I Didn't Say It ... But First: Remember the 49

Ten years ago today, the Pulse massacre changed Orlando forever.

Forty‑nine lives were stolen. Fifty‑three more were injured, many still carrying the physical and emotional weight of that night. Families, friends, and loved ones have spent a decade navigating an absence that shows up at dinner tables, birthdays, holidays, and in all the quiet everyday moments that should have been theirs.

And yet, in the middle of heartbreak, Orlando showed what real community looks like. People lined up to donate blood, raised money for survivors and families, and stood shoulder‑to‑shoulder with the LGBTQ+ and Latino communities. Grief met action. Pain met solidarity. Love showed up.

Today, we remember the 49. We honor the survivors. We hold their loved ones close.

The most meaningful way to honor them is through action: standing against hate, supporting LGBTQ+ people, protecting vulnerable communities, and building a world where everyone can live safely, openly, and joyfully.

This is why we have PRIDE

Joan Rivers, who would have been 93 this past Tuesday, on same-sex marriage:

“Gay marriage: I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married it will cost me a fortune in gifts.”

Oh Joanie, you gifted us every time you opened your mouth and made us laugh.

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Jason Virgo, an Australian politician, newly elected member of the South Australian House of Assembly as a member pf the right-wing populist political party One Nation, coming out:

“The reality is I have been openly gay throughout my entire adult life [but] I do not wave the flag in the air as I walk down the street. I prefer people to find out these things naturally. There are times when those of us who are gay feel we have to hide it for our own safety or just sometimes to avoid social awkwardness. But I would rather my community hear it directly from me than from a potential political opponent or whispers. If someone does seek to weaponize who I am, that says more about them than it does about me … As my partner knows too well, I do sweat the small stuff. [But] we have built a life together. I think about where we started out, about how much we’ve grown together, and how much we’ve achieved in the 11 years of being together. Thank you for standing by me through every high and low. Your faith and support when things felt overwhelming. And helping me keep going. You are the love of my life by my side.”

It would be nice to just be, but that isn’t the world today. You do need to come out, though it needn’t be the flag-waving in your face coming out all the time. It’s introducing your husband as your husband; it’s not hiding the pronoun of whomever you’re dating. It’s just being.

Years ago at one of my first jobs in high school, the manager was chatting with me as we filled out paperwork and asked if I had a girlfriend. I said, No; but then she asked if I had a boyfriend and I said, No; but then she asked if I wanted a girlfriend or boyfriend.

 I realized in that moment she wasn’t judging me or trying to out me, she just wanted me to feel comfortable with my answer.

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Jodi Picoult, LGBTQ+ ally, and author known for novels that explore complex social issues, on the difference between ‘tolerance’ and ‘acceptance’:

“[T]here is a subtle difference between tolerance and acceptance. It’s the distance between moving into the cul-de-sac and having your next-door neighbor trust you to keep an eye on her preschool daughter for a few minutes while she runs out to the post office. It’s the chasm between being invited to a colleague’s wedding with your same-sex partner and being able to slow-dance without the other guests whispering.”

Tolerate means to allow, endure, or put up with something. I don’t need you to put up with me, endure me, or allow me; acceptance will do just fine.

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Karl Urban, actor, on the need for equality:

“The day people are no longer persecuted for their sexuality. Ethnicity, religion or gender, I’ll be proud to be human.”

Wouldn’t that be the best day ever! People not having to hide who they are, fear for their lives because of who they are; what a day!

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Mario Cantone, openly gay actor and comedian, on his early days in the comedy scene:

“I got fucking pushed aside and kicked and fired, many times. I was doing standup for years and I passed [as straight] at the mainstream comedy clubs. They were all great about it. They didn’t care. They liked what I did. But every time there was an audition where the networks would come, for a development deal or whatever? Never [got it]. I was booked on Johnny Carson in 1986 … I remember [the talent booker] coming up to me at the Improv. He’s like, ‘I don’t know what you’re going to do. We’re going to put together six minutes. You’re amazing.’ And then like a week before he said, ‘I looked at the tape again and your act has a gay edge to it and I think it will make Johnny nervous’ and he pulled the date.”

