Saturday, June 05, 2010

I Ain't One To Gossip But.........


While the rumors swirl that Whitney Houston has lost her voice, and lost the ability to sustain a single note in the same key for longer than it takes to make a drug deal, one thing she hasn't lost is her appetite.
Perhaps she's feeding her lack of voice with an overabundance of chocolate.
That paragon of truthfulness--Hey! They broke the John Edwards story--the National Enquirer is saying that Whit has ballooned to 175 pounds on her "Nothing But Pork Chops, I mean, Love" tour. Now, sources close to Houston--and by sources, I mean the people that carry the pork chops say the weight gain is due to steroid injections or prednisone treatments for her ALLEGED respiratory infection.
Others say she is going nuts on the room service menu, thinking it's all you can eat.

From the Been-There-Seen-That aisle, with a quick stop at the Has-Been Barrel:
Everything old--and by old I mean stupid...and by stupid I mean mindless 1980s crap movies--is new again.
Tom Selleck has confirmed that there will actually be a 3rd film in the 3 Men and a Baby franchise:
"It is true that Disney checked my availability. And I know they checked Ted's and Steve's and then had a script written, I think tentatively called '3 Men and a Bride' which kind of says it all about the story."
Three Men And A Bride? A tale of polygamy? Huh? What? Huh?
But, oddly enough, even Tom Selleck admits that the first movie was the best, and the second was, well, I'll say it for him, a crapfest, but he's sure the third will be just like the first.
Inane comedy about three juvenile acting men who can't get their own lives together and visit their immaturity on everyone else.
Yeah. I won't be there. Either.

Sonja Morgan, the newest edition to the gaggle of crazies on The Real Housewives of NYC--and I say that with love--was arrested earlier this week after roaring through a stop sign at Two AM in Southampton.
She refused to take the Breathalyzer unless she got a chance to rinse with Tanqueray first, so they dropped her in a cell.
Oh, these housewives. Arrests for being drunk. Arrests for beating up your old boyfriend. Insanity. They have it all.
Still, in Sonja's defense, rumor has it that just as she approached the stop sign, Countless Luann DeLessep's, um, song[?] came on the radio and Sonja hurled her Bentley threw the intersection in hopes of killing herself before the second verse.
I know how she feels. I heard the song on the show last week and suddenly I found myself with my head in the microwave and a finger on defrost.
Just sayin'.

Fran Drescher has outed her ex-husband.
Drescher and her ex, Peter Marc Jacobson, worked hand-in-hand back in 2008 to block Prop H8 in California, and now she's telling us why he was so passionate about it.
The man she was married to for 20 years is a sequin-wearing-Liza-Loving-Fire-Island-going-disco-dancing homo!
Fran Drescher: “Peter and I met when we were 15. We were just kids and didn’t know who we truly were. We went through a lot together...[We are] the best of friends [and] we love each other dearly."
And, of course, they are now taking their oddly dysfunctional marriage to a place where it belongs.
On. TV.
In.A.Sitcom.
Interesting.

I always like it when a famous person, known mostly for their addictions to drugs and, well, or, alcohol--yeah, Lindsay, we're looking at you--cleans up their act.
They start to look like a washed and dried version of their former self.
Unless you're Courtney Love.
Then you begin to look like a nipped-tucked-dermabrasioned-botox'd-lipo'd-chemically-peeled version of your former self.
Yes.
That is Courtney Love.
Before and after.

And speaking of Lindsay--and around here we always speak Lindsanity--she has found a new way to get her legal highs.
Now that she's being all alcohol-braceleted and drug tested, I mean.
Lindsay goes to the dentist.
And she gets teeth pulled.
And she gets all the drugs she needs.
Legally.
Hmmm......Let's see. The average person has 32 teeth, counting the wisdom teeth, so Lindsay probably has another thirty or so scheduled dental appointments before she switches to elective surgeries to get her fix.
At this rate, we won't soon be able to tell the difference between Lohan and Love.
Scary.

We haven't had any Charlie Sheen news for a while, so here goes:
He's going to jail.
At least that's the rumor.
Sources--and by sources i mean courthouse janitors--say that this Monday Charlie will plead guilty to assault and spend the next thirty years in.....
What?
Days? Thirty days?
Damn.
Charlie will spend thirty days in jail for threatening his wife with a knife on Christmas morning...which is a holiday ritual in most drug-and-alcohol-addicted Hollywood homes, or so I'm told.
But, his wife, the attackee, Brooke Mueller, won't be accompanying him on his last day of freedom.
Wow. The man attacks you, threatens you with a knife, and you won't go to court with him as he pleads guilty and heads to the big house? What kind of example is she setting for the Tinseltown set?

As if they weren't gay enough.
This year the Tony Awards are going gayer than ever.
Newly out, and Tony-nominated, Sean Hayes, will be the host of the Gayest Show On Earth.
And now comes news that Glee stars, and Broadways veterans, Lea Michele and Matthew Morrison, are set to perform.
I'd listen to Lea sing anything.
And, well, while she sings, if Matthew could just stand there, looking sexy, and shaking his hot ass like he did on last week's episode, well.......
Heaven.

5 comments:

Cubby said...

Tom Selleck was my first major celebrity crush. I swear when I would look at him (circa 1980) my heart would stop! And he has aged wonderfully.

I think the "bride" in the "Three Men and a Bride" movie is their baby daughter all grown up and getting married. It could be fun.

Robbie said...

I could be interested in that Three Men & A Bride Movie. I loved the first one and the second one was at least worth watching on DVD rental.

That is Courtney Love? Dare I say it? She looks fabulous when she's all cleaned up.

You just reminded me I have to watch the last episode of Glee online just to see Matthew strut his stuff one more time.

froggy said...

Tom Selleck - always handsome and all around nice guy - and the second attribute is the most important.

lelocolon said...

while I do not think much of celebrities my heart goes out to Courtney and Whitney they are casualties of pop war.

Joy said...

Ah yes, Tom Selleck! Magnum PI and now those Jesse Stone movies.