PR: All-Stars: From 99-Cents To Half A Million Bucks!

It's on. The fan favorites, and those you love to hate, or simply hate, are back on the runway, vying for $500,000 in cash and prizes. That's the good news. The bad news is that we have no Heidi, Tim, Michael or Nina, but, after the first episode, I may survive. Angela Lindvall is the PR: All-Stars Heidi, while Georgina Chapman plays Nina; the part of Michael Kors goes to former The Fashion No host, Isaac Mizrahi--Him, I love--and Tim will be played by Marie Claire bigshot Joanna Coles, who seems like a good fit. She's got attitude and a British accent, which always works for me.
After the returnees meet and greet, they're taken to the site of the former Limelight in NYC, which has become a WalMart or a Target, or a shopping mall of some sort. They were asked to bring a recent creation with them to show the judges where they are now in terms of design, but they will not be judges on those designs. It's just a time-filler I think, until the designtestants caravanned to the Ninety-Nine-Cent store, given one hundred bucks, and told to create a new look inspired by that recent creation.
So, the new becomes new....again.
Let's rip......

Kenley. The bad girl. The one who was mean to Tim, and seemed to copy other, far more famous designers that she'd never heard of, is back. She's still rocking the bitch talk and the 1940s hair, but her recent creation--while it seems familiar--is less vintage-y.
It still has a great deal of tulle, because, lets' face it, Kenley loves tulle.
Kenley's runway look,  based on her recent creation, looked nothing like her recent creation. Bathmats and a loofah. It was like something a spa would give you to wear after soaking in the hot pools all day. 
It was boring, but it got a pass.

Austin, the Queen of the Drama Queens. I'm guessing, just from the looks of the first ten minutes of Ep One, that Austin changes his hair style and his clothes the way most people change their minds...every five minutes or so.
But Austin seems to have moved on from the pretty girl pageant dress fit for a garden party, to a more structured hard-edged gown. it was interesting, but it didn't seem Austin.
Austin did get this week's lone Drama Moment, when he set the glue gun down on his plastic dress and burned, er, melted, a hole right through it. There were tears, and cursing, and a hair-style switch. But, in the end, his dress of tablecloths and freezer bags was a save.

Mila is still a color-blockhead, with a dash more arrogance then necessary. i mean, she placed, what, second or third, or the LA season of the PR and everyone knows the LA season of the PR was the worsts season ever. So what has she got to be so snooty about?
Mila's statement piece was an asymmetrical, color-blocked tent thing. No color--unless you have a black-and-beige only colorwheel--and no spark. It was boring. It was Mila.
And so was the new thing, crafted of gift bags and curtain liners. The top was interesting, but the leggings looked like a patchwork-disease-of-the-week hot mess. I think she should have stopped at the top.
Hell, she should just stop.

Anthony. If it's possible for someone to become more flamingly gay then Anthony has accomplished it. I've never heard 'Honey" dropped more often in my life. Honey, he is something else. Honey he wants to prove himself. Honey, his granny went to the crazy house. Honey.
His latest creation was neon green with a large jewel-encrusted safety pin. I can offer no other explanation. Nor can I explain his crepe paper and gold safety pin new dress he created. It was too much like the original, but, lucky for him honey, there were all sorts of other ugly on the runway.
He gets a pass.

Kara. I remember the accent, but, other than that I don't remember her at all. And in this first episode she gets the Invisi-edit. I saw her at the beginning, and then on the runway. Not much in between.
I will, though, remember her from now on, as the woman who called Marie Claire, Maury Claire...like the magazine does DNA tests for pregnant teens and their baby daddies.
Kara decided to be inspired by her lackluster business suit-ish creation with mops, tin trays and curtains.
And if she keeps this up, it will be curtains for her--sorry, I had to go there--because this was one odd, yet boring, look. And, with a hat! Oy!
I kinda wish her dress had been given the Invisi-edit.

Michael. He was the one who was called a cheater, a hack, a liar and a thief in his season. But what I remember about Michael--and what I noticed in the videotaped Valentino piece, is that he is the bug-eyed, mouth agape, verging on tears, over-actor of the group.
He tells us that, because of his draping abilities, that Rami is his main competition. Oh, honey, says Anthony-in-my-head, no. Your competition is everybody. And his dress was typical, draped Michael C; and looked like there was very little actual sewing done to it. I realize it hasn't been a long time since he was on the PR, but, step it up MC.
He picked mops for his dress, so he could easily drape them. But we have actual videotape of Michael at a sewing machine making his dress, so, I imagine, Ivy and She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Mentioned were sitting at home with their mouths agape, their eyes bugged out, and tears streaming down their faces.
Especially Ivy, who, apparently is no All-Star.

April seems to have lost some of her goth edge, and replaced it with some blue blond hair. She's not as rough-around-the-edges-fresh-from-design-school anymore. And her newest design seemed less rocker-goth than her old work. It was still black--kinda like April's unsmiling personality--but it was all business.
For some reason April picked mops, too, though what they had to do with her business suit dress I don't know. There seemed to be some talk in the workroom that Michael and April were making the same dress, but, in the end, they did not,. April's turned into some fringy gown that looked like a hack job of a dress Cher wore on the 70s. 
But it was fun, and it got a pass.

