Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Grudgingly


Well, it's been a couple of weeks now since The Friend sent the email about how I am not good enough for Carlos and it has me wondering about grudges. We've all had people say or do things to us that we don't like, that we may actually hate, and we get angry. But how long do you hold on to that anger? Can you tell yourself you've forgiven the indiscretion and move on, or do you forgive and yet not forget, so the tension is still there?

I think I fall into the latter. I have forgiven the friend; I've told her via email that I've forgiven her. But I still have no desire to speak with her yet. It isn't this intense I will never speak to you again kind of anger, it's more of a Meh kind of temperament.

I feel like she's turned into someone I don't know, someone that I've never known, so I have neither the need nor the desire to speak to her. I've told Carlos that I don't want this to affect his relationship with her, and I don't think it will. I think he was hurt by her words, but he is much more, not forgiving, but forgetting, than am I. I do know that if her words had made me angry I could have lashed out and it would have been over. But the words hurt....sticks and stones...like a punch to my gut, and I can still feel them when I breathe.

I'm not there yet. And wonder if I ever will be.

9 comments:

Miss Ginger Grant said...

Personally, I would have cut the bitch! But that's just me...

DuPree said...

Depends on the person, depends on sitch. I totally get where you're at - I've had a couple friends who had to scale their way back up to a reasonable estimation from me - and others who have never made it back.

Only time will tell.

Ultra Dave said...

I've forgiven many people but still remember the hurt they caused. I do it for me not them. I don't dwell on it, I let it and them go. I would still be civil to them if I run into them somewhere but chose not to hangout with them any longer. People come and go in your life...enjoy it while it last and move on.

Dan said...

I hold grudges. No issues about it what so ever. If I do speak to you again, i have no problem saying to you that It will never be more than superficial conversation because of what you said or did. Forgiveness, whatever! Humanss are not capable of total forgiveness.

frogponder said...

I don't think you need to be.
You can be polite and social with this person but you don't ever have to pretend it never happened or that it hurt.

Beth said...

I'm very much like you...I can be polite when I need to, and I mostly just feel 'meh.' However, there is one person and situation I can think of where I don't believe I will ever be able to forget what they did. I'm totally okay with that. They did a bad bad thing, and deserve to be shunned for it. I'm happy to oblige. XO Beth

Bob said...

Apparently she's told Carlos that she doesn't care anymore.
I'm cool with that.
If only she'd learn the lesson that when you say one thing for nine years and then say something entirely different just once, how can you be trusted again?
I wish her well.
Life is life.
Moving on.

Joy said...

SHE doesn't care? What a piece of work she is!

Mark in DE said...

I think you're at the right place. The emotional wound is still rather fresh and still hurts. Forgiving is mature choice you make. I'm not so sure about forgetting.