Saturday, January 21, 2012

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

I blame it on Gwyneth.
Chris Martin has always been a bit touchy where his wife, the supremely perfect in her own head, Gwyneth Paltrow is concerned. But he gets positively twitchy when the subject of Brad Pitt comes up, which I imagine it does, being Pitt was one of Paltrow's old flames.
In fact, in 2008, Chris said, about Pitt, in a Rolling Stone interview, saying, “You’ve got to be hungry… If your wife went out with Brad Pitt, you’d want to prove yourself, you know what I mean?” 
Um, no, but you go ahead.
Later that same year, Chris punched an interviewer--and called him a c*nt--for mentioning Gwyneth’s engagement to Brad, so for the past few years, Chris avoids the subject altogether.
Until the bauble appeared. It seems that Mister Gwyneth Paltrow’s eyes popped when he spotted an obviously pricey diamond bracelet on the wrist of the Missus. He asked her about it, and Gwyneth, being dumb as a box of rocks, or loving the drama, told him the jewels were a gift from Brad during their engagement.....15 years ago.
Chris blew his stackand there was the promise of donating the bauble to charity. Still, it begs the question, why would she wear an expensive piece of jewelry given to her by an old flame in front of her very jealous-of-the-former-fiance husband? Well, it all goes back to dumb as a box of rocks, or loving the drama. That's Gwynnie.


Haven't heard too much of Miley Pothead Cyrus lately, so, naturally, she used the Paris Hilton method of getting some press.
She began showing up anywhere and everywhere looking much thinner than she had just a month back.
Drugs? Drink? Bulimia?
See, Miley looked less bulky, and the boobs were smaller and she seemed so tiny. All of it ALLEGEDLY due to  a chef, nutritionist, and personal trainer who helped Miley shed 15 pounds for the incredibly low price of $50,000.
Uh, huh. She apparently still has a fat head.
According to a pal--and by pal, I mean her media savvy daddy--Miley used those experts to help her shed some weed fat before a Hawaiian getaway with boyfriend Liam Hemsworth: “Miley probably spent $50,000 to lose 15 pounds in a few weeks. She didn’t care what it cost as long as she looked good!”
I'm thinking if she'd spent 50k less on weed, and lost the munchies, she probably would have lost the weight just as easily and quickly, and saved herself $100,000.
But that's just me.


Oh JLo,  ¿como se dice 'midlife crisis'?  
First she dumps her husband, and then goes all Britney and hooks up with a backup dancer, and then pays said dancing boy 10k a week just to be her boy. But now Lopez has seen to it that Casper the Horny Backup Dancer was offered a job--without description--at American Idol. Supposedly, JLo wants to keep him busy while Mama's workin'.
An insider--and by insider I mean Miss Ryan Seacrest--says, “Casper has some title but no one knows what he’s supposed to be doing.”
But JLo is so desperate to keep her toy, she’s even hired her attorneys to clear him of charges stemming from recklessly drag-racing a friend down an LA freeway last winter, and Ryan adds: “She doesn’t mind paying thousands of dollars if it means he’ll stick around.”
Stick around and take care of Mama's needs. I'm guessing.


The story that won't die is the one about Elton, his husband, and Madonna.
We all know that Elton John lost the Golden Globe for “Best Song” to Madonna, and was visibly livid at the idea. But he didn't seem as enraged as his husband, David Furnish, who was all over Facebook, and Twitter, and anyone with a microphone who came his way, saying, “Did Madonna get the Golden Globe because she attended the awards and agreed be a presenter? The award should have gone to Mary J. Blige or Elton. I like Madonna’s music, but not her movies. She should stick to what she is good at.”
This came after his Facebook blast: “Madonna. Best song???? F**k off!!! Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in its narcissism…”
Yeah, it was ugly. Two queens and a dude gettin' into it always is, and yet Madonna stayed classy about the whole thing, saying she only hoped that she and Elton weren’t fighting, again. But now, David  has settled, and he's apologizing, sort of.
On Facebook--seriously?--he said: “Wow! What a tempest in a teapot. My comments regarding the Golden Globes have been blown way out of proportion. My passion for our film ‘Gnomeo & Juliet’ and belief in Elton’s song really got my emotional juices going. But I must say for the record that I do believe Madonna is a great artist, and that Elton and I wish her all the best for next week’s premiere of the film ‘W.E.’”
His comments, taken verbatim from his own posts were taken out of context? Oh, honey, no, no. And why the sudden switch to polite politics? Well, some say that maybe David's unbridled fury at the GG loss would hurt Elton's chances of getting the Oscar nod, so Mister John muzzled Mister John.
Queens fighting is fun.


