came out' as 'straight.'"

Not surprisingly, Nick’s agent released a different version: “Nick was the guest of Hal Rubenstein and David Nichols and wasn't familiar with how these mass events work in terms of ‘areas’ and VIP areas. Nick overreacted when he was told to leave one area. He is sending a private apology to Mr. Lucas. It was Nick’s first time at Fire Island, and he was glad to be there with several friends and support the cause.”

He.Wasn’t.Familiar.With.Parties.Hosted.By.Gay.Porn.Directors?

On Fire-Freaking-Island?

Oh Nicky, you’re queer, dear. Get used to it.

And you’re also an idiot.

Kate Gosselin has officially jumped the shark; not literally, though, sad to say.

While she might be one of the most hated “reality” stars ever—only superseded by her Ed Hardy wearing, sleeping with teenage girls, ex-husband Jon—she has seemingly lost what little she has left of her mind.

Now she’s accusing her ex of being some kind of superspy who broke into her home and tapped her phones and stole her computer hard drive and accessed all of her accounts and then gave all the info to a nasty man, Robert Hoffman, who wrote a book called Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World. And she’s suing Jon because, well, she doesn’t have a job and no one wants to see her raggedy ass on TV.

Her suit ALLEGES: “After the couple was separated, Jon illegally hacked into Kate’s email account and her phone and bank accounts … Jon also stole a hard drive from Kate’s house, which contained private and confidential material. Jon then gave them the contents of Kate’s email account and the hard drive, all of which were acquired illegality, to his friend and business partner, tabloid reporter Robert Hoffman [who] used the illegally acquired data to publish a defamatory book about Kate.”

Seriously Kate?

Gosselin. Jon Gosselin. Doesn’t have the ring of Bond to it.

So, Beyoncé’s a big old diva. I mean, we know about her penchant for $500 straws and red toilet paper, but now she’s taken her diva-tude further asking that certain areas in venues where she performs be off limits to anyone but her.

That’s ALLEGEDLY what she did at V Festival last weekend, according to Travis frontman Fran Healy. The Glasgow band was on the same bill as Queen B as in Bitch and Fran says she turned parts of the backstage area into a no-go zone: “Beyoncé locked down the entire backstage area for an hour. Everyone was affected. You’d ask ‘Can I just go there?’ and they’d say ‘No. You can’t cross this little street’. Everyone was just following orders from the gang. I guess that’s how Americans do it but it’s not how we do it in the UK.”

And, he adds, “She was headlining the main stage and was half an hour late.

In addition, Beyoncé refused to let V Festival live stream her performance because she’s afraid of more Ugly Man Face pictures of herself being on the internet; you know, the ones where she makes those hideous faces while she grunts and, ALLEGELDY, sings?

Alec Baldwin and his wife, the fabulously named Hilaria, recently welcomed their baby into the Baldwin family, but being a new daddy hasn’t mellowed the pissy little TV star.

Walking on a street in NYC this week, Baldwin began shrieking at a photographer and accusing him of stalking Hilaria. Alec attacked the guy and bent him over a car and started hollering at him and now the NYPD is involved.

The photographer, after being assaulted by Baldwin, called the police to lodge a complaint and police have spoken to both sides, who now want to whole thing to go away.

I can understand Baldwin wanting it to go away, because it’s just another in a long string of violent behavior and verbal abuse he hurls at anyone he doesn’t like, but I wish just once a photographer would follow through.

I mean, if Baldwin hates having photographers trail him, imagine how many would be waiting outside the police station after he’s arrested.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......

I knew it wouldn't take long for Lohan to get her mug, not her mugshot....yet....back in the news.

It seems that Lindsay is because accused of ALLEGEDLY stealing a diamond necklace, and, also ALLEGEDLY the LAPD have asked a Los Angeles judge for a search warrant for the rehab star's Venice Beach home. They suspect Lohan stole the jewelry, and investigators told the court they have a video of Lohan wearing the missing jewels.
Now, anyone second story man can tell you that you don't wear the jewels! Lindsay must not have been paying attention in the Burglary 101 class mom Of the year Dina sent her to after rehab #3....or was it 5?
It's hard to keep track. She's had more rehab stints than Charlie Sheen has had hookers.
A law enforcement source--and by source, I mean a meter maid on Wilshire--says, "Lindsay is being accused of stealing high-end jewelry, including a necklace. A search warrant was requested Tuesday at the Airport Court to search Lindsay's house for the item of jewelry in question."
If the necklace in question is worth more than $5,000, the 24-year-old serial criminal could be charged with a felony. And, let us not forget, that Lohan is still on probation after ALLEGATIONS from a Betty Ford clinic worker who claimed Lohan assaulted her.
I'm sure Lindsay's lawyer, and her media-whoring Mom, will spin the story that Lindsay was loaned the jewels and, because she is a functional illiterate, thought loaned meant she got to keep them forever and ever!
Seriously, Lindsay, start carrying receipts for everything you own and this might not happen again. And again. And again.


