PR7EP8: Earth, Wind & Fire....Just Add Water

This week the designtestants were herded up to the roof of their Atlas apartment building. I assumed it was to toss the losing model from last week over the edge, but no such luck. Tim showed off the grand New York City skyline and I knew it was the "Create A Dress Inspired By The Architecture Of New York," but I was wrong again.
It was elementary, my dear readers; or, at least elements. The four of them: earth, air, fire and water. JayNicholas, one of my new crushes, won last week so he had first dibs. The others were chosen from the big velvet bag of names, and off they went.
In the interests of fairness, I did say that JayNicholas was one of my new crushes. I also think Jonathan is cute, and, of course discarded designer from last week, Jesse, was also adorable. This got me to thinking that it must be men whose names start with the letter 'J' that I find cute.
And it is. Jake Gyllenhaal. Works. And then there's........Jay Leno? God no--I think I threw up a little in my mouth. Back on track....let's see. Aha! Jradley Cooper, Jyan Reynolds, Jugh Jackman, Jenzel Washington.
See, it's all J's.
But enough about me, let's rip:

Anthony chose fire, naturally. My first thought was, "What else would a flaming queen choose?" And I began to see reds and oranges and sequins and flame inspired headdresses. Oh, wait, that was Cher's last tour. No, Little Gay Anthony was inspired by the time his Pastor's house was torched to the ground, and the ash and the embers left by the fire. Très somber, Anthony, très somber. But still, nice, with that same architectural flip on the front that he's done before. It's fire, but really, it isn't so hot.
Anthony is middle of the road.

Emilio chose earth, and created this so-so design of greens and browns and, well, earth. It isn't much, but after he went nuts with the bolts last week, this is a giant leap forward. This is a nicely draped, a la Rami, outfit, that looks very African, which I like, but again, it was just earth. It was grounded, and a little safe.

And so was Emilio.

JayNicholas chose air, and decided to go tornado. It's a twister Auntie Em! But it's a fantastic twister. I know he had immunity after last week, but I thought this should have gone Top Three, and only a little bit because I think Jay is a cute little pocket gay. The way he, well, twisted the fabric from the top of her head down the bodice and through her legs was just gorgeous; and of course it moved like air. Jay is becoming my favorite--sorry Emilio.

With immunity JayNicholas is safe.

Mila skipped the color blocking for the week, although she did do the geometric shapes in the vest--noted by the fabulous Nina Garcia as Mila's "one trick," which I called weeks ago! Mila got earth, and thought metallics and minerals. Minerals. It seems she worked really hard on the vest--which the judges liked--and, apparently while mining her brain for a new idea, was smashed over the head by a stalactite and awoke with only enough time to run down to Marshall's for a turtleneck [turtleneck? Seriously? How mid-70s Rockford Files of you] and some big brown slacks.

Mila dropped the earth, big time, and is dropped to the Bottom Three.

Amy drew fire. From the judges for this hideous thing. I didn't get fire, I got air. I got the wind knocked outta me when I saw this mess trip down the runway. Whats with the Breasts Of Hair? I mean, you know a design has to be just awful, just awful, when Heidi gets off the best joke about it. She thought the model was carrying a cat in a baby sling! This so does not say fire.

It says, You're fired!

But Amy got a pass, because, believe it or not, there was something worse.

Poor Ben. Who? You ask. I know. But I knew he was doomed before this thing even hit the runway. First off, he got to make The Phone Call Home Home Home Home Home. Always a sign of being Auf'd. Then, well, as Ben said it, "I've never made a suit before, so I think I'll make a suit. In.One.Day!" Ben, honey? You can't. His element was water and he chose to go Great White Shark, and ended up with the Great White Nope. The pants don't fit; the seams make it look like they're inside-out, or she has her underwear on the outside. Michael Korange, being especially Sophia Petrillo, called them jockstrap pants. I imagine Kors lounges around the backroom at the Ramrod in jockstrap pants, but I digress. For me, worse than the ill-fitting suit, and the comical pants, was Ben's choice to go with fabric shark's teeth on the cuffs of the jacket. Nothing says I'm not a designer like fabric sharks teeth.

Bye Ben. Who?

Mila and her clone Maya are becoming especially close. They sit in big windows overlooking the city and have deep conversations; they sit side-by-side at big round mirrors and comb their identical hair. They're being given the Are-They-Lesbians-Or-Are-They-Not edit. But, this week, the clone outshone the original. While Mila got ground into the dirt, Maya chose water and made this shimmering gray-green number with the fluttering wave detail along the arms and hip. It moved like a sleek yacht through the sea....wow, poetic. But the judges think she is "referencing"--read "stealing"--ideas from other designers and not giving them her own stuff. Maya doesn't know what they're talking about; shades of kitty-tossing-other-designer-"referencing", Kenley from seasons past.

But Maya gets Top Three, and a save.

Now, SethAaron. While Ben couldn't do Pants-In-A-Day, SethAaron did monstrous Leather-Jacket-In-A-Day. He chose air, and was inspired by night hair--hence the black--and the gusts of wind that come up. The leather swooped and swirled around her neck and down her back, and, while I can't see this walking down the street, especially here in Smallville, it is fantastic. This man is a designer; he truly was inspired and created something wonderful, and dark, and windy.

But not quite enough to win, SethAaron gets Top Three.

My other cute J, Jonathan, picked the air, and instantly thought light, and laughter. See, this is why I shouldn't design. If I had fire, it'd be red and flaming; if I'd had water, it would have been blue and shimmery; if I'd had air, I would'a been up that creek without a paddle because how do you design air? But Jonathan did it. Light and frothy. He actually matched some of the fabric colors to his models skin so she became part of the outfit and not just The Hanger. It's pale and peachy and, well, I didn't laugh, but I smiled. it was air.

And it won.

So, that was the Week of the Elements. Some designs floated on air to victory, while others dug their own graves, or got flushed. All in a day's work on The Project. Runway, that is.

Next week, a team challenge. I sense a meltdown. Or a cat fight. Or both!

Fashion Assassin. Out.