Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Good For You

It's been a busy overnight here at Gay HeadQueertors. We've had to go back into the warehouse and dust off Ricky Martin's "Good For You, You're Gay" toaster oven, as well as the updated version of The Gay Agenda.

And it isn't like we haven't done this before.

Other times, we've heard the news that Ricky was coming out, and we've readied the gift basket only to have him deny the news and say that he wasn't gay. I personally have hauled that toaster oven from the warehouse more times than I can remember, but this, this time, Ricky himself has uttered the words:

I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.

On his blog, he decided to come clean, and come out:

A few months ago I decided to write my memoirs, a project I knew was going to bring me closer to an amazing turning point in my life. From the moment I wrote the first phrase I was sure the book was the tool that was going to help me free myself from things I was carrying within me for a long time. Things that were too heavy for me to keep inside. Writing this account of my life, I got very close to my truth. And this is something worth celebrating.
For many years, there has been only one place where I am in touch with my emotions fearlessly and that's the stage....It's my vice. The music, the lights and the roar of the audience are elements that make me feel capable of anything. This rush of adrenaline is incredibly addictive. I don't ever want to stop feeling these emotions. But it is serenity that brings me to where I'm at right now. An amazing emotional place of comprehension, reflection and enlightenment....I need to share.
Many people told me: "Ricky it's not important", "it's not worth it", "all the years you've worked and everything you've built will collapse", "many people in the world are not ready to accept your truth, your reality, your nature". Because all this advice came from people who I love dearly, I decided to move on with my life not sharing with the world my entire truth. Allowing myself to be seduced by fear and insecurity became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sabotage. Today I take full responsibility for my decisions and my actions.
If someone asked me today, "Ricky, what are you afraid of?" I would answer "the blood that runs through the streets of countries at war...child slavery, terrorism...the cynicism of some people in positions of power, the misinterpretation of faith." But fear of my truth? Not at all! On the contrary, It fills me with strength and courage. This is just what I need especially now that I am the father of two beautiful boys that are so full of light and who with their outlook teach me new things every day. To keep living as I did up until today would be to indirectly diminish the glow that my kids where born with. Enough is enough. This has to change. This was not supposed to happen 5 or 10 years ago, it is supposed to happen now. Today is my day, this is my time, and this is my moment.
These years in silence and reflection made me stronger and reminded me that acceptance has to come from within and that this kind of truth gives me the power to conquer emotions I didn't even know existed.
What will happen from now on? It doesn't matter. I can only focus on what's happening to me in this moment. The word "happiness" takes on a new meaning for me as of today. It has been a very intense process. Every word that I write in this letter is born out of love, acceptance, detachment and real contentment. Writing this is a solid step towards my inner peace and vital part of my evolution.

Ricky? Good for you, you're gay!
Welcome, and enjoy the toaster oven.


David Dust said...

Hey ... I didn't get a toaster oven! I DID receive an Arby's oven mitt - but that was for being "Customer of the Century", not for being gay.

Kids these days ... they got it so EASY.


Dan said...

So you were pissed off when Sean Hayes came out of the glass closet, but you high five Ricky Martin?

He has blatently denied his sexuality for years, flat out told Bab's Walters he wasnt going to answer the question.

Warm and fuzzies because he is hotter? Everyone in our community has their own journey to coming out and each journey should be respected.

Bob said...

Actually, Dan, my anger at Sean Hayes was for years of denial, and then acting as if he'd been out all along. In the Advocate article, he said he was never "in" and that everyone knew.
That pissed me off because it wasn't true.
As for Ricky, and every other gay person, I believe they need to come out, but only as they choose; do not force people out is, and always has been, my view.
And Ricky never said he wasn't gay, he just refused to answer the question. Even to Babs.
Hayes, on the other hand, said he was not gay.

Dan said...

Sean was correct, He was never in. I knew he was gay, you knew he was gay. Just like everyone knew Martin was gay.

Anyone who finally reaches that level where they are comfortable enough with their life and able to handle the consequences of coming out should be welcomed by the community, not chastised.

Bob said...

I disagree completely.
i didn't KNOW Sean Hayes was gay any more than you did. I may have suspected it, thought it, but you don't KNOW it until they announce it.
So, he was IN, when he denied the question and said he was an "actor". I understand the need for some, especially those who are famous to stay closeted, but for Sean hayes, playing a gay character on a very popular TV show, it would have been very easy to say I AM GAY.
For someone like Ricky Martin, whose fame is based on screaming teen girls and their dollars for his music, it's a bit harder.
Sean has an easy way OUT and he chose to deny it.

Dan said...


I knew Sean was gay because he was from Chicago and I saw him at the bars.

I knew Martin was gay because he dated a guy I know from Chicago.

Who are we to decide when it is right for someone to come out of the closet?

Just because YOU thought it was easy for Sean to come out,doesnt mean he was ready to do it!

You have no idea what his mental state was, you have no idea if he was contractual required to deny is sexuality.

Every one of us has denied our sexuality at some point in life for whatever reason.

So Sean Hayes denied he was a gay, big deal. It isnt like he was out fag bashing. He was trying to be Sean Hayes the actor, not Sean Hayes the gay actor.

I am a gay man, but I dont wish to be defined by my sexuality.

