Friday, March 26, 2010

PR7EP10: The Tale Of The Cloth

Well, Episode 10 finds us with another PR first. The designtestants will not only design an outfit, they will create their own fabric....or textile, as Tim calls it. They meet Vivienne Tam, who shows them the latest HP thinga-mah-hooey that they can use to create their fabr....TEXTILE...and they all get carried away with the new toy. Some, like Maya, were unexpected creations; others, like Mila, were downright awful. But then, a great design can save an awful fabric, but an great fabric cannot save an awful design. And as far as the results went, let's just say the wrong one won, and the wrong one was Auf'd.
I.Was.Not.Happy.
Let's rip:

JayNicholas is the lone save out of the group of seven. His fabric is very modernistic animalistic tribalistic, and yet his design is like Samurai Ninja From The Future. I loved his fabric, even though I thought the green was too green, but the outfit left me wanting more. And less.
More sleeves. Less turtleneck. Less collar.
But JayNcholas' design was neither here nor there, so he was sent to wait by himself, which lead me to think that Project Runway needs an Interior Illusions Lounge like RuPaul's Drag Race. A group of drunk designers, hopped up on Absolut, would be fun. I see a whole new show: Project Runway, Models Of The Runway, Drunk Designers Of The Runway.
Call me Lifetime, we'll talk.

Mila, my colorblocking Mila. Your fabric design was Siesta Crayola Rainbow Serape madness, And, Mila, honey, when more than one person calls your "dress" a teepee, they're right. This was a total mess. the fabric design was amateurish at best, and the dress, well, I know Tim said they could prototype in muslin until their textiles arrived, but I didn't think even Mila was ballsy enough to send muslin down the runway! The little black jacket was an afterthought, a throwaway, if you will, and I think it should have been thrown away. Plus, correct me if I'm wrong, but if a person, especially a model, whose singular talent is walking, can't maneuver a straight line in your dress, that's wrong.
So. Wrong. But Mila was safe. And I was pissed. This was one that should have been sent packing, especially since Mila created a blanket to pack it it.

Jonathan created a design so pale, that when it was printed out on paper so he could take it to Mood....Thanks Mood!.... for coordinating fabric, he couldn't even see the design. That should have been the first clue of trouble brewing ahead.
But he was saved, in a way, when the fabr....TEXTILE....arrived and the pattern was evident. At first I liked the pattern; muted and sad, as Jonathan said. and sad, as we all know now, is an emotion, thanks to Jonathan's runway, er, runaway, statements. Still, I liked the textile, but that jacket. Jonathan? Honey? A few years ago Celine Dion wore a backward jacket to the Oscars and was voted worst dressed. What makes you think you could pull off a, as Korange called it, "disco straitjacket"? That was just bad. And on looking at a closeup of your fabric, I see how Kors and Nina called it a dirty tablecloth. It isn't pretty. It's, as Nina said, a catastrophe, and then, as Heidi called it, a major misfire.
Major catastrophic misfire equals safe in Project Runway-ese.

I liked Anthony's fabric...sorry Tim, I just can't keep up the textile. It looked like a cross between a fan and some sort of origami, and since Anthony does these architectural creations, I thought he'd be inspired by the fabric. Instead, he created the same little cocktail dress he's made before. It isn't horrible, it isn't great. But then, bad Anthony bad, he tells the judges, when Nina asked if the model was wearing a shrug, how he'd messed up the jacket and this was a quick substitute. Anthony? Stop explaining and pointing out your errors.
You should have listened to Tim when he warned that the dress was blah, and you should hove gone Wow. Instead, you went Out.
But then, as you said, You don't need the tiara to be the queen and you are still the queen Anthony! I'll miss you.
Mila-clone Maya...seriously they need to separate these two morose women, or at least make one of them change their hair....stepped out of her comfort zone and went with fabric over her usual black. and the judges all agreed that her fabric design was the best. Nina was right when she said it looked electric and like it was moving on the runway. Plus, Maya used her own style of texture and architecture [architexture?] to keep her vision alive.
I loved this dress with it's sleek fabric and the ruffled front panels, and I think she would have won, and I think she should have won, but she erred with the styling. The hairstyle on the model totally competed with the outfit rather than being a compliment. It was like the ruffles of the dress crawled atop the models hat in a salute to Davy Crockett.
Maya. So close. Again.
SerthAaron. To be fair, I don't like this. The fabric is great; I like the modernist approach to the woman's face, and then window-paning the whole thing. The fabric is nice, but there's so much going on. The fabric, the tie, the pants with the striping, and the fabric cut a different direction below the knee. It's a lot going on, but, and this counts, he does a lot and gets it done and does so without glue-guns and pins and staples.
Remember Santino's dresses that fell apart on the runway? Yeah.
But SethAaron can complete an outfit from head-to-toe in a couple of days, which bodes well for a walk to bryant Park. And even though he got the dreaded Phone-Call-Home edit, which usually spells doom, he was safe.
He went Top Two and I can't wait to see what he shows in the tents.
In.The.Tents.
My Emilio adoration fell off a cliff last night. I used to love his designs, and I love his snark...when he called Mila's dress a teepee it was at the exact same moment that I was saying the same thing to Carlos. But, his ego is growing bigger by the moment. I think one of the designtestants needs to drag out the Twine-and-Bolt-kini to remind Emilio that he can, and has, and probably will again, suck.
First, we have his fabric. He decided to brand himself on the fabric with E-S-Little Heart-Meaning-O-S-A running over and over again. It was too much. I nearly spewed tea when Tim thought the initials stood for SethAaronEmilioSosa! And, look closely at his fabric....I'll wait while you emBIGgen it....Okay, you're back. It says E-S-Little Heart-Meaning-O-S-A, but then he adds another letter, so it says E-S-Little Heart-Meaning-O-S-A-E or A or S. Um, Emilio, the first step toward branding is to spell your name right.
Tim didn't like the branding and Emilio did the "Tim can say whatever he wants but I don't listen to him" speech. Honey? I listen to Tim whenever I get dressed and I'm not trying to win 100K. Let me refer you back to a little train wreck I call Kenley. Yeah, uh huh. Don't eff with Tim!
Emilio gets the win, and, naturally, acts like he deserves it.
So, in recap, the fabric the judges called their favorite does not win. The deisgntestant who does the most work, the most polished work, the most complete work, who has a consistent vision, doesn't win. But misspelled branding on a simple dress with a "matronly"--Tim's word--jacket, does win.
As for losers, the dress that is simply unwearable, crafted of a snippet of the worst fabric, is safe. And the dress called a catastrophe and an utter misfire, with a dull as dishwater sad, dirty tablecloth fabric, and straitjacket, is safe. But a simple design that, yes, is all too reminiscent of previous designs, gets Auf'd?
I need a seat in the judges chair.
Move over Kors!
Fashion Assassin Out!

3 comments:

froggy said...

Anthoneeeeeeeeeee! sob!

I did love the challenge. When they said the winner would get a $50k 'suite' from HP we knew something like this was coming down the pike.

Cliff O'Neill said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one who's seeing shades of Kenley in The Ego Named Sosa!

Joy said...

I didn't get this either. They spent all that time on the other two and then auf'd Anthony.