Overkill much.
There was ALLEGEDLY  a magazine in the works solely dedicated to all things Kardashian. It seemed like a false story, and a really stupid idea, but now comes news that there really was a Kardashian magazine being prepped to hit the stands until Kris "For the love of god learn to keep your mouth shut" Jenner mucked it up.
Rumor has it--I love that Adele song, but I digress--that Jenner botched the deal with parent company American Media International by demanding that all stories in AMI tabloids about the Kash Kow and her ilk be in a positive vein. The magazine folks told Kris that there was no way they were going censor any stories about the Kardashians, and she blew a gasket, a vein in her head, and the deal.
Can you imagine that she actually thinks there is anything remotely positive to write about her entire money-grubbing brood, their ALLEGEDLY cross-dressing father, and their adulterous mother?
Too, too funny.

11 comments:

froggy said...

All Things Kardashian?? Watch out for plagues of toads and locusts next.

Tivo Mom said...

I don't get the Gwennie phenom. She bugs me and always has. Never thought she deserved that award way back when.

Sam said...

Hum, Chris was a guest on Howard Stern(yep, I listen to him) a few months back and he really fawned over Gwinny. He was very very frank about their marriage.

Look, Bob. Why the hell Mary J. didn't win for "The Living Proof" I'll never fucking know. If she doesn't win that Oscar I'll be tossing F Bombs on my blog.

J.Lo? Hehe. Well she wouldn't be the first ho to throw the kitchen sink at a good piece of Badinker Dong. He must be the shit in the sack, but like all good erections they come to an end. Casp better wurk it why he's got it like that.
But boy she will need therapy when that relationship ends cause you know he will have mucho material for the gossip rags and gawd knows Ms. Lo loves buying back her past footage.

The whoredashians? NO FUCKING COMMENT!!!

R.J. said...

Miley paid a $50k tithe to the Porcelain God so she wouldn't have to kneel in front of it and jam a couple of fingers down her throat after every meal like every other b-list actress.

David said...

Gwyneth Paltrow's success is based on her mom and dad. She's a twit, and nowhere near as talented as a box of hair. I dream one day of kicking her in her lady parts.

mistress maddie said...

American Media International should have told her even more made up lies to have Jenner combuse, that would have been one down!!!! And their like vampires, after the head in charge is gone the rest will wither.... And if John wanted to really get back at Madonna he should have stayed quite and just sent her some hydrangea!

Ron said...

I love your blog! Damn but you're good. How refreshing to find a blog that is well written, open, honest and interesting.

Just a quick note on Chris Martin, I don't know him personally (of course I don't) but I am always suspicious of any good-looking man who is insecure about his wife previous relationships with good looking well hung men. Me thinks Mr. Martin has a bit of penis envy to deal with. Just saying.

mrs.missalaineus said...

how could i have just stumbled on you when i see your comments for david all the time???

I LOVE YOUR WIT!

xxalainaxx

www.DiatribesAndOvations.com said...

I've always liked Brad Pitt but NOT Gwyneth Paltrow. I think she's an arrogant elitist and not that great an actress. http://wp.me/p1se8R-1uA

tamayn said...

I really want to care about the whole JLo thing, but I find it harder and harder. The backup dancer she's with isn't even really all that cute. At least Demi knows how to pick them.

I'm also fairly Kardashianed out. It's all they show on E! here. No Soup, no Chelsea Lately, and it took them forever to start showing Fashion Police.

mistress maddie said...

Oh Tamayn, no one deserves that kind of punishment! Your in my thoughts.