PR: All-Stars: Couture In A Day

This one was a given, at least in terms of the winner, for nearly all the designers and the judges. I, on the other hand, disagreed completely. so let's jump right in.
The task was to create a ball gown, a Wow! gown, a One Night Only kind of Dreamgirls gown, fit for the opera. Go all out, make a statement. Make it fabulous.
Yeah, not so much.

Gordana
Oh she does love to complain, about Austin complaining. About Austin worrying that everyone thinks he'll win and how he worries he won't. Gordana mutters something like, "Shut up and do it. People in my country sent to Siberia for complaining."
And I think she knows whereof she speaks, but I digress.
When her dress hit the runway she uttered, "The fabric, the beading, I love it."
I said, "Meh." The beading was nice, though it looked a little Joan Crawford 1960s Oscar gown, but the fabric on the bottom half seemed weird, and seemed to shift oddly as the model walked.
Pass.

Kenley
Still rocking the 1940s Rosie the Riveter look, and the Cotton Candy dresses.
And also still rocking the No Love For Tim Gunn, because, for the second week in a row, she tells us how great it is to have Marie Claire's Joanna Coles as the mentor. Perhaps Joanna has yet to question Kenley's taste level. Or attitude.
In her head, her fabulous ball gown was a "flowy statement...fashion forward" and it was, if this was Project Runway 1949. See, Kenley does retro, and not retro with a modern edge, but just retro. This dotty bubblegum confection would have suited Lucy Ricardo, after she'd moved to Connecticut and joined the club.
Pass.

Mila
She's a bitch. Her season was full of snarky bitches who couldn't design their way out of a muslin bag, and she's brought that same attitude to All-stars.
The challenge was to make elegant, fabulous, romantic and feminine gowns, and she just did her own thing, as usual.
She even muttered, as her gown walked stiffly down the runway, with it's weird, twisted hem, and splotches of sequins in a kind of leprosy pattern, that she "hoped the judges forgot...romantic and feminine."
Ands they must have because....
Pass.

Rami
So meaty. He's been working out, and then buying smaller shirts to show us he's been working out. And I'm good with that. I wasn't so good that he was getting kind of handsy with Anthony; I'd cut that bitch.
I wasn't so good with his dress, either. I mean, it was pretty, in fuchsia, and well-made, but there wasn't a wow. It was a nice dress, and nice dresses don't go to the opera, except maybe in Muncie. If they even have an opera.
Rami hoped the judges were "forgiving of the rush job." and they were....
Pass

Jerell
He said his biggest competition was Austin--heck they all said this was Austin's challenge--but I think Jerell's biggest competition is Jerell. A little less praising yourself, Jerell, or the end will come sooner than expected.
Still, I give him props for line of the night: "No one wants a nip slip...not at the opera! That's tacky." Cuz, you know, a nip slip at the supermarket is just fine.
But his dress? Oy, not so fine. The top was fun, the sheer back was cool. But the large swath of ugly fabric that made up the skirt--and made the model look like she was carrying twins--was awful.
Though you couldn't tell by Jerell: It's "so who I am....patting myself on the back."
You might wanna save that arm, Jerell, for when you're Auf'd and need to hail a cab.
Pass.

Kara
She doesn't do gowns, and she doesn't do prints, so naturally, in the gown challenge, she chose a pastel, summertime print. But hey, it had pockets!
Kara, while working, is all doubt and questions; all 'I can't do this' and 'I think I've got this.'
I thought her dress was simple. Prom. It didn't look like some fabulous gown a society matron would wear the the Met. It looked something a society matron's maid might wear on a picnic. She thought it "beautiful....dreamy....elegant."
She thought wrong.
Still, Isaac loved the idea of using a print, but thought the ribbon at the waist was too high, or too low, or too big or too small. Maybe it's just wrong? Guest Judges, James Mischka and Mark Badgley--I don't know who is whom, so I'll just say Badgley/Mischka--wanted a longer ribbon, perhaps, I hoped, to strangle Kara for this snoozefest. Georgina Chapman thought it pretty, but not Kara.
I thought it pretty Kara, which means simple and nothing great.
But even for a 6th place finish.

April
For the second week we had the issue of Michael and April picking the same colors, or, as was the case last week, mops, for their looks. In her own way, April stifled the brouhaha by saying, "You wanna do red, f**king do red!"
And she did red, but then she dyed it in kind of an ombré  style, from the hemline up. Everyone thought it a big risk, but April does this at home. Note to April: I wear flannel PJ bottoms with guitars on them at home, but I don't bring it to work. M'kay?
As soon as her dress hit the runway, you could spot the flaws--from space. Too many detail and weird puckering accents. The hem was asymmetrical but that looked like a mistake to me. The top was cut strangely, and even April wanted to "grab her [model] off the runway."
Too late. Damage done. 
Badgley/Mischka thought she tried to do too much for one dress, and both of them loathed black and red together in a dress. Angela--who gives me a little Bo Derek vibe--actually loved the cut of the neckline, but Georgina thought that all the different red fabrics made it look like a mistake.
A mistake that nearly cost, but April ended up in 5th...and the rushed out for a 5th of gin to console herself.

