Hurt

It's midnight in Smallville and I was in bed a few minutes ago, listening to Carlos Breathe Right, but I cannot sleep, so here I am.

I received an interesting email from Carlos' aunt, Gloria, who lives in Mexico City; those of you who've been here awhile may remember her as the aunt who had a, shall we say, unpleasant stay here last fall. She and Carlos fought and words were exchanged and the last thing she said to either of us is that we would never see her again.

Well, times change, and the wounds of that last visit have healed. Carlos and his aunt talk all the time, and she and I email back and forth. I was glad about that because she has been so very important in Carlos' life, and, with my arrival in his life, mine, too.

The email she sent was in response to an email a friend of ours in Miami had sent her. Gloria talked about the swine flu epidemic in Mexico, and how many places are closed, from churches to Burger King. She told us about people wearing the masks in the street, and how you can't find masks anywhere anymore, so the soldiers stand on street corners giving them away. She doesn't sound too worried, but she is taking every precaution.

But Gloria is less computer knowledgeable than either Carlos or myself, so she sent her response to our friend in Miami to us as well. The only problem is that in her response was the original email our friend had sent her.

This friend starts off telling Gloria about the wonderful weather in Miami, the cool breezes, the low humidity, the fragrance of the gardens around her house, and then, she says this:

"Carlos reminded me the other day that he and Bob have been together for about 8 years. (actually it's nine years) I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I still think that Bob is not good enough for Carlos, but after 8 years, I have stopped hoping. You know what they say: We can't change other people; we can only change ourselves."

I felt my face flush and my heart began beating so fast. i was so angry, and then disappointed, and finally hurt, that she would say something like that to a woman i consider my aunt as well. And I stared at the email for a long long time, wondering what to do.

Anger I can handle. I have a sharp wicked tongue and know how to use it.

Disappointment I can deal with, because I speak my mind.

it's the hurt that I don't handle well.

This is a woman who has said to my face how glad she is that Carlos and I found each other; how lucky we are to have one another. This is a woman who has said to me time and again how good I am for Carlos. And, apparently, these were not the truth.

So, I sat, and stared at the email, wondering what to do, what to say. Carlos was asleep, but his aunt had sent her response to him as well, so i wondered if he'd read it and what he thinks. But that discussion is for the morning.

I finally decided I needed to write to this friend, and express myself. I held back the anger, though the hurt and disappointment came through, I think.

"Hello ____,Gloria made a small mistake when responding to your email in that she sent her response to both Carlos and myself, and I was quite shocked/disappointed/hurt that you would say this to her:
"I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I still think that Bob is not good enough for Carlos, but after 8 years, I have stopped hoping. You know what they say: We can't change other people; we can only change ourselves."
I'm sorry you feel this way. And sorry you felt the need to share it with Gloria.Bob"

I sent it and thought it would make me feel better, but the whole thing is keeping me awake. I'm not posting this for a Bash The Friend Pity Party; I'm not posting it to get back at her. I think I'm posting it to get it out me, and out in the atmosphere, and away from me.

Here's hoping it works.