It's Snarkurday!

Remember when Mariah Carey was big? Oh, I don’t mean big like in hips and boobs and ass squeezed into a sequined sausage casing, I mean big as in a big pop star? Yeah; now? Not so much.

See, Mimi’s latest gig, other than taking up residency in Vegas to sing nasty songs about her future ex-husband and Baby Daddy, Mariah Carey is actually singing for Wal-Mart at their annual shareholders.

Oh how the mighty have fallen, but at least it explains that earth-shattering thud.

So, after those adorable pictures of Chris Brown showing off his baby daughter — by that one night stand Lifetime Paycheck … at least I think that’s the Baby Mama’s name — appeared, it seemed Brownie had changed; nope.

Chrissy is still hung up on Karrueche Tran, the girlfriend who dumped his ass when she found out he knocked up that one night stand, I’ll Never Have To Work Again — at least I think that’s the Baby Mama’s name — and last week Brown ended up outside Tran’s house getting into a shrieking match. Wigs were removed, stilletos were tossed aside, earrings taken out; and I think Karrueche did the same thing.

It all started when Brown showed up to a club where he knew Karrueche would be, and then settled into a VIP table right next to hers; no explanation as to how Tran got a VIP table because she isn’t boning another rapper yet. Anyway, she … and by she, I mean Karrueche … wasn’t having it so she up and left, and that’s when Chrissy followed her outside, and pushed his way into a car with Tran and her friends. Sadly, though, he didn’t get too far, because Tran dumped him off on a sidestreet and drove away.

And yet it still wasn’t over. Chris made his way to Tran’s house at about 3AM and began screaming like a lunatic; I’d heard he was channeling Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls and shrieking “And I’m Telling You [I’m Not Going]” but that may be a falsehood.

Karrueche called the police, who showed up and didn’t charge Brown with anything because yelling at your former girlfriend in the street at 3AM in LA is not a crime. But Karrueche then agreed to go with Chris to a diner, where he continued to scream at her, so she left again … and, last we heard Chrissy was still in JHud drag, searching the streets of LA for his former girlfriend.

Maybe Karrueche should set her sights on rapper Chet Haze, who keeps making the news because he loves loves loves throwing around the n-word, calling it, ahem, “the beautiful n-word.” Apparently he wants to be taken seriously as a rapper, so he uses the n-word rather than having any discernible talent.

Oh, but he has rapper ego. Chet’s been in London for a week or so and really left his mark there after ALLEGEDLY throwing a tantrum and trashing his hotel room because three women would not have sex with him and did not have any cocaine to give him.

British detectives are now on the hunt for Haze, claiming he caused £1,200 worth of damage — roughly $1800 American bucks — by shattering all the crystal in the room and ripping a TV set from the wall.

A source — and it could be Lohan because she’s off probation and partying legally again — says:

“He was pretty obnoxious once he started drinking … He kept saying ‘do you know who I am?’ … Nobody recognized him. He then went back to the hotel with a British actor friend and three female promoters … He asked the girls if they would join him in the bed, but they are not like that. So he started screaming and making a right noise. He saw some sprinkled make-up called banana powder and started asking ‘who’s got the coke?’ But nobody did drugs there. Then he started shouting that he was not going to share it with another man.”

Let the smashing and trashing commence.

Oh, and yeah, there’s this: Chet Haze is a made-up name because he’s really Chester Hanks, son of Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, who must be so proud.

As news of Haze’s spree went worldwide, Chester called the claims “a slanderous bold-faced lie” and threatened the “full force of my legal team” … meaning, “Wait till I tell my Daddy.”

When you hire JLo to perform at your event, you should know what you’re going to get … ass-shaking, skimpy costumes, lip-syncing. I mean, that’s her talent career.

But it also might be her downfall, at least in Morocco. See, Jell-O — as Carlos calls her — performed at the Mawazine World Rhythms International Music Festival in Morocco last month — and the show aired live on Moroccan television — and did what she does: ass, sequins, sync. But many of the people, including an unnamed “educational group” were highly offended and have called for the resignation of Morocco’s minister of communications for allowing Jell-O to strut and strip and shimmy and shake and not sing on public TV. The minister won’t resign, but is meeting with the “ethics committee,” because he doesn’t think it was right for JLo’s ass to appear on Moroccan TV.

