Saturday, March 27, 2010

Cats V Dogs


Excerpts from Ozzo's Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


Excerpts from Tuxedo's diary:
Day 983 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously an idiot. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now...

7 comments:

  1. Interestingly I came here from this site
    http://tinyurl.com/yjm4y75
    Tuxedo and Ozzo should consider a movie career.
    (The dance scene really is awe-awfully jaw dropping.)

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  2. That was the best chuckle I had all day! Thanks!

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  3. Anonymous12:58 PM

    This is great but know I'm convinced that cats have been consulting for the Repugs.

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  4. How true this would be Bob! Thabks for the hearty laugh! I want to read more of this one!!!

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  5. That was amazing Bob. Really enjoyed it. :)

    Tuxedo and Ozzo are so lucky.

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  6. I don't know much about felines, admire them though I do... but Larry & Junior is Portland, Oregon would add:
    6pm- roll in something very stinky at the edge of the river... my favorite thing!

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  7. Good stuff! So true! Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.

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