Saturday, March 06, 2010

I Ain't One To Gossip, But..............

After getting Levi Johnston to show us his johnson, Playgirl is said to be interested in Jon & Kate + Eight's, um, Jon + One. They are said to be seriously considering Jon posing in their magazine, though they admit Jon's, er, spread would be more of a novelty item than a sexy photo shoot.
A rep from the magazine says: “We discussed it, and we’d offer him only $20,000. His star is extinguishing, and he’s not very [well endowed]."
Maybe it's more like Jon + One............inch.

File this under: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T DO IT!!!!!!
Harrison Ford has said that he, along with director Steven Spielberg and writer George Lucas, have begun the process of creating a follow-up to that decades old series of Indiana Jones movies.
I have a title: Indiana Jones And The Search For Harrison Ford's Dignity.
No? Howsabout: Indiana Jones and The Temple Of Prostate Exams?
Indiana Jones: Raiders Of The Lost Viagra?
I have more, you know, but I digress.
Ford says: "Steven [Spielberg] and George [Lucas] and I are sort of agreed on a germ of an idea and we're seeing what comes of it. The process works like this. We come to some basic agreement and then George goes away for a long time and works on it. Then Steven and I get it in some form, some embryonic form. Then if we like it we start working with George on it and at some point down the line it's ready and we do it."
By the time all these "thens" get worked out it'll be time for Indiana Jones and The Quadruple Bypass.
See? I said I had more!

It looks like my favorite Idol, Kelly Clarkson is joining the Lilith Fair this summer along with The Bangles, The Go-Go's, Dixie Chicks' Emily Robison and Martie Maguire's new band The Courtyard Hounds, Martina McBride and Suzanne Vega.
The Bangles!
The Go-Go's!
Those others that I haven't heard of--I mean, the Dixie Chicks without Natalie Maines is just sad.
I'd like to go, but, not to offend, would I have to dress like a Lesbian in order to fit it? And, if so, does someone have a plaid shirt and some Doc Martens I can borrow?

File this under: THIS MUST HAPPEN!!!
Openly gay, and openly hot, and openly Talented, John Barrowman wants to get in on the Glee action at McKinley High. He's in Hollywood right now, shooting his episodes of Desperate Housewives, and Glee might just be a hop, skip and a tour jeté from the Housewives set.
Barrowman says: "I absolutely love the show. What would I play in it? I'm not sure what kind of character I'd like to play. Maybe I could be a teacher, you know, another teacher who comes in and helps out. That's me just kind of brainstorming, but the fact that they want to have a meeting with me is really quite nice in itself. It's so exciting!"
I'd love to see him do one of his man-on-man duets; hell, I'd love just to hear him sing.

Poor Oprah.
Her ratings are down for her not-soon-enough-for-me-to-be-over TV show, and now, her latest Oscar special--you know, where she names it after herself and appears for about a nanosecond, leaving celebs to interview themselves--took a drubbing in the ratings. Even with a Modern Family/Cougar Town lead-in.
According to the Nielson ratings, The Once Mighty O's show fell behind CSI: NY, which had some 12.5 million viewers, and Law & Order: SVU, which had 10 million viewers. Poor O scraped the bottom of the viewer barrel, and managed to get just 4 million people to watch her show.
I imagine most were her employees who were commanded to watch.

A tad more Desperate Housewives news.
Marc Cherry, creator of all things desperate--that doesn't sound good--has said that Drea de Matteo will be leaving the show in May. Though it isn't quite the surprise. Cherry: "Part of the deal when we hired Drea was she was only interested in doing one season. She has a baby and is eager to get back to her life in New York."
Her character, Angie, and her family have been extremely mysterious on Wisteria Lane; they are on the run from someone, and it looks like they'll run again. Rumor has it that John Barrowman's character will be the one to send Angie running.
But my question is this: Why does DH bring on these guest stars, promote the hell out of them ,and then ignore them for much of the season. Drea de Matteo is this season's Alfre Woodard.
And I don't like it.
Of course, it wouldn't be I Ain't One To Gossip, But..... without Charlie Sheen news.
Drug rehab!
Multi-million dollar bad acting contracts!
Rumors that he and his also rehabbing wife were into threesomes--with other men!!
And now this.
He's in big trouble!Aspen Colorado Chief Deputy District Attorney Arnold Mordkin says he will turn down any plea deal from Charlie Sheen that doesn't involve a felony, though Charlie's On-Speed-Dial-Attorney says Charlie will never accept a felony charge, saying: “We have not entered a plea yet but we would be entering a plea of not guilty and certainly would not enter into any disposition that contemplated a felony because no felony occurred."
Sheen faces one felony and two misdemeanor charges after allegedly holding a knife to wife's throat on Christmas Day.
The DA wants to crack down on domestic violence in the community and he's determined not to give Charlie special treatment despite his Hollywood status.
Poor Charlie! Maybe all he got for Christmas was jail time.
Delta's back!
We haven't seen much of former Designing Women star Delta Burke in recent years. Unless you watch a lot of Lifetime, television for women and gay men. But there is some talk that Delta Burke will be back on TV soon, on one of my new favorite shows, Modern Family!
Eric Stonestreet, who plays the gay zaftig baby daddy Cameron is working hard to get Delta on the show: “Wouldn’t she be great? She possesses that sort of kind, Southern quality I think Cameron’s mom would have. And Delta seems like a real sweet lady.”
Delta and Cameron!
It seems as if Burnett is courting former vice-presidential losing candidate and former quitting governor of Alaska, and current Fox News whore, Sarah Palin for her own reality show.
Funny, because Sarah wouldn't know reality if it hunted her from a helicopter.
Mark Burnett, the man behind Survivor and The Apprentice, wants to pitch a reality show where Sarah Palin offers up a “Planet-Earth type look” at Alaska.
I say, hasn't Alaska suffered enough at the hands of this moron?
I can see failure from my house.
Now, since we started with Jon Gosselin news, let's come full circle and end with Jon Goselin news.
It seems that He-Of-The-Wee-Penis is kvetching and moaning over the fact that his media-whoring ex-Kate will be appear on Dancing With the Stars, but is masking his jealousy as concern for the kids!
A "source" says: "Jon’s angry because doing Dancing With the Stars will keep her away from the kids for days, and she still won’t let him have any extra custody."
Or he's angry because Kate will do anything to keep her name, her face, and that god-awful weave she's been sporting, out there, while no one wants him. And he's angry because Kate won't let him have custody of the kids while she's tripping over the light fantastic. I mean, she gets to whore herself out on TV, why can't she let him have the kids so he can whore them out at photo ops.


froggy said...

Fast forward a dozen years, the multitude turns 16 and find Dad online in all his 'glory'...

Anonymous said...

Love this entertainment wrap up. So funny as always. And how 'bout that Delta Burke?! I think she IS LifetimeTV!

Wonder Man said...



Oprah & poor should not be in the same sentence no? I want to join her on her private jet to Hawaii!
Great weekend Bob~

robertga99 said...

Levi didn't show his johnston but I was hoping he would. Let's hope Jon doesn't!

I still love Oprah!

Sarah Palin, Ugh!

Lou said...

Old man Ford needs to age gracefully and forget all about Indiana Jones. He's a relic of your past Harrison...let it go.

Dan said...

he he - Oprah!

Loves me some Delta!

I want to see Johns 8!

Kyle said...

The Delta and John items must happen!

What's an Oprah?;)