Odd, because Johnny had Rip Taylor on a lot and he was clearly, flamboyantly, gay. I guess since that was his whole act, it played well, and perhaps Mario’s “gay edge” touched a nerve because being gay wasn’t the joke.

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Bobservations

The other morning I was in our home office and Carlos came in to ask a question:

“I need a word that starts with letter ‘B’ for an acronym we’re trying to create.”

“A ‘B’ word? Any ‘B’ word?”

“Yes—”

“Box, boxer, boxing, butter, biscuit, baker, bowling, ball, basketball, bruise, big, back, backwards, babbling, Babel, basement, baby, babysitter, back, backhand, backache, Bug, Bat, Bus, Bun, Bin, Boon, Bliss, Beard, Bread, Brain, Bugle, Beauty, Brave, Baggage, Budget, boredom—

“STOP!!!”

“Bureaucracy, Ban, Buy, Bear—”

“BOB!!!!”

“Yeah! Bob, and beach and …”

I could have gone on and on but finally I said,

“Believe.”

“Yes. That’s it.

Best be.

This Tuxedo says is from September 2021 …

But by all means, sit by and do nothing and let it happen, or … CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE!

It appears that the massive crowds expected at Melanie: From Whore House to White House never appeared. It its third weekend it suffered a 62% drop in attendance and puts the “film” on a path toward grossing $15.4 million in total, nowhere near the $40 million that Jeff Bezos’ Amazon spent to acquire it and an additional $35 million to promote it.

Amazon MGM swears that Melanie: From Whore House to White House will muster strong numbers on streaming to make up for its poor box office showing but they have no plans for a release date as yet.

Movie-speak for no one will see this.

By now, you’ve all heard about the disappearance of Nancy Guthrie from her home in Arizona. Sad; I wouldn’t wish it on anyone and I hope they find her alive and everything ends well.

But … cases like these infuriate me because all the media hype surrounding the case has made its way into every single news program mostly because Nancy Guthrie is Today show host Savannah Guthrie’s mother.

And because she’s white. It isn’t lost on me, nor should it be on anyone, that when a women of color goers missing, you barely get a blurb on the news before it moves to the back page.

If it’s a trans woman you get almost zero news reporting, and the same goes for missing or murdered  indigenous women.

I wish the media would treat all missing persons stories the same and not continually give precedence to white women and young white girls, while ignoring any and every other woman that is taken.

Anderson Cooper is leaving 60 Minutes after turning down an offer from CBS News—formerly the Columbia Broadcasting System but now called Complete Bull Shit—to renew his contract. Cooper, a longtime Husband-In-My-Head, has been a correspondent with 60 Minutes for nearly two decades and was reportedly on Complete Bull Shit News MAGAt-editor-in-chief Bari Weiss’ short list to anchor the Complete Bull Shit Evening News, but he not only rebuffed Weiss’ attempts to recruit him, but he also walked away from 60 Minutes.

Excellent job, sir.

Orlando is about to take a long-anticipated step at demolishing the former Pulse nightclub to make way for a permanent memorial honoring the 49 people killed there in 2016.

Some signage will be saved and become part of the memorial, and the current shrine along S. Orange Avenue will be partially closed during the work, though a small area will stay open so visitors can still leave flowers and other tributes.

Never forget. 

Kunal Nayyar of “Big Bang Theory” has been quietly paying medical bills for random families in need:

“Money has given me greater freedom and the greatest gift is the ability to give back, to change people’s lives … [but] what I really love to do is go on GoFundMe at night and just pay random families’ medical bills. That’s my masked vigilante thing! So, no, money doesn’t feel like a burden. It feels like a grace from the universe.”

The actor—who played Raj Koothrappali on “Big Bang Theory”—boasts a net worth of $45 million.

Good on him.

This is Hungarian born model Máté Kovács—who apparently also goes by Kovács Máté—but the question is, under either name Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

Y’all know Carlos is legally blind now, but he can still see light, especially outside on a sunny day, so he likes to wear sunglasses so the glare doesn’t bother him. He needed a new pair a couple of weeks ago and we stopped by Walgreens to get a pair and after quickly finding a pair off we went.

