It's Snarkurday!

Color me not surprised, but Chris Brown has been arrested for assault.

Rihanna say what? In April 2017, Brownie ALLEGEDLY punched a photographer at a club who was taking photos of the crowd; Brownie thought he was trying to snap him, so  he ALLEGEDLY leapt over a couch and punched the man in the face. Police were called, but Chris and his bodyguard fled the scene before they could be questioned and, well, celebrity … nothing happened.

Until last week when Brownie performed at the Coral Sky Amphitheater in West Palm Beach. After the show, he was met by several police officers who placed him under arrest for last year’s assault. He was arrested for felony battery and released after posting $2,000 bail.

Chris isn’t talking … yet … possibly because he’s still stunned that the cops let a year go by before arresting him, though they were just waiting for him to come back to Florida.

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

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Oh Johnny Depp, every week it’s something new … divorce, drunken rages, suing your manager, drunken rages, drunken rages, and now this.

A while back we talked about his Depp-lorable—see what I did there—behavior on the set of LAbryinth, where he plays the real-life detective who investigated Biggie’s murder. He was ALLEGEDLY a nuisance, surrounded by a bothersome, enormous entourage, tried to direct himself and bullied crew members.

When one crew member told him to wrap a scene, Depp screamed in the man’s face and punched him in the ribs. Now, Depp’s people deny this ever happened and gave out the usual vomit:

“Johnny Depp is a consummate professional, great collaborator and a supporter of other artists. He always treats the crew and people around him with the utmost respect. We all love stories — there isn’t one here.” 

Well, guess what? That crewmember, location manager Gregg “Rocky” Brooks, is ALLEGING in a lawsuit that Johnny Depp twice punched him on set. Brooks is also ALLEGING that he was fired from the movie when he refused to sign papers saying he wouldn’t sue over the incident.

Oops, maybe Depp’s people were thinking about another time he punched someone else when they denied this assault ever happened?

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Another Johnny in trouble is one Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

Meyers was once banned from United Airlines for ALLEGEDLY spewing the N-word in a drunken rant. And now he was again ALLEDGLY drunk on a plane—this time it was American Airlines—and being verbally abusive to his wife, though that wasn’t the problem. The issue was that JRM was vaping on his way to the lavatory.

Seriously? Drunk and disorderly gets a pass, but vaping gets you nailed?

When the plane got into LAX, it was met with a slew of airport police squad cars and the FBI because … vaping.

JRM was eventually let go after the FBI went all, Why are we here? We’ve got a president to unseat.

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Well, it looks like Jamie Foxx isn’t going to jail for his dick slap.

Back in 2002 a woman accused Foxx of slapping her in the face with his penis at a party when she refused to give him oral sex. This week the Las Vegas Police Department have concluded their investigation—even though the statute of limitations expired in 2005—and Foxx will not face charges.

No word on if they’ll simply charge him with being a dick.

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Poor Lindsay Lohan. Her career, her acting career, not her escort work, is kinda over ... again.

The comeback movie Lohan was hoping for, Life-Size 2, has announced its co-lead actress and her name is not Lindsay Lohan. Tyra Banks … Tyra Banks?... announced that she will be starring in the sequel to the 2000 movie—a sequel no one asked for—alongside one Francia Raisa from Grown-Ish.

Somewhere, under a bar in Europe, Lohan is trying to create a Francia voodoo doll out of cocktail napkins.

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I love me some gossip, but when it’s the kind that comes out after all the parties involved are dead, well, you just gotta wonder.

