Random Musings

Earlier this week I went to bed relatively early. Carlos was back on the computer and as I do, I asked that he not stay up late because he gets up early, and then I went to bed.

I awoke at about 12:15 AM and he was not in the room, and, as my mind always goes to morbid places, I wondered if maybe he was dead in the house somewhere. I was about to get up to check but, well, I was tired and, yeah, I kinda fell back asleep.

But, just before drifting completely away, I heard him come into the bedroom, so I knew he wasn’t dead, and knew I wouldn’t find his body slumped over the office desk in the morning and then wonder who was going to make coffee, so it was all good.

Except … I dreamt that Carlos got into bed and began torturing me, poking, pinching, tickling, and I got so angry that I said I was sleeping in the guest room.

The next morning I was so angry at the way Dream Carlos treated me that I didn’t speak to Real Carlos.

I call that Rational Irrationality, and luckily I explained it to him so he could see my point of view … as he called the local psychiatric hospital and tried to have me placed on a 5150 hold.

Earlier this week Hawaii Governor Neil Abercrombie announced that he would call a special session of the state Legislature next month to consider marriage-equality legislation: 

"This is now the 20th year of discussion that has taken place on the issue and associated issues with it. I feel very, very strongly that the votes are there to pass this because it is time for marriage equity to take place."

The special session would likely last four to five days and Abercrombie said the bill, which includes a religious exemption, would pass both houses of the Legislature. Hawaii Attorney General David Louie said, if approved, the bill as proposed would allow for same-sex nuptials to begin as soon as November 18.

Do it Hawaii.

So, after we came back from vacation, I noticed that there was a small puddle of water underneath the sink in the master bathroom. I looked around for a leak, ran water in the sink, felt up the pipe — not nearly as fun as it might sounds … feeling up pipes — and found no drips. I cleaned up the water, cleaned up under the sink, and left it at that.

The next day, no water; same for the next day after that. But on Sunday, naturally, the leak was back and Carlos, who fancies himself a plumber without the butt crack, found that the leak was in the supply line from the hot water line; he felt it was beyond his area of expertise … I giggle ... expertise … and he began calling plumbers.

One wanted $115 for an emergency call plus $75 drive time, plus whatever the repair cost, so I figured this guy would get us for $300 or more. Another guy said $85 plus repair costs and labor, which I figured might be $200.

But it got me thinking … what if I advertised myself as a plumber, charged $115 emergency call fee, plus $75 drive? I could come out, say I couldn’t fix it, and pocket an easy $190 for nothing. A few calls like that per week and I’d be rolling in it.

I may have found a new career ….

PS We called a guy who’s done work on the house in the past to ask if he could recommend a plumber and he came out instantly, found the leak, bought the new parts, fixed the leak, and charged $80.

PPS That's not the actual plumber who came out to the house. I mean, if that was the guy, I'd gladly shell out the $300-plus!

This one just makes me smile.

The American Family Association [AFA] has been boycotting Home Depot for over three years because of the company’s support for LGBT groups and Pride celebrations, and this week the group announced that it would be ending the boycott, because according to Randy Sharp, the AFA director of special bigot projects, Home Depot has changed its behavior:

“We’re glad to report that we are suspending the boycott of The Home Depot. After monitoring the company for several months, we’re satisfied that the company has withdrawn its major financial contributions to gay activist groups and to their activities. … We certainly do expect The Home Depot to deny that they have turned back their contributions to gay activist groups, but AFA has monitored the company – and actions speak louder than words.”

Sharp has no specifics about how they “monitored” the Home Depot and offered no proof that they changed their evil ways, but I guess if he says it’s true then it’s …

Huh? What? Home Depot spokesman Stephen Holmes offered a response to Sharps statement and it goes something like this:

“We haven’t made any changes to our policies for inclusion and respect of all people, regardless of their sexual orientation. We have not directed our associates to discontinue participation in Pride or other community events, and have no intention of doing so.”

The AFA caught in another lie.

This one makes me giggle.

When formerly closeted, now openly gay tennis legend Billie Jean King was interviewed by Stephen Colbert, he asked all sorts of questions about her career, and her game, but the question, well, actually, the question and answer that I loved best was when Colbert asked her if, since she was in the closet while she played professionally, if she ever got upset when the line judge, yelled "Out!"

"Yes," she said.

Love.It.

The AFL-CIO [American Federation of Labor and Congress of Industrial Organizations] has added transgender employment protections to its constitution.

The decision to ban transgender discrimination at its 2013 convention followed the decision of several unions within the federation who have already adopted those changes.

And here's the new language: 

“To encourage all workers without regard to race, creed, color, sex, national origin, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression to share equally in the full benefits of union organization.”

Bravo, AFL-CIO.

The march goes on.

I caught the new season of The View this week and I am officially over the show unless they have a truly watch-worthy guest on.

Sherri Shepard is as dumb as a box of rocks, and Jenny McCarthy has just a few more active brain cells than that. Barbara Walters showed up on Monday with a new face that was pulled tighter than Star Jones in an Herve Leger bandage dress, which only leaves Whoopi as the rational one.

But, no matter how much I loves me some Whoopi, I cannot wade through the idiocy for her any longer.

Well, Sir Patrick Stewart is officially a taken man. The 73-year-old got married last weekend to his 35-year-old girlfriend, Sunny Ozell, and then took to Twitter to make the announcement with the most adorable wedding photo ever:

A Country Mouse In a Big Queer House

Christmas Eve, Carlos and I are in the kitchen, cleaning up from a day of baking cookies [me] and making his homemade cranberry marmalade [Carlos] and we began running the dishwasher. It was only about thirty minutes later when i heard Carlos shout out, We have a lick!

