I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Last week in Bobservations we talked about that new book coming out about Melanie* … written by [former] friend, Stephanie Winston Wolkoff.

Wolkoff came to work for Melanie for the inauguration and then stayed … until they had a falling out, and she left, and wrote Melania and Me: The Rise and Fall of My Friendship With the First Lady.

We learned last week that Melanie hates her husband’s other wife … no, not Ivana and not Marla, but the Daughter-Wife, Ivanka. But now we hear that Melanie isn’t Poor Melanie, she’s really an awful person who made her bed, lay down in it, and put her heels to Jesus because …. Coins.

Wolkoff spoke to Vanity Fair about the book and had this to say about Melanie’s ‘I Don’t Care, Do u’ coat, which she says was a purposeful choice and meant to be rude and bitchy. Wolkoff says Melanie told her:

“I’m driving liberals crazy. You know what? They deserve it.”

Ho said what? And then Melanie, who said she cared about children and bullying of children, was glad they put kids in cages at the border:

“They all went crazy about the zero-tolerance policy at the border. But they don’t know what’s going on. The kids I met were brought in by coyotes, the bad people who are trafficking, and that’s why the kids were put in shelters. They’re not with their parents, and it’s sad. But the patrols told me the kids say, ‘Wow, I get a bed? I will have a cabinet for my clothes?’ It’s more than they have in their own country where they sleep on the floor. They are taking care nicely there. Did Michelle Obama go to the border? She never did. Show me the pictures!”

Bitch, please, do not ever compare yourself to Michelle Obama. She went to Harvard and Princeton, is no man’s trick or third wife, and you are a Lesbian Softcore Porn Model. Take a seat, Karen.

Melanie also refused to move to D.C. until the shower and toilet in the White House residence had been replaced, until her office and closets were painted bright pink and until she had a glam room built in the residence.

But the best of all is how utterly ignorant Melanie is, because her first Christmas after the election, she actually sent out cards calling herself ‘First Lady-Elect.

Yes, Melanie believed America elected her First Lady. And she also believed her husband’s pussy grabbing, and porn star fucking and little girl ogling, and affairs were … how did she say it:

“It’s politics. I know who I married.”

Tee hee; she said married, when what she meant was, ‘I know who signed the check.’

And Melanie talked about her battles with her husband’s girlfriend, Ivanka,  over who was the real First Lady. It seems Ivanka and her staff wrote to Melanie about cohosting several events traditionally hosted by just the first lady, but Melanie wasn’t playing:

“Are you kidding me? Seriously? I’m not co-hosting.”

For the annual luncheon held for the governors’ spouses that Ivanka wanted in on, Melanie said:

“We need to let her know that I know this is a First Lady event done every year … OMG. They just want to take credit for it.”

Even better, er, pettier, is that every single dress Ivanka wore by a name designer, Melanie would scratch that designer off her list. And she refused to follow Michelle Obama’s policy of wearing American designers because, like her husband, if it was done by an Obama it would be undone by a _____.

Again, at first I felt sorry for this bitch because I don’t think she wanted to be First lady, but, you know, she took the coins, signed the contracts, spread her legs and did the deed, so let her pay for it.

*I call her Melanie because that’s what her husband called her in a Tweet a few years ago, and if her own husband can’t get her name right, why should I?

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Mariah Carey has new, old music coming out on the 30th anniversary of her first album, with the release of The Rarities—rare and unreleased songs from her career—and a book she, um, “wrote,” The Meaning of Mariah Carey. And she is promoting all this like mad and spilling tea everywhere … like if Eminem should be worried about the memoir and their affair.

Mariah tosses this word salad:

“There’s some songs that I can sing in response to that, but I will not do it. If somebody or something didn’t pertain to the actual meaning of Mariah Carey, as is the title, then they aren’t in the book.”

Oh, the shade! And then she dishes Ellen DeGeneres because, well, 2020 and everyone’s doing it! She talks about a 2008 interview when there were rumors Carey was pregnant. Mimi says Ellen was determined to get the news on her show and so she dared Mimi to drink Champagne until she was forced to announce her pregnancy. She miscarried soon after, but says now:

“I was extremely uncomfortable with that moment is all I can say … I don’t want to throw anyone that’s already being thrown under any proverbial bus, but I didn’t enjoy that moment.”