The following weekend, after dropping some old towels and pet beds off to our local animal shelter, we walked back toward the car and as I looked over at Carlos I started laughing …

“What’s so funny?”

“You’ve still got the sticker on the lens from buying the glasses!”

“Well, how am I supposed to see it?”

“I’m not laughing at you, I’m laughing at me for not seeing it.”

“And they call me the blind one.”

 I got the last laugh, however, as I took out my phone and made a note to post the story to my blog.

This Tuxedo Memory is from June 2017 …

“Tuxedo is an escape artist. He, like the other cats, is not allowed outside because we live in a rural area and there are lots of things cats can catch that are dangerous. But ... and there’s always a but ... Tuxedo is the Best Cat Ever™ and so several morning a week, I take him outside and let him walk along the deck railing so he can smell the outside; don’t worry, he’s always chaperoned.

Still, if he’s in that mood, and someone opens a door, and he’s there, and there’s an opening, he’s been known to fly out the door and escape into the yard where a chase ensues, and treats are used to goad him back inside. 

One morning, Carlos left a door open when he was going into the yard and I couldn’t find Tuxedo. I called all over the house and he wasn’t there ... but I could hear him meow ... over and over again. It was coming near the sunroom, where the door had been left open ... I heard his plaintive meows and called him and then looked down ...

I guess he was playing Hide-and-Seek and I was ‘It.’”

It used to be a game when you couldn’t find Tuxedo to discover where he was hiding and all you could see was that face!

As part of the ongoing  I Should Be Laughing Public Service Announcement Protocols please read the vowels in Celine Dion’s name out loud.

You’re welcome.

A Boise, Idaho bar has drawn national attention for creating Heterosexual Awesomeness Month in response to LGBTQ Pride month, which has been celebrated during June for decades:

“Each Monday will be Hetero Male Monday and any heterosexual male dressed like a heterosexual male will receive a free draft beer. Each Wednesday is Heterosexual couples day and each heterosexual couple will receive 15% off their bill.”

Two things: fuck off, and …

How does one dress like a heterosexual male?

I have long found Orville Peck to be really hot … oy, that voice … and wished I could get him to take off that mask. So imagine my surprise when, instead, he removed his pants!

Nice cakes.

Florida’s fascist Governor, and Gogo dancer, Ron DeSantis  declared summer to be Freedom Summer in the state and said all state bridges must be lit red, white, and blue, while banning any bridge from displaying Pride colors.

But seventy community members is San Marco had their own idea and gathered together to display their own version of Pride by lighting up the Main Street Bridge with rainbow colors. I imagine Miss Ronnie stomped around the governor’s manse in his Gogo boots until Casey could have him sedated.

The other day I put a fried egg on my Croque Monsieur to make it a Croque Madame and the next thing I know JK Rowling is yelling outside my house.

It’s not funny cuz she’s a transphobic b*tch.

Antonio Medugno is a 25-year-old Italian TikTok “star” and model, but the question still remains: Would You Hit It?

Stories of Pride: Like Stonewall, Pulse Could Become An Historical Landmark

There is talk, as we just commemorated the third anniversary of the Pulse nightclub mass shooting, of turning the spot into an historic landmark.

As Floridians and queer people around the world continue to mourn and memorialize the third anniversary of the Orlando Pulse Nightclub massacre, a group of Florida lawmakers have introduced a new bill in Congress to have the site declared a historic landmark.

United States Congressional Representatives from Florida, Darren Soto and Stephanie Murphy, recently announced their intentions to create a memorial to those whose lives were taken June 12, 2016; Soto said:

“This is an important step to preserve an LGBT historic landmark at a time when many of these sites are being destroyed. The memorial will serve as a reminder of the remarkable way our community came together to heal and overcome hate.”

At present, funds raised by the non-for-profit group onePULSE have helped establish the site as a temporary landmark, but if this bill passes—and remember, it’s Florida so it might be an uphill climb … the governor of the state recently marked the anniversary of the Pulse shooting without mentioning the LGBTQ community at all—Pulse would have access to national funds to help maintain the memorial as a permanent site.

Barbara Poma, owner of Pulse, says the site has thus far raised $14 million of a $45 million goal.