In addition, this unnamed “educational group” is now suing the promoter claiming that Jell-O “disturbed public order and tarnished women’s honor and respect.”

Uh oh. This sounds serious; I mean, if she disturbed the public order, maybe in addition to stripping and shimmying and shaking that ass she actually did sing live??!!?

And, if Jell-O is found guilty — and let’s be clear, she won’t be — she could be thrown into prison for 1 month to 2 years.

Wouldn’t that be nice, though?

Kate Moss has been modeling for decades — I think she started when she was three — and she has been a hot mess most of that time.

It seems that CoKate was flying with Easy Jet, a budget Brit airline — which means the modeling career may be winding down — over the weekend when she got a little wild and had to be forcibly removed upon landing. The flight — from Turkey to London — turned rocky when Kate demanded alcohol and was refused; she then reached into her carry-on and took out her own bottle of vodka.

And that’s when the airline said, “Oh hell no,” and radioed ahead to have air marshals take the hard-partying model off the plane by force.

And, as she was being dragged out of Budget First Class, Kate turned to the flight attendant and called her a “basic bitch”.

Not your superior bitch like Kate, I’m guessing.

In Grumpy Old Man News … Clint Eastwood, last seen talking to a chair at the Republican national Convention, has proved once again that he should not be allowed to speak in public.

Last Saturday night, while introducing Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson at the Spike TV Guys’ Choice 2015 awards ceremony, Eastwood compared the honoree to other former athletes such as “Jim Brown and Caitlyn somebody…”

But the audience, instead of laughing, because the joke wasn’t a joke and wasn’t funny, groaned, and then Grampa Clint said that he knew the joke wouldn’t work when he brought it up to the show’s producers.

Ya think? The joke — such as it wasn’t — will be cut from the show when it airs on June 18. Sadly, that means we’re left with Grampa Clint talking to, well, a chair?

I kinda don’t like Beyoncé because I get the impression that she thinks because she’s Beyoncé everyone wants to know everything she’s doing, when and how. And maybe some do, but now, after her spot on Good Morning America this week, maybe more people will be less likely to hang on her ever windblown word.

See, the Beyhive into a frenzy this week when it was revealed that Beyoncé would appear on GMA with a big announcement that everyone would love. 

New music? A tour? Another baby? Better weaves?

Um, no. Beyoncé just wanted to talk about being a part-time vegan, and how she was whoring  Marco Borges’  vegan diet book, The 22-Day Revolution, which she has already whored out before.

Yeah, it was an infomercial. And her fans went ballistic, crying foul, and basically saying it was just Beyoncé sitting on her rooftop telling the world that everyone is fat and needs her help.

Grrl, please, take a seat.

Shortbite:

It doesn’t pay to be George Clooney these days. In fact, if the receipts from his latest film, Tomorrowland, are any indication, it costs to be Clooney … $140 million to be exact.

That’s the amount that his last film is expected to lose, and coming on the heels of The Monuments Men flop, well, Clooney may not be as bankable as he had been.

I don’t think I could tell a Carolina Herrera design from a Zac Posen … or a Dior … or a Balenciaga — well, maybe Balenciaga — but I gotta say, I loves me some Carolina Herrera quotes.

She is not having this naked trend in designer clothes and threw all kinds of shade at Beyoncé and JLo and Kim Kardastrophe, and their designers, for perpetuating the trend.

“It’s so modern to be naked or almost naked. They think it’s going to attract younger people if they do those dresses. No! The almost naked! Oh God! They’re trying to get people to pay attention to them. In life, there should be a little mystery.”

Herrera then dished on Beyoncé’s bedazzled mosquito netting, and JLo’s red beaded gown that was all front and back and no sides, and Kim Kardashian with a train of white feathers trailing from a derriere served up for admiration.

“They’re supposed to be fashion icons and they’re not wearing anything. It’s an obsession now.”

The Empresses have no clothes and Herrera ain't playin'..