She doesn’t want to throw anyone under the bus while actually doing the throwing under said bus.

I guess there’s more in the book but it’s probably crayon drawings of butterflies and old Polaroids of Mimi taken of the right side of her face only, and nary a mention of her disastrous New Year’s Eve performance because, none of that is important to being Mimi.

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This week, in the forever ongoing relationship between divorced lovebirds Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, we learned that  Depp asked to delay their courtroom production of HeSaidSheSaid so he could film Fantastic Beasts 3. And so, while there will be a delay, there will also be another court case for these two wacky kids.

Amber Heard is now counter-suing Depp for ALLEGEDLY launching a “smear campaign” against her, and she wasn’t just talking about the layer upon layer of grease in Johnny’s hair.

Amber says she is “fighting back” against Johnny’s continued abuse, though if she’d just walk away, and ignore him, would there really be any abuse? I mean, these two seem to get off suing one another and airing the ugliness of their love in public, so shutting up might be an option?

When Johnny filed a $50 million suit against Amber—who claims it’s a pathetic attempt to, “remain relevant as his star otherwise wanes”—Amber filed a $100 million lawsuit of her own.

I see your $50 million and raise you $50 million.

Amber says she’s only suing because Depp says nasty things about her while she’s busy saying nasty things about him. She wants to be compensated because Johnny has publicly called her “cunt,” “whore,” “disgusting pig,” and “inhuman scum” and even changed a tattoo of her nickname, SLIM, to now read, SCUM.

I’ll stop for a minute because that’s some good shiz, though probably not worth $100 million.

Amber also claims Johnny “controls” hundreds of bots and social media accounts created specifically for the purpose of targeting her, saying some could even be tied to Russia.

I guess that could be true because we know Johnny spends no time bathing and putting on clean clothes, but I also have another idea …when Amber divorced Johnny, and won a huge settlement, she made a big play of giving most of the money away. Now it looks like she needs the coins and a new lawsuit is as easy as getting a job.

Just sayin’.

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After 24 years of marriage, Nicole Young has filed for divorce from Dr. Dre—real name Andre Young—an, as happens when love flies out the window, it all turns to the coins.

Dr. Dre wants to keep most of his ALLEGED $840 million fortune, so he wants their nearly three-decade old pre-nup enforced, even though he once tore it up in a romantic gesture, and even though Nicole says she was pressured to sign it.

And so she ain’t going down without a fight and while they will argue and argue and argue over how much she gets in the end, she’s asking for … wait for it, I love it …$2 million a month in temporary support… or $2800 a day.

Nicole filed legal papers claiming that she and Dre lived a quite high life and she needs $2 million a month to keep it going. She says she played an important part in Dre’s career and “was integral” to naming his hit record label Aftermath.

Wait, what? She helped pick out a name and thinks that earns her $2400 a day?

Yes, she does; she says she and Dre own five homes in Los Angeles, a multimillion-dollar private jet and yacht, numerous luxury cars, and an army of staff including a private chef, 12 security guards, 7 housekeepers, and more.

This is gonna get ugly … let me get some tea, pop some corn, and take my seat in the shade.

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I’m just gonna say this … I’ve long dreamt of Channing Tatum as a Fairy Princess and now, thanks to his daughter, I have an actual image I can use.

Yes, buff hunk Channing, with one of the most photogenic asses to ever appear on film, dressed as a fairy—in a splatter paint apron paired with a sleeping princess eye mask, pink, horned dragonfly double wing set, and buff toned guns—to read a children’s book, The One and Only Sparkella, that he wrote. And he posted his fairy picture on social media, saying:

“Guys, I don’t know about you but things got a little weird for me in quarantine. I ended up accidentally locking myself in my 7 year old daughter’s room. And I ended up finding my inner child. So this is what I created for my little girl. From what is, I guess, the little girl in me. Thanks for reading.”