It appears that one Conrad Murray, the shady doctor who served two years for the manslaughter of Michael Jackson, is desperate for attention, or coins, because he’s serving up some crazy. Y’all know that Michael’s father, Joe Jackson, died recently? Well, everyone knows, or has heard tale, of Joe Jackson being an abusive father to his children, but this one takes the cake. Conrad Murray is now ALLEGING that Michael was chemically castrated by Joe to maintain his high-pitched voice:

“Joe Jackson was one of the worst fathers to his children in history. The cruelty expressed by Michael that he experienced at the hand of his father, particularly the bad treatment and moreover the fact that he was chemically castrated to maintain his high-pitched voice is beyond words. I knew and cared for Michael very well and he told me of the many sufferings at the hands of his father that he encountered. It was incredible, beyond imagination and words. I would not shed a single tear for the passing of this cruel and evil man: Joe Jackson. It is said only the good die young. I hope Joe Jackson finds redemption in Hell.”

Huh, I hope Conrad Murray doesn’t find any redemption at all when he goes to Hell for never saying one thing about this until both Joe and Michael were dead.

Clearly, someone with a Starbucks gift card that still had a few bucks on it, found Murray and gave it to him to talk.

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I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

So it was just a few short weeks ago that we learned that the father of supermodel Linda Evangelista's four-year-old son, Augustin, was Francois-Henri Pinault, who is also the father of his wife, Salma Hayek's four-year-old daughter, Valentina.

The story everyone is sticking to is that the day or so after Francois-Henri knocked up Salma, the two decided to "take a break" and to Francois-Henri, that meant heading over to Linda's place and knocking her up, too. Now Linda wants child support for her baby boy, and is suing Pinault for payments of $46,000.00 a month.
I mean, come on, being the child of a supermodel requires big dough. Couture rompers and designer shoes for the boy could be very expensive, In fact, according to those in the know, it "would probably be the largest support order in the history of the Family Court.”
No kidding.
But when you consider Evangelista once uttered the line, I "don't wake up for less than $10,000 a day" well, then $46,000 for a month is chicken feed.
Pinault has yet to pay one penny in child support for Augustin, though for his daughter, Valentina, he spends $50,000 a month on a $12 million LA estate he keeps in trust for the little girl. And Evangelista wants her little boy to have a mansion just like his half-sister.
The majority of the monthly sum Evangelista is requesting would cover the round-the-clock nannies, because she doesn't have time for all that, as well as drivers and nursemaids and cooks and governesses and people to keep the child busy while Mommy goes out.
But Pinault, whose family is worth an estimated $11.5 billion, is fighting the expenditures tooth and nail. Like the cost of Evangelista's team of armed drivers for $175,000 a year, and the $80,000 a year she needs for a nanny. [Note to self: check out nanny ads].
The judge looked at Evangelista's requests and instantly erased the part where she asked for $7,500 for monthly “vacation” expenses, but ultimately seemed sympathetic to the security and nanny costs, noting that these may simply be the normal costs for raising a child in Manhattan whose mama don't wake up for less than 10K.
“How many hours a week do you work?” the judge asked Evangelista.
“On days when I do not work, I am working on my image,” Evangelista answered. “I have to hit the gym. I have beauty appointments. I have to work toward my next job and maintaining my image, just like an athlete.”
Poor thing. Drivers. Nannies. Gyms. Hair stylists, Makeup people.
Oh the humanity.

Poor Jennifer Lopez.
First the breakup, and then the slew on interviews where she tells us all how horrible it was being married to Marc Anthony, and how she struggled to get out, and struggled to get a $20 million paycheck for judging American Idol.

Oh.The.Horror.
In the string of  “exclusive but not really” pieces, JLo's peeps run rampant with the Poor JLo speech, and paint her as an innocent victim of the cruel Marc Anthony.
Now, maybe he was cruel, and maybe he was controlling, but the last thing Jennifer Lopez ever seems to be is a victim. I mean, she snatched the cover of Vanity Fair a nanosecond after she and Marc split, except those cover stories are often months in the making. So, did poor Jen leave her horrid hubby last month, or just after the first of the year?
Poor thing.
Next up, she'll be trolling her new piece of man candy, though people are speculating that it'll be an old piece of man candy, named Diddy, or Squiddy, or some such.
Poor Jen. My husband was mean so I went out and got a cover story and a raise and a new boyfriend because it was so hard on me, being married. Again.
Ad she's telling people that she wants for full custody of Max and Emme because Marc hasn’t even seen the kids since the split! But, um, maybe Marc hasn't seen his kids since the day the split was announced--not to be confused with the day of the actual split some months ago--because they’ve been traveling with J.Lo, to New York, to Europe where she was paid a cool million to sing at a rich guy's birthday party, and then to Miami where she's filming her next big flop movie, "What To Expect When You’re Expecting."
I'm expecting it to bomb.
 
