Wednesday, April 29, 2009


It's midnight in Smallville and I was in bed a few minutes ago, listening to Carlos Breathe Right, but I cannot sleep, so here I am.

I received an interesting email from Carlos' aunt, Gloria, who lives in Mexico City; those of you who've been here awhile may remember her as the aunt who had a, shall we say, unpleasant stay here last fall. She and Carlos fought and words were exchanged and the last thing she said to either of us is that we would never see her again.

Well, times change, and the wounds of that last visit have healed. Carlos and his aunt talk all the time, and she and I email back and forth. I was glad about that because she has been so very important in Carlos' life, and, with my arrival in his life, mine, too.

The email she sent was in response to an email a friend of ours in Miami had sent her. Gloria talked about the swine flu epidemic in Mexico, and how many places are closed, from churches to Burger King. She told us about people wearing the masks in the street, and how you can't find masks anywhere anymore, so the soldiers stand on street corners giving them away. She doesn't sound too worried, but she is taking every precaution.

But Gloria is less computer knowledgeable than either Carlos or myself, so she sent her response to our friend in Miami to us as well. The only problem is that in her response was the original email our friend had sent her.

This friend starts off telling Gloria about the wonderful weather in Miami, the cool breezes, the low humidity, the fragrance of the gardens around her house, and then, she says this:
"Carlos reminded me the other day that he and Bob have been together for about 8 years. (actually it's nine years) I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I still think that Bob is not good enough for Carlos, but after 8 years, I have stopped hoping. You know what they say: We can't change other people; we can only change ourselves."
I felt my face flush and my heart began beating so fast. i was so angry, and then disappointed, and finally hurt, that she would say something like that to a woman i consider my aunt as well. And I stared at the email for a long long time, wondering what to do.

Anger I can handle. I have a sharp wicked tongue and know how to use it.

Disappointment I can deal with, because I speak my mind.

it's the hurt that I don't handle well.

This is a woman who has said to my face how glad she is that Carlos and I found each other; how lucky we are to have one another. This is a woman who has said to me time and again how good I am for Carlos. And, apparently, these were not the truth.

So, I sat, and stared at the email, wondering what to do, what to say. Carlos was asleep, but his aunt had sent her response to him as well, so i wondered if he'd read it and what he thinks. But that discussion is for the morning.

I finally decided I needed to write to this friend, and express myself. I held back the anger, though the hurt and disappointment came through, I think.

"Hello ____,Gloria made a small mistake when responding to your email in that she sent her response to both Carlos and myself, and I was quite shocked/disappointed/hurt that you would say this to her:
"I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it. I still think that Bob is not good enough for Carlos, but after 8 years, I have stopped hoping. You know what they say: We can't change other people; we can only change ourselves."
I'm sorry you feel this way. And sorry you felt the need to share it with Gloria.Bob"
I sent it and thought it would make me feel better, but the whole thing is keeping me awake. I'm not posting this for a Bash The Friend Pity Party; I'm not posting it to get back at her. I think I'm posting it to get it out me, and out in the atmosphere, and away from me.

Here's hoping it works.


David Dust said...

Yikes - difficult situation.

Sometimes it's better not to know what people REALLY think of you. At least that's the way I am.

Deep down, you KNOW you are good enough for Carlos - and you were meant to be together. You also know that this person's opinion doesn't matter one single bit ... but I understand it hurts anyway.

You did the right thing by responding with honesty and not anger.

And if it's any consolation, this "friend" be SHITTING BRICKS when she reads your email.

Now I'm going back to my movie ... Rican-Struction. The acting is SUPERB ... although the plot is a little weak.


Lou said...

That's awful Bob. Sorry you're felling hurt, that sucks. Bet she's feeling like a right b*tch now. Hopefully she'll examine her motives and learn something from the experience.

Miss Ginger Grant said...

Oh, poor baby, I can only imagine how disappointed and hurt you must feel! I will neve understand while people feel the need to be 2-faced. If you don't like me, grow some cajones and own that! But don't be sugar to my face and then dis me behind my back!
Sounds like she's really not that great of a friend anyway. I'm just sorry that she led you on...

Bina said...

Oh Bob. I am so very sorry. I don't know what else to say. There are all kinds of things running through my mind as to why she said this, but I won't say any of them.

I'm not good at handling hurt either. My hurt turns to anger and then I do and say really stupid things.

Feel better soon, and don't let what other's feel and think hurt you for too long, okay?

Buck said...

Wow. I'm sorry you're having to go through that. I've always had a fear that someone who I thought was my friend actually didn't like me.

What would Dear Abby do in this situation? Probably just what you did.

I'll bet this woman is NEVER going to email stuff like this again! It should be a lesson to us all. Thanks for sharing it.

frogponder said...

I hope, at the end of the day, you are feeling at peace, because you deserve it.

Truthspew said...

There are a lot of two faced people out there. When I encounter that type of shit I just shut it down. If people are going to be like that I don't need them in my life.

Berry Blog said...

None of us is good enough for "the other family".However there was a time when my lover had more credence with my family than I did. Go figure! Seems when he was angry with me one time, he told them I was using heavy drugs- he became the loving partner and I the dangerous one. When I went to visit them, for the longest time, they gave me the silent treatment and I didn't know why. they were afraid they would "set me off" in some crazy behavior. Families can be so bizarre. I sure hope you're feeling better once you process all this.
xoxoxo Charlie

Beth said...

I'm really sorry you had to read this, and I would have felt the same way. Flushed face and all. I think you handled it very well with that email, and I'm betting she feels like a real heel right about now. Sometimes people need to be called on the carpet for the hurt they cause, and I'm glad you pointed out her two-facedness.

Of course, you know she's full of it. You and Carlos know what is best for you and Carlos. Period.

Hugs, Beth

Mark in DE said...

I'm really sorry this happened to you, Bob. I can't imagine how that crazy woman could think/write that about you.

It makes me wonder, too, if people smile and say pleasant things to my face, then turn and say unpleasant things about me to others. I hope not.

But you and I can not be concerned with people like that. KARMA will take care of them.

BIG hug,


Bob said...

Thanks all.
It was not a good day, but it's getting over, and that's good.
As I said, I could have handled the anger better, but hurt is something I don't 'get.'
The friend called today, crying and apologetic. I didn't speak to her because right now I choose not to do so.
But I will again, some day soon. I can forgive this, but I cannot forget it. Those words will always be between us now.

Joy said...

It's hard to let that kind of thing go. Sounds as if you are handling it as well as can be expected. This sucks.