And he dedicated the book to his little girl:

“To Everly, the most brilliant magical being that I have ever known. You are my greatest teacher. My only wish is for more time in this life to play in all of the magical realms we have created. This is also for all Dads that might have a little girl … Wear whatever, dance however, and be as magical as you can. Because I promise they will return the love.”

I’m giving him props for finding his inner girl, but I am more interested in his outer man.

Just sayin’.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Tori Spelling has owed American Express a Love Boat—see what I did there? Her daddy is Aaron Spelling, who created Love Boat!—of cash for a looooong time. She hasn’t made much of an effort to pay them off, even from the few coins she seems to get from the annual reboots and failures of a Beverly Hills, 90210 revival.

And finally, AMEX had enough and, last week the company just went into her bank account and took their money out … with a court order of course. More shocking than that is that Spelling actually had money in her account, and it wasn’t just chump change.

As of March 2020, Tori owed American Express $88,731.25. Amex filed two different lawsuits against Tori and her husband, Dean McDermott,  back in 2016, and still they weren’t getting paid, so AMEX took it to the judge who said:

“Here’s her account number, help yourself.”

A writ of execution was ordered by the court in March 2020 and executed by the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department in April. It isn’t entirely clear if AMEX got their full nearly 90K, but this may not be the last time a creditor get access to her accounts.

Tori and Dean are currently involved in a lawsuit with City National Bank over $189,000 of unpaid debts; they owe $282,000 to the state of California in back taxes; they were also hit with a federal tax lien of over $707,000 dating back to unpaid federal taxes from 2014.

Dayum; bitch better get a side job before she and Dean and their four, er, five, er, six kids are living in her mother, Candy’s, car in the garage of Candy’s luxury condo building.

Sidenote: Tori has no comment for this story … unless you offer her coins.

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I love a good cat fight, and, normally, the press plays it up as women doing the hissing and spitting, but this time it’s a decades long feud between Mickey Rourke and Robert De Niro.

And this week, Mickey reignited the feud and on Instagram by suggesting that Martin Scorsese wanted him to be in The Irishman, but De Niro refused to work with him:

“The casting person told my manager that Robert De Niro said he refused to work with me in a movie.” 

The De Niro clapped back on Page Six with a story under the headline: “Robert De Niro: Mickey Rourke is lying about ‘The Irishman’ snub.” And De Niro‘s rep said at the time:

“According to The Irishman producers, Jane Rosenthal and Emma Tillinger Koskoff, and casting director Ellen Lewis, Mickey Rourke was never asked to be in The Irishman nor was he ever even thought of, discussed or considered to be in the movie.”

That’s the latest spat to a feud that started in 1987 on the set of the movie Angel Heart. Rourke said that he looked up to De Niro at the time, but he says the actor was not nice to him on set.

Not anymore; this is Mickey today, on Instagram:

“Hey Robert De Niro, that’s right i am talking to you, you big f–king crybaby. A friend of mine just recently told me that a few months back you’re quoted as saying to newspapers ‘Mickey Rourke’s a liar he talks all kind of shit.’ Listen Mr.Tough Guy in the movies, you’re the 1st person that ever called me a liar and it was in a newspaper. Let me tell you something, you punk ass, when i see you i swear to God on my Grandmother, on my brother and all my dogs, i gonna embarrass you severally 100%. Mickey Rourke ‘as God is my witness.’”

Wow, it must be bad if Mickey’s channeling Scarlett O’Hara.

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Johnny Depp’s libel suit against The Sun is being heard in a courtroom in London and rumor has it that his exes Vanessa Paradis and Winona Ryder might testify on his behalf, saying he’s a good man, as some other exes of his have said. Penelope Cruz, who didn’t date Johnny but worked with him a few times, submitted a declaration in which vouching for his character, but …

Amber Heard, the ex-Missus Depp will also be heard and so, mud will be flung. Amber will tell the story that Johnny did get violet, as he ALLEGEDLY did with her, with another ex, Kate Moss.

