I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

Remember Star Jones? Yeah, me neither.

But apparently the former big mouth fat-ass has found a way to get back at the ladies of The View since she's still holding a grudge after being fired from that show in 1949.

She's written a book.

And it's ALLEGEDLY called "The Lunch Club" and is about a fictional TV show in which one of the stars departs under "mysterious circumstances--like getting fired for being a money grubbing bridezilla media whore....for example--and then decides to come back with a vengeance--like by writing a tell-all book about her former colleagues.....for example.

It isn't a big secret that Star doesn't like Barbara; I mean, every chance she gets, when her mouth isn't filled with cookies and she isn't marrying and divorcing a homosexual, she takes a swipe at Walters. 

And Walters did get a couple of of digs at Jones in her book, Audition. So karma is a bitch, and so is Star Jones.

Uh oh.

The Prophet, as her employee Steadman Graham likes to call her....though I think he meant The Profit...is not gonna like this.

Her numbers are going down as fast as her dress size is going up.

Even with the news that she is quitting and soon we'll have an Oprah-Free TV....unless you wanna watch OWN...the network she owns run by people she owns....the audience is turning away from Oprah and gravitating more toward.....

Ellen? No. 

Regis and Kelly? No.

It's Judge Judy. Judge Judy's show is up 11 percent in viewers compared to last year, when it finished second to Oprah. Now it is television's most-watched daytime show last month.

Oprah is down 9 percent. In viewers, not in size. In that she's up 35%, I think.

Still, for someone whose ego is as big as her ass, and who announced her decision to quit her TV show 16 months in advance, she will not be happy.

Oprah who? She better get used to it.

Oh this has hot mess written all over it.

It seems that the mistresses of Tiger Woods, Jesse James and David Boreanaz are joining forces to make some cash from being whores since their affairs netted them no money whatsoever.

The former stripper, current whore, mistress of David Boreanaz has “come up with the idea to team up on an adult entertainment tour with other porn star mistresses of famous cheaters.”

They'll be hitting up porn conventions around the nation to cash in on the fact that their self-respect, and respect for other people's marriages, doesn't exist.

Whores On Tour will make their first appearance at the “eXXXtacy 2010” convention in Chicago.

Maybe Oprah will interview them!

Like Oprah, her head is as big as her ass.

Apparently--I say apparently, because apparently I wasn't invited--Jennifer Lopez hosted a housewarming and vow renewal party with husband Marc Anthony over the weekend for her close personal friends Benny Medina, Quincy Jones, Mary J. Blige, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and 200 others.

Perhaps i was meant to be one of the others, but I digress.
It seems that JLo had DJ Ruckus play an untitled new single SIX times in a row!

Her untitled new single. Perhaps it was her way of saying "Go home! Party's over." I always use JLo music to end a party. Nothing clears out a room faster.

Donald Trump and Lindsay Lohan.

The media whore and the......well, whore....are ALLEGEDLY teaming up for the next edition of that hit show.....I kid....The Celebrity Apprentice.

According to Lindsay Lohan’s mother-enabler-manager-liar-drug-mule: "The show’s producers have approached Lindsay to appear in the next season. She's deciding if she wants to do it or not, but she currently has three films in production, so she's very busy."

I think by three films, she means three YouTube videos of Lindsay stumbling out of a nightclub flashing her vah-jay-jay.

But, between her, ahem, "filming", her star-studded appearances in court, her arrests, her partying, her clubbing, her SCRAM bracelet going off, I don't know if Lindsay will have the time to be on TV.

She's a busy has-been.

And, in more La Lohan news, Lindsay's assistant has apparently quit.

Her right-hand gal, Elinore, quit this week after just a few months on the job, saying she was "exhausted" and had "had enough of Lindsay's demands."

Poor girl. Between peeing in a cup for Lindsay's random drug tests, helping her boss up off the floor, holding Lindsay's hair out of the way while she puked, carrying the drugs so Lindsay could honestly say she wasn't holding, changing Lindsay's diapers, beating Dina off with a stick, Elinore never had any time to herself.

Being the caretaker in the House Of Lindsanity is a 24/7 job.

And minimum wage doesn't cut it.