Monday, February 27, 2012

An Oscar Stream Of Consciousness

Loyal ISBL readers know that I am a proud Awards Show Whore®. I watch them all, from the Emmys and Tony's to the Oscars and the Grammys; hell, I even watch the Daytime Emmys. If the television industry wants me to watch, put the word "awards" the title and I'll be glued to it. The Revenge Awards. Modern Family Awards. Project Runway: Awards. The FoxNews Awards....okay, so it doesn't work all the time. Still, I'll be there.
But this is about the granddaddy of awards shows, Oscar, and since it came in at just a hair over three days, er, hours, I have time for some Oscar thoughts. Let's rip.....
  • What was the deal with having Morgan Freeman open the show? Let's just get right to Billy and start this thing. Time that could have been saved: Two minutes.
  • Billy Crystal. He's been my favorite Oscar host ever and he never fails to disappoint. He's a showman, and just gets it that he's supposed to tell a quick joke and keep things moving. Still, his Opening Movie Montage and his Best Picture Song and Dance were, as always, a hit with me.
  • Just Bieber? Really? Time that could have been saved: Two minutes.
  • "In this economy where else can you watch millionaires give each other gold statues."
  • Brad Pitt. I'm sorry, he used to be so pretty and so hot, and now he's just so craggy and handsome and still so hot. Seriously, the hair and the scruff. Hot. Hot.
  • That montage of past films? Why do that? I mean it served no purpose. Time that could have been saved: Three minutes.
  • Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez. It's like Skank Squared. At least Diaz looked elegant for a change; JLo looked so squeezed into that dress I could tell how many empanadas she had for lunch. And that whole thing where they showed their "ass"ets? What are they? Hooters waitresses? Note to Academy: No more Diaz and Lopez. Time that could have been saved: Four minutes.
  • Sandra Bullock is delightful and funny, but there was some mighty Botox goin' on in that forehead. I've seen more movement on the brows of the Presidents on Rushmore.
  • Christian Bale is still so hot. I does love a man with an accent.
  • Best Supporting Actress. Loved Octavia Spencers' win for The Help. Loved the standing ovation,. Loved her real tears and her real face.
  • That, sorta, kinda funny, video about Test Audiences and The Wizard of Oz was cute--one good line, 'Lose Dorothy.'--but: Time that could have been saved: Four minutes.
  • Bradley Cooper's porn 'stache was oddly Jack Wrangler to me. Google it, if you will.
  • Now, that whole Cirque du Soleil number was very cool. That could stay in every year.
  • The best part of Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth "I'm the greatest star" Paltrow's bit was when RDJr told her to be quiet and then called her boring. I know it was supposed to be a joke but part of me hoped he meant it.
  • Chris Rock rocked. He's so much more at ease and funny as a presenter than a host.
  • Billy Crystal and Melissa McCarthy's bit. Too funny. So, um, limber.
  • Ben Stiller is short. And not really funny.
  • Emma Stone, however, was high-larious. if the Academy is looking for a younger host to lure in that younger demographic, they should have thought Emma Stone and not James Stoned and Anne Hathaway. She, for me, was one of the funniest things on the show. All day long today, I will be saying, "Jonah? Get up here. Let's dance!"
  • Best Supporting Actor. I loved Christopher Plummer's speech. Long overdue win.
  • Shot of Diaz in the audience. Looked like she got high after presenting.
  • Penelope Cruz. ¿Como se dice 'Botox' en español? Y, ¿Como se dice 'eyebrow waxing' en español?
  • Will Ferrell and Zagh Gafilankiasbork were funny, and then took it too far. As usual.
  • Angelina Jolie. What was up with that pose? I love her, but man she seemed to be trying too hard. And when one of the winners, Jim Rash, mocked her by mimicking the pose, i wanted her to acknowlege it. Sidenote: Alexander Payne is adorable.
  • Best Directer. Michel Hazanavicius for B&W silent film, The Artist. Which.I.Loved.
  • Meryl Streep glittered in gold talking about the Governor's Awards. James Earl Jones is a brilliant actor. Dick Smith is a brilliant make-up artist. Oprah Winfrey is brilliant at doing that Bite-My-Lip-To-Force-Myself-To-Cry-So-People-Will-Think-I'm-Humble-Even-Though-I-Should-Win-Every-Award-EVER thing.
  • Best Actor. Jean Dujardin. Ooh.La.La.
  • Best Actress. Meryl Streep. I was shocked. i thought for sure Viola Davis would get it. I was shocked. But I am so Team Streep that I was happy. And I loved her speech. But I was shocked.
  • Tom Cruise. Now, let's talk about Cruise and Pitt. Both, as younger actors were very, very pretty boys. But, while Brad Pitt has gotten older and more handsome, and craggy and sexy, Tom Cruise last night looked like he'd just come from a Chemical Peel Party, with a stop at the Plastic Surgeon. Someone is afraid of looking old. Methinks she needs to stop.
  • Best picture. The Artist. Again, I loved it. A movie with no sound, other than music, and in B&W, was just a joy to watch.