Amber has already testified that for three days in March 2015, Johnny held her hostage in their Australian rental, and repeatedly beat her and threatened to kill her. According to Amber, she heard from two people that Johnny had pushed Kate down the stairs, and she thought he might do the same to her sister, Whitney Heard and that’s why she attacked him.

Oh, Amber. Hearsay.

Johnny’s lawyer accused Amber of making up the part about Kate Moss, as she had never once mentioned Kate’s name in any deposition or testimony before now, and Amber responded:

“I have not had the liberty of time, space or energy to list every incident that’s listed in these proceedings.”

:::coughcoughbullshitcoughcough:::

You’ve had years since you two split, honey. Take a step forward, Amber, and move on.

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Khloé Kardastrophe got into a little spat about money with designer, Christian Cowan, over something called the Kardastrophe Kloset, which sounds like a room where that Klan keeps the blood of young virgins and the phone numbers of every plastic surgeon on the planet. But, apparently, it’s a website where the Kardastrophes sell their used Klothing for Koins.

And yet it seems that one of Christopher Cowan’s dresses that he loaned Khloe—meaning she never paid for it—ended up in the Krypt Kloset and Khloe never paid for it. See, she borrows clothes and then sells them herself. I guess the Kardastrophes are having Kash issues??

Christian hit at Khloé on Instagram, posting a screenshot of his dress up for sale on her site, and asked the question:

“@khloekardashian why are my runway samples I loaned you being sold on your website? We’ve emailed 3 times and had no response.”

A similar dress from Cowan’s Spring 2020 collection retails for $1,950 and Khloé’ was asking for $1,300 for the Kardastrophe stained garment. Oy, such a bargain.

And a source—and you know it’s the Devil herself, that Woman—is saying:

“The dress was gifted to her through her stylist without a mention of a loan and it was never asked to be returned.”

:::coughcoughbullshitcoughcough:::

And yet, oddly enough the Cowan dress is no longer on the site.

Looks like the Kardastrophes need Koins … either for Khloe’s addiction to changing her face as often as I change my shoes or for what might be a long hospital stay in the future for one Kanye Kardastrophe.

Just sayin’.

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A few weeks back we talked about Elton John’s 1987 marriage to a woman, Renate Blauel, and how it ended rather quickly because he’s a homo and how she stayed out of the limelight all these years; until now.

See, Renate filed a lawsuit against Elton because he … talked about their marriage. And she claims she and John had an agreement that they’d never publicly discuss it—which she says Elton breached in both his bestselling memoir, Me: Elton John, and the recent biopic Rocketman, and now she wants coins.

Her lawyer, Yisrael Hiller, says:

“The case is about restoring the privacy that she felt was agreed to be protected when she and Mr. John entered into a divorce in 1988. This was the only option she had left … she wants to ensure her privacy going forward, that in turn has a big impact on her mental health issues.”

And so, she wants $3.8 million from Elton.

I guess her privacy is costly, but I wonder why she didn’t say anything before the book came out or while the film was in production because then she might have been able to put the kibosh on it. I mean, you can’t unpublish a book or make anyone who's seen Rocketman forget the short, short, short scenes regarding their marriage.

Sorry, Renate, it smells like a money grab.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Today in Pandemic News … Madonna in Desperately Seeking Attention!

Yes, once again Madge has taken to her bathroom to Undress Herself, this time appearing in a hat, black underwear, gold bracelets and a crutch by her side.

The crutch is real, as is her desperation. I mean, women can pose however they want but sixty-one-year-old Madge just seems keen on baring herself for attention because there’s no other reason for this.

Perky breasts and a Frozen face. I think she’s Borderline neurotic and needs to take a Holiday from social media. I will Cherish the day when Madonna Louise Ciccone will learn The Power of Goodbye.

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About a month ago, the country group Lady Antebellum announced that they were changing their name to Lady Antebellum because of its association with slavery and would simply go by Lady A from now on.

A hot second later and one Anita White, a blues singer from Seattle, let them know that she is Lady A, and has been using that name forever. So, the group and the Lady Zoomed one and  both made it clear that they’re not going to budge from using the Lady A name and hope to find a way to coexist.