We don’t hear a lot from Charlie Sheen any more, which is a good thing, to be sure, but every so often, he goes off the rails, so to speak.

It seems Charlie had a medical emergency Monday night and paramedics were called to his home after getting a call from his handlers that he was suffering from “food poisoning.”

Food poisoning?

Charlie’s people called the fire department directly at around 11:00 PM Monday, which is kinda odd considering most folks would call 911 directly, but then 911 records their calls so, yeah, there’s that. But his people say it was nothing more than a really, really bad case of food poisoning and Charlie was treated for “dehydration” at the hospital and then sent home, and all’s well that ends well.

Don’t.Do.Drugs. And ... shooting star … The More You Know …

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

LeAnn Rimes is pissing off her fan … okay … fans, by canceling a series of concerts recently claiming to be too sick to perform.

But a series of social media slip-ups … by LeAnn, who is addicted to social media … show that she was actually partying with her husband because she’s afraid that if she goes away he’ll cheat on her … like he did with his first wife; oh, and like she did with her first husband.

LeAnn first sparked outrage by backing out of her show at the Cold Country Casino at the last minute, and then canceled the following night’s show at the Primm Valley Resort in Las Vegas.

But her followers didn’t buy her excuse because on the day of her second cancellation, LeAnn Tweeted about enjoying Mexican food and margaritas.

Oops. She really shouldn’t cancel shows because once she finds Eddie cheating … and let’s be clear, he’ll cheat … and she dumps his ass, he’ll sue for spousal support and she’ll be needing the coins.

With the ongoing Brian Williams Is A Big Fat Liar mess going on at NBC, shark Katie Couric is circling the network looking for her old job back but … sources say, “Katie is not welcome back at the ‘Today’ show.”

Couric began looking for her comeback at NBC when her former boss Andrew Lack, who helped make her a star at “Today,” was returning as chairman of NBC News and MSNBC. It is ALLEGED that with Lack in charge, and Katie as his favorite lapdog, she’d replace Williams at the NBC Nightly News desk.

All well and good, but if the evening gig doesn’t pan out, don’t look for many people to be happy is she returns to Today — especially not Matt Lauer. It seems, according to ‘the source’ — who may be Lauer himself — that “there’s still a lot of people at the show who worked with her back in the day, and she wasn’t very nice to work with, especially toward the end.”

Katie, for her part, is saying nothing, except she’s also saying everything, via spokesman:

“Katie has a longstanding friendship with Andy and has great respect for him and her former NBC colleagues. She wishes them all great success going forward, but she remains excited and focused on working with her team at Yahoo on her many interviews and projects.”

Uh huh. Katie will be heading back to NBC and Williams will be working in the mailroom, and Lauer will have to return the NBC helicopter and drive in to work like a regular Joe.

The Old Kate is back!  Kate Moss, that is; the 41-year-old supermodel was out partying — nothing new, considering her nickname, CoKate — with BFF Lady Gaga last week when Kate lost it and lunged at a photographer who dared take her picture.

A disheveled Moss and Gaga were headed into the posh Club Haussmann when paparazzi began snapping away, and that’s when Moss lost it. She spun on her heels, furrowed her brow and attacked a photographer, grabbing his coat sleeve as she tried to swing on him.

That’s when Gaga’s entourage intervened, and pried Moss’ hands off the photographer.

Here’s the deal: if you act in public in a way that embarrasses Lady Gaga and make her lose her poker face, then you know you’re out of control.

Chris Brown knocked up some random girl and now is a father ... I believe that’s a sign of the apocalypse.

Apparently Chris found out about his 9-month-old daughter Royalty by Nia Guzman last month and quickly offered the Baby Mama more money than she would have received in child support for the promise of never ever speaking about this again because Brownie didn’t want anyone to find out he was a father.

Lovely man, though I’d be more about his daughter finding out that he’s her father.

Unfortunately … or fortunately, if you love gossip … someone in the know began talking and now the story is everywhere, even causing Chris’s former flame, Karrueche Tran, to bolt. And Chris is sure the big mouth is Nia, angling for a lifetime of more coins and more coins, so now he’s talking with a lawyer about creating a child support order which means Mia won’t be rolling in Brown dough for the rest of her life.

