I Didn't Say It

Dina Lohan, on Lindsay's recent trouble with her SCRAM anklet:
"She was at the MTV Awards and somebody spilled a drink on her leg, which must have set off the SCRAM bracelet. She has done absolutely nothing wrong and shouldn't have to wear the bracelet in the first place. She is doing absolutely fine."
How do you spell co-dependent-enabler-living-off-whatever-horrendous-life-her-daughter-has-left:

D-I-N-A-L-O-H-A-N.

Not Mother Of The Year, MotherF***er Of The Year.

Newspaper columnist Michael Pakaluk, on why he objected to the six year-old son of a gay couple being in the same class with his boy:

"It seemed a real danger that the boy being raised by the same-sex couple would bring to school something obscene or pornographic, or refer to such things in conversation, as they go along with the same-sex lifestyle, which--as not being related to procreation-- is inherently eroticized and pornographic. He might expose other children to such things, as he might easily have encountered them in his household."

Yes, because you know how the gay folks love to give kids porn.

Tom Cruise, on David Beckham:
"I really admire David Beckham as a person, father, husband and athlete. He's absolutely fantastic. He's got a great competitive spirit and he's a tireless worker with a clear mind and a solid body."
Solid body? For someone so paranoid about being labeled gay, he says the gayest things!
And if he isn't gay, why is he so enamored of Beckham's body. I mean, I know why I am....

Oklahoma City councilman Brian Walters, on why he voted against a parade permit for this year's gay pride event:
"I don’t want my vote to be construed as support, because I really don’t support that, the same way that I wouldn’t support a group of, say, pedophiles who wanted to assemble. I would not vote yes on that either, [or] men who beat up their wives. Anything like that."
I'm only guessing here, but if there was a parade for, I don't know, say, asshat fucktards with double chins, he'd sign that bill faster than you can say 'Wingnut'.

Indiana senator Evan Bayh, on Sandra Bullock's liplock with Scarlett Johansson on the MTV Movie Awards:
“What’s the definition of class? Grace under pressure? It looks like she showed that last night. She had her Madonna moments. I’m glad it was past my kids’ bedtime, I’ll say that.”
Oh, Evan, I think you were glad the kids were asleep because you got a funny tickle, down there, upon seeing the kiss because, seriously, women kiss one another all the time, and they aren't all lesbians...or Madonna.

Tori Spelling, on her husband and infidelity:
“We’re a loving couple, but were human and definitely not perfect. Given our history I often get worried that Dean is going to cheat on me. If the phone rings and it’s a girl’s voice I have to ask if he’s having an affair…Dean has never been anything but devoted, and he tells me over and over again that he would never do that. Deep down I believe him. But I can’t stop myself. For some reason I’m compelled to accuse him of cheating.”
What's to worry, Tori? I mean, it isn't like he left his first wife for you or anything like....
Oh?
Never mind.