Until the artists formerly known as Landy Antebellum decided to sue the artist always known as Lady A for calling herself Lady A. Lady A, the group, who once said they stood with BLM, is now suing a Black woman, for using Lady A as her stage name. Lady A, the reboot—made up of Hillary Scott, Charles Kelley, and David Haywood—claim they tried to work it out with Lady A but could not and now they would like the court to grant them trademark of the name even though she began using the name years before Lady Antebellum was even around.

Self-entitled country music superstar trying to force a woman to change her stage name because they’re butt-hurt she got it first. Perhaps they should call themselves Lady Asshats?

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Rumor has it that Kanye West’s ALLEGED run for the White House is the result of yet another bipolar meltdown.

Who knew …, well, other than every person on the planet? 

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It’s all about the green as long as you aren’t racist about the Black.

With reality show “stars” Stassi Schroeder and Kristen Doute getting fired from Vanderpump Rules over racist bullying of fellow cast member Faith Stowers, and then fellow castmates, Brett Caprioni and Max Boyens, getting axed for racist Tweets, reality show producers are trying to find a way to stop the fall-out of racism.

And it’s coins. Yes, networks like CBS, MTV, VH1, and others are working to stop racism from tainting their pristine brands by hiring private investigator, Edward Myers, to pick through reality stars’ social media for offensive language. And to top that off, networks are offering “good behavior bonuses” for their “stars” who don’t post their racist shiz online.

Oh, they can still be racist AF, but keep it off the internet and we’ll give you money. Funny, I thought not being racist was just being a decent person, I didn’t know it was away to make a living.

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Although divorced, lovebirds turned hatebirds Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are keeping their story alive by suing one another for every single thing they did while married; seriously, this courtroom saga is longer than their marriage.

We learned that one night, after a bad fight, Amber Heard defecated in Johnny’s bed, and now it’s Amber’s turn, providing photographic evidence that Johnny likes whisky and coke, er, cocaine, and Keith Richards music. Amber photographed Johnny’s party set-up and she also snapped Johnny after he’d passed out post-party.

I don’t know what this is all about, except the two are suing each other for saying slanderous stuff about the other and then go to court to sweat that the slanderous stuff they each said is true.

Can’t they just get a room and scream at one another for ever and leave the rest of us alone?

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Apparently one Kourtney Kardastrophe stepped away from her family’s attempt at fame, AKA Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes, because she ALLEGEDELY wanted to spend more time with her children.

Of course, this was right after the show aired a physical fight between Kourtney and First-Lady-Wannabe-But-Will-Never-Be, Kim, but now, months later, and because she’s not on the show and out of the limelight and doesn’t know how to live like that, Kourtney is talking about leaving the show.

“I have been filming the show non-stop for 14 years … and it became a toxic environment.”

Became? The show was built around Kim’s porn debut and having a mother who sold her daughter’s sex tape for some coins, some fame, and a TV show.

It is built on toxicity, Kourtney, and you’re still in it. It’s in your family’s DNA.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

When Pamela Anderson married her long-ago-ex-boyfriend—they dated in the 80s—she crafted a poem about their union as “God’s plan.”

Oops, said God. See, Pam and Jon, each married five times, have split up after 12 days of their God’s plan marriage.

Now Pammy’s saying more nonsense:

“I have been moved by the warm reception to Jon and my union. We would be very grateful for your support as we take some time apart to re-evaluate what we want from life and from one another. Life is a journey and love is a process. With that universal truth in mind, we have mutually decided to put off the formalization of our marriage certificate and put our faith in the process. Thank you for respecting our privacy.”

Take time off? The thirty years between first date and marriage wasn’t enough time?

Bitch please.

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Speaking of other failed marriages, there are still court cases being fought between Johnny Depp and his ex-wife Amber Heard that  have lasted longer than the marriage. Seriously, the Depp-Heard split is a rumor monger’s delight, filled with accusations of physical and emotional abuse, domestic terrorism, and drug and alcohol use.

