Real Housewives

Bravo has several of these shows:
The Real Housewives of Atlanta--it's like skank-squared...all they wanna do is try to beat a bitch down.
The Real Housewives of Orange County--which is all about botox and plastic surgery, fake boobs and fake personalities.
The Real Housewives of New York--which is my favorite! Loves it!



I got hooked on it last season, and then played catch-up on all the episodes I missed.

There's Jill, a nice Jewish girl from Long Island, who calls herself by both her names: Hi, I'm Jillzaran. I'm on Team Jill, and also Team Bethenny.



There's Bethenny, who was on Martha's one-shot The Apprentice--she lost. She's the comic center of the group. Holy Inappropriateness Batman.



We have Romona, bug-eyed and will say just about anything. She reminds me of a friend of mine in California who is bug-eyed and will say just about anything. Back to Ramona: on Team Jill we call her Rameana.



The Countess de Lesseps, who is a real countess and seemed quite normal last year, but apparently has brought out the de Lesseps Bitch jewels for season two.



Alex, who is a pompous arrogant insufferable money grubbing social climbing whore with a gay husband who is a pompous arrogant insufferable money grubbing social climbing whore with a bitch for a wife. I don't like them, can you tell?



And this season we have added Kelly to the mix. Kelly is an author and former model, who seems quite nice, but just yesterday she was accused of punching her younger boyfriend in the face. Cougar with her claws out! So we added streetfighter to her resume.


Now, the show. These gals start out in the Hampton's--who doesn't?

There are parties and lunches and shopping and, well, cat-fights, because, let's face it, without the cat-fights this would be on the Travel Channel and who watches that?

The best fight last night was when the Countess was holding a charity event at Hope Lodge in NYC, to benefit cancer patients who use the facility while getting treatments in New York.

But that's not the story.

Rameana was giving dating advice to Bethenny--the token 'Unlucky in love gal' on the show. Her advice was to date....date, not you know, sleep around...many men because when other men see you out on the town with a bunch of different guys they'll come after you like sharks after blood....or like men after a cheap hooker.

The Countess thought this approach all wrong, and the discussion/kitty fight--because it wasn't full on yet--turned to the Countess' husband, The Count, and how Ramona thought he was twice as old as the Countess.

The Countess was indignant: You think the Count is an old man?

Everytime the Countess says Count, I think Chocula.

Ramona: Well, yes.

It was on. The Count is only fifteen years older! How dare you talk about this in front of my daughter, the Countletess or something? You're bug-eyed, Ramona!

The Countess stomps around muttering constantly about Ramona the rude; how embarrassing, how tacky, how pathetic.

So Ramona apologizes. One Hundred Times!!!! Seriously, BugEyes tells the Countess she's sorry, tells the Countletess she's sorry, at one point she actually says, I'm really really really really really really sorry.

And the Countess won't let it die.

Side note: The Countess is writing a book on etiquette because, as we all know, Countesses are the most polite well-mannered people, because they used to be models and then married a man with a title. But it's quite obvious as Ramona grovels, that the Countess has yet to write the chapter on How To Accept An Apology Gracefully.

Now, before the fight, before Ramona showed up, Bethenny, who is a chef so we see her in the kitchen for about two minutes a season to remind us, is helping the Countess set up a buffet at the Hope Lodge. Bethenny is going to be on the cover of Social Life magazine, which is a big deal, because it comes out only in the Hampton's, but hey, it's a cover shot. She tells the Countess how excited she is to be on the cover.

And to her credit the Countess says, at first, That's fantastic.

But then she tosses out, Of course, they'll do some retouching on the picture.

Again, she has yet to right the chapter on inappropriate comments. I imagine they'll be doing a lot of retouching on the Countess book. And by "retouching" I mean, ghostwriter.

But then Bethenny delivers the line of the night:

Next time could you take a beat before you tell me I'm ugly?

I'm lookin' for a Bethenny/Countess smackdown. Maybe Kelly could give lessons.