Dave v. Sarah, or The Wit v. The Witless

David Letterman made some lame jokes about Sarah Palin's daughter and the Repugs went nuts; all of them from Elisabeth Hasslebeck--that illiterate moron--to O'Reilly and the Fox News Fools to the Palins themselves. So Dave took to the airwaves and apologized as only Dave can.

Letterman read the statements issued by Sarah and Todd Palin expressing their outrage--or their desperate need to keep their name in the media spotlight--about parts of his Top 10 list and then went through the offending jokes one-by-one to both apologize for and defend their content.

David Letterman: "I'm telling you, I recognize that these are ugly. These are actually ugly. These are borderline...but again, in an act of desperation to get cheap laughs, which is what I've been doing for the last 30 years."

But Letterman turned serious when he responded to the Palin's claim--or is it a desperate attempt to keep their name in the media spotlight--that he had made a joke about raping a 14-year-old girl: "These are not jokes made about her 14-year-old daughter. I would never, never make jokes about raping or having sex of any description with a 14-year-old girl. Am I guilty of poor taste? Yes. Did I suggest that it was OK for her 14-year-old daughter to be having promiscuous sex? No."

Then he invited Palin to come be a guest on his show.

However, in an attempt to keep her name in the media spotlight for another fifteen minutes, Mama Bear Sarah Palin went on The Today Show and Fox News, and any other channel that would have her, and then released a statement saying: "The Palins have no intention of providing a rating's boost for David Letterman by appearing on his show. Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman."

On The Today Show, Matt Lauer pressed Palin to explain that line in a statement: "it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman." Lauer asked, "Are you suggesting that David Letterman can't be trusted around a 14-year-old girl?"

"Hey, take it however you want to take it," she said.

So, let's see if I have this right, Sarah, you ignorant fool, you desperate for fame dumbass, you do-anything-to-keep-your-name-in-the-public-eye-even-though-the-public-has-asked-you-time-and-again-to-stay-in-Alaska, you can run from TV camera to TV camera in a desperate attempt to keep your name in the media spotlight, accusing David Letterman of saying your daughter should be raped, and how awful that would be except that he didn't say that, but it's okay for you to paint him as some sort of child molester?

Pot. Kettle. Asshat.

The only kind of bad press Sarah Palin gets is no press, and she'll ride this story and ride this story like it's an Alaskan Moose and she's on a wolf hunt. Go back to Alaska, you idiot, and take your dumb jock husband and your brood with you. Seriously, leave the lower Forty-eight alone. No one likes you here.

And, uh, here's Dave responding to Sarah Palin's desperate attempt to keep her name in the media spotlight.