Depp is currently suing Heard for $50 million claiming defamation for an op-ed she wrote about surviving his ALLEGED domestic abuse that he claims got him fired from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Yeah, like the world was ready for another one of those. Probably not, but we do have a “leaked” audio recording from a 2015 couples therapy session in which Heard ALLEGEDLY confesses to physically abusing Johnny, admitting that she hit Johnny—she did not’ however, “punch him”—and threw pots and pans at him and then he pushed her.

Gosh, aren’t they lovely? She says, on the tape:

Heard: “I’m sorry that I didn’t, uh, uh, hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, it was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine, I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting you. You poke an animal enough, it is eventually, it doesn’t matter how friendly it is, it’s not cool.”

Here’s a little more of their co-dependent, um, “love”:

Depp: If things get physical, we have to separate. We have to be apart from one another. Whether it’s for fucking an hour or 10 hours or fucking a day. We must, there can be no physical violence towards each other.

Heard: I agree about the physical violence, but separating for a day, taking a night off from our marriage?

Depp: All I’m saying is we need to take whatever time we need. You need, I need, to kind of let things settle for a minute. So that we don’t fucking kill each other or fucking worse, you know, fucking really kill each other or fucking break up or whatever.

Heard: I can’t promise that it will all be perfect. I can’t promise you I won’t get physical again. God I fucking sometimes I get so mad I lose it. I can fucking promise you I will do everything to change. I promise you. I’m not going to throw around divorce I will not say divorce unless I really mean it.

Depp: I love you and I want you to be my wife. And I want to be your husband. And I wanna be a good husband. If I haven’t been, I’ll do everything I can to find out how to be a good husband.

Seriously, this is their love story? A judge should kick both their asses to the curb and threaten to sue each of them if they ever file suit again.

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In case you missed it, one of the stories going around about the Superbowl that wasn’t about the Stripper Show Halftime, is the story of media whores Jaz-Z and Beyoncé sitting down during the National Anthem.

Let’s back up for a moment … Jay-Z’s company Roc Nation signed a deal with the NFL to produce events like the Super Bowl Halftime Show and help them with “social justice” issues. Many people saw this as Jay-Z turning his back on people like former NFL player Colin Kaepernick, who shone a spotlight on police brutality by kneeling during The National Anthem at games, for the sake of more and more coins. Despite criticism from Colin himself suggesting it was just another billionaire selling out, Jay-Z promised this was about the people!

Now, the Superbowl: Roc Nation ALLEGEDLY clashed with Jennifer Lopez about her using children in cages during her Halftime Show To make a statement about the border crisis because they—by they I mean Jay-Z—wanted zero displays of political commentary during the event. But then came the photo of the Carters sitting down during the anthem.

Jay says nothing could be further from the truth, y’all. They stayed seated because they were discussing the art of a Superbowl experience, and when asked if sitting down was a statement, Jay says he and Beyoncé were focused on the show at hand with Beyoncé relaying to him important technical aspects of the show because, you know, she “performed at the Super Bowl before, and I haven’t. We immediately jumped into artist mode… I’m really just looking at the show. The mics start. Was it too low to start?”

Nice spin, but you stayed seated. At least when Colin Kaepernick takes a knee it’s for a protest; your sitting was to discuss the show?

Take a permanent seat, y’all.

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Mo’Nique has been mad at Oprah for a loooong time now and it shows no signs of subsiding. She has accused Oprah of helping Lee Daniels to blackball her for not doing unpaid press for Precious … ten years ago … and she ALLEGES that Oprah screwed her over financially and personally. And now she’s got a new log to toss on the fire …

Mo’Nique is going after Oprah over her backing off from a planned Russell Simmons documentary, by writing a long-winded open letter on social media:

Dear [Oprah],I felt compelled to write you this open letter after observing the disparity in the way that you seem to treat people, who were accused of the same allegations.

You did an interview on the CBS Morning Show and were asked about Harvey Weinstein by Norah O’Donnell, and you said as it pertained to him that you “always try to look at the Rainbow in the clouds, whatever is the “silver lining”.