And, to make matters uglier fort all involved, Nia’s ex-husband, Terry Avery — who was married to Nia from 2003 to 2014 and was separated from her when she got knocked-up by Brownie — has decided to get involved by threatening Brown if his World Famous Temper, and habit of hitting women and throwing furniture and rocks, continues with Nia and the baby.

Last we heard, though, Little Royalty was angling for Canadian citizenship since our neighbors to the North refuse to let Brown across the border.

Finally, a smart woman in Chris Brown’s life.

In Kray Kray Kanye news: last week Kanye West was actually invited to speak at Oxford University in England and said this:

“Clothing should be like food. There should never be a $5000 sweater. You know what should cost $5000? A car.”

This from the man who “designed” and sold a $120.00 plain white t-shirt.

This from the man who recently unveiled the pricing information from Kanye’s “fashion” collection for Adidas and, well, it’s a car … in costs.

“Entry level” pieces like hoodies and sweatshirts start at $420; sweaters range from $860 to $1600; outerwear starts at $1700 and goes up to $3800; shoes start at $200.

How does he manage to look like a hypocrite every time he speaks?

One minute it’s talk of clothing being accessible, and then he unveils a line of really hideous garments that most of his fans can’t afford. In fact, only his wife seems interested in wearing what he designs and probably only because she gets them for free.

Sometimes reporting the gossip with a healthy dose of snark gets tiring. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I am overflowing with snark, so I’m thankful for the outlet, but every once in a while, I need a good story … and if it’s about a hot guy, or a couple of hot guys, well, even better.

A few months ago, Chris Pratt and Chris Evans made a Super Bowl bet. Pratt — a Seahawks fan — and Evans — a Patriot — agreed to visit the other’s children’s hospital of choice based on the outcome of the game.

And even though the Patriots took the title, both Evans and Pratt decided both hospitals should receive superhero visits. While Pratt — who swiped his Star Lord suit from Guardians of the Galaxy — showed up in a Patriots jersey when he went with Evans to a hospital in Boston, Evans donned his Captain America costume when he and Pratt visited Seattle Children’s Hospital, and seemed to have just as good a time as the kids they surprised.

Chris Pratt posted pictures of the visit on Facebook, while Chris Evans Tweeted his thoughts:

"AMAZING day at @seattlechildren w @prattprattpratt. Met some TRUE super heroes! Feeling inspired, blessed, touched. Thank you w all my heart"

Even if you aren’t a fan of Pratt or Evans, you gotta love these two guys … two hot guys … especially Captain  America with a beard.

Extra! Extra! WTF? Kate Moss

Kate Moss, on the cover of Playboy ... if you're into that sort of thing.

Not a bad picture, I guess, but, is it just me, or does she look twenty from the neck down and much, much older from the neck up.

Do I smell a body double?

Do I smell a lack of Photshop on the face?

Do I smell toast burning? Am I having a stroke?

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Jon Bon Jovi doesn’t suffer fools, even the pint-sized ones.

It seems that the rocker, who has a reputation for being one of the hardest working men in music, says that Justin Bieber will begin to lose his, um, for lack of a better word, ‘fans’ if he continues to disappoint.

Said Bon Jovi: “Every generation has guys that do that, none of that is new. They run the risk of disrespecting their audience members who have worked hard to pay for their ticket, to give you the permission to take two or three hours of their lives — or in that kid’s case, 80 minutes of their lives. Do it once, you can be forgiven. Do it enough times and shame on you. They won’t have you back. Then it just becomes a cliché. It’s really not cool — you’re an a**hole. Go to f***in’ work!”

Bieber blames “technical issues” for one of his tardy parties, and also claims he was just forty minutes late but, when your core audience needs to be in bed by 9PM ….

PS I just had to include the picture of Bieber looking like he has to be carried in and out of cars because, well, it's high-larious! 

Y’all know I am no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow but this time I gotta hand it to her. 