Oh Lindsay.
House arrest just ended and you're already drunk in public.
it's nice to see things haven't changed.

More than a month ago, back when Lohan was under house arrest--and partying non-stop--she tested positive for alcohol during a court-ordered drug tests. She was forced to put down the vodka, strap on he Louboutins, and head back to court. She had some 'splaining to do.
But she got sent home with no more than a slap on the wrist because the judge said she was cool with Lohan guzzling vodka by the gallon, bathing with gin, and douching with tequila, but she had to stay away from crack and prescription meds. She could drink even though she's been in and out of rehab so often that the Betty Ford clinic now has a Lindsay Lohan Revolving Door.
And now she's free, and back to partying, and mending her  broken friendship with Paris Hilton. Yes, people, Firecrotch and Cocaine Cooch are friends again.
And after a three-day-drink-a-thon at Paris' house, Lohan appeared drunk and stumbling, or stumbling and drunk, outside the Chateau Marmont. Spies, and by spies, I mean Paris, who isn't really any one's friend, unless you have coke to stuff in her snatch, say Lohan was back in vintage form at the celebrity hangout. Lohan ALLEGEDLY “looked wobbly, and on her way back to her table outside stumbled over again. The next time she got up, hotel security had to give her a hand.”
Naturally, Lohan’s rep, AKA MomWhore Dina, said, "As usual, a pack of lies from people with nothing better to do with their lives than make up stories about a famous person.”
Honey, they aren't making up stories about a famous person, they're making up stories about Lindsay Lohan.

And now, on to our male Lindsay Lohan, serial rehabber, Jonathan Rhys Meyers.
Rumors swirled at the beginning of summer that alcohol abuser Meyers was almost suicidal, between the drugs and the booze. It was back in June when police and paramedics were called to Meyer’s London home because, according to various sources, he had overdosed on pills.

But he was conscious when help arrived, and tried to refuse help, but was ultimately taken to a hospital where he ALLEGEDLY had his stomach pumped, and then was released. Some called it a “suicide attempt” but others say it was just another weekend for Meyers.
Now, however, comes new video of Meyers, wasted, and singing Bob Marley tunes in a pub. It seems that Meyers met a group of new friends, read: strangers, at the pub, where they all got  hammered, and then he took the party to a private home, where someone videotaped Meyers drinking cans of cider and trying to sing “No Woman No Cry”.
This just weeks after the ALLEGED suicide attempt.
This is not good. He's on the Lindsay Lohan Plan, having been in and out of rehab FIVE times.
Sad to say, but I envision a scene like the one in Valley of the Dolls, when Neely O'Hara meets former movie idol, Tony Polar, at a sanitarium. Only this time, the scene is real, and it's Meyers and Lohan.

I'm not a fan of Miss Justin Timberlake. i think she's fond enough of herself for the both of us. And stories like this don't make me think of any more highly, though definitely more lowly, of the diva.

During a recent night out at The Boom Boom Room, a source--and by source I mean Britney Spears who was sitting under a table in the corner chewing her hair--said, “He was really in a terrible mood. He was awful to the staff, making unreasonable demands and acting like a total prince.”
Princess.
And you'd have thought he would have been a total angel, given that the party was the premiere of his new smash hit....i kid.....movie, Friends With Benefits. However, the singer/actor/dancer/clothing designer/serial SNL host/asshat was in a rotten mood and complained about everything.
The champagne was flat. So was the second glass. Even after the waitress opened a brand new bottle in front of Miss Thang, she was not happy. In fact, he loudly announced that he would lower himself to drinking the champagne because he was “sick of dealing" with the waitress.
Understandably, everyone, from the bar staff, to his friends, and even his mama, was relieved when Miss T left the party, though many heard Miss Justin warning his driver that if he wasn’t parked right outside the front door, he would “lose his s***!”
Oh, honey, you've already lost it.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But..............

