I get a lot of questions from folks I meet here in South Carolina who want to know where I'm from, seeing that I don't have that usual South Carolina draaaaawl. So, I want to know, is it wrong for me to say I was born and raised in South Carolina but I don't have the drawl because I graduated from high school?
Last weekend was Cup weekend, when the annual steeplechase event came to Smallville. It's a chance to see and be seen, drink and get drunk. So, with that said, i might ass that if I see one more fat drunk in a seersucker suit with a pastel tie with his wide in a summer dress and flip-flops stumbling through town, I.Will.Go.Off.
Carlos and I made a trip to Sam's club over the weekend to buy some things we're having for a little gathering in May. We loaded up on chicken and flank steak, queso fresco and grass seed; yes, I know, quite the odd combination. At the checkout, we wait while our purchases are tallied, and then Carlos swipes his Visa card.
"Is that a debit card?"
"No. It's credit."
"We take MasterCard, Discover card, cash, and Visa debit, but not Visa credit."
At the Customer service desk, we asked why they don't accept Visa credit cards, and were told again that they accept MasterCard, Discover and Visa debit.
"Why not Visa credit?"
We're going to Costco.
FU Sam's Club.
I've finished by gorgeous paint job in the foyer of Casa Smallville, and we laid down the new rug we found at the Homo Depot. Now, it's time to redo the secretary so we can put that in the hall. We were going with a lime green and red, shocking, paint combination, but after finding the rug, we're toning it down. We're paint the secretary an olive green, and paint the interior, display shelves, gold, so they'll show off some of Carlos' tea pot.
Yes. he collects tea pots! You gotta problem?
But I digress.
Carlos bought some varnish remover, and we took the secretary to the garage to begin the work. As the day progressed, i began calling Carlos "Gypsy."
What does that mean? he asked.
Well, she was a stripper, too.
He didn't get it. I'm beginning to wonder if he's really gay, or if this isn't some elaborate hoax.