Saturday, February 25, 2012

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Adam Levine is a musician, frontman for Maroon 5, but, well, he isn't exactly a member of Mensa. See, Levine was a guest on The Howard Stern Show where he opted to share the preferred method of birth control that he uses with his girlfriend, Victoria’s Secret model, Anne Vyalitsyna.
And yes, he actually shared it.
In that TMI conversation, Adam Levine described his “a fool-proof birth-control system”: He.Pulls.Out. 
Now, this kind of disillusioned me because, while I am not a fan of Maroon 5, or of Levine, he's always seemed rather well-spoken about many issues, including being a pro-LGBT. But, seriously. He pulls out? Does he think pulling out will also protect him from STDs and HIV? 
And, well, it got me to wondering; if Levine and his girlfriend discover they're having a baby, might they want to call the child, Pullout Levine.
Just sayin'.


Since she has one sister who's been the subject of Whose Baby Is She rumours, and she has another sister who's actually having a baby, all eyes have not been focusing as much on Kash Kow Kim Kardsashian as she'd like. I mean, after all, she whored herself out on a sex tape to get her family on TV, so the least they could do is let her stand in the eye of whore-storm.
So now there are sorts of Kash Kow Kim stories out and about. One is that she and Reggie Bush went on a brunch date in LA and were spotted by paparazzi who just happened to be there; after Kris Jenner called them and gave then the location I mean. But Reggie is giving a big old DENIED to the story. I mean, once you rode the "whorse", do you really wanna ride it again?
Another story is that Kash Kow Kim’s former sex-tape boning partner, Ray J, is releasing a memoir called Death of the Cheating Man in which he talks about a former lover/booty-call that he dubs "KK" who, and I quote from the literary tome, “heavily pursued him and took him to bed while still married to Damon Thomas in 2004.” 
Sounds like a Kash Kow.
Then he goes on to dish some more, about KK's constant paranoia that he was cheating on her, and tapping his phones to prove it. “She started going to extremes to monitor my behavior.” Ray J admits, though, that he cheated on her, but only after learning she was screwing around too.
"I had no respect for her. I wanted more for my life…[to] find a woman that I could actually trust.” 
Who isn't a Kash Kow.


I don't like Gwyneth Paltrow. She's like the Rick Santorum of Hollywood, always telling people how they should live their lives as she lives hers. Uh huh.
Gwyneth is always talking about her loathing of pre-packaged, um, regular people food, and portrays herself as a kind of 50s housewife who prepares all the meals for her husband, and her kids, Moses and Bathsheba, or is it Apple and Pumpkin....I don't recall. But she does talk an awful lot about cooking and what you should eat and how we should all be like Gwyneth.  This from a woman who published her own [?] cookbook.
As in, sell your soul and your beliefs for a Gucci bag'o'cash.
See, Gwyneth is now selling, er, hawking, er, using for cash, a new vegetarian brand of processed food called 'Spar Veggie.' Note on German Poster Translation: “I’m not a vegetarian, but I love Veggie” and “The vegetarian brand of Spar.
But she only sells her soul for cash in Europe, filming the ads in France and allowing them to be seen only on Austrian TV where people think GwynethPaltrow is some kind of skin rash.
It's like Martha Stewart hawking Marie Callender Pot Pies.
Only I'd believe Martha.


Wow. Lohan news!
Last week it was announced that unemployed cracktress, Lindsay Lohan, would be hosting an episode of Saturday Night Live next month. Doesn't that just shriek trainwreck; I've already set the DVR.
And, as she is apt, Lindsay set Team Lohan, headed by fame-whoring, cracked Mommy herself, Dina, on full blast about the relaunch of Lindsay's, um, career.
With Lohan’s legal troubles seemingly ending soon--she did receive another glowing report from her probation judge, which is almost like winning an Oscar--Lindsay is ready to step back in front of the cameras and get back to work. Unlike her usual getting back to work which involves water bottles of vodka and prescription meds.
Her rep, Steve Honig, who gets paid heavily to promote the jewel-thief, kidnapper, drug addict, and boozer, says, “Lindsay has been a longtime fan of Saturday Night Live and is incredibly excited to host the show and work with the amazing cast and writers,
Who will make her the crack of all their jokes, fingers crossed. 
And, another source--Hey Dina!!--says, “Lindsay is on track [crack?] and doing very well in fulfilling all terms of her probation, completing her community service at the morgue and her therapy. She is focused and committed to putting this part of her life behind her.”
And then there are still rumors swirling that Lohan is being considered to play Elizabeth Taylor in a, what will surely be, a made for direct to DVD movie.


