Saturday, June 26, 2010

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

Get out your ear-plugs and your blindfolds....Heidi Montag is recording a new album.
Apparently, Heidi used Twitter to announce her newest assault on America: "[H]eading into the music studio recording my new single! Steve Morales my music producer moves into my house tomorrow to make my summer album!"
Does no one remember that her first "album" sold an embarrassing 600 copies in its first week of release? Does anyone remember how many people went rushing to emergency rooms all across this great land with bleeding and shattered eardrums?
This must be stopped.
Someone needs to tie her to a chair and tell her, repeatedly, that she has no talent, she is no talent, and that we don't need to hear any more from here.
Speaking of which....those of you who bought her last, um, "album"? I'm watching you.

Uh oh. Never piss off a queen.
Or even THE queen.
It seems the UK finance minister George Osborne has announced that the royal budget will remain frozen at 7.9 million pounds--roughly $11,796,284.22 American dollars--for the coming year and that he will "propose a new means of consolidated support for her majesty for the future at a later date."
Smack to Liz because, just last month, royal officials asked for a funding increase.
Hey, upkeep on palaces and royal carriages is expensive!
But, ALLEGEDLY, Buckingham Palace--and by Buckingham Palace, I Mean the Queen and her4 court--have agreed with Osborne's announcements saying that the decision to freeze the amount was "mutual."
Uh huh.
I think Buckingham Palace's response was more along the lines of Off with his head!

Oops. More Lindsanity news.
According to legal documents, Lindsay Lohan was under the influence of cocaine during that 2007 chase on the Pacific Coast Highway. No! I don't believe it!But the pee don't lie. Her urine sample ALLEGEDLY detected two different types of coke!
Lawyers for the plaintiff, Tracie Rice--the passenger suing La Lohan for chasing her down the
Pacific Coast Highway during her drunken joy ride--want the judge to tell the jury about the findings. And if the judge does not inform the jury of Lindsay's test, the lawyers request that Lindsay should not be allowed to deny that she ingested or had the drug on her.
For her part, Lindsay refuses to talk about that night. perhaps because she was so high at the
time she has no recollection.
Just sayin'.
And, ALLEGEDLY, Tracie Rice's lawyers also want Lindsay barred from telling the jury she's broke. As we understand it, Rice's lawyer is concerned that the jury might get soft and stingy with awarding damages to her client. She is requesting that the judge "exclude all testimony about Lindsay Lohan not having money or currently being poor or in debt."
Poor Lindsay.
Telling the world that you're a drug whore.
A broke-ass drug whore.
Oh. Wait.
We already knew that.

Poor Tori Spelling.
Every time she opens her mouth--not to eat, mind you, girl never eats--the stupid falls out.
While promoting her new, er, "book," Uncharted TerriTORI--okay, lets stop for a moment.....that business of incorporating your name into every, er, "book" title is getting old, unless the next book is My Career Is HisTORI--Spelling announced on Ryan Seacrest's radio show that all of her former Beverly Hills, 90210 co-stars hate her.Tori:
"All my cast members hate me. People say, 'Do you mean during 90210?' I say, 'No, we were great friends during 90210. We were friends after 90210.' They all came to my first wedding. All of a sudden I marry Dean, and I don't know what happened. I lost all my cast members."
Hmmm, maybe it's me, but when you refer to your "friends" as "cast members" maybe that has something to do with it.
Try calling them "friends" fool.
I mean, I call my friends, supporting players, because they all understand that the show is about me, and they understand that we aren't friends when the show is up and running.
We are STAR and supporting players.
I never confuse the two, and you shouldn't either.

Hasbeen, though I think he's more of a never-was, because I don't know who he is, actor, Jeremy London has been talking to anyone who will listen about his ALLEGED kidnapping in Palm Springs where the kidnappers drove him around in his car, holding a gun to his head, and forcing him to do drugs before they just let him go.
He says: "It's been an absolute nightmare. This actually did happen to me. It was one of the worst days of my life… I thought I was going to die. Thank God I made it out alive."
But, sad to say, not everyone, and by everyone I include myself, is buying this story; even his twin brother, Jason, says: "We love Jeremy very, very much…but he's lost."
Jeremy, however, is sticking to his story, saying: "The worst part of this has been my family. We've had to put a cease and desist order on them and now I'm going to have to have a restraining order put on them. They went on TV and told a bunch of lies saying this [the kidnapping] never happened. I haven't seen them in six months… they have no idea what's going on."
Even Jeremy's wife, and drug mule, Melissa, has come forward and says that this kind of kidnapping-drug-party-joy-ride-at-gun-point stuff happens all the time: "Police told us this is the new thing to do down here… rob people at gunpoint and make them do drugs so they won't be reliable witnesses. It's happening more and more."
But, um, Melissa, the Palm Springs Police Department says: "We have not had a rash of them — they are not commonplace here in Palm Springs."
Sounds like Jeremy just wanted to get drugged and drive, and is now looking for excuses.

Mel Gibson has filed for a temporary restraining order against Oksana Grigorieva--the mother of his eighth child--along with a notice about a forthcoming court hearing as well as a notice of visitation rights and child custody.
Gibson and Oksana split in April after over a year of dating, and Oksana has since said: "We have split up, suddenly and recently... Unfortunately, I cannot give you the reason. But you will find out everything quite soon." Well, soon is here.
ALLEGEDLY Mel--the most Catholic man on the plant who divorced his wife, and mother of his first seven children, so he could date, and subsequently knock-up, his mistress, Oksana--is dating--and y'all know what I mean by dating--Polish porn star Violet Kowal.It's unclear if this new affair led to the break-up with his other mistress, just as it's unclear if his affair with the first mistress led to the break-up of his marriage.
What is clear is that Mel Gibson is an anti-Semite-homophobic-alcoholic-adulterer-asshat.

5 comments:

froggy said...

As a child who grew up singing 'God Save the Queen' I should have more sympathy... but Forbes puts her personal wealth at 450 million.

Jim said...

Lindsay is still hot in my book, but she does have A LOT of personal issues that she needs to deal with.
Good read Bob, and keep up the good work you do on your blog site.

R.J. said...

Jeremy London? I think he was an actor. His twin Jeremy? Yes and he was hawt back in the day. Unfortunately he hasn't aged well at all. He was gorgeous only ten years ago.

Mind Of Mine said...

I put my faith in Lindsey Lohan, she never fails to let me down!

Rick said...

It's funny I thought Heidi Montag was Tori when I first opened the post, then you wrote about Tori too. My next door neighbor was her first husband.