“In these times when acts of hate and violence are on the rise, we must remember our past and work to do better now and in the future”.

If this bill passes, Pulse would become only the second LGBTQ site in the nation after the Stonewall Inn to become a national monument. And if it passes, I suggest we move to create a memorial to remember the UpStairs Lounge massacre as well; and maybe include the 1966 LGBTQ riot at the Compton Cafeteria in San Francisco.

We can celebrate Pride and dance and sing and have fun, but we need to remember the sadness and the tragedies of what has happened before; if we forget, then nothing will change.

Queerty

Stories of Pride: Before Pulse, There Was The UpStairs Lounge

Forty-six years ago today, four years after Stonewall, the 24th of June, 1973 was a Sunday in New Orleans and the last day of that city’s Pride Weekend. Of course, even in those days after Stonewall, you couldn’t really have an open celebration of Pride because there was still an ignorance of the LGBTQ community and it wasn’t safe, sometimes, even in New Orleans, to be openly gay. Still, there were places to gather and party and celebrate and be gay, like the second-floor bar on the corner of Iberville and Chartres Street; the UpStairs Lounge.

That day, members of the Metropolitan Community Church [MCC], the nation’s first gay church, founded in Los Angeles in 1969, gathered at the UpStairs for drinks and conversation. It seems to have been a welcoming, accepting, open, group; two attendees, gay brothers, Eddie and Jim Warren, even brought their mom, Inez, and proudly introduced her to the other patrons.

It was a party until … just before 8PM, the doorbell rang insistently. To answer it, you had to unlock a steel door that opened onto a flight of stairs leading down to the ground floor. Buddy Rasmussen, an UpStairs bartender, was expecting a taxi driver and asked his friend Luther Boggs to let the driver in.

But it wasn’t a taxi driver at the door; it was an attacker, who had sprayed lighter fluid on the stairs and set ablaze as Boggs opened the door. A fireball pushed into the stairwell, and up towards the bar, engulfing the room and those gathered in flames.

MCC assistant pastor George “Mitch” Mitchell escaped, but came back in hopes of rescuing his boyfriend, Louis Broussard. Both men died in the fire, their bodies clinging together in death. The metal bars on the windows, meant to keep people from falling out, were just 14 inches apart, and most men and women were unable to squeeze through. That’s how MCC pastor, Bill Larson, died that night, screaming “Oh, God, no!”  After the fire, when police and firefighters surveyed the damage and began clearing the scene, they left Larson fused to the window frame until the next morning.

Thirty-two people lost their lives that Sunday 40 years ago—Luther Boggs, Inez Warren and her two sons, among them. And yet, even more sad, and disgusting, was that homophobia was so rampant in those days, families of some of those who died that night refused to claim the bodies, and local churches would not perform burials for the dead, or allow memorials to take place within their walls. Three victims were never identified or claimed, and were interred at the local potter’s field.

Three people considered unworthy of even a burial or a marker or recognition that they had ever lived, or died, at all.

When the Reverend William Richardson, of St. George’s Episcopal Church, held a small prayer service for the dead, about 80 people attended; but many more complained about Richardson to Iveson Noland, the Episcopalian bishop of New Orleans, who rebuked Richardson for his kindness.

Until Pulse nightclub, the UpStairs Lounge arson was the largest massacre of LGBTQ people ever in this country and yet it wasn’t even considered newsworthy; after all, it was just queers who died, so who really cared? And the few news organizations that covered the fire barely mentioned that those who died were gay, and this being in the decades and decades before Hate Crimes, it was never treated as such. A local radio DJ, when asked where they would bury the dead suggested “fruit” jars to his listeners.

And while other, smaller disasters resulted in City Hall press conferences or statements of condolence from the governor, not one civil authority spoke out about the fire or those murdered. In addition, the New Orleans police department wasn’t so interested about investigating the fire, of finding the culprit, or culprits. Detectives wouldn’t even acknowledge that it was an arson case, saying the cause of the fire was of “undetermined origin.”

No one was ever charged with the UpStairs Lounge fire, and the murders, though a local man with known mental problems, Rogder Dale Nunez, claimed responsibility multiple times. Nunez, a sometime visitor to the UpStairs Lounge, committed suicide in 1974.