Hollywood might be shaking in their Jimmy Choo's and their Bruno Magli's.
A new book, from former Universal executive Sally Van Slyke, Wild Thymes: Catering to the Egos of the Hollywood Elite, is soon to be released.
Van Slyke, during her fifteen-year run, rose from publicist to executive at the studio, and has had her share of encounters with The Stars. But it's her run-ins with Tommy Cruise that have my interest piqued.
Van Slyke talks of how Tommy demanded :::foot stomp   head snap::: that she attend Scientology classes so that they could work better together. Well, that's really nothing new; he is Propaganda Officer In Chief of the COS, right? But, there was an incident involving Tom’s insecurity about his, well, height challenges. 
It's not secret that Tommy wears high heels, er, lifts, in public to add up to four inches to his diminutive stature, but Van Slyke recalls an incident when the paparazzi snapped a photo of Nicole Kidman removing her high heels, and Tom absolutely flipped out.
Here's what Sally Van Slyke wrote:
One day at a ShoWest convention in Las Vegas a photographer caught Nicole Kidman and Tom backstage. Nicole was wearing heels. She realized that in the pictures she would appear a lot taller then Tom...[so]....Nicole immediately kicked off her shoes but the photographer managed to snap a picture of the move.Whereupon, Tom freaked. He pulled me aside and commanded that I “get that roll away from him now” with unbridled rage beginning to brew.I stepped in. “Excuse me, but Tom and Nicole would be glad to pose for you, however, we don’t want any unflattering photographs of their feet so please give me the roll of film in your camera and we can start again.”This confirmed what the photographer already suspected. He had a shot that would result in a big pay day for him.“You need to give it to me now or I’ll have to call security” I said sternly.“Ah Sally, give the guy a break…” I couldn’t believe what Tom was saying. He was playing Mr. Nice Guy for the camera. What a jerk.....A tussle soon ensued. Tom ducked. The bodyguards came in, took the guy’s camera, pulled the roll out, exposed it and left it hanging there. All the while Tom laughed and apologized to the crowd of conventioneers that had now gathered glued to the sight. He actually patted the photographer on the back.“No hard feelings man. These publicists are so uptight” he said “gives them something to do.”Yeah, right Shortie.
And.....scene.
I just loves that!


Poor Christina. She can't win.
She sings at Etta's funeral and people accuse her of trying to steal the spotlight. Of course, there was also a little something about something running down the inside of her leg while she sang, but that story grossed me out, so I ain't sayin' nutyhin'. And folks says she's all kinds of unprofessional on The Voice. And, well, she's fat and drunk and mean.
But Star Magazine has published pictures of Christina and labeled her a "boozehound" and spilled the beans on her “65 pound weight gain” and her diva behavior on The Voice.
Sources--and by sources, y'all know it's Cee Lo--claim Christina is “out of control” and “getting wasted a lot and just embarrassing herself.” Among her offences: She “goes days without ever getting out of bed. She’ll have food brought to her, and she even drinks in bed too!”
Another source--and that's probably Carson Daly--says: “Her dressing room is always littered with wine bottles.” 
But then the sources get nasty and say how she left her son, Max, on his fourth birthday to go get drunk. She and boyfriend Matt went to dinner, where they had a few rounds of sake, and then to a club, where they ordered cases of vodka and cranberry and partied until last call.
Then Star goes off on the weight gain, posting pictures of Christina from nearly ten years ago to pictures of her today. But, should we be talking about her weight, or the fact that she oftentimes steps out without pants? Yeah, that's the more serious issue.
That and the fact that in that picture up there she looks more like a Madame Tussuad's Mae West than she does a living Christine Aguilera.
Another source--and this one admits to being her The Voice co-star, Adam Levine, says of her wieght, “I wouldn’t go that far actually. Her clothes are tight, she likes to wear tight clothes! She clearly likes to talk about being comfortable with being a woman, and snapping her fingers and doing the whole (diva) thing.”
But seriously, Xtina, put on some pants. 


