I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Poor Lindsay Lohan. We've had our issues in the past, but now I almost feel sorry for her.
Almost.
The career is in the toilet. I mean, she hasn't made a movie since the 1960s when she did those "spy" movies with James Coburn. And the love life has tanked since she spurned her lesbian lover. So, what does Lindsay do now?
Oh yeah. She skips out on a deposition.
See, Lindsay is currently involved in a lawsuit filed against her by the three guys who claim she held them hostage in her SUV during that drug-fueled-wacked-out car chase back in Ought-Seven. But Lindsay has too much :::sniff sniff::: partying to do and has been skipping out on her appointments to be deposed.
I had hoped that was a misprint, and thought for one brief shining moment that she was to be deported. Alas, no.
Last week, Lindsay was supposed to answer questions, but cancelled it at the last minute. Something about a cocaine sale on on Kitson, I think.
She rescheduled, but then didn't show up again. Lindsay told her lawyer that she couldn't get a ride until after 11; she is on probation for a DUI conviction, as well as being a horrible actress, so she's not allowed to drive.
Well, the boy's lawyers are done playing the Where In The World Is Crackpot Lindsay Lohan and are planning to ask a judge to force her to answer their questions or automatically forfeit the case. Which means some of Lindsay's sizable drug money would have to go to these wholesome lads who were kidnapped by a crazed ex-movie star.
Sounds fair.

Filed Under: Do we Really Need Another View?
Those crazy kids over at CBS cannot come up with a fresh idea to save their lives. I mean, aren't there like 31 CSI shows on CBS now; add to that 14 NCIS shows, and The Eye is all about the lack of fresh thought.
Case in point:
CBS is attempting to do a version of The View, only they'll use a bunch of has-beens and never-weres who have all seen better days.
Julie Chen will be playing the role of Barbara Walters.
Sara Gilbert will be the token Lesbian.
Lisa Rinna will be this year's Star Jones.
Bethenny Frankel is their answer to Joy Behar.
Seriously.
Crash. And burn.

From the Mama Will Protect You department comes the tale of crackpot mama, Dina Lohan, who spends most of her time defending her crazy, drug-addled party-daughter, and the rest of the time being a crazy drug-addled stage mother.
Mama Rose, er, Dina Lohan is all up in the media grill talking about Lindsay's rumored financial difficulties; lawsuits and drug buys cost money, y'all.
Dina says: “[Lindsay's] not going into credit card debt. Absolutely not. And her business managers… I actually am in contact with them every day....she has people that run what she does…So Lindsay doesn’t really pay her bills."
Yes, Mama, and therein lies the rub.
Lindsay.Doesn't.Pay.Her.Bills.
But then Dina goes on, and the more she talks, the bigger a dumbass picture she paints of the wacktress: Someone else [pays her bills], so they wouldn’t let her do that. And in the interim, you know, a bill may be a little late or not, you know, but that’s pretty normal....Lindsay isn’t in charge of her finances, other people are and we are keeping a close eye on the people who are managing her.”
Lindsay is just a little late with her payments. Yeah, I think One-Eyed Frankie, the crack dealer on La Cienega, won't take kindly to a late payment.
Then Dina confronts those on-going rumors about Lindsay and her partying: “People don’t understand how the press manipulates and how they make something look as it seems when it’s completely opposite. What you read in the press is completely fabricated. If a girl… any child… a girl in the business goes out one night, you’ll see magazines for the next two weeks and they’re wearing the same outfit. So it’s the same night!"
What frightens me is how much Dina calls Lindsay a child, a girl. This is a grown-ass woman who's been raking in the big bucks being some crazy-eyed movie star. She is no innocent lamb. All it takes is looking at one picture of Lindsay stumbling out of a club to know that Mama Dina is full of ...

I know I was pissed.
I mean, I loves me some American Idol, but when the show ran long the other night, it pushed back the start of the Glee: The Power Of Madonna episode, which in turn made my DVR cut off the last couple of minutes of the show.
I ranted. I stomped. Carlos talked me off a ledge.
Others Tweeted.
Twitter apparently went nuclear with furious messages, especially once everyone rushed to the show's official website and found the only clip from the night posted was the Sue Sylvester Vogue music video.
I loved that one, but I wanted my Like A Prayer.
Dammit.
Word to the DVR set: Manual recording.
Problem solved, if FOX decides to eff things up again. Which would not be smart.
Don't deny a gay his Glee!
Ever!