Lick? Lick. Lick! Leak!

We have a leak!

And sure enough, the floor in front of the sink and dishwasher is covered with water and Carlos in on his hands and knees sopping up the mess. I grab a mop and join in the battle and soon, we're dry. Towels are thrown in the washer and the mop returned to the laundry room. And the inspection of the dishwasher begins. No sign of it overflowing; no sign of a leak [lick?] through the door; we turn it back on, and water spews out from beneath it.

Turn it off!

A cursory glance under the sink reveals a hose meant to drain the dishwasher has a hole in it. Okay, so, no big deal, except that neither one of us is a plumber. So, we grab a file which contains the number of our home warranty service and they hook us up with a plumber who will be here in.....wait for it.........seven days. I know, it seems extreme to me, but, you know, Christmas, the holidays, non-emergency drips at a homo house. We waited.

New Year's Eve day, the plumber shows. I show him the plastic tubing with the hole in it, and he proceeds to remove the bottom panel of the dishwasher. He's laying on the floor, shining a flashlight under the dishwasher and says, You wanna see this?

See what, I wondered.

Oh.......the leak. Okay. Sure. I take the flashlight and peer beneath the dishwasher and there is a lovely pile of dog food stashed under there. Now, I've mentioned that Ozzo is a small dog...I often call him a PocketDog....I often say he rides in the glovebox of my car...I often say he's the size of a shoe. But, even tiny Ozzo couldn't have stashed his food under the dishwasher. He's neither that small, nor that bright.

It was a mouse. He'd found a way in, found the dog food, found a spot, and set up house. He used some dishwasher insulation to make a nest, and set up a buffet of Doggy Dinner. Then, you know as mice do, he became thirsty, and decided that a plastic pipe might hold some liquid. He began chewing the pipe to get a drink and the little rat-fuc......the little guy flooded his tiny condo and soaked all his food and created a huge mess.

Luckily, the plumber, Sean, had previously worked for a pest control company so he began barking instructions; I'm a sucker for a man with a tool belt and flashlight barking instructions, just so you know.

Move the bird house off the deck. the mice feed on the seed and then spiral out looking for more food and BAM they're in the house.

Take everything out of the cupboards and bleach them. The smell will keep the mouse away.

Get a glue trap, some peanut butter, and a nice glass of Sauvignon Blanc--okay, I suggested that last part because, well, even for a mouse I'm a good hostess--and put it under the dishwasher to trap the little squatter. If he's still there.

I think, and Sean agrees, that the flood may have sent the little monster packing. But..................to err on the side of rodent-free living, we followed instructions, and this is how we spent Sunday. Effin' mouse.

Click em'....they emBIGGERate.

Pipe Dreams

Just an update, in the spirit of full disclosure.

We had the plumber out to take a look at the leak behind the refrigerator. We have a home warranty contract, so all we had to pay the plumber was $55, and the home warranty folks kick in the rest.

Nice. Right?

Well, the problem, although a plumbing one--as AssCrackCarlos called it--was also a refrigeration problem--as NotAssCrackBob called it. It seems that when the refrigerator was installed they didn't put the connection from the water supply onto the refrigerator correctly. they was something involving clamping, pressing, crimping, a build-up of pressure.....it all sounded too sexual to me so I got lost in a day dream.

I'm back.

Now, because it was an installation issue that caused the leak, the home warranty people do not cover that. I paid $55 to be told that the $55 won't cover it. Carlos, being the one of the two of us who likes to barter finagle and swindle, called the people who delivered the fridge to get them to cough up the repair costs. They, in turn, said they had installed the fridge nearly two years ago so they are not responsible--this, again in the spirit of full disclose was exactly what I said they'd say.

So, the plumber came out and did the repairs. New tubing; new clamping. One-hundred-twenty-five-dollars-for-ten-minutes-work-so-how-can-the-economy-be-bad?

We're all caught up now, m'kay?

Carlos Story

This morning we are having breakfast at the kitchen table, and I see one of the cats, Tallulah, coming into the kitchen from the dining room. She stops and begins to lick something from the floor. And keeps licking and licking and...you get the idea.
I go to see what it is on the floor and it's a puddle of water coming from behind the refrigerator.
Damn. Damn. Damn.
I say to Carlos, We have a leak.
Where?
Behind the fridge.
He comes over, we pull the fridge away from the wall, and see a smallish puddle. We think the water is coming from the small plastic tube that brings the water to the ice-maker. We think because we don't know.
Carlos says he'll call the home warranty people--it's a good thing to have for those of us who aren't the handiest people. Yes, he says, I'll call the home warranty people.
That said, he walks back to the table and sits down to finish his breakfast, while I sop up water from the floor. He eats a piece of bread, sips the last of his coffee, and clears the table, and puts the dishes in the dishwasher.
Only then does he go back to call those home warranty people.
But now I'm annoyed. And my annoyance shows itself in humor, as he returns to the kitchen and I do an impression of him aboard the Titanic, seeing the iceberg pierce the ship, Carlos would go back to his bagel.
He didn't laugh. It wasn't one of my best.
But later in the morning he calls and asks if the refrigeration people who were referred by the home warranty people who were referred by our Smallville realtor who was referred by our Miami realtor who was referred by our friend _____ called.
I say No.
Maybe it's the plumbing, he says.
No, the water is coming form the refrigerator. Either from the tube, or from somewhere else, but it's a very slow drip.
I think it may be the plumbing.
Carlos, I sigh, I've seen your ass crack. You're no plumber.

Thank you and good night!