Oh, Lindsay, first the Mob Daughter says 'No' to you portraying her onscreen, and now Stevie Nicks has given you the middle finger, too.
Glenn Beck loves to shoot his mouth off, mostly without thinking. And he loves to stir the pot, making up stories about people, and where they're born and what religion they practice and such.

For a long time the wacktress has expressed interest in portraying Stevie Nicks in a movie of the songbird's life, but the Fleetwood Mac singer not-so-ALLEGEDLY made it quite clear that that she will not let this happen until Lindsay cleans up her act.
And this is straight from the mouth of La Nicks: "That's never going to happen unless she cleans up her life and becomes the great actress I feel she can be. Everybody thinks I hate her, and it's not that at all. I just want her to get it together. I was completely messed up for a long time and I got it together. She's a very talented girl… If she could get it together, she could have a really big career and she could do great things."
But first she'll have to give up the pills and the booze and the stealing of things that don't belong to her; not to mention the DUIs, the kidnapping, the car theft, the rehab, the jail time.
 Yeah, I don't see this movie happening anytime soon.

Now, Beck has created a feud where there once was none,m with the band My Chemical Romance.

And it all started because of Glee.
Beck apparently got his granny panties in a twist when My Chemical Romance song, 'Sing' was performed on the hit show. He then took it upon himself to warn all parents that their children could be watching damaging material and that "our whole culture ... is set up for you and the values you grew up on to lose."
He begged parents to pay attention to the lyrics: "This is propaganda ... It's an anthem saying 'Join us.' How can you and I possibly win against that?"
A song that asks you to 'Join us' sung on a TV show about a high school glee club and it's the beginning the end.
I'd say, Oh how the mighty have fallen, but then Beck was never mighty, except in his own head.
And the song in question that wants the children of America to join My Chemical Romance? Well, it isn't propaganda, it's actually a re-recording of an old song, released to raise money for the Red Cross' efforts in earthquake-ravaged Japan.
How dangerous.
My Chemical Romance lead singer, Gerard Way, says: "I think the word Glenn Beck was looking for was 'subversion' not 'propaganda,' because I don't know what [the lyrics] would be considered propaganda for? Truth? Sentiment? And I can't tell what he's angrier about, the fact that it's how I feel about the persistent sterilization of our culture, or the fact that it's on network television for everyone to hear."
And then Way makes note of the fact that Beck has misquoted the actual lyrics, replacing the term "webways" with "railways."
Gerard Way: "...Railways? Is it 1863? Seen any children living on these lately instead of the Internet? I'm actually shocked that no actual fact-checking was done on the lyrics. I mean, Fox is a major news channel, covering factual topics in an unbiased and intelligent ... oh wait."
Never mind.
Glenn Beck's TV career ends in the coming months. And not a moment too soon.

What a dick.

Andy Dick, that is.
The comic[?] was arrested at a Temecula, California restaurant the other night for, as police put it, acting disorderly, ALLEGEDLY under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.
This comes on the heels of Dick's appearance on Marc Maron's WTF Podcast last week, in which Dick said he was about to embark on a long booze-free period in his life: "There's been times when I haven't drank for three years in a row ... Right now, I know I'm in a very long stretch of complete abstinence and sobriety."
Oops. Never mind.
Dick has also admitted that he's been to rehab eleven times. fingers crossed for Time Number Twelve.

Who will it be?
Who?
Who?