Remember when Katherine Heigl was Hollywood's It Girl?
Me neither, but folks say that, back when she was on Grey's Anatomy, she was all sorts of popular with the Hollywood set. So much so that she dissed her show, badmouthed the writers and begged to be let go from the show so she could make movies, because that's what the public demanded.
Yeah, not so much. Now people are calling her faltering career, “The Katherine Heigl Problem”. In a piece from HuffPo, Nico Lang says:
Hollywood is not a nice place for actresses, something even a passing glimpse into the career trajectories of Thora Birch, Jessica Alba or Janeane Garofalo will indicate. If you’re a woman in Tinseltown, the industry is not a space that’s run by you or for you.....Even one time box-office darlings Julia Roberts and Reese Witherspoon can’t open a movie these days....This brings us to Katherine Heigl, a woman who went from being the great white hope of women at the box office to not being able to outgross $50 million or even make back her budget. Much has been said, including by me, about how Heigl herself has created the fiasco that has become her career--her alleged difficult behavior on set, her unpopular public statements about the projects she’s involved in, her perceived irritability--but this has more to do with media gender bias than Heigl herself. For instance, Daniel Craig and Matt Damon have recently taken to making increasingly brash public statements about projects they’ve worked on, their personal politics and views on modern society — and no one has criticized them, questioned their box-office viability or used their gender to explain their remarks.
Yeah, but the difference between those men and Heigl is that she was a bitch before she was a movie star; she talked trash about her TV show when she wasn't even off the show, and before she was "box office."
But I think audiences have given up on Heigl because she keeps choosing crap movies. I mean, her last film, One For the Money, grossed $28 million worldwide on a $40 million budget. And it was based on a very popular series of books by Janet Evanovich, and it was hoped that it would become a series of films. Not so much.
It's The Katherine Heigl Problem.

16 comments:

Miss Ginger Grant said...

I'm so glad you're note one to gossip... otherwise, I would never know what's join going on in Hollywood!

Ron said...

Bob,

I'll comment on the items as I read them in your wonderful gossip column (watch out Mike Walker!)

I turned on Howard Stern this morning and he was interviewing Adam Levine. I can't stand it when he interviews these dumb ass musicians who think they are all so cool. So Adam pulls it out huh? He's stupider than I thought.

Ron said...

Kim Kardashian,

That's our Kimmie without makeup? Now I know I'm gay.

Ron said...

Ah Gwinnie, I loved hearing you explain why you named your spawn Apple. Actually Gwinnie, there is NO EXPLANATION other than you're a self-absorbed ass.

Ron said...

Lynds playing Elizabeth Taylor? YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!

Ron said...

A former friend of mine if a Tom Cruise fanatic. In fact he claims to have the original underwear that Tommy Boy wore in risky business on display on a mannequin behind glass in his dining room (I can send you an e-mail picture). I for one never saw the appeal of Mr. Control, short or tall. What am I missing here? My friend (former) was never able to explain Tom's Appeal to me.

Ron said...

Christina, another one of my "fans." The camera doesn't lie, you're a pig Christina and that's probably insulting pigs.

Ron said...

Again Bob you're right on the mark with Katherine's problem. It's not her political views or diva behavior, it's the God awful movies she's been making. I couldn't even finish watching the last one I rented from Netflix. I can't even remember the name of it but it was one of those dumb ass "Rom-Coms" that are neither romantic or funny. She's a real doll without the makeup too isn't she? It's going to take more than Big Brown Eyes girl.

mrs.missalaineus said...

i love this feature! again, i'd put money on your abilities to do this as a full time thang- between you and DD i don't even have to read the star in the check out line anymore!

xxalainaxx

froggy said...

Adam Levine is just looking for that rock star essential - an illegitimate child.

(hello Mt. Baker!)

Jim said...

Lindsay Lohan on SNL .... yeah baby! Cannot wait for that one... LOL LOL LOL

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Poor Adam, I have not believed in pull-out since I got out of my pull-ups...

mistress maddie said...

Two things. When Lindsay Lohan was working at the morgue,wouldn't it have been hard to tell her from the corpes? And if she gets the part of Liz Taylor, will she play the whole movie, or just liz's drinking and drugging days? If that it, she'll be a shoe in!

And could Adam show me that pull out method?

Tivo Mom said...

Hate Adam Levine (too cool for school), dislike KK (only because the famous for being famous thing), hate Gwenyth (she makes other mothers, me, feel like failures as she touts her food), just sad for Lindsey (bless her heart), sad for Tom (short man power thing is always sad), dislike chicks with no pants (christina) and Katherine Heigl is an idiot. How do you disrespect the show that made you famous and expect people to still like you? Whew I feel better....

R.J. said...

That pic of KK scared me. The last time I saw a mouth like that it was traveling on a high speed conveyor belt to fish meal on Undercover Boss.

www.DiatribesAndOvations.com said...

I am a big anti-fan of Gwyneth Paltrow. She never fails to not disappoint me. Tom Cruise looked fantastic at the Oscars!