Times have changed since 1973, but not by much … I'd never heard this story and now like Pulse, and others, I will never forget.

The Friendly Atheist

My Two Cents: President-For-Now _____ Ignores Pride

Ah, June, what a month! So many great things happening and I wonder what our President-For-Now has to say them?

Oh, he’s issued a proclamation that June 2017 is National Homeownership Month! Anything else ... oh, he’s proclaimed June 2017 as National Ocean Month ... and African-American Music Appreciation Month ... and Great Outdoors Month!

So, I guess that takes care of June, though, I dunno why, but I have this queer feeling the Putz-in-Chief missed something; what oh what might that be?

Pride. One week down in the month of June and President-For-Now _____ has yet to acknowledge LGBT Pride Month. This from the candidate who swore, who promised, who vowed, who waved a Pride flag, and announced that he would be the most LGBT-friendly president ever!

But we’re getting bupkis. Zip. Zilch. Nada. And, in fact, not only—as of now—is the White House not acknowledging Pride Month, the White House has zero events planned to honor it ... or us.

President Bill Clinton was the first president to issue a Pride Month proclamation, though his predecessor, George W. Bush, who campaigned on the promise of No Marriage Equality EVER, didn’t keep with Clinton’s example.

But then along came Barack Obama.

President Obama not only embraced the tradition, but also set a new precedent for it by issuing a proclamation at the beginning of each Pride Month during his eight years in office. Not only that, but Obama also held an annual White House reception to celebrate the movers and shakers of the LGBTQ movement.

So are we surprised by _____’s stance? Well, yeah, kinda because he is also the first Republican to hold office following the Supreme Court’s decision to recognize marriage equality as the law of the land.

And Donald _____ has long boasted that he’s LGBTQ-friendly, though his record doesn’t show it; maybe that’s why he’s not saying anything about Pride.

See, President-For-Now _____ hasn’t taken a single pro-LGBTQ action in office but has, instead, withdrawn guidance protecting transgender and gender-nonconforming students, dropped out of several court cases related to LGBTQ rights, and appointed countless personnel with viciously anti-LGBTQ records.

In fact, one of the few times he mentioned us during his campaign, and since taking office, was when he was trying to convince us queers to embrace Islamophobia. But what about this year? I mean, we’re coming up on the one-year anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando, a hate crime that targeted our community, and still he’s said nary a word about Pride.

And do not forget that, after the massacre, _____ stood atop and tried to paint himself as a pro-LGBT candidate, pandering to us, using the blood of our murdered brothers and sisters to garner votes.

_____’s silence on Pride Month is not only telling, it’s rather dangerous given that we've seen a rise in anti-LGBT bills in some twenty states; and the President says nothing.

Transgender people, particularly Trans woman of color, are being murdered daily in this country and still the President says nothing.

Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people, and the rate of suicide attempts is four times greater for LGBT youth and he stays silent.

We.re here, _____; we’ve fought worse demons that you and we’re still here. We been ignored, fired, denied housing, beaten, bashed, murdered, denied equality and we’re still here. So, you can ignore us; you can stay silent about Pride month. But we’re here, and we aren’t going anywhere.

Oh, and Ivanka? Your little Tweet about how you want to honor and celebrate LGBT people was meaningless when you stand beside that bigot father of yours and smile for the cameras. At least he’s openly anti-LGBTQ; you’re far more dangerous because you say you support us but when it comes time to do something, to say something, you say nothing.

If the marriage equality win and the Pulse losses taught us anything, it’s that we cannot stay silent; we haven’t won yet. There are still battles ahead, both from this President-For-Now and from the anti-LGBTQ Republicans and legislatures around this country.

So, Happy Pride ... Celebrate ... Party ... Dance ... Laugh ... Get married ... but remember ... the march goes on ...

Landlord Asks Nano Rodriguez To Take Down His Rainbow Flag Over "Safety" Concerns

In the days following the shooting at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Nano Rodriguez, a gay Latino man living in Arizona — and let’s not even go into how it must be to be gay and Latino in Arizona these days — started flying a Rainbow flag outside his apartment as a show of solidarity with the victims of that mass shooting:

“I don’t really know how, but it just gave me some sort of comfort to be able to show my support.”