And now, on to our other favorite wacktor, Charlie Sheen.

Although Charlie Sheen checked himself into rehab, then checked himself out, then checked himself into something called home rehab--because that's where the bowls of coke are--then said he was going back to work instead of rehab, no one really knows how seriously he's going to take this until the ratings come in for this week's Two and A Half Men.
A close friend of the wacktor--and by close friend, I mean porn star, prostitute, or drug dealer--says, "If the ratings go through the roof again, as they did after Charlie's incident in New York, CBS and Charlie will be out again in no time and back to his old ways. However, if the public finally stops rewarding Charlie for his bad behavior, then, and only then, can you expect him to take the situation seriously."
See, it's not about Charlie wanting to get help, or about his CBS bosses wanting him to get help, it's about the money. High ratings mean gold for the network, and also mean Charlie gets a bonus on top of his $1.25 million dollar paycheck for each episode.
Mark Burg, Sheen's manager, handler, publicity spinner, and an executive producer of Two And a Half Men, says, "Charlie knows he has work to do, and he is looking forward to regaining his sobriety. Charlie hopes to be back at work in the near future, but there is no time frame. Regaining his sobriety is what is most important."

I love that song! They've been singing it for about fifteen years now and think that it never gets old.

File this under: Fire The Dimwit Who Thinks This Is A Good Idea!

Katie Couric, that perky little news minx, is ALLEGEDLY growing tired of being the anchor of the CBS Evening News because she hasn't been allowed to giggle and smile as much as she likes, what with all these wars, and earthquakes, and politics, messing with her mood, so she might be leaving that sad-sack gig when her contract expires this year.
But, if she leaves the job that pays her $15 million this year alone, where will she go? What will she do?
Well, it seems Katie wants to be Oprah.
No, she doesn't want to be a Twinkie loving Black woman, she just wants Oprah's show, and time slot, and, undoubtedly, paycheck.
Sources--and by sources I mean the guy that tapes down Couric's face to keep her from smiling when she talks about the riots in Egypt--say, "No doubt, Oprah leaving her show is going to cause a huge gap in daytime talk, and the only person who could hope to fill her shoes is Katie Couric. Katie is going to bolt CBS News when her contract expires and start a new chapter of her TV life. Everyone knows she has the talent; now it's just finding the right show for her to do and surrounding herself with the best people to pull it all together."
The only person who could hope to fill Oprah's shoes is Katie Couric? Honey, I've seen Oprah's shoes, and several of us could fill them.
But I digress.
Katie is ALLEGEDLY in talks with her former Today show executive producer, Jeff Zucker, who just stepped down as Universal CEO to start his own production company.
Those sources--and by sources I mean Katie Couric--say, "Nothing would make Jeff happier than to be reunited with Katie and creating a new talk show format that could replace Oprah when she leaves. With the exception of Oprah, are there many people who do a better interview than Katie? You only have to look at her historic interview with Sarah Palin to see how she gets behind the press answers to reveal the real person."
Historic interview? I think that's a typo. It should have read hysterical interview.
Oh, Katie, I'm no fan of Winfrey, but you, sir, are no Oprah. my source says.


And I thought the Mel and Oksana business would be the Ugly Story of the Year.
Perhaps not.

It seems that Halle Berry is claiming her baby daddy, Hottie McHottie, Gabriel Aubry is a crazed, jealous man who put their child at risk.
Aubrey says, "I am rubber, you are glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you."
He's a model! You were expecting Chekhov quotes?
Halle and Gabriel are now locked in what has turned into the most epic custody war this side of Mia Farrow and woody Allen, over daughter-wife Soon Yi.

Sources--and by sources, I mean the man who reads Mickey D's menus to Aubrey, and the woman who forced Halle into that butt-ugly Golden Globes dress--say, "While Gabriel was dating someone last year, Halle would call, screaming and swearing at him in a jealous rage."