Who will be the last guest on the last episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show.
It has to be someone of superstar status. it has to be someone Oprah admires. it has to be someone whom Oprah finds the most fascinating person in the entire world, and the only person worthy of making TV history by being the Big O's final guest.
Who will it be?
Who?
Who?
Well, sources--and by sources, I mean the team of cake wranglers who keep Oprah in pastries--say the final big-name-greatest-person-ever-in-the-whole-wide-world to be interviewed by Oprah will be..............................................................Oprah.
An insider, who ALLEGEDLY has his lips permanently attached to Winfrey ass, says, "How can one celebrity possibly sum up 25 years of such a groundbreaking show? Who could possibility come on the show and represent everything Oprah has done" from celebrity interviews, to human-interest stories to politics to women's issues to breaking news. She's done it all, my source says, and "only one person could do that and that is Oprah herself."
Well, if Oprah interviews Oprah, they'll need to get two big-assed chairs in the studio, and teams and teams of men to hold up both of those big fat ego-filled heads.

'The Tudors' star Jonathan Rhys Meyers, or as i like to think of him, Britain's Lindsay Lohan, has checked into rehab, again, for alcohol addiction.

In fact, rumor has it that the 33-year-old actor spent 10 days at a London clinic last month.
Ten.Days.
Then he left because he had to go to work. And then stop off at the pub for a pint.
This is ALLEGEDLY Meyers' fourth stint at rehab. It's like he and Lindsay are in a race, though he doesn't seem keen on adding jewel theft and kidnapping to his resume, as Lohan does.
It's been just a year since Rhys Meyers last sought help for his alcohol addiction. That rehab stint came on the heels of his ALLEGEDLY abusing airport staff after they banned him from getting on a flight while intoxicated.
Meyers was also previously arrested in 2007 at the Dublin Airport for being drunk and disturbing the peace, though the charges were later dropped.
He was also detained by police in June 2009 at the Charles De Gaulle Airport in Paris after allegedly assaulting an employee at a bar while drunk.
The incident last year, though, was what ALLEGEDLY caused his long-term girlfriend, Reena Hammer, to say, "Check into rehab or I'm dumping you."
I think he must have taken that for, Check yourself into rehab, but then start drinking again once you come out.

Oh, Jesse James.

You married America's Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. Then you fucked around on her and got caught, and became The Biggest Loser. And you've spent the last couple of years trying to atone for your ways, asking for forgiveness, saying you still love Sandra.
You have a funny way of showing it, pal.
Jesse James recently told Howard Stern that Kat Von D outperforms Sandra Bullock in the bedroom by 100 fold.
Yeah, that'll win her back.
And this comes after his last interview where he says he secretly wanted to get caught schtupping anything and everything, including the tattooed Nazi girl, during his marriage with Bullock: "I think I wanted to get caught. It was me trying to self sabotage my life."Then he cries when talking about the son he and Bullock wanted to adopt; the son Bullock adopted on her own after he cheated. "I could cry so much about [Louis] until I have to suck it up and keep a stiff upper lip and realize, hey, [there are] three kids that I do have ... I've never seen Louis since everything."
And you think you should be able to see him? You cheat on his mommy and then publicly announce that you've found a better lay, and that should entitle you to some sort of relationship with her son?
Oh, honey. No.

If at first you don't succeed, make your first husband your third husband.

Marie Osmond has remarried ex-husband Stephen Craig. They were initially married from 1982 to 1985 and have a son. Osmond then married music producer Brian Blosil in 1986, and then divorced him in 2007. That marriage brought Osmond seven children--two biological and five adopted.
Osmond, who cited severe mental cruelty when she divorced Craig twenty-five years ago--though they have remained friendly--now says, "I am so happy and look forward to sharing my life with Stephen, who is an amazing man as well as a great father to my children."
This news comes a little more than a year after Osmond's 18-year-old son, Michael Blosil, committed suicide. Rumors of Marie and Stephen remarrying began circulating back then, The re-newlyweds chose May 4 to commemorate the birthdays of both her deceased son and late mother. "It was important that both Michael and my mom were with us on this special day," Osmond says.
Nice, I guess.
The Mormons don't want the gays to marry, but I guess Mormons can marry, and divorce, and marry again, and divorce again, and then remarry their first spouse.
They don't want gays to even marry once.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......