So, Kitty Kelley's book on Oprah tells us that Oprah doesn't know her real father; she was raised by, and took the name of, her mother's boyfriend, Vernon Winfrey.
But now a man has come forward to say that he is the Big O's daddy, and he's willing to take a DNA test to prove it.
But Big O, who would counsel her minions to follow through, ain't having it.
When was asked if she would participate in a paternity test to determine if Norm Robinson is her biological father, she said: "I will not be taking a paternity test, ever! I've never heard of him. I know who is claiming to be my real father."
Nice, O. Nice.
I mean, would it kill you? But then I think she's worried that Daddy might get too close to the vaults--the one with the money and the one with the cookies.

Lots of talk still about who will be taking Simon Cowell's spot on America Idol next season.
I say Me!!
They say Who??
But now Adam Lambert's name has been tossed into the mix alongside the likes of Neil Patrick Harris, Howard Stern, Perez :::gag::: Hilton, and, yes, Paula Abdul.
But apparently the producers liked how Lambert mentored the songtestants a couple of weeks back and he proved he has that bitchy, queeny, gay sensibility that Simon brings to the table.
An insider--a janitor, I think, says: “Producers were totally bowled over by Adam’s on-target critiques and pithy comments. They believe he’ll bring a fearless, youthful freshness to the show. And let’s not forget, Glambert’s got real stage presence.”
I think he'd be good, but he shouldn't do it.
There are better things for a gay to do.

Heather Locklear should not be allowed to drive.
It seems the former TJ Hooker-Dynasty-Melrose Place-Spin City hasbeen was ALLEGEDLY arrested for hit-and-run charges last weekend.
It seems that last Saturday night around 4AM someone heard a crash near the North Ranch Country Club in Westlake Village; they didn't think much of it, because they apparently waited until later in the day to call the police.
Deputies searched the area and found a knocked over 'No Parking' sign and obvious signs of a car that went up onto the curb and struck the sign. Deputies then confirmed that a black car had struck the sign.
The ALLEGED incident took place very near Heather's home, and deputies noticed a dented and bruised black BMW in Locklear's driveway. She was cited, questioned, and eventually released, but in Ventura country a hit-and-run citation is considered an "arrest."
Of course, this isn't the first time Heather has found herself in trouble with the law. Back in 2008 she was arrested for drunk driving in Santa Barbara after an Us Weekly editor called the police on her swerving and weaving.
Maybe she ought to take a page out of Lohan's book--who ever thought I'd say that--and stop driving all together.

Charlie Sheen's rehabbing wife, Brooke Mueller is apparently refusing to move out of their palatial Hollywood drug den even though she doesn't want to stay married to the ALLEGED wife-beater-drug-addict-alcoholic-adulterer.
Brooke is supposed to be furious over claims that Charlie ALLEGEDLY cheated on her with a lingerie model, but life is too good at Party Central for her to just up and go.
A source--the gardener, I think--says: “She has not moved out and she doesn’t want to move out. She’s furious and not talking to Charlie. They’ve had some crazy times together but this really hurt her.”
Brooke's brother, who knows a two-million-dollar-a-week-meal-ticket when his sister marries one, says Brooke is just "trying to be a good mother. [She] is doing well just now and just trying to cope.”
Coping in a mansion with servants and pools and tennis courts and limos is hard.
Poor Brooke.

Tori Spelling wants a talk show.
Girl, she has a hard time speaking.
But,and this is where it gets good, she wants A Gay to cohost with her.
I'm dusting off my audition reel as we speak.
It seems that ABC is creating a daytime talk show for Spelling and a to-be-determined co-host, who would be sold into servitude as Tori's BFF!
Hmmm, rethink that dusting off of the reel thing.
But the network is looking for a “Will & Grace” vibe between Spelling and her slave, er, BFF, and might even turn the hunt for Tori's homo into yet another reality show for the "actress".
Yeah, put the reel back in the closet.