You also said “if we make this all about Harvey Weinstein then we have lost the moment”. When you either are, or were going to be a part of documentary on Michael Jackson, and Russell Simmons, how is that not making it all about them? Interestingly, Brother M.J. was acquitted, and deceased, so how is he not off limits? Russell and Harvey are accused of the same thing so in fairness how do you not “support” the accusers of both as you said you did with R.S. or you look for the silver lining for both like you said you did for H.W.?

The only difference between the two is there skin color and doesn’t H.W. have way more accusers? My personal experience with you is you’ve watched me as a black women be accused of being difficult for not promoting “Precious” internationally for Lions Gate, at Lions Gate, Tyler Perry and your request, despite the fact my deal was with Lee Daniels Entertainment. And, how are you for black women when you hear Tyler on audio saying I was right and he was going to speak up but you or him still haven’t said a word? When I was sixteen and I meet you at your local show in Baltimore, I told you I wanted to be just like you when I grew up. You responded, “ you have to work really really hard”. My sixteen year old self didn’t know that you in your silence in the face of wrongdoing, would make my life “harder”. Lastly, please consider standing by the people who are right and not just the “right people”. Love you to life,

Mo’Nique

Mo’Nique, honey, move on. It’s been ten years and every time you spew your venom, you give new life to the story. And if you think that you will ever get an apology from Oprah Fucking Winfrey you are seriously confused. That bitch don’t apologize; she just sells more Weight Watchers and puts more coins in the bank.

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Erykah Badu is trying to give Gwyneth Paltrow, and GOOP, a run for their money. Badu is launching The Badu WorldBecause Market, an online store that will sell “bespoke clothing and accessories, as well as apothecary goods and traditional music merch.” 

But it’s not the clothing so much as it is the used clothing, in general, and Badu’s underwear in particular. Yes, she will be selling her worn panties online in a new and totally GOOP way because, well, let’s let Erykah explain:

“There’s an urban legend that my pussy changes men. The men that I fall in love with, and fall in love with me, change jobs and lives. [So] I took lots of pairs of my panties, cut them up into little pieces and burned them. Even the ash is part of it.”

The ‘it’ in question is an incense called “Badu’s Pussy.”

So, light a GOOP candle and some Badu incense and the smell of vagina will fill your house.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

After the original series, and at least nineteen reboots, Fox has finally decided that the six episodes of BH90210 were more than enough.

Goodbye. See you in about a year when another underling at Fox comes up with the brilliant idea of rebooting a show that has had more lives than a cat.

But why was it cancelled? Jennie and Tori. It seems there were major “creative issues” because Tori Spelling and Jennie Garth, who both also produced on the series, wanted to be too involved in the creative process, and that because of their over-involvement thirteen writers quit the show throughout its run.

It’s six-episode run.

Let it go, Fox; it’s dead.

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And speaking of reboots, apparently ABC’S Revenge is being Revived.

But unlike 90210, the producers have a twist … it’s all about Latinx in the update, in which a Latinx character gets revenge on a big pharmaceutical family who caused an epidemic.

Au currant. This reboot is coming from the same creator and executive producer as the original, Mike Kelley, so you know it’ll be really good in seasons 1 and 3, but season 2 and the last season will be all WTF.

But with Latinx characters.

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Have you ever heard of Lisa Falcone? Me neither, but she’s über rich, über crazy, über dumb, and über racist.  Lisa is married to Philip Falcone, a billionaire hedge fund guy, and she once pissed off the elite of the Hamptons by letting her horses use the pristine beaches a s a litter box.

And now, well, she says she’s allowed to use the n-word with good reason.

The Falcones have been sued by their former personal chef Brian Villanueva for discrimination and violation of New York labor laws. According to the lawsuit, on July 13, Brian brought his girlfriend, who is black, to the Falcones’ Hamptons home to help him out at a party where Alicia Keys and her husband Swizz Beatz were in attendance. After the event, Lisa told Villanueva how “articulate” his girlfriend was and everyone knows what that means. But Lisa continued:

“Your girlfriend speaks very well. She seems educated. I would describe her as a chocolate-covered marshmallow.”

