Monday, February 29, 2016

Oscar Fashions: The Good, The Bad, The Meh, The Wax

THE VERY BEST
Cate Blanchett. Yes, she usually goes very high fashion and many times high fashion is a WTF Moment, but this time high fashion is gorgeous. It looks like a swarm of butterflies has gathered together to make her a gown.
THE BEST
Naomi Watts; sure it’s simple, but it’s the sequins and the colors they create that make this one a standout.

Charlize Theron. Dayum. Hot, sexy, chic. If she’d shown up like this in Fury road, no one would have been mad.
THE VERY GOOD — clockwise
Brie Larson. Yeah, it seemed a lock that she would win, but she still brought out the fun and flirty.

Daisy Ridley wasn’t taking the Oscars too seriously, and she rocked it in this little cocktail number that looks like it was pilfered from Lady Mary’s closet on Downton Abbey.

Julianne Moore is another one that goes haute couture and sometimes it seems so wrong. Not last night. This says “I won an Oscar last year and I am still fabulous!”

Jennifer Lawrence, the Academy’s Darling — I mean, how else do you explain her nomination for ‘Joy,’ which was a good film, not a great one? So, she opted for sexy and fun because she knew she’d never be onstage.
THE GOOD — clockwise
Kerry Washington. Bondage and Puritan. I love the leather loops. Sexy.Chic.

Rachel McAdams. This is very simple, but in the back it is, “Is that butt crack” fabulousness.

Kate Winslet looked like she sank with the Titanic and swam through an oil slick on the way to the show. And I mean that in a good way. Seriously … it’s liquid perfection.

Saoirse Ronan. It’s another simple sequined dress, but the color and the pattern are beautiful on her. Plus, you know, she has that accent which makes everything seem fabulous.
THE MEH
Lady Gaga. Yes, we know you all serious and shiz, but I expected so much more from you. Who knew that people would actually say, “Gaga wore pants to the Oscars! How darting!” The.Woman.Wore.Meat.Once.

Margot Robie. Yeah, we get it; you thought you’d dress like an Oscar, but it looks more like someone made a gown out of the leftover scraps from the pantsuit Susan Hayward wore in the bathroom scene in Valley of the Dolls. Google that reference.

Reese Witherspoon. Does she own stock in the Boring Strapless Gown Factory? In the Simple Hair Club? God, stay home if you can’t be bothered to do something interesting.
MOST IMPROVED
Tina Fey. Um, Reese, if you’re gonna do purple strapless, do it like Tina, m’kay?
WTF
Amy Poehler. This doesn’t say, “Oscars”; it says “I made a dress that looks like the couch cover. Now hand me the pork rinds.”

Rooney Mara. The Ghost of Oscars Past … the past that Oscars is trying to forget. I mean, this is the quintessential #OscarsSoWhite dress.

Olivia Wilde in a dress similar to one Alicia Vikander wore to the Globes. Alicia’s was hideous … too … but at least she wasn’t giving us front and side boobs. Plus, does it look like she wearing a t-shirt with the boobs painted on it?
THE WORST
Alicia Vikander. It looks like a yellow sheet that was lying on the floor of a dance club and the disco ball fell from the ceiling and shattered all over it. No.

Charlotte Rampling. Yes, I know she’s a woman of a certain age, but does that mean she needs to wear a shiny housecoat? I have two words for Charlotte: Helen Mirren.
THE WORST OF THE WORST
Heidi Klum, super model, fashionista, looking like she rummaged through Blanche's closet on The Golden Girls, dragged this number out of the back, and ripped one sleeve off while doing so.

Stop it, Heidi, you're better than this ... or at least you used to be.
THE MENS
THE BEST
Eddie Redmayne knows how to wear a tuxedo. If he wasn’t so skinny, and didn’t always look on the verge of tears, he’d made a good James Bond.

Henry Cavill. If he couldn’t come shirtless, this will do.

Michael Strahan. A big man in a colored suit is always a good thing; and he was having a good time, too!
THE GOOD
Byung Hun Lee. I don’t know who he is, but he is smoking hot in that suit. Quick Google and … he’s a Korean actor. I haven’t seen him in anything, but I may be seeing him in my dreams.

Leonardo DiCaprio is always safe, but, hey, he was gonna win an Oscar so why try to outdo that moment?

Jared Leto always brings something different, like a rose corsage instead of a tie; loved it. But the shoes said, “I just got finished playing b-ball at the manse and then I came to the Oscars.”
THE MEH
Stephan Moccio. He wrote one of the nominated songs, but The Meh has to do with that shirt. It looks exactly like a white denim shirt with black buttons that I gave to Good will last yea — Hey!

Sam Smith. He’s becoming George Michael with the painted on beard and hair. And, yeah, he’s lost a lot of weight but he needs to stop now.
THE HOUSE OF WAX
“Sylvester Stallone and his wife Jennifer Flavin regret that they cannot attend the Oscars. Please seat these two Madame Tussauds figures in their seats.”
THE WORST
Orlando Jones. I like a cool suit, but this one makes him look like he’s working the seafood station at the All You Can Eat Brunch Buffet at the Wagon-Wheel Casino in Reno.

Common. Damn he’s hot. But black shoes with a white tux always throws me; and white shoes would have said “Who wants ice cream?” Maybe a white jacket and black pants? Call me, Common.

Kevin Hart. Another Geranial’s ensemble for this little man. It looks okay hears, but on TV it looked like Christmas lights on the lapels. I do not want that under my tree.
Hollywood Life
E Online
US Magazine
Pop Sugar
Harpers Bazaar

9 comments:

Jennifer said...

Most adorable would be the little boy from Room, sporting a sharp Armani suit!

the dogs' mother said...

HeidiK's designer would have been aufed on PR!

anne marie in philly said...

cripes, stallone represents my hometown; he coulda dressed better than THIS mess! we have a wonderful shop in center city, sly, called BOYD'S; go there stat!

as usual, too much boob on the girls. glam is dressed like tina fey (another homegirl).

mistress maddie said...

I'll be honest. I watched about 30 minutes and found it to be lousy. My hat is off yo you for sitting through this sleep hollow. The fashion this here was , I though less than thrilling with exception to Cate Blanchett. And Mad Max won, I hear many awards? Really?????? And can't not stand Chris Rocks voice .....or him for the matter. So you see, you really are too good to us Bob.

anne marie in philly said...

OT, bob, but this story in my newspaper yesterday reminded me of you and carlos:

http://www.philly.com/philly/living/20160228_Love__David_Jack_III___Arturo_Lara.html#disqus_threadVis

Bob Slatten said...

@AM
What a sweet story.
The only reason Carlos and I got married on the 14th anniversary of the day we started living together is that he's so bad with dates I didn't want to give him one more to remember!

Blobby said...

OMG - Mrs. Stallone, botox'd to an inch of her life. Gaga with camel toe - which is difficult to do when you have a penis. Jared Leto with his Russell Sweats made into a tux.

I thought Charlotte Rampling look good and age appropriate. I like Kate Winslett....was it silk? was it pleather? I thought it had a great flow. I wanted to like Rachel McAdams frock, but I couldn't get into it. And I was not feeling Juilanne Moore's dress at all.

But to me it all comes down to - how can you possibly pee wearing any of these things?

Helen Lashbrook said...

Dear Blobby

In the 18th century women had inbuilt chamber pots in their dresses; surely 21st century tech can improve on that!

Regards

Helen

Debbie said...

Classic Bob as always!! LMAO - HOUSE OF WAX LOL!!!