Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Carlos and I went to see The Taking of Pelham 123 last Sunday. It was a hot hot day in Smallville and a movie seemed like a fine idea. And it was a good movie, even though it had John Travolta in it--I do not like John Travolta....sorry Travolta fans.

But, it also starred Denzel Washington and I loves me some Denzel. His subtle, real performance more than made up for Travolta's hammy overacting bad guy.

But, here's the part I loved.

Toward the end of the movie Denzel is hunting down Travolta and is crossing the subway tracks in front of an oncoming train. Now, you know they aren't going to let Denzel get hit by a train, it'd be chaos in the theater. But the scene was so well shot that it was thisclose to Denzel getting hit.

That's when it happened.

Carlos screamed like a girl.

I nearly fell out of my chair.

My boss became a grandfather last week so the talk at work was all about babies.

I know. Yawn.

Every time someone said something about a baby, I'd say, You know what Tuxedo did today.....?


I had to think of a better way to diffuse the conversation and get off baby talk and back to something, anything, that I might find interesting because, you know, it is all about me.

So, one girl was talking about how when she was born the doctor said she was the most beautiful baby he'd ever delivered.

Wait a beat, and then I said,

A veterinarian delivered you?

And all eyes were on me, just like I like it!

I was ranting about Bernie Madoff over breakfast today. I was also ranting about Day Five Of The Michael Jackson Death Reports. I was running both stories together and really on a tear, then I stopped and looked at Carlos and said, in my best King of Siam voice, Et cetera. Et cetera. Et cetera.

Carlos looked up from his coffee and said, You're not Jewel Briner.

Jewel Briner? Jewel Brinner? Jewel Brynner. Yul Brynner.




Howard said...

OK, now those stories were very funny! Thanks for the laughs.

frogponder said...

When I was a young, married girl I worked at a publishers. Whenever anyone had a baby the labor stories would come out. In a group of mixed men and women. One gal breathlessly told us all about how orgasmic it was when the baby came out. OH MY GAWD! We all wanted to slide under the table. We didn't have the twins until six years later. By C section.

mrpeenee said...

Are you sure you're not married to Googie Gomez?

Beth said...

Thanks for the good laugh! Hilarious!

Lou said...

Was Carlos embarrassed? That was a good chuckle to start my day Bob. Thanks.

Wonder Man said...

I bet the Carlos incident was funny as hell

Stephen said...

Carlos is funny & might not know it. Your story telling is very funny & original, but that is a Southern trait, right?
Do you really live in a place called Smallville???

Joy said...

And you're not even Southern! ;-)

Jewel Briner - love it! Keep the Carlos stories coming!

I feel the same way you do about Denzel and John Revolta.

Mark in DE said...

You're a funny guy, Bob! Loved this post.