Saturday, March 20, 2010

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.........

Friends hasbeen, I mean, actor David Schwimmer is engaged.
At 43-years-old the former Friends star has found the love of his life in 24-year-old Zoe Buckman, whom he met when he picked her up at day camp in 1998.

I jest.
He allegedly met Buckman in 2007, when he was making his directorial debut, Run Fatboy Run. Back then, she was just another nubile twenty-one-year old and he was just another geezer preparing for his first, post-forty, prostate exam.

Demi Moore.
Remember her?
It seems like just yesterday when, at aged 84, she married a twelve-year-old Ashton Kutcher.
I kid.
But apparently Demi, the original cougar, doesn't like the word "cougar."
Go figure.
She says, "'Cougar' has become so distasteful. I really hate that expression. 'Puma' has a sweeter quality, more elegant."
Oh, Demi, I have a better word for you: hasbeen.
Try on "career over".
How do you like that?

It's gettin' hot in the kitchen with Paula Deen, y'all.
She was asked to do something called the Celebrity Chefs Tour, where she would give live cooking demonstrations in several cities, but when the $150,000 advance check she was given by promoters bounced, so did Paula.
But she's not through.
The tour people are playing the bitch card, saying Paula just walked away for no reason, and Paula is suing mad. She wants a $130,000 for each event she was to do, and, well, she also wants $1 million dollars for defamation.
That's a lot of biscuits'n'gravy.

I've tried to stay away from the Rielle Hunter-Johnny Edwards-Elizabeth Edwards trifecta of dysfunction, but this is just too funny to pass up.
Rielle did an interview with GQ to talk about how she isn't a whore and a stalker and a husband stealer, and how Elizabeth is really Elizabitch. Rielle told her story and then posed for pictures.
They gave her a man's shirt and no pants. No.Pants. And she posed in them. But now, and this is rich, Rielle is upset because she had no idea they would use the pictures of her without the pants, spread out on a child's bed, surrounded by stuffed animals.
Really? Rielle? What an idiot!
Now, GQ is fighting back, releasing videotaped footage of the photoshoot where Rielle is asked to look at the pants-less pics, and gives her approval! GQ reporter, Lisa DePaulo says, "Did she say she thought they would be headshots? Rielle is a smart woman. She knows what she wore and what she was doing in the photo shoot."

Rielle is a photographer and photo-journalist, but she don't know nothing 'bout taking no pitchers.

And, of course, more Charlie Sheen news.
The alleged drug-addict-wife-beating-alcoholic has enlisted the aid of a, ahem, "sober" coach to keep him away from the booze while he's on the set. No mention of whether or not there is a "crack coach" or a "porn coach".
According to a source, “Charlie wants to get clean. He’s got his demons and he knows it. But he’s doing everything he can right now.”
No, he wants to keep his fat white ass out of jail. And, when you consider that he apparently had a "sober coach" around when he went on a drunken rage last Christmas and allegedly pulled a knife on his wife, well, you wonder how much good the coaching will do. I mean, in Charlie's world, a "sober coach" is someone who tells him how to make a great dirty martini.

Looks like Paula Abdul may have a new job.
After leaving the judging seat on American Idol, and floating around in a stupor, Paula has been approached to sit at the judges table, or maybe even host, a reboot of Star Search.
From whacked out judge to whacked out judge. Not so much as a step up as a step over.
The new Star Search is supposedly set to debut this summer, would not allow Paula to work on Simon Cowell's Americanized The X Factor show.
But, Paula as a host? Who's gonna prop her up when her arms start going all willy-nilly, and will there be a translator on set to tell the audience what she said?

Allegedly, Kate Gosselin is a giant bitch media whore. And, judging by the photo, a little "rode hard and put away wet".
Well, others used the words “total diva” but I like mine.
Everyone on the set of Dancing With the Stars, from cast members, hired dancers, judges, stage-hands, the band, studio audience, and janitorial assistants hate her.
Poor Kate. All she wants to do is be a mother for her eight children while appearing on every single TV show she can and spending as much time away from her kids as possible.
The gossipmill is churning out news that she’s snubbing other cast members and being demanding to the crew. From an 'insider': “Kate doesn’t want anything to do with other contestants . . . While there’s a lot of camaraderie among the crew and other stars including Pamela Anderson, Kate has set herself apart . . . She wants to be queen bee.”
Yeah, Kate, you don't wanna be snubbin' Shannen Doherty. She'll cut a bitch. I know, because, well, let's just say, once, outside the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, I met up with a drunken, knife-wielding Doherty, and a bitch was cut.
I have the scars to prove it.

Oprah's getting sued again.
No, not by the beef folks. And not by the cake folks. And not by the diet folks.
She is being sued by Nomvuyo Mzamane, who was the former headmistress of Oprah's South African school. She was dismissed from her position when she was charged for abusing the students.
Nomvuyo says the charges are lies and occurred only when the Big O defamed her during a press conference back in 2007.A judge has ruled that there is sufficient evidence to make O put down the snack cakes, have her dressers dress her, her hair and make-up people primp and prune her, her driver take her to the airport so she can board her private plane, loaded with snack cakes, and fly to Philadelphia to appear in court.
I see a mad run on Philly Cheese Steaks. Get 'em while you can. Oprah will hit town on the 29th.
Consider yourselves warned.


Angry Artist said...

Great picture of Gosselin. Hah!

mistress maddie said...

I'm not wasting any time talking about that Kate thing!!! But how lucky are we to get Poorah right here in Philadelphia!!! And for two weeks I hear to the trial is done. Most resturants are really stocking up on the extra food for their places, thinking where will she eat. And the lines at the cheese steak place are usually very long. So if she wants one of them, she will probably just buy the whole place first and own it, then send in people to have the people waiting removed, then she will venture over And have six!!!

Joy said...

Funny, Maddie! I like these posts and always learn something.