Loose Bits

I am tired of the continued coverage of the fires in California.

I used to live out there and the fact is that the mountains around Los Angeles catch fire every year. If it's September, it's fire season.

Now that doesn't mean I don't feel for those people who've lost their homes, because I do. I just get tired of the media playing this up like it's a big surprise.

LA burns every year.

It isn't news, it's old news.

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And, speaking of fires and the media, Al Roker.

I think when he lost all that weight part of it included his brain because just yesterday, on the Today Show, he uttered the line, "Fire is dangerous."

I'm glad he told me because I was just about to take a nap on the BBQ grill.

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Carlos and I rented The Soloist.

Never heard of it? It was in the theaters barely long enough for people to get popcorn. It stars Robert Downey Jr, who I used to think of as cute but now I think of as sexy--yes, sexy--and Jamie Foxx, whom I cannot stand. And here's why.

You didn't think I wasn't gonna tell you, did you? This is my rant. It's what I do.

Robert Downey Jr has these things he does in a movie where you forget you're watching an actor acting. You even forget it's Robert Downey Jr. Jamie Foxx, on the others ACTS. He's all show and no substance. I didn't buy him as a homeless cello virtuoso any more than I bought him as Ray Charles. He's Jamie Foxx and he's ACTING.

Boring.

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Whitney Houston on Good Morning America.

I wanted to like it, really I did. I've made many a crack about Miz Whitney, but I like my divas to rebound. I mean , I stood by Liza through all her rehabs and failed performances and marriages to gay men, shouldn't I offer the same to Whitney?

But her performance on GMA was not so good. She asked to pre-tape the performance because she doesn't sing in the morning and they accommodated her. But her voice was cracking all over the place and the high notes were up on a shelf in a box marked "Do Not Need These Anymore."

I hear her album is selling very well.

I hope she makes it.

I love my divas.

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Speaking of GMA.

Diane Sawyer is leaving GMA because Charlie Gibson is leaving World News Tonight.

No, they aren't running off together, though that would be some story.

Apparently Charlie wants out of the news anchor biz and Diane wants in. That means that of the three network newscast, two will be anchored by women.

Harry Reasoner must be spinning in his grave.

Barbara Walters must be spinning in hers, too.

I kid.

Walters isn't dead. Really.

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Little Paris Jackson was in Las Vegas last week, because, well, that's where all little girls go to relax and rejuvenate and get their hair done.

But Miss Jackson doesn't get the traditional haircut, because she isn't a traditional girl and no matter how much Pimp Daddy Joe blusters, and Katherine Jackson smiles, those kids will never be normal.

See, as Paris' locks fell to the floor in the salon her bodyguard was there to swoop them up and bag them. The bag was then removed from the store along with the newly shorn Paris.

Why all the fuss?

DNA. Gotta keep the baby daddies guessing Who's Sperm Is Whose.

It's just sad.

Normal is one thing Paris Jackson will never be.

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Paris Hilton.

Lindsay Lohan.

Oprah Winfrey--hasn't it been nice this summer with No Oprah, or Noprah?

Mark and Jenny Sanford.

That's all.