Black on the outside, white on the inside. Villanueva says he was visibly offended, and yet Lisa went on:

 “Do you use the word ‘n*gger’ at home with your girlfriend?”

Villanueva asked Lisa to explain what she meant, and she decided to bring up Alicia and Swizz saying they were not as well-spoken:

“I meant she speaks really eloquently. Alicia [Keys] doesn’t speak that way. She didn’t have an education and was just discovered by Clive Davis when she was fifteen years old. Swizz [Beatz] definitely doesn’t speak that way either.”

That day, Villanueva, for some reason, served the Falcones lunch, and then quit because of the racism, and says in his lawsuit:

“Rather than accepting Plaintiff’s resignation, Defendant Lisa Falcone asked Plaintiff not to resign and stated “talk to my black friends” (seemingly referring to Alicia Keys and Swizz Beatz, both of whom were at the beach with the Falcones at that time), and emphasized “they will tell you that I am not racist.”“

Cuz she has black friends.

It’s like Countess LuAnn once famously sang:

♫ ♪ Money can’t by you claaaaaaaaas ♪ ♫

Or common decency.

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The divorce battle may be over but Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s court battles have lasted longer than their doomed-from-the-jump-street—see what I did there—marriage.

Depp is currently suing Heard for defamation—after she claimed he paid people to stay silent about witnessing his ALLEGED violent behavior—and for smearing his name after she filed for divorce.

And with the ball in her court, Heard recently filed a request for Deppy to submit to an IME [Independent Mental Evaluation] to confirm her ALLEGATIONS that Depp’s love affair with booze, drugs, and prescription medicines contributed to his violent behavior.

And since neither one of these fools can go a nanosecond without talking about the other, Depp’s attorney released a statement regarding Amber’s request for an IME:

“This is a defamation case in which Mr. Depp does not allege that he suffers from any mental disorder or condition. Thus, Mr. Depp’s mental condition is not ‘in controversy’ nor does good cause exist under the rule for an IME ... It is a preposterous notion that an IME now would shed light on Mr. Depp’s mental state at the time of Ms. Heard’s abuse hoax back in 2016. Ms. Heard’s effort treads a well-worn path of victim blaming using the pretext of mental health. ”

I’d like to suggest that they both undergo an IME and that, whatever the results, they are both told to go away, and be quiet.

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From the Height of High-larity file comes the tale of one Orenthal James Simpson, former football star and murderer, who is claiming that after a Las Vegas casino banned him for being ALLEGEDLY drunk and belligerent, he was defamed.

Seriously, he thinks his reputation suffered because someone called him a drunk? Most people call him a murderer and he’s fine with that.

Probably cuz it’s true.

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I saw a headline with the words ‘Cuba Gooding Jr.’ and ‘Nightclub’ in it and I just naturally assumed he’d groped another owman in a bar.

Color me surprised to learn that it wasn’t Cuba acting the fool but his girlfriend, Claudine De Niro, Robert De Niro’s ex daughter-in-law, who went over the edge at a Miami Nightclub called Mango’s Tropical Cafe.

Now, he was somehow involved because he was the one Claudine went after, by ALLEGEDLY shrieking at him and then hurling a shot glass at him, and then getting her ass kicked to the curb by security.

Ah, the couple that gets drunk and acts the fool together …

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Now we’ll end where we began … with the death of the 487th reboot if Beverly Hills 90210 and the so-desperate-for-a-job Jennie Garth saying the last reboot is not over. At a recent event, Us Weekly caught up with Garth who swears that BH90210 is not dead:

“I was very, very proud of the work we did in the first season … The show is very meta, so it’s good. The confusion is fine. Everybody’s like, “What is happening!?” We don’t even know. Nobody knows, but we are working it out. It was a very unique, creative vision and it was very specific, and it was hard to convey that to everyone.”

Wait. So she admits no one understood the show, not even the team behind it, but that it was so good, they’re going to bring it back in a different form?

Jennie? You’ve been hanging around broke-ass Tori Spelling too long now, and you’re acting just as delusional.

Go back to waitressing.

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