I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

I know a lot of you are heartbroken about this one, so I'll try to be brief and let you get back to your mourning.

Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy have split up. After.Five.Years.

Naturally, they made their announcement on Twitter, where they claimed the split was ::::yawn:::: amicable, and that they would remain friends.

But then they stopped following each other on Twitter.

So, they are seriously over.

There was even speculation about Facebook de-friending.

It's serious.

It's over.

From the Goddess No! file: Apparently those geniuses.....genii?....in Hollywood have decided to come up with another remake, or reboot, or reshoot, or recrap, I forget which word is in this week.

Yes, this time, they're messing with a classic.

Look Who's Talking.

I know!

Gone With The Wind I can see. Casablanca? Why not. But Look Who's Talking? Now they've pissed a gay off.

Oh.....no......not me! I was taking about Travolta because they probably won't ask him to be in it. I thought LWT was crap, both the first time, and the second time they made it.

Over on ABC they have ordered a new reality show called Downfall, which I thought was about Lindsay Lohan. I was wrong. That show would have been called Fall Down.

But I digress. Downfall is a gameshow that takes place on top of a skyscraper. The contestants will answer trivia questions on the roof hoping to win a MILLION DOLLARS IN CASH AND PRIZES. But, if they lose, they will actually see their winnings plummet to the ground below.

I have a call into ABC for my new gameshow called Standing On The Sidewalk Scooping Up Cash And Prizes That Fall From The Heavens.

I know it's a little wordy, but ::::fingers crossed:::: I'm hoping they bite.

More Kate Gosselin news, which is just how she likes it.

Poor dear has been the brunt of hate mail ever since that first episode of Jon & Kate + Eight. And, of course, the H8 K8 train is chugging full steam ahead now that she's, well, they call it dancing, though I call it clodhopping, on Dancing With The Stars.

I don't watch the show, but I have seen her storm the dance floor like she's landed on the beach at Normandy and her partner is German. Scary stuff.

But K8 isn't letting the H8 bother her.

She says: "I don't really worry about what other people say because I know it's me who has to feed my kids and take care of them, so that's where my focus is all the time." Your focus is on your kids all the time.

That may explain your dancing.

Note to K8, Stop dancing! As a dancer, you've just got to be a better parent.

I loves me some Real Housewives Of New York because I'm shallow like that.

But social climbing housewife Alex McCord has got me wondering what the hell is wrong with them....or just her.

She has two children named, oh, I don't remember, something French.

Croissant and Escargot!

Yes! Well, she decided to write a book on parenting, which she is calling " Little Kids Big City: Tales From a Real House in New York City". In it, Alex writes about how she was quite the drinker of the bubbly while pregnant with her boys. According to her own words, she even imbibed in a little champagne moments before popping out little Escargot, saying, "Throughout my pregnancy, I gave into every craving I felt. When I wanted to have a drink, I did."

Of course, her love of the alcoholic beverage didn't stop while pregnant. She even tells the story of taking two-day-old son Croissant to a bar because she and her "I'm Not Gay" husband wanted a drink.

Sounds like McCord's womb is a Host Bar, open 24/7, and that her breast milk was 80 proof.

Yeah, that's a good tale for a parenting book.

Looks like The Boss has been stepping out.

He was, after all, Born To Run.

He was, after all, searching for his Glory Days.

He was, after all, Bored In The USA.

He was, after all, Nebraska.

Okay, they don't all work.

Still, Bruce Springsteen and fellow New Jersey-er Ann Kelly have, ALLEGEDLY, been having an affair and it's led to the end of her marriage. They met at the gym four years back, and all was innocent to start: small talk, chitchat, lunches, motel stays, banging each other on the cheap sheets; you know, harmless fun.

Her friends, of course, stand by her, telling anyone and everyone that "[i]t made her feel good that Bruce Springsteen was very interested in her."

Her husband, on the other hand, was not amused. According to him, his wife's "relationship with Bruce Springsteen was the main subject we discussed with the therapist as a major problem in our marriage." And it didn't help that, ALLEGEDLY, because of her Springsteen love, she began spending tons of money on The Botox, and The Anti-Aging Lasers, and New Boobies. In fact, so enamored of The Boss was Misssus Kelly, she even skipped out on attending her husband's open heart surgery so she could have dinner with Springsteen.

Dinner? Heart surgery? It's a no-brainer.

Ouch! Scientology.

My Name Is Earl star Jason Lee's ex-wife Carmen Llywellyn is going all-tell-all on her experience with leaving Tom Cruise's Church.

Carmen became a practicing Scientologist after marrying Jason in 1995, and she now says the Church "ruined" her life and career after the couple divorced in 2002.

She says: "Scientologists followed me down the street. They took pictures of my kids. They’d stake out my house, wait until we came out and follow us. They came looking for me to scare me. I was nearly suicidal. I have never spoken about Scientology before, but I still have nightmares about these people. I ended up addicted to painkillers, and it took three rehabs to get me straight." Odd, most people join Scientology to get off an addiction.

Carmen says even Jenna Elfman, TV hacktress, stalked her on a shopping spree, spouting "statements like a robot,"

Robots? I thought they were aliens?

In the Her Head Is As Big As Her Ass Department, comes news of Jennifer Lopez: Apparently, during the course of a recent interview, JLo was asked if she considers Lady GaGa, Rihanna, and Taylor Swift, as her competition.

JLo says there is no competition because, and this is where her head expands exponentially, "[i]t's great to be seen as somebody who was at the forefront of that little girl movement."

The only forefront you're in dear, is to the second-hand bin at a used record store. In the Direct-T-DVD file. In the I'm-Stuck-Married-To-Skeletor department.

The forefront of a movement.

JLo!

Who knew she was so funny.