Monday, June 28, 2010

Design Star: Symphonic Design Or Just Plain Noise

This week the Designers met Mini-Me-Vern on top of Donald Trump's head, or one of his hotel towers or something. Sidenote: what is it with all these shows going to the rooftops of buildings these days? Are they hoping one of the contestants, in a fit of inadequacy will fling themselves to their death?
Anyway...on this rooftop, there are musicians playing, and Vern tells the Designtestants that their challenge will be to create an outdoor space using musical instruments as their inspiration. And, because the men have six designers, and the women are down to four, he allows the women to pick one of the men to be on their team.
Michael is the obvious choice, though, Tom is the hottest choice. Alex keeps muttering Don't pick me but I don't think he has anything to worry about; he doesn't come off as an asset to either team.
Courtland, as the winner of the last challenge, picks first:
He goes mellow cello, while Dan gets all guitar-y. Tom goes sexy sax New York, and Michael picks the loooong instrument that slides through your fingers...go figure. Alex says he's an island boy....Staten Island?....and must have the congos, while Emily finds the dumb-ditty-dumb tuba somewhat inspiring. Casey opts for the xylophone because it's twinkly or something--this will be the last time we see Casey during the show as she is, for some reason, given the Invisible Edit. Nina gets the French Horn because she's a bitch; I know that doesn't make sense but she is a bitch, while Trent Of The Big Hat picks the keyboards, and Stacey picks the tiny loud trumpet.
The Designs Of The Women..........and Dan:

Nina paints a purple wall because nothing says French Horn like purple....with wooden slats and painted on squiggles. a battle ensues between Nina and Emily over the squiggles, and they both look to Dan, who stammers about being the band-aid on a wound that needs stitches.
Dan, AKA The Peacekeeper because he keeps Emily from bashing Nina in the head with the Tuba, then decides to use the Guitar to inspire him with furnishings that are, well, relaxing...perhaps a place to strum, loudly, to drown out Nina and Emily.
Emily's Tuba shows up in the idea that you can lounge for hours on end, becoming fat and lazy, like a tuba, while Stacey uses the Trumpet's Three Notes to fashion a picket fence wall that she fills with plants; actually, Stacey has Dan fashion the wall while she stands to one side and plays damsel in dis dress and Nina watches from across the space, bitching about not being able to fulfill your design by yourself. Apparently, Nina can do everything.
Casey......I think she went to lunch.
But the room, er, outdoor space, comes together and looks kind of like a lazy place to play the tuba and have a picnic and look at twinkly lights....which I think Casey put up before she went home for the day.
Take a look, and click to emBIGGERate.
The Designs of the Men:

First off.....Tom. in that form-fitting shirt, his guns a'bulging, and working with tools and building stuff. Ay yi yi. And then in the interview, in his Jon Hamm-inspired, Mad Men-esque black suit. Ay yi yi. I no longer care what Tom designs, as long as he does it in tight shirts, and them cleans up in a snug black suit. He's buff, he builds, and he looks like he can make me a brilliant Ketel One Martini.
What more could I possibly want?
Oh......yeah.....the show.
Courtland sees the cello as relaxing and warm and thinks of venetian plaster and Sedona, Arizona. So, he picks the orange-iest of oranges and slaps it on the walls, and, to him, that says cello.
Michael, still thinking of sliding his fingers along the instrument while blowing it.....seriously....creates an art piece that shows off the slide, and a musical note, and a light bulb that goes off at the end in some sort of orgasmic explosion. Really.
Alex wanted a bamboo wicker daybed because it looked like congos, but the men battled endlessly to get that bitch.....not Nina, the daybed....into the elevator, to no avail; so the day bed was nixed, and Tom and Alex worked together to build a daybed. Tom. Tight shirt. Sex, er, sax. Daybed. I forgot what I was doing.
Alex! Yeah! He recreates the curve of the congo and throws around some cushions that are blue like the congos. Alex is a literal designer. I think if you said to him that you wanted a green space he's plant a lawn on Mars.
Trent of the Big Hat finds his piano inspiration in a black grill because it looks like a piano and whenever there's a piano and music there's a grill. I know this is true, because every time I go to the symphony, we take the grill to tailgate in the parking lot.
The men's patio. Click to emBIGGERate.

The Judges award the Woman....and Dan...the Victory, and give Nina the over-all win. This is Win Two for The Bitch and I swear I saw her head literally growing on my TV screen. Emily muttered something about ego, and big mouth, and no living with her. I concurred.
So, it's the men who will do the Hosting of their space and face the judges.
Mini-Me sits in his chair, swinging his feet, which don't touch the ground still suffering from Little Man Syndrome. GeeYouReally BoredMe looks like a design student who stepped into the wrong class, and even Candice looks miffed.
The judges see Tom and His Sex, er, Sax, in the design, but don't feel any cohesion between Tom's New York Nightlife and Courtland's Sedona Sleepover. Courtland tries to defend his work, and sputters some nonsense something about listening to a cello in Arizona until Vern screams like a girl for him to stop.
Micheal gets kudos for his orally-fixated tromboner, and No, I meant to spell it like that.
Alex gets the beatdown for his congos, and being so literal about his design. And, for some reason I can't fathom, Mini-Me blames Alex for the bamboo daybed not fitting in the elevator when all of the guys chose it. I sense Alex might take the fall.
But then Trent of the Big hat gets nailed for his Piano Bar.....B-Q. None of the judges see piano in the grill, or piano keys in the wooden benches.
Alex and Trent are Bottom Two and have to HOST SYNC FOR THEIR LIVES. I think this show could do with some Ru, and maybe next week, Vern comes to judging in drag.
Just sayin'.
Both Alex and Trent are the worst possible hosts, making no sense of the space, or their vocabulary. I wonder if the judges will kick both their asses to the curb.
But, just before they announce their decision, Trent of the Big Hat says he doesn't like the show, and the competition and the arguments, and the fights over getting your voice and design heard. i wonder if he had a clue what he was getting into, or maybe he went into the wrong room six months back. He may have thought he was at the auditions for the road company of You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown, but he was at Design Star. How else do we explain that ginormous hat?
Trent is told to pack his big ball cap and go.
I'm in love with Tom. Buff and urbane.
I'm sick of Nina. Bigheaded and Bitchy.
I sense more Courtland-Tom fighting, and I hope it'll be done in the nude.
I wonder where Casey went to lunch.


mistress maddie said...

Yea...........A Tom and Cortland nude fight would be just dreamy wouldn't it? And Tom, he is qute the Daddy. He looks good in a suit or jeans and tee shirt. Why he could just rip that shirt off and take me to the beach where he could.... opps, this thing is on ain't it?

froggy said...

> I think this show could do with some Ru,<

At the very least!!! It needs something! The challenges are boring, second week in a row. The judging is insipid. I'm wondering if I will even remember to watch it next week? Your recaps tell the whole story and much better than the show.

Sean said...

It's official - I'm now watching a show so I can enjoy the recaps.

I don't know how the women and dan won this challenge - how much money did they spend? The table looked like one of those that fold up, the fence wasn't stained, and purple paint with squiggles?

They need to show Tom doing his hot, naked yoga!