See, about a year ago, both Paltrow and Kate Moss were invited to party in Mexico for Sir Phillip Green's 60th birthday; don't ask, I have no idea who he is. But the story is that Paltrow and the hard-partying CoKate Moss got into some kind of bitchfight while in Mexico and spent a year not speaking. Quelle horror!

It all started the morning that Moss woke up with her usual hangover, and stumbled out to her terrace where she spotted Gwyneth jogging on the beach.

Kate ALLEGEDLY said, “Why are jogging on vacation?” 

And Paltrow ALLEGEDLY replied, “So I don’t look like you when I get old.”

Kate then ALLEGEDLY threw some potato chips at Gwyneth and retorted: “Why don’t you eat some f—king carbs?!”

Apparently a lot of the party goers heard the exchange and had a good old-fashioned giggle fest, though Paltrow later denied it ever happened.

But, ironically, it was those damned carbs that reunited Kate, 39, and Paltrow, 40, last week when they crossed paths at a North London pizzeria. Paltrow was there with husband Chris Martin, and their kids Pear and Solomon, or something, when Kate spotted them and came over to the table. Paltrow and Moss then air-kissed and air-made-up.

Sidenote: I give Paltrow points for the ‘So I don’t look like you comment’. I mean, look at them up there. Kate is younger than Paltrow, yet looks like Joan Crawford reincarnated.

Maybe Paltrow’s on to something?

I kid.

What would you do if you found yourself pregnant from one guy while still legally married to another? And what would you do if the guy that knocked you up, after said knocking, fled to Paris while you stayed in LA getting your picture taken walking into stores and cafes? And then, what would you do if, in the final stages of your pregnancy, you flew to Paris to be with the Baby Daddy but the Baby Daddy left the City of Lights for Milan?

Yeah, it’s hard being Kim Kash Kow Kardashian.

And, while some say that Kash Kow and her momager, media-whoring, pimp, Kris Jenner, flew to Paris to confront Kanye about rarely being in the same city, much less the same continent as his Baby Mama, he decided to skip town without a word and go to a photo-shoot.

Photo-shoot? Yes. Meeting your Baby Mama in Paris? Not so much.

Sidenote: KKKK’s new lips make her look more like a drag queen than ever—no offense to actual drag queens—and, seriously, they don’t have enough money to buy shoes that fit? Those little piggies are shoved into those kitten heels.

Poor Lohan. She can’t catch a break even in rehab lockdown. I mean, first they cut off her supply of Adderall, and now she’s getting sued?

Lindsay Lohan is being sued for $5 million by the company that released her line of leggings—Lohan and Leggings!! A can’t-miss-but-did—who claim that her “drug-addled image” caused low sales.

M’kay. I might buy that argument except for the fact that you knew you were hiring Lindsay Lohan! Amirite?

DNAM, the apparel manufacturer that partnered with Lohan’s leggings line 6126, just might be suing in retaliation because Lohan is suing them over a licensing dispute; the manufacturer is now claiming that Lohan’s tarnished reputation severely hampered their ability to sell her clothing line to buyers.

In the $5 million breach-of-contract counter claim DNAM ALLEGES that while Lohan’s leggings line was initially successful—go figure, but I’m guessing it sold mostly to prostitutes and hookers—buyers began pulling away from the line because, DNAM ALLEGES, “they did not want to be associated with Lohan’s drug addled image.”

In the spring of 2011, buyers canceled appointments and customers canceled orders, noting that “no one would touch the line.” Lohan, who was in rehab at the time—again, go figure—was unable to endorse the brand and now the company says that all Lindsay’s legal woes, coupled with her ALLEGED drug and alcohol addiction, devalued the brand.

And they want $5 million. From Lohan. The girl who can’t pay her hotel bill or her lawyer.

Good luck with that!

Restaurant workers are not fans of Johnny Depp. Rumor has it that he is the world’s worst tipper, and most servers would prefer to skip his table. And now he’s gone and pissed off the kitchen staff wherever he dines.

Depp was recently spotted eating at West Hollywood’s new vegan eatery Crossroads with new girlfriend Amber Heard and he kept the waiter at his table for some twenty minutes demanding to know the sugar, salt and fat content of each item on the menu that interested him, and then demanded a list of everything that was in the dish, including any ‘secret’ ingredients not listed on the menu. Then he asked exactly how the dish would be prepared.

