Tuesday, March 16, 2010

The Exorcist In Chief


I knew there was a Vatican Spindoctor, because they need someone 24/7 to turn scandal into policy.

I knew there was a Vatican Prada Polisher to keep the Pope's shoes nice and shiny.

I knew there was a Vatican Travel Program to help pedophile priests move from parish to parish.

I knew there was a Vatican Fluffer to help with their prostitute parties.

But an exorcist? Really, Pope? Really?

Yes, indeed. And Father Gabriele Amorth, aka the Chief Exorcist, claims that the child sex scandals rocking the Catholic Church are proof of the Devil living in the Vatican. Amorth, who has carried out more than 70,000 exorcisms in the last 50 years, said that Pope Benedict "fully agreed" with him in "casting out evil".

In the last few months, the Catholic Church has been hit by a new series of sex scandals in Ireland, Holland and, most recently, Germany. In fact, even the Pope's brother, Father Georg Ratzinger, has admitted he hit, or hit on, choir boys.

Father Amorth said: "The Devil lives in the Vatican. Naturally it's difficult to find proof but the true consequences are visible. We have cardinals who don't believe in Christ, bishops connected with demons. Then we have these stories of paedophilia. You can see the rot when we speak of Satan's smoke in the holy rooms of the Vatican."

The Devil in the Vatican.

What does that make me think of....what.....what.....what....Oh yes. The Devil Wears Prada.

And who in the Vatican wears Prada? Coincidence?

Hmmmmmmm.

Amorth, who was the model for the priest in The Exorcist, has "six or seven assistants" to help him hold down possessed people while carrying out exorcisms. He believes the 1981 attempt on the life of the late Pope John Paul II and the recent attack on Benedict were the work of the Devil.

Maybe so. Maybe not. But, just as you think he might be on to something, he let's loose the idea of a, ahem, Harry Potter and Satan connection: "Behind Harry Potter hides the signature of the king of the darkness."

I knew there was a Vatican Spindoctor, because they need someone 24/7 to turn scandal into policy.
I knew there was a Vatican Prada Polisher to keep the Pope's shoes nice and shiny.
I knew there was a Vatican Travel Program to help pedophile priests move from parish to parish.
I knew there was a Vatican Fluffer to help with their prostitute parties.

I think they need a Vatican shrink.

3 comments:

Old Midhurstian said...

It would be a brave shrink who went anywhere near that cesspool I think.

I presume that the Devil at work is the priestly equivalent of "an older boy made me do it, Sir"

Joy said...

It's not much of a stretch with superstitious people to believe all kinds of weird things.

Kyle said...

Watching the CC is like watching an old style freak show circus. You never know what will come next, but you know it is gonna surprise you.