And Gabriel is claiming that when he went to London and South Africa with Halle and Nahla last August, where Halle was shooting a movie, she would ALLEGEDLY not return for days, when she was supposed to care for the toddler.
Halle says it's the opposite; she says Gabriel is petty, jealous and irresponsible, but, in addition to all that, he sometimes forgets he has little Nahla when she's in his care.
Hmmm, sounds like they're both a wee bit irresponsible.

Diddy doesn't mess around when it comes to giving out presents.

The rapper [?], music mogul [?], designer [?], entrepreneur [?], media whore [!!] recently gave his 17-year-old son another Mercedes Maybach for his birthday. Diddy gave the boy the $300,000 Maybach last year, when he turned 16, but then decided that this time his son needed limousine version of the luxury vehicle.
And all because Justin brought his grades up.
Sources--and by sources I mean the people who have to remind Diddy to close his mouth--say, "Justin has turned himself around and is now an honors student, which he wasn't before."
Diddy himself says he hopes his son will use the $390,000 car only for special occasions, like his first date. And, Diddy adds, "[L]ike all my kids, he prefers the simpler things than the expensive things. Simple tastes."
Simple tastes would be, oh, I dunno, like a bus pass, or subway card, but not a car worth nearly half-a-million dollars.
And Diddy thinks that anyone who criticizes him for doling out such lavish gifts to such a young man are doing so because they;re racist.
Um, no, maybe they're doing it because it seems a bit extreme.

And more Sheen news!
Porn star Kacey Jordan--and aren't her parent's proud--made a shocking claim on Good Morning America when she said--in an interview where she was in her fifth minute of her fifteen minutes of fame--that Charlie Sheen asked her to babysit his kids.
Seriously.
Porn-star-babysitter. That's quite the resume.

But Charlie's ex--well, one of Charlie's exes--Denise Richards is fuming. Sources--and by sources, I mean the hacks who are paid to keep Denise Richard';s name in the press--say Denise has effectively barred Charlie from being alone with daughters Sam and Lola until he completes his stay-at-home-or-go-away-or-go-back-to-work rehab.
The source--working overtime to remind us that it was Denise's lesbian scene with Neve Campbell that ensconced her into the upper echelon of actresses--says, "Denise has had enough. All this time she has been trying to protect Charlie in the eyes of his daughters, limiting the information they know about his partying ways, but now she knows it's the girls that need protecting, not Charlie."
That Denise Richards. She's like Mother Teresa, with better hair.

Elton John knows Billy Joel is going to "hate him" for it, but he's Elton and he doesn't care.

He is publicly speaking out about Joel, his friend and fellow musician, needing to get serious about conquering his alcohol addiction.
Elton John told Rolling Stone that he and his former touring partner had to cancel many shows in the summer of 2009 because of Joel's sicknesses and "alcoholism." John said he hopes Joel will opt to "do something better" with his life and go to rehab like he did, with patients cleaning floors and not watching television."

Joel, like Lohan and Sheen, is a serial rehabber, who has checked himself into treatment centers twice for his alcohol issues. He did two weeks in 2002, and a whole month in 2005.

In 2003, Joel said, "I can abuse alcohol, if the demons get me, I'll go on a bender. It's happened to me before. That's why I went into rehab. I was on a binge. I was on a bender. And I said this is stupid. I gotta stop. And I went and I did stop.:

Until 2005, ALLEGEDLY.
Hopefully Joel will get mad, but maybe mad enough to do something about it.


More Sheen!???!
Perhaps I should retitle my blog I Should Be Charlie Sheen.

It seems that the 911 call that prompted Charlie Sheen's hospitalization last week has been released. And, on it, we hear the voice of Dr. Paul Nassif--husband of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills' Adrienne Maloof....small world, isn't it?--saying, "I just got a call from the residence of Charlie Sheen, from a secretary. Apparently ... he's intoxicated. And he's saying, 'Don't call 911.' They got him on the phone, and he was very, very intoxicated, also apparently in a lot of pain. It was kind of weird, the phone call I received."
Sheen was hospitalized and labeled in "serious condition" after an allegedly 36-hour coke-and-whore bender, and is now in rehab, or back at work, or still partying.
Sheen was ALLEGEDLY having a "wild" marathon party with five women prior to the incident, with, ALLEGEDLY, "bricks of cocaine" and buckets of porn stars.
Sheen's publicist say he was hospitalized for a hernia.
A coke-and-whore hernia?
Still, days after his is-he-or-isn';t-he-trying-to-sober-up, Sheen ALLEGEDLY text-messaged gossip-site RadarOnline, writing, "I'm fine. People don't seem to get it.... Guy can't have a great time and do his job also? Bunch of turds."
Yeah, he can, until it kills him.