Barbra Streisand has written a book, y'all!

No, not about her life! Babs don't tell

Instead, she has authored a book on interior design, called My Passion For Design, which really is nothing more than a tour of her own homes and their decor. It's more "Look at me and my fabulous life" than it is "And then I chose this fabric for the drapes because it matches my eyes."

But that isn't what worries me. No. Take a gander at the cover.

Doesn't that dog look terrified?

I bet he's not supposed to be on the couch and he knows that once the picture is taken, Babs is gonna slash him with a French tip.

I'd be scared, too.

Just rumor. Just speculation. But that's what you came for so here it is: It looks like Glee, known for its fantastic casting--Idina Menzel, Kristin Chenoweth, and NPH--just might have hit the mother lode. Susan Boyle. As.The.Lunch.Lady. Apparently it isn't entirely set, but Glee creator Ryan Murphy would like to have Boyle on during the Christmas episode next season. Susan Boyle. Glee. Christmas. Indeed! You know, I understand when actors try to model their careers on the lives of someone they admire, but Jonathan Rhys Meyers is taking it to the next level. He seems to want to be the new Lindsay Lohan. Like we're through with the old one! See, he's checking himself into rehab for the fourth time after getting all drunk and N-wordy on a flight from New York to London. Jonathan was banned from boarding--and subsequently permanently banned for life--a United Airlines flight at JFK in New York because he was too drunk. But this isn't his first drunken bad time at an airport. Last year, he was arrested at a bar in Paris' Charles de Gaulle airport for reportedly challenging police to a fight. He was also taken into custody in Ireland in 2007 for drunkenly fighting with airport staff. Hmmm. Airports. Drunk. Someone needs to stay off planes. And outta bars. And away from anything resembling Lohan. And, speaking of Lohan and booze.... Crazy could see some jail time. See, instead of sending Lohan to jail after her infamous DUI arrest, LA judge Marsha Revel required that the wacktress attend one alcohol education class per week., saying it would allow Lohan to get a handle on her addictions.

As.If. And, ALLEGEDLY, Lindsay has only completed 10 out of 13 classes in the two years or so she's been given, so the judge wants her back in court to answer for her actions. Sounds fair, except that Lohan is in Cannes, promoting a movie she hasn't made yet, in which she plays a porn star.....typecasting....and has come up with a number of excuses as to why she might miss her court date.

First up, it was that nasty Icelandic volcano.

Then the weathermen cleared all that up, so the excuse became that her passport was stolen. Except she never reported it stolen.

So, now there is one mighty pissed off judge in California.

UPDATE: a warrant was issued for Lohan's arrest. They're gonna ankle-bracelet her and subject her to random drug tests.

Life's a party, eh, Linds?

Now, don't get me wrong. i like me some Beyonce, but is she the only female recording artist out there?

I mean, the BET Awards have just nominated her for a bunch of 2010 music awards for an album that came out over two years ago.

Best R&B Female? Seriously?

Didn't she already win that one for the same album?

Is there no one else out there?

Is this thing on?

Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?

Hellooooooooooooooooo?

I'm liking this news because I like Desperate Housewives and I love Vanessa Williams.

I love that she was the first Black Miss America before being dethroned for doing some nudie-patootie pictures.

But, did she disappear? Nope. Sink into the sand in shame? Nope.

She is probably the most famous former Miss America EVER. Go on, think of another one....I'll wait.

Told you so.

And now that her bitchy turn as Wilhelmina on Ugly Betty is over, she's taking the attitude to Wisteria Lane.

I.Can't.Wait.

That's NeNe Leakes from The Real Housewives Of Atlanta up there.

Before. And after,

Nose.Job.

She was a fine lookin' woman before, but now she looks like a bad Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum rendition of Mary J Blige's mama.

Just sayin'.