After the drilling and the demand for perfectly healthy food, Depp dashed outside the restaurant and chain smoked until the meal came.

Yeah. I know.

Denise Richards is now a full-time single mother of five—her three daughters along with Charlie Sheen’s twins by his third wife, Brooke Mueller, who is currently trying her 27^th stay at rehab for a crystal meth addiction.

And since the chances are both slim and none that Mueller will get her children back after this rehab stay, and since chances are slim and none that Charlie is a good parent, Sheen has figured out the best way to make sure his sons get the best parent possible. Charlie Sheen actually proposed marriage to ex-wife.

A source close to Sheen—possibly Dina Lohan on a three way call with Lindsay and Brooke at Betty Ford—says, “When Denise took Charlie’s twins into her home last December after troubled Brooke entered rehab once again, Charlie suddenly realized it was the very first time his sons had lived in a healthy environment—and the first time he’d been able to begin building a relationship with them.”

But, no matter how much cash is involved—Sheen pays Denise some $55,000 a month in child support, and pays Mueller the same—Denise says she will NOT entertain is his plan to remarry.

She’s channeling the immortal Nancy Reagan and will Just Say No.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Kash Kow Kardashian is working overtime to repair her damaged, money grubbing, whore yourself out, get married for money image. And man, if she worked this hard every day, she wouldn't need to be a money grubbing, whore yourself out, get married for money Kash Kow.

So, how does KK repair her image?

Slap on some makeup and pose with a homeless dude while dishing up soup at the Los Angeles Mission Thanksgiving Dinner.And then spend a bit of time posing alongside that other famous media whore, Jennifer Love Hewitt. And, to finish off all her hard 'work', Kash Kow managed to squeeze in an interview with People, to tell them how much she cares about family and holidays and marriages that are finished by dessert.

All of which plays into the KK plan to revamp her image from money grubbing, whore yourself out, get married for money dumbass to victim.

Yup, KK is a victim. She and her fame-whoring family, mom Kris, and step-mother, Bruce, are painting Kris Humphries, KK's husband-for-a-minute, as a bully. They're saying he called KK a fat-ass--um, she is--and said some rather homophobic things about one of KK's close hangers-on, and are now saying Kash Kow is an innocent woman who spends her free time doing charity work for the homeless.

As much as she whores herself out, and apparently knows her product, does Kash Kow really think anyone will buy her as an Innocent victim?

Katie Holmes famously declared over the summer that her daughter is "an amazing athlete, singer and dancer." Now, apparently, Suri Cruise will be a published author. Odd, since Suri can't be bothered to attend school during New York Fashion Week, or at least her mother can't stand to see the shows alone.
So, you see, education isn't exactly Suri's strongsuit, in her parent's eyes at least, but she's "written " a book. And her parents think the children's book Suri "wrote" is so good, that they are demanding it be published upon completion, or else face the wrath of Xenu. And, as she is the most amazing child ever, in addition to "writing" the book, Suri is also doing all the illustrations.
The story will be a trilogy, starting with Help! My Father's A Wingnut, followed by Help! My Mother's A Robot, and ending with Help!
Or something like that.

Oh that JLo.
She's such a homegirl. 
As long as the home is in California.
Y'all remember JLo's Fiat commercial--and I don't mean her performance at the American Music Awards, which was an extended Fiat commercial. But the real commercial?
Well, that commercial where JLo was seen cruising around the Bronx and talking about the old neighborhood and how it inspired her to become big and to keep it real, was faked. JLo never left California. A body double, with a double-sized ass, was used in the scenes filmed on Jenny's block.
In the ad, when JLo says, "This is my world. This place inspires me....They may be just streets to you, but to me, they’re a playground”....she's 3,000 miles away from there.
There was no way Jenny was going back to the block.