Right now there is a very popular MLB player that refuses to come out of the closet because he wants to be remembered for his accomplishments on the field, not known as the gay baseball player.
(and yes, I know him as well)

Anyone in our community, star or not, that takes the step out of the closet deserves nothing but respect from each and every one of us that has had to struggle with the same decision. Not ridiculed and called names.

It is not up to you to determine when it is or isnt right for someone to come out of the closet.

Bob said...

Dan Dan Dan
You're missing my point.
I do not belive in outing people. I think people come out in their own way, at their own time.
But for Sean Hayes to refuse to answer the question for years and then say he was "never in", which means he says he was out, is a lie, because he never said the words I'm Gay until just now.
It isn't my job to out him, but I don't like his "I was never in" attitude, and that's what pissed me off.
I have ALWAYS said it is up to the person to come out as they choose.
Sean Hayes chose to dodge the question, and then say he was never in...which is a lie.
Ricky Martin chose to dodge the question, and when he came out spoke eloquently of the struggle he went through to make the decision.
In my book that deserves a Good For You.
Sean Hayes, in my mind, does not. I'm glad he's out. I'm glad he's happy. I like him, but I don't like him trying to rewrite history.

Dan said...

I am not missing the point Bob,YOU ARE.

Ricky Martin dodged the same question. Every celebrity that has come out has dodged the same question at some point in their career.

So you have no respect for Anderson Cooper or Jodi Foster? Will you be pissed when they come out of the glass closet?

You are basing your judgement because he didnt answer the question the way you wanted him to, but Martin gets a pass because he wrote some overly wordy coming out tale?

We should support anyone that makes the decision to come out of the closet, no matter what stage in their life they are at.

Bob said...

I will try one last time:

Sean Hayes dodged the "Are you gay" question for years.

Ricky Martin dodged the "Are you gay" question for years.

When Sean Hayes finally decided to come out he SAID he'd been OUT all along. Which.Was.A.Lie.

When Ricky Martin finally decided to come out he SAID it had been a struggle that he finally decided was no longer necessary.

There IS a difference bewteen their two stories.

You are not OUT until you say the words, no matter how many people see you in bars or know you date men.You.Are.Not.Out.

Dan said...

To answer my question that YOU dodged, Does this mean you will be pissed at Anderson Cooper, Jodi Foster and the countless number of other folks that have chosen to not answer the question for whatever reason?

There is a whole big world out there and just because Sean Hayes wasnt out and proud in Smallville, didnt mean he wasnt out.

Sean Hayes spoke HIS truth. Just as Martin spoke his.

I dont need someone to write a lengthy coming out letter to the world to accept them.

FYI - I have quite a few friends that never uttered the words "I'm gay", but are very much out.

As a society, we need to move beyond this need to have everyone declare themselves before the alter of sexuality before we accept them as the imperfect humans we all are.

Bob said...

One last time. Seriously.

I didn't DODGE the Cooper/Foster question because it has no bearing since neither one has said they are or are not gay. It's a moot point. Talk to me when they come out.

My point:
Sean Hayes dodged the question for years and yet now he acts like he didn't. That's hyporcitical. Plus, had he been open all those times he was asked then there would have been no need for the interview as we would have already known he was gay. So, obnviously, even he felt he wasn't out enough.

Being out to your friends, and not to your family, or co-workers or neighbors, is the same as being closeted. So, yeah, everyone needs to decalre their orientation; not declaring it makes people think we have something to hide, to be ashamed of, and I am not that person.

Sean Hayes is gay? Good for him. Jolly for him. I just wish he wasn't a hypocrite about it.

My opinion, Dan. Sorry you don't agree, but that's life.

Dan said...

I think you are being a hypocrite Bob.

We have all denied our sexuality at one time in our life. You dont know the circumstances in his life so you have no right to judge him.

I am so tired of the gay community and it double standards on who they will and wont embrace.

The next time I see Sean I will let him know that he needs to write some stupid letter about how he struggled with his sexuality so queens across the world can feel better about themselves.

We each have our own journey, apparently you came out of the womb with a gay pride flag and glitter. The rest of did not.

For some of us it was quite the struggle, Even when confronted with the truth, some of us still denied it because we were affraid of the outcome.

Its a shame you are pissed off at someone because they didnt come out on your terms. Actually its sad.

Bob said...

Dan, seriously, you are missing the point.

I'm glad Sean Hayes is out.
I just wish he hadn't denied it for so long in interviews--which he DID--and now he denies the fact that he denied it.
He's out. Good for him. And he can come out however he wants, but don't forget he spent years denying it, and NOW he acts like he didn't.
THAT'S what pissed me off.
I embrace Sean Hayes as I embtrace every single person in the lGBT community because I understand the struggle.
I didn't come out of the womb a big flaming queen. I struggled with it; I fought against it; I denied it. But, when I finally came out I didn't act like I'd been out all alng.
That's what Sean Hayes did. and that's what pissed me off.

Ray Ray said...

According to my Mexican husband, Ricky's homo-ness has been an "open secret" for years...and since his coming out, most of the Spanish-speaking media has been supportive. I also admire that he is family-oriented, and ain't trolling public restrooms with crack in his pocket like George Michael. But that's just me...