Sweet P
Hippie. Dippy. She thought about doing black, but she doesn't do black, so she chose color. And, um, well, she chose some god-awful colors. And then bought feathers to match. She was out of her element from the start, and she knew it, and we knew it.
She'd hoped for a gorgeous ball gown and what she got was dress for a hoe down. The printed skirt said Country Store and the ill-fitting bodice said Esther Williams. And everyone knows those two things don't go together.
She put on a brave face while the dress walked, even saying--without the hint of a knowing smile--that it looked like "a Cinderella dress." Yes, it did have a pumpkin turned into a coach and then turning back into a pumpkin quality about it.
Isaac thought it was the prom dress of the night, while Badgley/Mischka were a'scurred of the dirndl skirt. Georgina thought the bodice was all wrong--and, well, even Sweet P knew that--while Angela liked the color.....
Hold up. She liked the color?
.....but thought it was too daytime.
It wasn't daytime. It was closing time, and sweet little Sweet P was told to pack her threads and go.

Anthony
He chose white. He kept saying cream, but this was white, Anthony. White. Like a bridal dress white. But Anthony saved himself from Bridal Hell by slitting the dress up to there...well, almost there....and then slitting it down the front and down the back.
And, in the end, I thought it kind of plain, and simple. I mean, Anthony likes neon's and bold colors and pops and wows, and this week he went wh..yawn..ite.
Sure, he tried to toughen it up with black shoes and black leather opera gloves, but that didn't quite work for me; I did, however, like the jewelry around the waist. i did not, however, like the very high, perfectly round, looking solid as a rock, breasts the model had on. They looked dangerous. But Anthony thought the whole thing looked "like a dream...rich...regal....the Anthony Williams experience."
Angela and Isaac loved the black leather, and Isaac thought it made the dress look vampy and sexy. Georgina wasn't so sure that vampy and sexy said opera gown. The Mischkas called it a showstopper, and modern, with a great fit; they also called it theatrical.
I think I missed that movie, and that doesn't upset me.
Anthony finishes in 3rd place.

Michael
He has this in the bag because he knows opera. We know he knows opera because he can say Luciano Pavarotti and Andrea Bocelli. You know, like I know hip-hop because I can say Kanye.
:::::crickets::::::
Oh, and the April drama. Mops and then red dresses. Michael made quite the show of stomping around Mood because April was doing red, until he saw a beautiful black matte jersey and then he shut his piehole because a vision came to him. The same exact dress, only....in.....black.
But you have to give Michael props. He works very fast, and he came up with a great design. His dress looked powerful and sexy and bold; just the kind of one-time only dress someone might wear. And add to that a very sexy, bordering on dangerously low-cut, back, and it was faboosh.
Isaac couldn't believe he'd done the dress in a day, ab]nd dubbed it perfect--though he later said he'd seen that dress a thousand times, even though the beaded feathered collar piece was new. Georgina loved the fabric and the beading and the feathers; methinks she's a showgirl at heart. She even said that the girl might go to the opera alone but she wouldn't go home alone. Badgley/Mischka called it exquisite and Angela wants it.
I seriously thought this might win, but it was only 2nd place.

Austin
Another day, another personality. last week was silent movie villain and this week was Bronski Beat. Will the real Austin Scarlet........
This was his challenge to lose, or win, or whatever. Everyone worried about what he'd do and he worried that he'd fail, and the couture king, as he said he was known, would be laughed off the show.
He said his dress was sort of gold lamé, sort of chic, and sort of billowing voluminous black tulle. I think he had no idea what it was, sort of. And it sort of was, because on the runway there was no voluminous black tulle, there was simply a black tulle cape that was tucked in the collar and around the waist. He really needed to turn up the volume in my opinion.
But he called it a "vision in molten gold, swathed in a cloud of black tulle." If this fashion gig flops, he should write romance novels. Seriously.
Isaac loved that it was fresh and yet classic, and looked expensive; and even a bit modest. The Mischkas thought it tasteful and beautiful, while Georgina wished the top was cut lower, making it less modest. the Mischkas also harped about the tulle being a bit lopsided, and there was discussion of where to pull and tug and tuck, and for a minute I thought this was RuPaul's Drag Race.
Still, Austin's tasteful, modest, beautiful dress reaped the reward of being Number 1, and Austin can hols his head up high, and maybe come dressed like a matador next week.
No, he does, i saw the previews.


Now, for The PR According To Bob:

Mondo
Was.Robbed.
Stay with me here. The task was to design a one of a kind, one night only, one time dress, a showstopper, for a night at the Met, and, while Michael came close, Mondo nailed it.
And he doesn't even do gowns, but does more quirky, avant garde stuff.
Which is what this was. A gorgeous shiny silver dress with a Cleopatra collar and a kimono train--because Mondo knows from Cleopatra and Madame Butterfly.
His dress was Bam! as soon as it turen3ed the corner, and was every inch the most fabulous dress on the runway. If the task was to make a dress that made people stop and look, and wonder, then Mondo's was it.
I think the producers are sticking their noses in the judging so this doesn't become the PR: Mondo's Gonna Win.
But it should be, based on this dress.
He.Was.Robbed.