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Everyone knows that California is enduring an unbearable
heatwave and drought, and that water is a scarce, valuable, resource. Most
people in California are abiding by water restrictions, but the same folks that
use their private jest to take a ten-minute flight to dinner, are the same
folks disabusing the water restrictions. And some of the worst of the lot are
Kim Kardastrophe, Kevin Hart, and Sylvester Stallone. My Thought: it takes a butt-load of water to wash Kimmy’s
butt, but Kevin Hart cam swim in a thimble so what’s his excuse. As for
Stallone, maybe he’s using a lot of water to bathe the dog his wife is
divorcing him over; Google it, it’s real. |
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Gary Busey was booked as a celebrity guest at the annual
Monster Mania Convention in Cherry Hill, New Jersey recently and was
subsequently charged with two counts of fourth-degree criminal sexual contact,
one count of criminal attempt/criminal sexual contact and one count of
harassment for ALLEGEDLY groping three women at the convention. And then,
just a day later, in California, Busey was caught on tape sitting on a bench
with his pants down and ALLEGEDLY performing an obscene act. My Thought: just looking at Busey feels obscene, and even
given California’s limited water supply, someone should have come for him with
a firehose. |
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Last week when JLo and Ben Affleck threw themselves a slave
plantation wedding celebration, it appeared that one guest had to be rushed to
the hospital. It seems that Ben’s mom, Chris Affleck, fell off his dock
and cut her leg. My Thought: did she fall, or did she jump, in the hopes of
ending this travesty sooner rather than later? |
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I certainly hope this celebrity marriage doesn’t end in
divorce, because breakups always hurt, but when you throw in tattoo removal,
it’s downright painful. Brooklyn Beckham recently married Nicola Peltz … I
don’t know either … and to commemorate their love he has had 70 tattoos inked
into his skin dedicated to his blushing bride. My Thought: it’ll take an industrial strength laser to clean
all that ink up, and the Brooklyn will be walking scar tissue. And the removal
will probably take longer than the actual marriage. |
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Shaquille O’Neal thinks the Earth is flat because on a
recent flight from the US to Australia he says, well, here’s what he said: “I flew 20 hours today, not once did I go this way [he moved
his arm diagonally]. I flew straight.” He then added that the plane “didn’t tip over” or “go upside
down” during the journey. But it’s not just that the Earth is flat,
y’all, Shaq doesn’t believe the Earth spins because the water in his pool
doesn’t spill out. My Thought: I never knew basketball to be a full body
contact sport, but apparently Shaq took too many balls to the melon. |