Hmmm, you marry a woman who's nickname is CoKate and you think she'll stop partying?
Not gonna happen.
Supermodel, and super-party-monster, Kate Moss married Jamie Hince over the summer and promised that they would leave London and the drunk-and-drug lifestyle Kate was used to, and move to the country.
Didn't happen.
And now the marriage is in trouble, so let's break it down:
She's a hard partying razor thin model who has pictures of her snorting cocaine slapped all over the media in the past. And because her husband is off playing with the band, she's ALLEGEDLY drinking even more.
He plays in the band The Killers with his ex-wife, with whom he spends a great deal of time. And because his new wife won't move to the country, stop drinking and have a baby, he's hanging with the ex more and more.
Yeah, this marriage has success written all over it.

If you're the "star" of a show called Project Accessory would you ever leave your house without an accessory?

Forget your purse?

Your earrings?

A watch, a belt?

Your shoes?

Perhaps not, but if you Molly Sims, host of the PA--a drowsy knockoff of the PR--you might leave your house without putting on a most necessary accessory.

Your eyebrows.

Okay, they're there, but they're really light.

Girl needs to keep at least one accessory handy at all times, in case this happens again:

A Sharpie.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.......

It's that age old story of love and family and commitment, with a twist.
It seems that just as Salma Hayek was giving birth to baby Valentina, by then-boyfriend, now husband, and constant billionaire, Francois-Henri Pinault, supermodel Linda Evangelista was giving birth to her baby boy Augustin.

Who's father has now been revealed to be billionaire, Francois-Henri Pinault.
Evangelista and her peeps have spent years Pinault's paternity, even when confronted with the truth back in Ott-Seven, but now the Victoria's Secret model is in a New York court demanding support, you know, money, from Pinault, so she can raise Augustin James in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed.
And a Manhattan court confirms that Pinault is the daddy to both children, both just months apart, by two different women.
And Hayek and Pinault have spent the last four years denying Pinault ever schtupped Evangelista and made a baby. They continue to say, in interviews, that Pinault has only three children--Valentina and two from his previous marriage to his first wife.
But Augie Jimmy makes four!
Evangelista and Pinault conceived their boy in early 2006, when Pinault was reportedly separated from then-gal pal Hayek, who was also pregnant with the babymaking Frenchman's child, and whom he wed in 2009.
Oh those Frenchmen.

Charlie Sheen has sued his ex-bosses at Two.Five Men fort anything and everything; he's sued the studio, and he's sued the network. But he's lost every single court battle.
Not winning.

Now he has another play to harm the show that kicked him to the curb.
He's going to be roasted on Comedy Central and would like the show to air opposite Ashton Kutcher's debut episode of 'Two and a Half Men' on September 19. Yeah, that'll show the bosses that a coke-loving-porn-star-schtupping-bi-polar nut case should have been able to keep his job.
A Comedy Central source--and by source I mean Charlie Sheen--says, "If you think this is a coincidence then you are nuts.  This is Charlie getting the last laugh. He doesn't care what they say about him at the roast as long as the show kills CBS in the ratings. Charlie has a thick skin and can laugh at himself but if you hurt him, like he thinks Chuck Lorre did, then he doesn't forget."
Thick-skinned is a Hollywood euphemism for out-of-control ego.
And, while nothing will be off limits in the Sheen-ripping department, one of his exes--fresh out of rehab, Brooke Mueller--has warned of a lawsuit if she's the butt of any jokes.
Oh please Brooke. There are enough jokes to be made out of Charlie Sheen and his drug-fueled antis that you won't even be mentioned.

Kate Moss is a little model with a giant ego.

She has actually demanded that the Royal Air Force [RAF] not fly any planes out of the base located near her home in the English countryside when she gets married. She has asked that planes, carrying British soldiers, bound for Afghanistan, be diverted so as not to disturb her ceremony.
You know, she's a model, and those men and women are just trying to fight a war. priorities, please.
The RAF is not as enamored with Moss' wedding as the ALLEGED coke-whore is: "These flights are absolutely crucial. The idea that the top military brass would put these flights on hold or change their routes just to give a celeb some peace on their wedding day is absolutely inconceivable."
But.....but....she's a model!
Look at all the good she does for the world!
Walking runways.
Going to parties.
Getting high.
What does the military do for the world?
Oh......yeah.