Sadly, Rodriguez’ landlord wasn’t so supportive and voiced his objections — expressing “safety” concerns — and asked Rodriguez to take down the flag:

“As stated in terms of your lease … the property is to be kept clean, safe and carefully maintained. I realize this does not refer specifically to flags, so I would like to clarify. In managing this property I have a responsibility for the safety of all the tenants and property. The nature of the flag you are displaying could unfortunately promote negative reactions and possibly harmful retaliation to tenants and property.”

Huh. So a Rainbow flag is bad … not clean … not safe? Well, maybe not to the people who hate The Gays so much that they need to be quarantined if they so much as see an LGBT Pride symbol?

Perhaps the landlord should, instead of writing to Nano Rodriguez, send letters of inclusivity to all the neighbors and explain why Rodriguez is flying the flag and ask them to do the same. Wouldn’t it be nice to honor those victims and not punish people for caring?

Rodriguez says he won’t take down his flag and that he is “not looking to press charges or do anything drastic” but, sadly, though Tempe has an anti-discrimination ordinance in place, it would not likely protect Rodriguez, since it applies primarily to discrimination by business owners against customers. He can, however, file a complaint with the city manager if the landlord demands the flag be taken down.

But what about the landlord’s concerns? Well, so far no one — other than the landlord — is concerned about the flag and one of Nano’s neighbors, a Roman Catholic man sees the flying of the flag as a form of free expression:

“I’m a big Blackhawks fan so I have Blackhawks stuff hanging up. So I mean, If they want to fly it that’s fine you know, doesn’t bother me either way.”

Oh lawdy lawdy lawdy … he has sports stuff flying? Where’s the landlord now?

I kid … or do I?

LGBTQ Nation

A Month After The Pulse Shootings Congress Debates An Anti-LGBT Bill

Today marks a month since the shooting at Pulse nightclub in Orlando; a month since the deadliest mass shooing in our nation’s history and the worst attack on LGBT Americans; and how is our Congress honoring those killed?

Well, today  a House committee will hold a hearing on the homophobic so-called First Amendment Defense Act [FADA].

The bill would create a national "religious discrimination" law to allow businesses and government workers to refuse goods and services to customers who offend their religious sensibilities … like The Gays. This bill specifically allows people with a "religious belief or moral conviction that marriage is or should be recognized as the union of one man and one woman, or that sexual relations are properly reserved to such a marriage" to turn away same-sex couples hoping to wed. In addition, because Hate tries to cover all the bases, the bill would make it impossible for those persecuted LGBT Americans to petition the federal government when they experience “religious” discrimination.

Jim Obergefell, whose lawsuit for recognition of his marriage to the late John Arthur resulted in the legalization of marriage equality, will testify against the bill, said this:

“The Orlando tragedy on June 12 was a time of heartbreak for millions around the world and the worst attack on the LGBT community in our nation’s history. Today, exactly one month after this horrifying event, this hearing is deeply hurtful to a still-grieving LGBT community. It is difficult for me to imagine why anyone would think such discrimination should be permitted in the year 2016. I believe that the United States Congress must be better than this and it is my sincere hope that Congress will move away from elevating proposals that only serve to harm vulnerable communities.”

The bill’s authors — anti-LGBT Republicans because … of course — Idaho Congressman Raúl Labrador of Idaho and Utah Senator Mike Lee of Utah — refer to the bill as a "defense" of the First Amendment.

Yeah, um, that’s a lie because, and let me make this perfectly queer, the First Amendment does not allow religious people to arbitrarily discriminate against those they don't like, or so says the Supreme Court. Fifty years ago when right-wing Christians tried to refuse services to interracial couples, the Supreme Court ruled that religious beliefs don't trump the rights of others.

So, those in Congress who think their religious beliefs supersede the religious beliefs, or non-religious beliefs of anyone else in this country are wrong. But whether or not FADA passes out of this committee or not, the fact that the GOP chose today to hold these hearings, when many of us are still grieving those killed and those wounded in Orlando, is an affront to the LGBT community.

And further proof, as if we needed any, that the GOP will do nothing for us.

The Advocate