So, there's my stream of consciousness for this year. I can rest now. 

What did you think?


Cubby said...

"Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez. It's like Skank Squared." Bob, I think I just fell in love with you a little.

Bill Dameron said...

Excellent recap and yes, Octavia's honest and heart felt emotions had me a little weepy.

Sean said...

I thought Cruise looked better than he has in a while and way better than in MI4. Oh, I don't have HD tv.

Pitt is like whiskey - better with age but always hot.

If Viola hadn't changed her hair she would have won.

I was so glad they let Meryl talk and didn't cut her off - it's speeches like hers that make award shows worth watching.

Tivo Mom said...

Agree with almost everything you said especially skank squared (although I do like Cameron). Is it bad that I will not acknowledge that boring Paltrow was one of the best dressed just because I don't like her?

Ron said...

The Academy producers would do well to take your advice Bob. You are so right on the mark in your suggestions for "time saved." I thought the same thing. Justin Beiber? Really? Where's the funny? And Melissa McCarthy hoisting both legs! Literally a Mouth Opening Moment and the look on Billy's face - PRICELESS!

Ask the Cool Cookie said...

What? You MISSED Miss Tim Gunn chatting up Maya Rudolph. When Rudolph went for funny on how she got that slim figure by wearing SPANX, Gunn thought it was permission to speak up and disclosed that he too was wearing "slimming undergarments. Nothing wrong with that if it helps to give you figure good lines."

A little Tim Gunn goes a long, long way.

Ron said...

"Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez. It's like Skank Squared." Bob, I think I just fell in love with you a little

Cubby, I already fell in love with Bob. He's priceless! said...

Great critique. I, too, am Team Streep all the way and thought that was the only surprise all night. And nobody's going to convince me that Ryan Seacrest wasn't in on that whole Dictator schtick.

Guess I need to see Hugo now.

Joy said...

I, too, am an awards show junkie. Love Billy Crystal! I thought Best Actress could go either way but thought it might go to Viola. Meryl's speech was great. It was good to see her husband and hear the touching tribute to him.

The Iranian documentarian's speech was brave and passionate.

Good show!

mistress maddie said...

Well, as I told Miss Ginger, I watched 10 minutes of red carpet and then watched The Help, a more perfect night for me. I'm surrounded by fashion ALL WEEK, so I need a break. And I'm not one for awards shows as you know. And I think all the actors in the catergies are all winners and did great jobs.

Wonder Man said...

it was something to say the least

Stephen said...

Hold back your feeling, Bob!

The academy continues to reward the right actor for the wrong film. Streep for a not-s-good film wins, but she loses for THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA.

Kyle Leach said...

Love your synopsis Bob. Since we gave up television the awards shows are hard to catch. We did see the Oscars this year at a friends place. It was a treat. Stan guessed ten of the correct winners. I don't know how, I've seen more of the films than he has.

Sam said...

O.k. I'm an Oscar awards show junky too.
So what did I think?
Hated hated hated Billy Crystal.
Look, he was good in the past but what the hell is up with his face and the hairline?? oY vEY.
Some of the skits were boring and went nowhere, and that whole singing and dancing thing>.. EYYY Oscar oscar oscar? WTH was that.
Even his little skit where he told us what the audience was thinking?? Billagelina? I cringed when I heard that one and only b/c I thought of Billy Bob first.
Come on guys, new blood!!! Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, hell I would even settle for Tina Fey or as you suggested Emma Stone, who I think stole the damn show.
The Cirque thing? Well cool but I'm biased seeing that I'm from the land of Cirque and have seen most all the shows in Vegas more than Once.
Yes the montage of films past was a total waste of time, I was thinking the same thing and texting it to Joy.
Jho and Crammed Disass? skank squared is to kind.
Christopher Plummers speech was touching as was Octavia's
which brings me to a fucking bug up my ass, Why the hell are they always giving the supporting black actress the Oscar and not the Lead?? Is it just me or have they started a trend with that.
On to the test audiences? What a fucking waste of time. wasn't funny.
Downey and Paltrow? Is this the best hollywood has to offer?
Chris Rock what the hell is up with your hair homey, don't you know skinny black guys look stupid with a half ass curl/fro?
Melissa could have hosted the show.
I loved the Artist and felt it was done some justice. I knew Meryl would get it and on my blog I outlined my reasons the day of the show.
Come on Bob, Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise havent aged well. With all that damn money they should have invested in beauty products. You want to see a man age gracefully check out George Clooney.
Anyho that's it. Sorry it's so long. but you did ask me what I thought.
And I went to see the Artist due to your review. I knew without a doubt I wouldn't be able to watch it till the end.
But that smile of Jean's had me hooked and then the movie took off.