Asshat Of The Week: Mike Huckabee

We haven't had an Asshat Of The Week here at ISBL for a very long time. That isn't to say that we haven't seen asshats. Every time Palin speaks, it's asshat. It's just, there have been so many to choose from, that it's been next to impossible. Until now.

Mike Hucakabee has chosen to pry open his teeny weeny brain and talk about some things, and show all of us, what a true asshat looks like.

On Michael Steele and the Republican National Committee's donor money scandal. You remember, the privates planes, the fancy hotels, the lesbian bondage bars? Those family values? This is what asshat sounds like:

“I think what’s happened is horrible. The question is, how is [Steele] going to take control and how is he going to explain it? I think there does need to be a better explanation than what’s come forth so far,. It’s been pretty weak.”
“It’s indefensible the way that some of the money has been spent. “Whether [Steele] should resign really is a question for the RNC, and I’m not a member, so I’m not going to get into that.”

But I'm sure he'd get into it if it was a DNC scandal. That makes him an asshat. But he goes on. As a former Baptists wingnut preacher, Huckabee is devoutly anti-gay. He supports keeping Don't Ask, Don't Tell in place:

“I wouldn’t support a repeal if I were commander-in-chief. You don’t see foot soldiers out there demanding it. I’m not sure that’s the most important thing we ought to be doing for the military.”
“[DADT] touches an extraordinarily small group of people. I think we certainly should be very sensitive to the fact that the purpose of the military is not to see if we can create social experiments.”

Lucky for us, Mike, you'll never be commander-in-chief. And, of course, in that sickly sweet, holier than thou, man of God who loves everybody, Huckleberry, I mean, Huckabee, has an opinion on same sex relationships and civil unions:

“I think there’s been a real level of being disingenuous on the part of the gay and lesbian community with their goal of civil unions.” He refers to LGBT activists who first claimed that their goal in several states was to enact civil unions, but subsequently launched efforts to implement full marriage rights.
“You don’t go ahead and accommodate every behavioral pattern that is against the ideal, That would be like saying, well, there are a lot of people who like to use drugs, so let’s go ahead and accommodate those who want to use drugs. There are some people who believe in incest, so we should accommodate them. There are people who believe in polygamy, so we should accommodate them.”

Ah, the old If-You-Let-Gays-Marry-People-Will Want-To-Marry-Their-Children argument. Way to pull an old chestnut out of your ass, Mike. yes, we know that if marriage equality becomes the law of the land, it's just a hop-skip-and-a-disco-ball to incest, bestiality, polygamy, and another Kate Gosselin reality show.

Huckabee is also against allowing LGBT people the rights of adoption, because it's better to fill up orphanages and foster homes with children rather than allow The Gays to raise them:

“I think this is not about trying to create statements for people who want to change the basic fundamental definitions of family. And always we should act in the best interest of the children, not in the seeming interest of the adults. Children are not puppies. This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?”

Oh Mike, we know children aren't puppies or pets. They are the Future Of The Gay Community. Once our plan to indoctrinate all the children of the world, by adopting them ,and raising them, and loving them, becomes fully enhanced, we plan to take over the entire planet, paint it pink and lavender, get rid of the ugly people, have sex 24/7 and dance dance dance until we just can't dance no more.

Mike Huckabee, the ISBL Asshat Of The Weekweekweekweekweek.