Rami. I always had a wee crush on Rami. Partly because he was very talented, partly because he seemed to be nice, and partly, okay mostly, because of the way he filled out his jeans. And now, add to all that, the way he fills out a tight shirt. Just sayin'.
Rami's offering to the pre-catwalk catwalk was a very structured dress that he said was inspired by LA's Walt Disney Symphony Hall. There was not a draped piece in sight--it looks like Michael may be the only draper after all.
Ramis' runway look, crafted of shopping bags and umbrella parts, was very hard-edged, very structured, and looked like something you'd see on an actual runway. Rami, and his jeans, and tight T, set the bar very high.
Georgina loved the silhouette, while Isaac said the construction was great and that Rami had made the materials his 'bitch'. I don't know what that means, but I liked it and I'll be using it from now on, as in: Carlos. breakfast was delicious. You made that oatmeal your bitch!
Guest judge, Ken Downing from Nieman Marcus called it saleable. And then it was called the winner. Sadly, though, since they're all ALLEGEDLY all-stars, there will be no immunity on this runway.

Mondo. I am torn between being Team Mondo and Team Oh My God Look At Rami In Those Jeans. I still think Mondo was robbed of the top prize the year She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Mentioned....and her granny panties....won.
I'm conflicted.
Mondo's new creation was very Mondo. In fact, the model looked like Mondo in a short dress and knee-highs. It was kinda 40s, kinda today, kinda chic, and all Mondo.
And his 99-cent dress of binders, tape and trash bags, because a flirty Little Black Dress, with a flirty "fascinator", what we call a hat in the US. Mondo had struggled in the workroom, but he brought it on the runway.
Georgina dubbed it a fun Little Black Dress and Isaac said Mondo is an expert with proportion. Ken thought it would sell, if made out of a real fabric and not something you could hose off in the back yard after a night at th4e clubs.
Mondo gets second place.

Jerell with the jheri curl. But i do love the way he enunciates, and the way his head snaps when he talks. Plus, he loves some bling, as we saw when his recent creation walked the runway and was overcome with chains and sequins and glittery things.
His new design, well, except for the bling, because there was none, looked exactly like his inspiration piece. A long flowy, sexy dress. It was a cheap knockoff. 
Georgina thought his dress moved well--exactly like the inspiration, I say--and Isaac liked the color. Ken Downing liked the mullet hemline. It was good enough to stay in the top, but Jerell needs to dazzle me....without the bling please.

Sweet P. She's changed the most since her season. Her hair is slicked back, or worn in a chic chignon, and there is some brilliant red lips happening. She's lost the granola, I think.
Om the runway, the dress she wore was very nice. Brightly colored and chic. Her hair was done, the lipstick applied, and then she sends down a washcloth and belt dress.
Terry-effing-cloth.
Isaac rightly so called it ragged, and said that the cut-out in  the back looked more like a chew-out. Ouch! Ken Downing said it made the model loo fat, which is Cardinal Sin One--never make the client look big!! Georgina cut to the punch and said it wasn't well-made.
Still.....it got a pass.

Gordana. From the Eastern bloc. Every time I see her or hear her, I also hear the phrase, "Let's check the scores from the Russian judge." I dunno why. Her recent creation was a sexy flowy white dress with odd Red Army Epaulets on it. I know!
But, since her recent creation was flowy and sexy and long, she opted fro flowy sexy and short, using streamers and Brillo pads and little pieces of mirror and some kind of red tube. I think Gordana may have gone looking for a kitchen sink to throw on this mess, because even she admits she over-designs.
And Georgina agreed that Gordana needs to step back and edit her looks, while Isaac loved the Brillo pads neck piece. I'm guessing he has a sink at home that needs a good scrub.
But seriously folks, Gordana will have to step it up and step it back if she wants to stay past week Two!

Elisa. The spitter. She tells us that last time she was just happy to be on the show, but now she wants to win. Cue the ominous drumming.
She fits her model into the drees, and tells her to act like a flower, and open up as she walks the run way. And she does; and it looks like some graffiti-lite Halloween costume of a garden nymph. And I think Isaac Mizrahi actually spit on it.
During the critique with Joanna, Elisa said that her spitting on her designs was a blessing and that people pay her for the spit/blessing., And I began to think that those are the same people who would pay a sideshow fortune teller a hundred bucks to find out that Granny taped a ten-dollar bill to the bottom of a box of Ritz Crackers before she died.
Seriously.
Her new design was hot pants and bird wings, made from shower curtains, paint and saliva. She told a story about circles, and 180-degrees and whole stories and half stories. Too bad this isn't PR: Storytellers, eh. Elisa?
Georgina simply did not get it, so Elisa tells the Story Of The Dress--and Georgina still doesn't get it. Ken says the dress should make a statement when you see it, otherwise it'll never come off the hanger.  And, while Isaac liked the spirit of the dress.....cue ominous drumming......Elisa, who so wanted to win this time, packed up her crayons, cleaned off her work floor, and headed home.


So, that's All-Stars. I think the competition will be better, since they've all been here before, but I also think the bitchiness-which I really love--will be on the upswing.
I.Am.Ready.
Are you?